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 Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:07 pm
The following is a collection of my poetry over the past 5 years. It is a detailing of the twist and turns of my crazy love life..but one with a happy ending! ^.^ enjoy!
Sunday, August 21, 2005
"Help Me..."
Help me Please, I am not ready for this.
It is happening too fast, too soon.
And I am hanging on for dear life.
Dangling, on the edge between sanity
And the Insanity of falling in love.
I am screaming at the top of my lungs,
Scared, that if I make one wrong move.
Or think one hopful thought,
I will slip and fall and no one will break my fall.
I will be plummeting forever into a dark abyss,
With little hope of survival...
I will die of starvation,
Of a non-quenched thirst that will burn and ache
Until, I finally perish.
No...
I can not fall
I can not hope
Or even chance that someone will be there to catch me.
No...
My only hope is to crawl back up.
To defy gravity and reach for my only chance of living...
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 2:56 pm
Monday, September 12, 2005
"Loving Hurts..."
You were always the one.
Always there.
At one time you could of been mine.
But, as life goes, it was the wrong place. The wrong time.
You were pushed away
You were hurt.
It was all my fault.
I asked for your forgiveness
And you gave it to me...
One of your many percious gifts.
But unlike before...
You did not wish to be mine
I could not have you.
I became lost and confused...
Because you were my heart.
and even though I have strayed.
It is you my heart wants, and only you...
And now I know....
I can never have you.
Why do we want the things we can never have?
Why is life full of suffering?
Please, love me back.
Because I love you, Dustin.
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 3:35 pm
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
"I want to be His Everything..."
Come to me, my love
Cry with me
Let me hold you
Let me kiss you.
All I want is to love you.
A chance to take away your pain
To mend your broken heart.
To show you what Forever really is.
I want to be your everything....
I want to wake up beside you
To kiss you everyday
To live with you...
To die with you...
I want to spend eternity...
our souls forever intertwined.
Do you want to join me?
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 3:38 pm
Thursday, February 02, 2006
"Nicolas..."
You are always there
Making me laugh
Making me cry.
I feel you everywhere I go
I feel you deep within my soul...
I hear your voice in my head
Feel your touch on my face.
You are never far away...
Becuase you are always in my heart.
You are always there to comfort me
My mind always filled with negative thoughts.
But you make me want to lift my head.
To be proud of myself for once in my life.
I will always wonder how you came to me...
How I found you
Or you found me
I may never know why
But I will always be thankful
For you are the Knight of my heart...
You are my Nicolas....
And I will love you for the rest of my life...
No matter what may happen.
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 3:40 pm
Thursday, April 13, 2006
"Just A little Longer...."
Time is against us now, my love...
Time is flowing around us
Slowly taking away our precious minutes together.
I wish I had the power to stop it, my darling.
To make the whole world pause...
And hide us away to where we could be together forever.
But Time will never stop
It will only keep rushing forward.
And all I can do is make every moment count.
To tell you I love you every chance I have.
To never take a kiss for granted
To hold you close and never let go.
To prove my love to you with everything I am.
And I can only pray that I will get to...
Hold you a little longer, baby
Kiss you a little longer, darling
Love you just a little longer, my Nicolas
I can only pray....
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:03 pm
Thursday, June 15, 2006
"Moon Soul"
Tonight I gave into my darker side...
All my doubts and fears over taking me.
Turning me into a hopeless shell of a person
Someone who is so lost in all the pain of her past.
Who cannot seem to let go...
And is too afraid to believe...
Tonight you saw her...
I know you knew she was always there.
ready to be released at any moment.
But tonight you saw the tortured soul she really is.
And instead of being scared...
Instead of running away...
You stayed by her side.
You said all the words she had been needing to hear.
and you wiped away every one of her tears...
Tonight I discovered how much you love me.
You already knew the brighter side of me.
The one that laughs at every chance she gets.
Who is goofy and makes silly noises and crappy jokes.
Who is accepting of everyone she meets.
The one with no judgement in her heart.
Who saw you as the man you truly are.
and not the boy everyone else seems to see.
Tonight you accepted me...
All of me...
My soul is like the moon...
One half bright for everyone to see
and the other half in shadow, hidden from the world.
Yet you accept both halves
No questions asked.
And even when I tried to run away.
Telling you that you deserved better...
You held onto me unwilling to let go.
surrounding me with your love...
and for the first time in my life..
I was willing to believe...
Willing to trust...
That maybe dreams... do come true.
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:07 pm
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
"Why?"
Why must we want what we can never have?
Why do we hurt the ones we care about?
Be it unintentional or not.
Why do the ones we love hurt us?
Why must love hurt so much?
Why dose love make us cry?
Why can't we love the more sensible choice?
And always love the more dangerous one?
Why were we born into suffering?
I will tell you why...
Because without all these things there would no such thing has like or love.
With all these things we are human
Without them we are nothing.
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:14 pm
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
"Pieces of My Heart"
I lay on my bed,
the sound of my heart the only noise I can hear.
My head aching in pain,
my body battered and broken.
This is what happens to a woman
when she puts too much trust in love
and gives in to childish dreams.
she is beaten down by reality
Her heart once whole,
now shattered.
Never to be whole again.
For all the men she has loved
have taken pieces of it from her
pieces she can never take back
Pieces that will be forever theirs to hold.
And as I lay on my bed
The sound of my heart the only noise I can hear
I close my eyes
Ba Bump, Ba Bump, Ba Bump
The noise becomes louder
Ba Bump, BA BumP, Ba BUMp
Until it is thundering in my ears
BA BUMP, BA BUMP, BA BUMP!
My chest is burning
I almost scream out in pain
But then I open my eyes
There is my heart before me
Yet, it is whole.
glowing so pure and untouched.
I reach out to touch it...
My wrist gets caught in the grasp of a huge hand.
I look at it confused.
My eyes slowly traveling up the arm
To meet the big brown eyes of its owner
Eyes that make my heart race
Ba Bump, Ba Bump, Ba Bump.
Jake....
My first love...
He moves his hand away from my wrist.
reaching for my heart.
I let out a small gasp
Feeling him tear a small piece of it away.
"This is mine, forever to keep."
He promises before pulling it close to his heart.
In his hands it still glows pure
I reach out to touch him
But he disappears before my eyes
I feel a hand being placed on my shoulder
I turn to look,
and am met with ice blue eyes.
Eyes that make my heart race
Ba Bump, Ba Bump, Ba Bump
David....
My High School sweetheart....
He moves his hand away from my shoulder
reaching for my heart.
I let out gasp
Feeling him tear a large piece of my heart.
"This is mine, forever to keep."
He promises before pulling it close to his heart.
In his hands it glows pure,
But then darkens.
for this man took the last shred of my innocence...
I reach out to touch him
My hand is pulled away
my arm grasped in a possessive hold
"Amanda..."
That voice spoken is such a dark tone
It makes my heart race
Ba Bump, Ba Bump, Ba bump
Dustin...
My addiction....
He reaches out to take almost half of what is left of my heart.
I let out a sharp gasp of pain
"This is mine, forever to keep"
He promises before clutching it hard in his possession.
It darkens in his hand
Bleeding black blood.
My chest burns from the pain
I reach out for help.
My hand is taken
and I am pulled away into the arms of another.
these arms gentle, yet still possessive.
"you are safe now..."
The voice spoken in such soft tone.
A voice that makes my heart race
Ba Bump, Ba Bump, Ba Bump
Nicolas....
My Savior....
He reaches out and takes a piece of my heart.
"This is mine, forever to keep"
He promises pulling it close to his heart.
for a moment it glows pure in his hand
before it darkens.
I turn to look into his dark brown eyes
tears run down his cheeks
as I run away from his embrace.
ignoring him when he calls my name.
I take the last of my heart.
Holding it close so no one can touch it.
running away from my past
From my stupid dreams
from love...
There is no man out there
for me to love
they only wish to posses me
to take a piece of me
to use me
I run to protect my heart
The monsters from my past
come out from the shadows
Joey...
Garry...
Jeremy...
They take hold of me
with their possessive hands
their violating hands
grabbing my heart and throwing it to the ground
having no use for it...
only wanting my body
and what it can offer to them...
I cry out for help
but only from within...
wanting no ones help but my own...
raping me...
using me...
melding the memories of their touches in my mind
The memories haunting me
tormenting my soul...
I lay on the ground
the sound of my heart the only noise I can hear.
My head aching in pain,
my body battered and broken.
This is what happens to a woman
when she puts too much trust in love
and gives in to childish dreams.
she is beaten down by reality
Her heart once whole,
now shattered.
Never to be whole again.
For all the men she has loved
have taken pieces of it from her
pieces she can never take back
Pieces that will be forever theirs to hold.
The rest of my heart lay on the ground beside me,
No longer glowing so pure
but dark and bleeding into the soil
Ba Bump.......Ba Bump......Ba Bump
it is barely beating
it is then I begin to wonder
is it better this way?
to live a life without love?
will I ever be able to survive?
and then my heart begins to glow.
No...
Love is what life is worth living for
and worth the hard journey
to find the one who will not take a piece of your heart....
But mend it back together...
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:17 pm
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
"For the one I love..."
I was ready to move on…
ready to accept my place in life.
As a woman with a restless heart.
Never able to settle..
Or to love forever..
Then you came along…
And changed everything.
In almost an instant…
One touch and my heart was lost to you.
Your touch familiar…
Yet, different this time.
It felt like I had come home
After a long and enduring journey.
I was tired of hoping…
Tired of dreaming.
But you made my heart yearn and ache
For everything I was so determined to forget.
I never knew I could love this way…
So fiercely..
Is it happening to quickly?
My mind can not seem to catch up with my heart.
My heart burning with my love for you…
While my mind refuses to believe…
Nothing this good can happen to me.
Where's the catch? What's wrong?
My mind is starting to see…
But it is too much to believe, to hope, to dream.
The moment my mind catches up…
I know it will take my breath away.
And only you can make help me take my next breath…
To breathe again.
I find myself falling for you more and more each day
And I can only hope that you are there to catch me…
But for some reason my heart has no time to care…
No time to think.
Of what if
My heart only has time for the here and now
For the moments I get to be in your arms
And feel your touch….
For these moments will forever be etched into my heart.
Nothing can ever take them away…
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:26 pm
Friday, November 16, 2007
"For Jason..."
I do not remember when we met...
or even how we met,
but it feels like you have always been here.
In all my memories...
you are there.
You came into my life...
when it truly started to begin.
I was still young,
but starting to see the world with eyes wide open.
At first I only saw you as an acquaintance...
My Friends brother's friend.
But you would became much more,
take on many more roles.
My boyfriend's friend...
My friend...
My comic relief...
My protector...
My comfort...
My brother...
The list could go on forever...
with all the things you were to me,
the things you are now to me.
I only hope you knew...
only plead that you remembered.
I regret losing touch with you,
because now that you are gone...
I feel how much I had missed you,
do miss you.
I feel the whole in my heart,
that you once filled.
The part of my soul,
The part of who I am,
that you had given to me.
and still I feel you giving...
to everyone you loved.
Still protecting,
still watching...
You are still making us laugh,
making us cry,
holding us close,
loving us.
Our love for you flows through each and every one of us,
Bringing us close.
And even though some of us are enemies...
our love for you holds us together.
It is a bond that none of us can break...
none of us can ignore.
It is your last gift to all of us,
a gift of knowledge.
That life is too short.
Now, my heart aches for you...
for the times you could be here,
should be here.
For the times I wish I could turn to you,
could laugh with you.
For the times when your friends need you,
need to hear your words.
Even though you have not been present in my life,
for the past few years,
You have never left my heart.
and you will always be there, Jason.
and when your absence is too much to bear,
I will think of you and smile.
because I know...
you are still here.
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:32 pm
Sunday, March 30, 2008
"Sacrifice Of a Jaded Heart."
I hear you speaking to me, my friend.
Whispering in my ear...
That everything will be alright.
That you are sorry for all the pain
But you knew I was the one...
That I could be strong
That I could love him the way he deserved.
Or the way that he needed...
You saved his life with me.
I know the duty that you have givin me...
and I accept it with open arms
You do it all becuase you love him
And you knew I would love him too.
That I could endure...
I am in a place that I have been before
except my role has changed...
and I am now seeing the other side
of a heart split in two.
I see the pain in his eyes
pain that stabs like a knife...
I only wish to take it away.
To end his torment...to heal his pain.
However...
My touch can not heal him,
My words can not sooth him,
My love can not complete him.
But maybe...
My will can save him.
I have the heart of a warrior,
and though it may be jaded...
It knows never to give up until not the battle,
but that war is over.
That is why I must be willing to sacrifice.
This tormented heart of mine...
in order to save the one who holds it.
But even then...
I know it will not be over.
That I have to stay by his side...
To love him from a distance
To forever keep him in my life,
and in my heart.
To be his friend or his lover?
I know you and I do not know..
All I know is that I will be strong and patient
Until the day comes where I will know
If i will have to strong...
or be given my ecstasy.
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:36 pm
Monday, March 31, 2008
"With Eyes Wide Open..."
I want to be proven wrong....
I am tired of feeling guilty...
Tired of always assuming because there are too many secrets.... too many lies.
I want the whole picture from every angle and every perspective....
I want everyone to take down there walls and let the truth be told
I am a big girl and I can take it... I know a part of me can understand.
I want to be loved in the same way I love.
I want to understand my place
I want people to understand me.. instead of being judged from a distance.
I want everyone to see and hear just how much I love and appreciate you, my love.
Even though you yourself do not and probably never will understand....
I want my life to be calm... if only for a moment
and somehow stop the insistent ticking of the time bomb that my life has become.
I wish I could end all the pain and all the suffering...
I wish I could stop my heart from beating...
I wish to live life with eyes wide open
and to never turn a blind eye...
but all I can do is prepare for the worst.... but hope for the best.
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:39 pm
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
"Self Destruction"
I try to scrub the sin off my hands...
Sin that haunts me... torments me...
Sin that takes over my soul...my mind... and my heart.
I hear the words in my head... words that will not go away
"You deserve no happiness..."
"You will never be enough..."
I feel like screaming.....
Tearing my hair out....
Riping my heart out of my chest...
and tearing it apart...
I want to grow cold...
No more feelings...
No more pain....
No more pleasure...
No one to help me
not wanting to be helped...
I just feel like drowning
in my own sin....
for this is where I belong...
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