I'm not sure what I think of this. The fact that I'm not sure whether to dislike this or like it makes me pretty sure I dislike it.
I sort of like the style, and the length. Usually it takes me so long to write something, but this I just sort of... wrote, and this is how it turned out. I fixed up a bit of grammar later, but what I really want is opinions. Because I still can't make up my mind.
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You wish it didn’t have to end like this. There must have been a hole in your logic – it always ended like this. What would make this time, this final goodbye any different? No matter how permanent it was, it was simply that: a goodbye. He stepped in, smelling like stale alcohol. He always smelled this way, but you didn’t mind. As a matter of fact, you found yourself craving it. He was tainted, but so were you. He is that fruit you were told not to eat. He is the creature that you will forever feel yourself trying to capture, but never quite succeed. This was such a cliché story.
Light spilled in from the open window, pooling on the floor. It was nearly dusk; the sun hid playfully behind the clouds. As much as it pretended to go away, and as much as you could feel like the light of the next day would never come, it always did. It always laughed at you too, for being such a fool, falling for the same tricks over and over. His face is embraced by the shadows and you want to pull him closer to you, to the light of the window. This is your last time seeing him, so shouldn’t you be able to look? He takes a step closer, light revealing his thin lips, pulled tight into a smile. “Roxas,” he rasps. The stench is foul – that blasted alcohol.
“Axel,” you say, nearly just as thick. As much as you want to look, you don’t want to look. You don’t want to see how much he isn’t suffering. You don’t want to see how much he really cares about you, because you know he doesn’t. He is here playing these childish love games with you because he can and you’re willing. That’s all it is. Picking at the sheets on the bed you’re seated on, you feel your heart pang in your chest. So silly. It was so silly and selfish of you to believe that he really did love you, and that this wasn’t all fake. You’ve seen the world, you know. You’ve seen heartbreak, you know. You’ve seen reality, you know.
A wall bursts somewhere, and he’s running toward you. “Roxas,” he breathes, again and again. He is there, in your hair, in your ear, in your mouth. Axel is everywhere now, but you don’t mind. “Roxas. Roxas, I’m so sorry. I know I haven’t been here as much, but I promise one day we can go off together…” Empty. Empty. Empty. His words dance around the room, ringing in their hollow meanings and empty promises. You can’t believe it. You saw.
“Axel, don’t lie.” Your calm voice scares you; you hadn’t expected it to come out so simply. “You’re getting married.”
“It’s arranged. I don’t want it. I want you.” Empty. Empty. You convinced yourself. These were empty words. They had to be.
“You’re lying!” That was it, your voice cracked. In that slight instant you hadn’t realized you had moved; your eyelids blinked. Just as suddenly tears run down your face. Butterfly kisses. You felt them on you, warming you, freezing you. What to think anymore? This beautiful creature was the devil for hurting you, but you just couldn’t stop. It was always the same. It was always that cliché story you’ve read a thousand times; yet still you mourn for the princess, the fool. It was the fruit that you were told repeatedly not to eat, yet you fell for it again and again. Axel was the red pill that sent you swirling down into Wonderland.
Time slowed, or maybe it just evened out. The world stopped spinning around you to present two dazzling green eyes laced with concern. “When will you marry her?”
“Tomorrow.” So soon, Axel would be gone. You had been expecting this. It still hurt. You had been expecting that too. You leaned forward so your lips brushed his. Nothing mattered anymore. Even if what he said was true, that he did want you, you were still the mistress. The other woman. You would still be the one he’d be leaving in the morning. The least you could have was tonight.
For an evening, everything felt right. For an evening, you thought that maybe Axel did love you. For an evening, you truly and openly loved Axel. Nothing could have been more perfect. The last thing you saw before drifting off to sleep was beautiful pale skin. Everything was right.
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When Roxas woke, Axel wasn’t there.
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