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I found this paper of mine when I went back home and I saved it on my flashdrive. Forgot ALL about it, then was like 'oh hey!' so I read through it and couldn't stop laughing. And yes, I totally turned this in for EC.

Rachel Peterson
Chemistry Paper EC
1/8/08
There’s been a huge debate on the magic of the word ‘cold’ and whether it is a substance or something completely different. Well back in the old-in-days, when people tried to create a nice layer of blubber upon their bodies for warmth during the winter, cold had been seen as ‘absence of heat’ and that it was related to all dead-like things and that it was something evil. In fact dealing with cold was supposedly ‘horrible’ and God shall smite thee, etc, etc. There had been a few that had decided to test the waters, or shall I say iceberg, of this idea that cold was just the lack of heat.

One man by the name of Dreble, or something equally as impossible of spelling due to a certain tv program and website not having subtitles or information on them, was one of the first to start experimenting with cold and could have been the very first man to create air conditioning. But he wasn’t smart, or he was too much of a scientific fellow to get into the hobby of being greedy, and decided to just play with things that could potentially burn his skin off. Later on Robert Boyle decided to stare at tubes filled with cold air and made observations and asked really odd questions like ‘What is cold?’ Well, it wasn’t long for him to find out that cold wasn’t a substance, and it had to deal with particles moving apart and such. Because people love Boyle and all of his amazing scientific studies, we had named him the first master on cold. Whether that’s a good title to a dead man or not, I’m not exactly sure, but we’ll go with it.

There was a problem that seemed to happen to every scientist, though, and it had to do with temperature scales. Everyone felt like being a pompous jerk and went by their own scale of temperature, which would throw off many studies and make several flurried scientists burst into flames and seize to exist. So finally there was a man named Fahrenheit who took things such as when ice begins to melt and what temperature is the body and he put it together on a thermometer that worked on Mercury so that everyone could use it. Oh, but if that didn’t seem to work, this guy named Celsius stepped in and had to make temperature on a 100 division scale type thing, and had turned it upside down and confused a mass of people and once again scientists blew up into flames of fury. Later on they switched the scale correctly, and everyone was happy and merry. It gave two accurate scales, and later on there is a third one but I am not going into that because I like to keep the order of the tv program correct.

So everything is cheery about this magic that is cold, right? WRONG! Suddenly this dude named Guilliam Amontione or something was doing an experiment where he’d show how mercury rose in a sealed glass tube because the hot water vapor from the boiling water would make it rise since it would put pressure on the glass and such. As we know temperature rises as pressure rises. As he was cooling it and showing that as temperature decreases pressure decreases he got this ingenious idea that it could be possible to make pressure zero, and therefore reaching zero temperature. This theory was soon built on and is still happening today, and supposedly there is going to be and yet another tv program on it around the 15th.

We’ve reached an understanding that there is such a reason as to why things get cold. But we don’t completely understand the cooling process and how exactly it happens. So Lavoisier had come up with this thing called Caloric. It had to do with heat repulsion against Caloric, which in turn made things move faster, which is what created heat. At least I’m pretty positive that’s what the dude said, since he didn’t make much sense. So as things got colder they began to slow down. But there was this man named Count Rumford or something and he got all ticked off and wanted to hate on Lavoisier’s hood. He began to do experiments with cannons and how the more friction there is the more heat is produced. He added water and the water began to boil because it was getting so hot, which proved his point that motion and heat are related. But because he wasn’t named ‘Lavoisier’ they decided to hate back on his hood and believed the French man. Of course later on Lavoisier dies, and Rumford finds his lady and marries her. Later on they get in some type of fight, which we can only imagine had to deal with him rubbing his theory of ‘your dead husband was wrong’ in her face and she went all ‘I’ma stab joo.’ Anyway, enough of that ramble.

There came even more amazing tests on how you can freeze things without using snow. A man named Fairaday or close to that spelling, had decided to put a hydrate of chlorine in a sealed tube and heat one end while freezing the other. Let’s just say he wasn’t wearing goggles and it exploded in his face, but he did find an amazing discovery that he had actually produced cold. Then he went ahead and did it again, except this time with ammonia. It had to do with the temperatures of each end and the cause of two different pressures for the tube to create a cold icy substance. At least I’m pretty sure that’s what the man was saying.

Anyway, with these new discoveries came the selling of ice, which was found out that ice melts extremely slow, so it was cost efficient. And there came refrigerators and such. But I want to talk about an important man named William Thomson. He was later named ‘Lord Kelvin’ and as you guessed it he created the Kelvin scale type stuff. At least he theoretically said it and people did the math and garbage for him. But he found out these nifty things that relate to the conservation of mass. And later on Joules found a real way to measure the difference between heat and motion which is named energy. Not to forget a guy named Birdseye who liked to ice fish and found out that quick freezing made fish taste better and what not.

That was lovely, but now to get to the important part. My amazing opinion and whatever on what I learned. I have to say I learned a lot more than I ever thought I could in one sitting while watching something that had to relate to science. One of the main things had definitely been to wear safety goggles if I ever tried to heat and freeze a sealed tube of chlorine. Also that people thought that ‘cold’ was a substance. And they made it sound so ‘God-fearing’ and such it almost made me giggle. Another part was with Boyle and how they showed that ice and water weigh exactly the same, which would prove a bunch of scientific laws I should know, but I still found it fascinating to say the least. Lastly, I found that Lavoisier had a very creepy wife who would stick hamsters in ice boxes for some unknown reason and give cutesy smiles while she walked off to go look pretty in the corner. Why Rumford wanted to marry her I’m not sure, but I’ll try not to judge too harshly.

Well that’s the end of that. I hope you enjoyed.


Yeah. Epic? I think so.

The EC was only worth like... 4 or 5 points. And I think that I did get all the credit, but he never told us.... He was kind of a d**k, and he sucked at teaching and just...life at general. So yeah, you can tell how much I cared for his class!

And as for if I write all my papers like that. No. XD Only my creative ones, or ones that are like 'introduce yourself!' Sometimes my responses are like that.

But if it's supposed to be formal I stick with a lot less awesomeness.

XD That was amazing.

Even with out fists held high,
It never would've worked out right.
We were never meant for do or die.
I didn't want us to burn out.
I didn't come here to hurt you, now I can't stop.

I want you to know; it doesn't matter
Where we take this road; someone's gotta go.
And I want you to know; you couldn't have loved me better,
But I want you to move on, so I'm already gone.