* You’ve never eaten salamander on a stick, octopus, or other Asian foods that would make Fear Factor contestants cry.
* You’ve never eaten doggie dumplings.
* Your significant other isn’t Asian.
* Seeing clumps of asians hanging out together in big groups is scary — it gives you the willies.
* You are unable to talk to any of your relatives; everyone has to switch to their broken English to communicate with you.
* Chun-Li and Lucy Liu are pretty much the only Asian girls you know.
* Bubble tea reminds you of eating boogers. That’s gross.
* Hello Kitty is dumb to you, and do not know what Sanrio is.
* You drive a Jeep, Ford, Chrysler, Buick or some other American car.

You’re probably Asian-American if…

* You kick butt in math and school in general (or at least everyone thinks you do).
* You are great at viola/violin/piano (or at least everyone thinks you do).
* You play tennis by default.
* You’ve been asked if you’re related to Bruce Lee, and you’ve offered to punch them in the face.
* You consider yourself Asian, but real Asians think you’re whitewashed and non-Asians see you as a foreigner. You fit in nowhere.
* You love bubble tea!
* You do not know who Jay Chow, Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, or Kangta are.
You make fun of the Fobs and other kinds of Asians below, calling them weirdos.

You’re probably a F.O.B. (Fresh Off the Boat) if…

* You were not born in America.
* You know who Jay Chow, Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, and Kangta are. In fact, you have seen them in concert often.
* You speak your native language fluently and LOUDLY, and so do all your friends.
* You do not have any non-Asian friends.
* Your parents do not speak any English.
* You like to save money and you put aluminum foil on everything in the kitchen.
* When you speak English, you like to add extra syllables to words and make everything plural.

You’re probably a Extreme F.O.B. if…

* Your command of the English language is minimal and you don’t care.
* You love salamander on a stick, octopus, stinky tofu, or other Asian foods that would make Fear Factor contestants cry.
* You love doggie dumplings. Watching Pluto, Goofy, and other animated dog cartoons make you drool.
* You do not own a single DVD, CD, or video game isn’t pirated.
* Your only hangout is Chinatown, K-town, or J-town.
* Your home country can do nothing wrong. Ever.
* Your friends never speak softer than 10 decibels, ever.
* All the lights in your house are fluorescent.
* You dry your clothes outside your window.
* You have at least two middle initials instead of one.
* You need a haircut. Badly.
* You reuse ziploc bags and wash them out when they get dirty.
* You smell like Chinese food all the time.

You’re probably a Savvy-Asian-Girl-Who-Always-Gets-Her-Way if…

* You shop at Banana Republic and Armani Exchange.
* You only wear black.
* You have never paid for dinner at a restaurant in your life, because you usually get what you want at all times.
* You have at least seven cell phone trinkets and customized accesories hanging on your phone.
* On the inside flip of your cell phone is a sticker pic of you and your man.
* Somewhere in your purse is a Hello Kitty keychain or some kind of Sanrio item.

You’re probably a Rice-Boy if…

* You drive an Asian import, Usually a souped up car (i.e. a “Rice-Rocket”), typically a Honda or Acura.
* You could take out several eyes with the hair spikes on your head.
* Your exhaust pipe is big enough for your head to fit in.
* The spoiler on your car looks like it was made by Lockheed-Martin or Boeing.
* You always drive like you are racing someone, even cutting off poor grandmothers on the right lane.