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 Posted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 8:45 am
Paradox was confused. He had spent a year in hiding and solitude, sheltering himself from the outside world. But the outside world had come to him in the form of unwanted visitors...and a bold mare named Mei. She had been a blaze of light into his world of darkness, and through her unconditional love he was beginning to see that he could co-exist in a world that was predisposed to hate him. That there might be others in that world that could accept him...and he was both overjoyed and terrified of that idea.
But there was still a blackness in his heart. He was still a Kalona, and no matter how much he might wish he could belong, he knew it was useless. Kalonas were vicious, driven by instinct. They fed on flesh and fear. And so had he. He was too far gone down that path to turn from it now. It was part of who he was. And so far, he'd had no luck. The world was just the same as ever, with Soquili fleeing from his approach. And so his heart had frozen over. What progress Mei had made with restoring Paradox's heart had been washed over with new waves of resentment.
But he hadn't quite given up yet. He plodded on through the wilderness...hoping that what Mei said would still prove true somehow. That he could be accepted...that he didn't have to live alone.
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 10:46 pm
 (sorry for the wait!)
For Cuauhcoatl on the other hand, It had been an interesting year for him, and far more social then he had been in a long time rather then wiling himself away doing his usual bookwormish behaviors.
He could say it started while he was exploring for new creations and met with a charming young filly who was having a bit of an identity issue due to the fact she was omnivorous and had ram horns on her head -- a mare now living in his territory as a young adult because since he had offered guidance
However what had changed his life was actually a spirited Usdia he had fallen in love with -- something that had triggered him to wander the Kawani lands looking for something that was missing after she had left, only to find her and why he had felt so suddenly lonely with her gone. It had led him to gain more friends, including a mare named Kayla who, after being convinced by Ikinya that he shouldn't give up his beliefs in 'Generational Change' and passing on ones traits to future generations simply because he couldn't do it with the one, to act as a surrogate for them.
Which is what led him to where Paradox was, searching for some Chamaelirium luteum, or False unicorns, for their roots, to boost Kayla's fertility and thus leave the awkwardness of their attempts to conceive to a minimum. As an Angeni of learning, he was taking his time, learning the cycles and preparing. Though, she was starting to show signs of perhaps being better suited for raspberry leaves.
But that was neither here nor there, as the Clydesdale sized angeni pressed past some bushes and suddenly noted the Uni-kalona near by and froze, mind clicking by rapidly.
~Uni-kalona? hmmn. Mutant wingtype, may not be a uni-kalona. Obviously not pure uni-kalona either.'~ He smiled slightly, swallowing warmly, keeping his distance but keeping his body language relaxed and non-threatening, "H-h-hello there! P-p-please ex-excuse my s-st-st-stutter. I've been wur.. Ah. W-working on getting b-better at talking t-to new people..." He chuckled slightly and took a step forward, trying to give an air of confidence, taking a deep breath to steady his voice, "..Ah... I like your wings..."
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Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 2:29 pm
It was depressing really, Paradox thought, to be forced to endure the fear of others all for the sake of his stupid pride and the words of a silly, lovestruck mare. He decided that he was chasing a false hope, that Mei was the only exception to the rule of widespread fear that his ancestors had brought about. No matter that he was part Angeni as well, or that he bore a Unicorn's horn. All others could see was his Kalona heritage...a mutant gene not even Kalona would recognize as their own.
He trudged solemly, his head down so as not to make eye contact with any passersby. Suddenly, a voice quavered out a greeting. Paradox jumped, startled by the presence that his senses had not detected. Blue eyes flashing, he whipped his head around, glaring into the yellow eyes of the multicolored Angeni who had dared to speak to a freak such as he. Paradox was surprised that an Angeni had bothered to speak to him at all. Usually they gave him a wide berth, scorning either his more obvious mutant features, or the blood of Fallen Angeni that coursed through his veins. But this Angeni seemed almost friendly, for whatever reason. At the very least, he didn't seem to pose much of a threat.
At the mention of his wings, Paradox visibly bristled, a stiffness running the length of his frame. "If that is an insult," he said softly, "then you may want to consider leaving." Before I rip you apart, he added silently. He would've snarled, teeth bared, for he wasn't usually forgiving. But the image of Mei assaulted his mind, bringing with it waves of guilt for what he had done to her, as well as his decision to try to befriend others as well. He sighed, lowering his gaze, visibly relaxing as he spoke in a friendlier tone. "But if it wasn't...then I won't hold it against you." Paradox knew that he shouldn't be so defensive. But since he had ceased (or tried to cease) manipulating others, he had no other armor to shelter his shredded emotions, his vulnerabilities. He was completely and totally at a loss for how to live among others. Having managed to convince himself long ago that the world was against him, he felt that he was almost doomed to failure as he sought to live among those who had scorned him from his first breath.
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Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 8:24 am
The large Angeni blinked, startled by the aggressive behavior, first pondering if this truly was a stereotypical Kalonacorn.
However... He was older then Kaliska, who had come to be educated and find safety within the herd. The girl had faced quite a bit of aggression from those who felt Kalona heritage completely damned the offspring, but had love and support from several sides. The way he relaxed forcibly, the tone of his voice showed it was possibly defensive.
One with similarly damning features without such support might fall more towards the Kalona side of their genetics. It was a fascinating contrast between the two that it made his mind itch with curiousity, "N-n-no Insult meant. I'm an ob-observe... Well less an observer and more of a.. Ah.. Scholar. I'm an angeni of 'learning'. I tend to take things with a grain of salt..."
The Angeni smiled slightly, chuckling a bit as he dipped his head, turning his head to side slightly, to show that, while the size of a Clydesdale, he wasn't approaching in aggression, acting as no threat -- it also showed off the golden horns of his scaled and feathered headdress, "I b-believe in g-giving people chances to be who they really are rather.. Ah... Judging them on appearance. History is often written by the victor, and different depending on what region you're in. To find the truth of the natural order, one must observe the source, and keep an open mind to the possibilities."
He seemed to visibly relax a bit while talking, his social anxiety relaxing a bit with the familiar words of his motto of life.
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Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 10:08 am
Silent as the grave, Paradox listened motionlessly to the very big Angeni as he explained who he was, and more or less what he was doing. Paradox had never heard of an "angeni of learning," but he knew enough to know that most pure-blooded Angeni had domains that they governed...or in his grandmother's case, domains that governed them. Nimue was the angeni of despair, and her life had been marked by such sorrow consistently over the years.
Regardless of who he was, it seemed that this Angeni was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt from the start...something that Paradox had never encountered before. "You mean to tell me that you are unaffected by my, ah, particular heritage?" His eyebrow raised, Paradox's face was a mask of uncertainty, like he didn't quite believe that anyone was capable of such a feat. "I have never met anyone who could see past my horn and wings," he said sullenly. "They branded me insane and dangerous from the moment they met me. Which might actually be wise of them...I don't clam sanity, not anymore." Paradox shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, pinning his wings firmer to his sides as he did so. Whatever this Angeni wanted was really of little consequence, so long as he didn't want a fight. Which he apparently didn't, as Paradox recognized the declination of the Angeni's head for what it was: an indication of harmlessness.
Paradox still couldn't understand why this resplendent purple Angeni had taken an interest in him. Why even bother speaking to him at all? Paradox was a pariah, a genetic oddity that most avoided or feared for one or more of his features. Holy and demonic blood just didn't cross well. But there was the chance that the sincerity in the Angeni's voice was true. Paradox wasn't exactly a hopeful individual, but...the idea of someone being able to see past his hateful genes was the one thing he had longed for all his life. Acceptance...something he had thought was far beyond his grasp.
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Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 11:16 am
"Insanity is often a matter of opinion, just as 'reality' to one person may be different from another." Cuauh sniffed slightly, smiling softly -- it appeared he had judged correctly that it was experience because of his heritage rather then actual genetics that had made the other stallion... Touchy, "As for any p-perceived heritage, I'm currently caring for a mare with a fluttercorn mother.. And an unknown ram-horned and at least omnivorous stallion of some sort -- more then likely a half Kalona. I can see beyond said horns and requirement for meat and known unicorn heritage being mixed. Just as I can see beyond your single spire and those fascinating wings. Besides... Despite common belief due to their more predatory nature, not all Kalona are cruel or cannibalistic..."
He stood taller, relaxing visibly, his wings folding neatly against his body, "And I believe that both n-nurture and nature takes important roles in ones personality... And that while c-caution should be taken until ones alignment is figured out, to give those of Kalona decent a benefit of a doubt.. Especially since there are many in society who would shun them for what they are rather then learn of who they are.." he paused, thinking about it, "But not everyone does that -- I've met many people who are willing to think beyond what one looks like."
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Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 8:31 pm
This stallion was unusual, that was for sure. "A mare with mixed genetics, under your care? And she just accepted that you were sincere, just like that?" Paradox was highly doubtful of that. Most other Soquili were seriously put off by the idea of a Kalona/Uni cross, and even more so by a Kalona/Angeni/Uni cross. The idea that this mare had possessed the ability to even trust this Angeni was remarkable. Paradox turned his head, glancing down at the ground. He didn't think he had the ability to trust others anymore. Maybe that's why this whole "acceptance" thing wasn't going so well.
Paradox perked up at the mention of Kalona. "Maybe not all of them. But most of them would sooner kill you than look at you if you're not a pure blooded Kalona. And I haven't met any who weren't cruel in some way or another...including myself. But maybe you've had better luck with meeting the nicer sorts than I have." Paradox sighed as his thoughts turned to some of the darker moments in his life. It was not any fun to be on the run from a fang-wielding predator. He knew this, and yet he himself inflicted this terror on the prey he slew to live.
At the Angeni's last few statements, Paradox's heart soared. "You speak of others, those who would see past looks. I would...I would meet them as well, if I could. I have never been...I've never known acceptance, save for my own family and one silly mare. But what if...what if what is on the inside of me is just as dark and horrifying as what's on the outside?" It was something that had plagued him for many moons, but he had never given voice to it before. He was afraid that his dark heart, swirling full of black memories as it was, would drive away those who could see past his wings and horn. What if he wasn't worth accepting after all, not because of what he looked like, but because of who he was?
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Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 10:09 pm
what if they're right... And I'm unstable? That I may be cruel... Or grow to be. That I am a monster. I do need meat to be healthy, and the horns on my head are a heavy reminder of what I may be.. Are they right to fear me?
Sympathy surged through Cuauh's chest, remembering the words given to him by the young mare now part of his herd, his expression softening slightly as Paradox spoke.
I can't go to the village.. Not anymore, not since my horns became visible. They cast stones.. though they didn't hurt like the hooves did.. What if I'm a danger to the one sane person who trusts me? ... Why do you trust me...?
The large stallion sighed softly, remembering what he had told the then young Kaliska, no longer a foal but not an adult either, breathing deep so he wouldn't stutter nearly as much, "She accepted my sincerity because I had no reason to lie... I'm an angeni of learning, and part of that is learning the truth. And the truth is, Angeni have an aura of sorts that gives them strength that allows them to chase away not only S-Skinwalkers, but also Kalona-kin of the wicked variety. What you have is nurture rather then nature." He smiled slightly, eyebrows raising, "And to b-be t-truly honest, it seems more like you're hurt and trying to convince yourself that you are what you aren't. If you eat meat, as long as it isn't Kalona flesh it is fine. Several mutant species do the same...But there's another young stallion who's gone hunting who seems part canine.. and Part Kalona as well. He said his parents called him Chompy... Though he was happy to take up a different name when we adopted him.. Darius is a much more kind name to give a person."
"I-I-I've actually had to take up hunting a bit t-t-t-to help feed him..." He made a bit of a face at that, having not quiet gotten used to taking human form to practice the bow and arrow to get larger game such as goats and boars, "But.. Yes. There's my mate, Ikinya.. Ah.. She's an Usdia.. And my adoptive son, Adom.. Mecho Amachi, my long time friend and a trader, his mate Melody and his three children, though they often venture off now that they are adults... Another one of my friends, Wenopa, a Ceryeni... And the two mixed heritage I already spoke about.."
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Posted: Sun Jul 25, 2010 1:57 pm
Paradox listened, a moody expression on his face. If this was true...then perhaps there was hope for him yet. Paradox wanted it to be true, more than anything. "And...and I would be welcome among your friends?" He almost scoffed. It was ridiculous to even dream of such acceptance. Even if they did accept him, it would be because this angeni told them to play nice. Paradox shuffled his wings, his hateful wings that revealed what he was to the world. But nonetheless, if there were others of mixed blood, others like him, it would be worth his time to meet them. He had met very few so far. "Since you do seem truthful...and since you haven't run away from me...I will accompany you to meet them."
Paradox purposefully turned the subject away from his eating habits. Perhaps this angeni believed that it was acceptable to ravish some poor creature for the sake of a meal, but...Paradox wasn't quite convinced. The bloodlust involved in the taking of the life...that was what made it monstrous. Paradox glanced down at the ground between his hooves. He had bared his soul to a random stranger, something that had never happened before. Yet, he wasn't worried about what would become of it. It would seem that the hardened shell of Paradox's heart was able to trust someone else, if only a little.
"My name is Paradox, by the way. I don't think we were ever properly introduced. My father...would be displeased with me if I forgot my manners. Oh, yes, he taught us "manners." He probably thought it would help other Soquili get over our freakish appearances if we were polite, the great oaf." Paradox narrowed his eyes. He and his father had never quite seen eye to eye, especially now that he was grown.
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Posted: Sun Jul 25, 2010 4:23 pm
"Cuauhcoatl." The angeni smiled slightly, dipping his head into a bow, the feathers of his headdress ruffling in the breeze, "T-to be honest.. You don't seem to be an oaf, simply someone who has lacked understanding. However, I am the angeni of Learning. And I've learned long ago not all of those of Kalona decent are as mad as the legends deem them.. Not all are cannibals, and eat meat simply like an eagle or wildcat. You don't appear to be violent, or truly unstable just..."
He paused, almost worried to say it, his voice soft and understanding, once again picturing the mare he had taken under his wing, "... You seem hurt more then anything. And that is something I've seen far too often to those simply because of perceived heritage. Especially since.. Not all who have wings like yours are Kalona. They often mistake themselves to be since they don't know what they are."
Ruffling his wings slightly, he smiled a bit, attempting to be comforting -- he didn't want to hurt the younger stallion any more then he already had been by life. By this point he was fairly certain this was pure upbringing by the world, rather then genetics, "Are you comfortable flying?"
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Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2010 12:28 pm
Paradox turned his head away, his eyebrows furrowed. Cuauhcoatl seemed sympathetic. That wasn't a response Paradox was accustomed to. But at least it wasn't pity. The ivory stallion had too much of his mother's blood in him to stand for pity. "Perhaps so," he said, "but I carry the weight of both my mother's curse and my father's bloodlust. So while I am mostly sane, my sanity carries only so far. Nonetheless..." he paused, the faint shadow of a smile on his face, "I will try to behave myself."
He frowned, glaring at the ground as the Angeni's words washed over him. "Hurt, huh. I guess you could call it that. Ever since I was little, others have run from me. Even my siblings have found favor, but...they carry Angeni wings on their backs despite my father's blood." He sighed softly, his anger and bitterness draining. "I believe that some are confused...that some leather wings are not of Kalona heritage. But blood will out itself...and I have sadly already proved myself true to the Kalona line, though I bear only a quarter of the blood." Paradox shuddered, old memories haunting his thoughts. "Even if I'm not a true Kalona, with a set of mutant wings, I'm enough of one for the bloodlust to have passed down."
"As far as flying...I'm comfortable enough. I don't usually fly during the day, for, ah, understandable reasons." Paradox shook out his wings, unfurling them from his back. His wings were a source of both frustration and freedom. Flight was exhilarating, though his leathery wings couldn't quite ride the breeze as easily as he wished. It was also one of the few times that he could let down his guard.
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