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 Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2005 1:57 am
Hey, I have a question...
I don't know what to do. I'vheard people say they've come out to their friends and even family, I respect that so much. I actually... feel jealous that they were able to come out. cry
I don't know what to do anymore. at the beginning (when I first found out my sexuality) I swore to myself I wouldn't tell a sole but now... it seems so... I don't know. I really want to tell Ami and Raye but I know there would be SO many consequences so I know I shouldn't. sad
Whenever I talk to them, I just want to explode. I hate keeping secrets between us. We've always been so open to each other. I know they hold no secrets against me yet I hold one towards them. ><
There was a quiz all three of us had taken, more of a survey actually. And one of the questions was: Do you keep any secrets from me?
I had paused at that question. I wrote down "no" so I could stay in the clear. What Raye had put down: NO! I'd never keep a secret from you!
Ami: I've already told you all the secrets I had. =3
It just made me feel worse... but you see... if I were to come out to them... it would be utter chaos!
Raye-Raye would completely freak but still keep me as a friend. She would tell her sisters. Her sister Staci would pounce on me about it and Bobbi would just keep a far distance from me. The news would travel to her parents and I'm not sure her mother would allow me ever to see Raye again.
Ami: She would instantly tell her parents. He father would just be shocked but her mother would come talk to me in that creepy private conversation she sometimes gives me and raye when we make her younger sister angry or sad. Then she would force me to come out to my dad which I'm positive I can't do until I'm on my own.
Shayna: She would abondon me within a second. She's a HUGE homophobic. But I suppose she can't help it since she was brought up that way. Her parents are a bit on the strange side. So I would lose her as a friend.
Dad: Would totally flip. He would be so outraged... I'm not even sure what he would do... That time I had that tooth problem, he scared me to death... so I can't imagine what he would do if I came out to him. That's why, when I'm older, I'm going to write him a letter from wherever I live at that point.
Sister: She's very unpredictable. She lives in Colorado so I'd probably write to her as well.
Kathy (Dad's girlfriend): Probably wouldn't do anything. If I came out and told her right infront of her she'd probably just nod and change the subject.
This is a point where I wish I had a pet to talk to. sweatdrop
thank you who help me. ^^
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Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2005 10:29 am
In this type of a situation, you need to weigh your odds. I know it sometimes helps me to make a list of the pros, and a list of the cons and see which list is longer. I can relate to your feelings of not wanting to keep secrets from your friends -- I go through the same thing with mine, but you need to think of your friends reactions. It wouldn't be a good idea to just walk up to a homophobic, and say hay you know what? I am Gay/Bi/Les/whatever. In the same way it wouldn't be in your interests to tell someone who can't keep their mouth shut (unless of course you want everyone in the world to know.) An example of this would be my friend Tony; he is a great guy, but he can't keep a secret for five minutes. Telling him I was bisexual would be like shouting it over my schools PA system during morning announcements.
I too had a pact with myself at one point not to tell another soul about my sexuality, but it got to be to much for me to deal with. I was getting depressed, and turning into a borderline insomniac. At this point one thing that helped ease the pressure was to tell someone that I knew I could trust never to tell. I my case that person was my aunt. She is a lesbian, and older then me, so I felt more comfortable telling her. I wasn't coming all the way out of the closet, but at least somebody other then me knew my secret.
Another thing to consider would be to drop little hints here and there. Mention a gay rights article you saw in a magazine to your friends, and see what their opinions on it are. If their reactions seem indifferent, or excepting then you might consider letting them know it applies to you. If they give the whole, what's wrong with those freaks, I hope they all burn in hell speech, then odds are it is in everyones best interests if that person doesn't know. I'm not sure if this works as well for females, considering that it is not as taboo for them, but you might give it a try. When you are with some girls late at night, dances work well for this, flirt with them a little. (DON'T do anything to extreme. Remember to make sure what you do is forgivable) It is really easy to tell who is excepting, who is indifferent, and who is a homophobic. Given that your homosexual flirting happened late at night, and during a dance, it is easy to just scoff it off the next day, by blaming it on sleep deprivation, and overexposure to smoke machine fog.
I can't tell you what to do, and in truth I would not want to, but even if you don't let the world know about how you are, I would tell someone you can trust, and get advice from. It really helped me with my problems.
If you want to talk more, I am only a PM away.
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Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2005 11:06 am
Okay, I just need to get this off my chest: Whoo! I ive in Colorado just like your sister! Lol. And my name is Rei! Just spelled differently. And some of my friends call me Rei-Rie too. Hee. Sorry. On to advice, now. XDD
You seem to have a real dilema{sp?} on your hands. But try not to worry about it too much, okay, hun? Worrying just makes things worse. But you also have to realize that if/when you tell your friends/family, if your friends don't stick around, then they're not really friends, are they? [I know everyone hears it a million times in their lives, but it's true.] Even if Shayna was brought up as a homophobe, if she's your real friend, she will accept you. She has a mind of her own. She should also be able to make her own decisions of who she hangs out with.
As for that survey, I think everyone lies about something like that once in a while. I kept my depression from my best friend, and the things I was doing to myself because I didn't want her to worry about me. But she found out by oher own means, and she still stuck by me. And she's still here, and even accepted me the very second I told her that I was bi.
Everyone has a true friends, or at least one. I ope I made things a little easier for you, hun. <3
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Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2005 11:27 am
...maybe im just weird...but honestly...why should anyone care...i wouldnt tell anyone because it dosent matter...unless its the person you have a crush on...really it isnt a secret...so you like the same sex big deal...i like the opposite sex...dosent mean we are that different...if i stab you wont you bleed...
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Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2005 2:52 pm
Hi Sora. :]
I already gave you my opinion in the SAS. We have two guilds in common! ^____^
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Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 9:42 am
Sora_ookami Hey, I have a question... I don't know what to do. I'vheard people say they've come out to their friends and even family, I respect that so much. I actually... feel jealous that they were able to come out. cry I don't know what to do anymore. at the beginning (when I first found out my sexuality) I swore to myself I wouldn't tell a sole but now... it seems so... I don't know. I really want to tell Ami and Raye but I know there would be SO many consequences so I know I shouldn't. sad Whenever I talk to them, I just want to explode. I hate keeping secrets between us. We've always been so open to each other. I know they hold no secrets against me yet I hold one towards them. >< There was a quiz all three of us had taken, more of a survey actually. And one of the questions was: Do you keep any secrets from me? I had paused at that question. I wrote down "no" so I could stay in the clear. What Raye had put down: NO! I'd never keep a secret from you! Ami: I've already told you all the secrets I had. =3 It just made me feel worse... but you see... if I were to come out to them... it would be utter chaos! Raye-Raye would completely freak but still keep me as a friend. She would tell her sisters. Her sister Staci would pounce on me about it and Bobbi would just keep a far distance from me. The news would travel to her parents and I'm not sure her mother would allow me ever to see Raye again. Ami: She would instantly tell her parents. He father would just be shocked but her mother would come talk to me in that creepy private conversation she sometimes gives me and raye when we make her younger sister angry or sad. Then she would force me to come out to my dad which I'm positive I can't do until I'm on my own. Shayna: She would abondon me within a second. She's a HUGE homophobic. But I suppose she can't help it since she was brought up that way. Her parents are a bit on the strange side. So I would lose her as a friend. Dad: Would totally flip. He would be so outraged... I'm not even sure what he would do... That time I had that tooth problem, he scared me to death... so I can't imagine what he would do if I came out to him. That's why, when I'm older, I'm going to write him a letter from wherever I live at that point. Sister: She's very unpredictable. She lives in Colorado so I'd probably write to her as well. Kathy (Dad's girlfriend): Probably wouldn't do anything. If I came out and told her right infront of her she'd probably just nod and change the subject. This is a point where I wish I had a pet to talk to. sweatdrop thank you who help me. ^^ I'll tell you now start out slowly tell all your friends and if they reject you for it then they were never truly your friend. Also once you know your friends are ok with it and you knwo they are staright and/or arnt hidding their sexuality either for the same reason then become mroe loose and open about your self. If your afraid to tell your parents you dont have to tell them right away but it'll help to have you sexuality out. Like I said once your out to your friends then become mroe open in public you know make perverted jokes with them and reassure them if they're straight you wouldn't ever hit on them like that... you may tease them though ^-^. the reason i say to assure them is becuase some bi or lesbian girls dont know always seem know how to take no for an answer(I have a bi friend like that,thats why I said assure them-makes me mad because it kinda gives bi and lesbian chicks a bad name) ANYWAYS! Just start out slowly oh and I'll tell you if you dont ever use sarcasm start working on that,becuase its a good shield against those relgious nuts(homophobs) who will rant and rave and condemn you to hell for liking the same sex. and Learn to start liking the insulting words of being bi....queer/f**/dyke...ect...ect... And if you already dont have off line bi or gay friends start lookign for them and become aquainted I dont know how important I can make you see being in a group of people who have the same commen intrest as you is....That is like another shield from hate crimes,it wont prevent them but its most unlikely for someone who is to commit a hate crime to do so against a group of gay people..... And as far as you friends telling her sister or parents tell her to keep it a secret if you arnt ready to be out and open most of the time. And if you wanna tell anyone try your dads girlfriend even if she might change teh subject she'll probally digest it and pull you aside and talk to you. umm Im babbling now so just PM me if I can be of anymore help... crying
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Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 11:09 pm
Sora_ookami Hey, I have a question... I don't know what to do. I'vheard people say they've come out to their friends and even family, I respect that so much. I actually... feel jealous that they were able to come out. cry I don't know what to do anymore. at the beginning (when I first found out my sexuality) I swore to myself I wouldn't tell a sole but now... it seems so... I don't know. I really want to tell Ami and Raye but I know there would be SO many consequences so I know I shouldn't. sad Whenever I talk to them, I just want to explode. I hate keeping secrets between us. We've always been so open to each other. I know they hold no secrets against me yet I hold one towards them. >< There was a quiz all three of us had taken, more of a survey actually. And one of the questions was: Do you keep any secrets from me? I had paused at that question. I wrote down "no" so I could stay in the clear. What Raye had put down: NO! I'd never keep a secret from you! Ami: I've already told you all the secrets I had. =3 It just made me feel worse... but you see... if I were to come out to them... it would be utter chaos! Raye-Raye would completely freak but still keep me as a friend. She would tell her sisters. Her sister Staci would pounce on me about it and Bobbi would just keep a far distance from me. The news would travel to her parents and I'm not sure her mother would allow me ever to see Raye again. Ami: She would instantly tell her parents. He father would just be shocked but her mother would come talk to me in that creepy private conversation she sometimes gives me and raye when we make her younger sister angry or sad. Then she would force me to come out to my dad which I'm positive I can't do until I'm on my own. Shayna: She would abondon me within a second. She's a HUGE homophobic. But I suppose she can't help it since she was brought up that way. Her parents are a bit on the strange side. So I would lose her as a friend. Dad: Would totally flip. He would be so outraged... I'm not even sure what he would do... That time I had that tooth problem, he scared me to death... so I can't imagine what he would do if I came out to him. That's why, when I'm older, I'm going to write him a letter from wherever I live at that point. Sister: She's very unpredictable. She lives in Colorado so I'd probably write to her as well. Kathy (Dad's girlfriend): Probably wouldn't do anything. If I came out and told her right infront of her she'd probably just nod and change the subject. This is a point where I wish I had a pet to talk to. sweatdrop thank you who help me. ^^ Look, it's really important to keep in mind that they have the problem, not you. And if you were to loose any friends over this, then you shouldn't even be wasting your time with them. If they're your real friends, they'll stick with you through thick and thin. I don't criticize on not wanting to tell your parents. I'm gonna end up doing the same thing you have in mind I'm sure. And as for your friends that would tell their families, I think you really need to have them read this and/or explain to them your tremendous predicument. Like I said, if they're true friends, they'll understand where your coming from and how scary this is for you. They'll keep a secret for you if they think you're worth it. So if they refuse to keep information that they shouldn't even be telling anyone else because it's ABSOLUTELY none of their business, then you know deep down, maybe even subconciously what they really think of you.
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