Rhythm. Emotion. The royal blue silk, the scent of fruit smoothies, (mango and wild berry), and her voice. He was watching it again, reliving it again. The night she’d stopped calling him a boy and started calling him her ‘man’. His first love, a girl two years his senior, just bordering on legal while he was still just a kid. The older, current form of Elzo Xanis watched his younger body twist with her’s. “I love you Elzo.” “I love you too Morgan.” They whispered into each other’s ears.

“b***h.” The word was laced with bitterness of what he knew came later, or her betrayal. Of her hate. Of what she had ripped from him with those bitter words.
“It’s so different than back then isn't it?” Her voice ran along his ears as the image of his past vanished, replaced by a different one, one he held so desperately to in his heart. A park, blanketed in snow with two figures, resting on a simple public park bench.
The voice of his first love mocked him.
“You've fallen so madly into 'love' with someone who you can just toss you aside when you need to…” Turning around, Elzo expected to see Morgan, but rather, he saw-

“Linarite?”
“I loved you. Why did you use me like that?!” Her voice was echoed by his own younger one, his exact words, flung back at him. The image of Linarite was fuzzy, blending into the image of himself, younger.
“I loved you! I gave you everything and this is how you treat me? You left me for another! YOU ABANDONED ME.”
“No! NO! I love you! You don’t understand I-“

“A slut.” He spun around. There, his father stood, hair tied back, pressed suit and all.
“All women are sluts Elzo. Pathetic, worthless sluts. That’s why you don’t fall in love. Just ******** them. Never invest yourself in such foolish emotions.” The world changed. He was back in his father’s house, watching his first love running to her new lover.
“SHUT UP. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND I-“ Behind him was his younger self, tears on his face.
Elzo watched as he recalled what came next. His father’s hand stung across his cheek.
“Look at her Elzo. See how happy she is with her new lover? She’s a whore. All women are. Just something you use. Nothing important. Just like your mother. A tool for children. For status. For ********. Love is for the weak.”
A flash of his mother in the other room, laughing as she held a glass cheap wine in her hand. His father, walking to her, fist clenched. “I hate you Gio.” “I hate you too Maria.” Her screaming-

It was too much. The real Elzo lashed out with his fist, shattering the images of his past like a mirror. The fragments falling to his feet, broken shards reflecting his image as he stood in the vast blackness of the world around him. “No. I can love. I do love. I’m not him. I’m not-”

“You are.” His own voice echoed back.

“NO I’M NOT!” His voice echoed in the darkness. ”I LOVE HER!”
“Is that why you’re going to let me die?” Her. Linarite. She stepped out from the darkness.
“I’ll be killed because of you”
”No.”
“They’ll find us and kill me for what I’ve done. All because of you.”
“NO. THIS ISN’T REAL.”

“Will you hit me too? Beat me until I’m as broken as her? Leave me to be with another woman?” Behind him, Audrey. The girl who was innocent. The one he silently wanted to say he loved without letting her know. Who had nothing to do with this. Tears ran down her face as she ran away into the darkness.

“See Castor! You are your father! You can’t love! Your love is false! I love you and I’ll die for it! YOU WILL KILL ME!” Linarite yelled at him, before she screamed as a hand ripped through her chest, showing him her glittering starseed. She fell, and felt his body frozen as he watched her fall, another form bending over her.
The form held her starseed in his hands.
The one who killed her was-

“You can’t love.”

-Him.

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Elzo woke up in a cold sweat, Alexis looking at him from over the corner of the bed. A silent look of concern.
“Go back to bed Alexis. Tell anyone…I’ll ******** break your face.” The boy gave him a pitiful look, as if he didn’t fear so much as worry for his roommate.

Elzo just rolled over and tried not to think about his past.

Or his future.