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Short summary-like-thing: Ciel contemplates his past decisions and his relationship with Sten.

Spoilers if you haven't played the game!!

Well I was quite disappointed that Sten was not a romance option so I decided to write a fanfic about how I imagined/wished it would have happened. Ciel is my elven mage and it is written in his point of view.


When I first met him he was in a cage in Lothering. His dark bronze skin and vibrant purple eyes were something I didn't recognize. Humans were taller than me, though he was much taller than most humans, needless to say he seemed like a giant to my elven eyes. His hair color was unusual, though it was the same color as mine, a bright white. Though his was back in cornrows where as mine was long, pulled back in a pony-tail that reached about my mid back with choppy bangs that covered my right eye and went just past my left. Also like me, he had pointed ears, though mine were larger than his.

The first thing he said to me was "You are not my captors, I have nothing to say that will amuse you, elf. Leave me in peace." Though being a naturally curious mage, seeking new knowledge, I asked him, "What are you?" Probably not the nicest way to phrase, nor very smart to say it to someone so much larger than me. Though I then found out he was Sten of the Beresaad, a member of the Qunari race. Back at the Tower of Magi I had never heard of the "Qunari" before. Simply put, I was intrigued, very very intrigued.

I asked him if he wanted to come with me, I told him that I would need help defeating the Blight. He seemed quite interested once I mentioned the Blight and he connected the dots in assuming we, as in Alistair and I, were Grey Wardens. It didn't take much convincing and he agreed to come quite easily. I contemplated going to the mother and asking her to release Sten into my company though I figured it wouldn't happen. Instead I asked Lelianna to pick the lock, which she did gladly since she believed everyone deserved a second chance, and we were soon off.

Our journeys brought us closer, I learned so much about my strong companion. The first place we went was Redcliffe, after talking to him there I discovered he was attacked by Darkspawn soon after he came to Fereldan where his companions died and he lost his sword. Apparently if he were to return without his sword he'd be killed on spot, though I couldn't figure out what was so significant about a sword I wanted to find it. No… not just that, I wanted to find it for him. It took me on a wild goose chase. I went to Lake Calenhad, which is where he said he lost it. There was a man there who led me to another man, who had apparently been there before, in Orzammar. That man told me he sold it to a dwarf in Redcliffe so I ended up basically where I started. I kicked down the door, since there wasn't an answer, and too my surprise there was actually somebody in there. With a little threatening the sword was in my possession. I immediately gave it to my Qunari friend who then told me I was like an "Ashkaari," which apparently means "One who seeks." Since then he has been referring to me as "Kadan." Every time I talk to him I feel closer. I become more… intrigued. I found myself constantly wanting to talk to him all the time. Though when I went to the Village of Haven we had a slight disagreement.

"Interesting strategy. Tell me: Do you intend to keep going north until it becomes south, and attack the Archdemon from the rear?" is what he asked me, claiming it to be a "frivolous whim" of mine. In jest I told him, "Well, it'll never see it coming~" He didn't seem to like that much. I managed to convince him that it wasn't just some frivolous whim and it was necessary to defeat the Blight, and to just think of it as training for what's to come. For which he replied, "There is only so much one can prepare, Kadan. Eventually, one must simply step forward and accept what comes." He shook his head and after a short pause said, "I trust you with my life. But this is not my life at risk. It is our goal. Our conversation ended with me telling him that I didn't intend of failing and he said, "Be careful, Kadan."

I didn't get it. One moment he's basically telling me I'm stupid and nobody should follow my lead and the next he's telling me that he completely trusts me and to be careful. Though it made me… slightly confused at what he had intended on going for, I was happy nonetheless.

I discovered the Qunari also had mages, when we went to the Circle of Magi. Once again my curiosity had sparked. I questioned him about them. He told me, "An unbound mage is like a wildfire. As prone to consume itself as it is to devour all that surrounds it." I wish I had had an argument, and I tried to give one, but with what had just happened at the tower it was quite difficult, though he did tell me that I was different than the untamed mages… not in those words but I believe that's what he meant… more or less.

Just about everything about him intrigued me. From the fact he was so much bigger, stronger, and smarter than anyone I had ever met, and to the fact he is, as Lelianna puts it, "a big softie." Lelianna had claimed she had seen Sten playing with a kitten, I wish I could have seen it. Also the fact he had a sweet tooth amused me; cookies, cakes, you name it! Sten, Warrior of the Beresaad. Ruthless and undefeatable fighter by day, flower-picking, kitten-loving softie by night. I began to wonder what he'd think if he discovered what I secretly thought of him. Would he be embarrassed about it? Or would he just enjoy detaching my head?

I found myself always near him. Whenever we were walking I was up front, Sten by my side. In battle I' keep any monsters away from him… though then they'd just end up attacking me and Sten would have to come help me deal with the mob I had brought over… I was a powerful mage and I'm sure I could have dealt with it just fine on my own, and I'm sure the Qunari knew so as well but he came over to help anyways. In camp I'd stay by his side as well. I'd set my bedroll near his and I'd sleep near him. I'd sit next to him during dinner and around the fire. I hardly did anything without him.

Though one night I had decided to go out and get gifts for everyone, I was in a great mood and had some money to spare. We were camping near Denerim as well so it seemed like a good idea. I snuck out when no one was paying much attention and purchased everyone a nice weapon or armor piece. Once I returned Alistair immediately questioned me on where I had gone. I just smiled at him and bestowed upon him a new shield. He looked speechless, the shield was gorgeous. It was a large, circular shield, silver in color. Decorated with a gold rim and some pattern. In the middle was a griffon outlined in blue, I had recalled that the Grey Wardens had once supposedly rode griffons into battle. The other members in the camp gathered around, apparently curious on whether or not they had gotten a gift as well. Zevran, an assassin who had previously tried to kill me, got a pair of Antivan Leather Boots. I remembered him saying how he was going to purchase a similar pair once he had killed me and returned to Antiva. I swear I saw his eyes sparkle as he pulled the boots on, telling me thanks. Lelianna received a new bow, of Dalish make, also I gave her a flower that went by the name of Andraste Grace, she had told mea bout how her mother use to use the petals. I figured it'd be a good gift. I gave Morrigan a new staff, whenever we found one I'd take it for myself and I had just realized she would have probably liked a new staff.
I looked around to try to find Sten as the group went back to the usual spots, after saying a "thanks." He was also in his usual spot, sitting on a large rock, which was just barely big enough for the both of us. I went over and took a seat next to him, which he didn't object to. I set a plain, Qunari made, helm on his lap. I found he was difficult to shop for, and finding a Qunari made helmet was pretty hard as it was. In all honesty the helm was a bit… plain compared to what the other had received, and I could have sworn I saw a glint of disappointment in his eyes when I gave him the helmet. Though I did get him a bit more… not all that special but I'm sure he had liked it. I reached into the helm on his lap and pulled out a small bag, cutely tied, full of cookies.

I smiled up at his seemingly expressionless face, as if seeking his approval. The untrained eye would not have noticed the small, almost-a-half-smile he bestowed on me as he took the package. Though my eyes were trained to notice the miniscule changes in Sten's face, for anyone who didn't know him as well as I did they probably wouldn't notice what I could. Not even Lelianna, who was more observant than most in this group, could tell. I can't express how special it made me feel, knowing I was the closest person to him out here in Fereldan. I watched him untie the package and slip a cookie into his mouth, and my smile grew. Once he finished his cookie he grabbed another one and held it over to me, offering it silently. I nodded and took it, biting it instantly. It was so sweet. This is our relationship mainly was, we didn't need words to become closer though the words exchanged were treasured, on my part at least.

The night before the landsmeet I decided I would prepare the dinner for everyone. Sten was keeping me company but I asked him to go purchase some poultices for tomorrow, you can never be too safe, right? He nodded at me and left, though no sooner was he gone did Lelianna appear by my side. She was smiling, a pretty sly smile in my opinion, and I told her that dinner would be done soon. She just shook her head at me and said, "So, you and Sten, huh."

It wasn't a question, though it had confused me all the same, "Me and Sten?" I questioned her, turning my attention away from the fire.

"Oh don't play innocent. We all see you two together~" I stared at the female, extremely confused. Of course we were together, we're all part of this… Wasn't it only natural we were together? "I see the way you look at him, Ciel." What was she going on about?

"The way I… look at him? I repeated, confusion evident in my voice. Did I look at him differently than anyone else?

"Yes, and Sten seems… a bit more relaxed around you… You kn--Ciel! The food!" Lelianna pointed and I cursed under my breath… All that was left to the… dinner I was so happy about making were burnt remains. I frowned as Lelianna stood to leave. I was about to tell her to wait, I had more questions. Though Sten had returned and told me he had purchased what the merchant had. Then it hit me like a speeding bullet. What I felt for him… It was so much more than intrigued. The rest of the night I felt self-conscious. I noticed gestures he made that I hadn't noticed before. I noticed the way his lips moved as he talked. I caught myself staring on more than one occasion.

Sten must have noticed my odd behavior as well, "Something the matter, Kadan?" he finally questioned me. I must have been acting odd for Sten to actually question me about it. The question startled me though, how should I reply? Should I tell him the truth… or would that scare him away? Or does he feel the same way? There were too many factors to worry about, I was happy with how we were right now, as cheesy as it sounds… Hell, I wasn't even aware of my feelings until that damn Lelianna brought it up! Until Lelianna made me think about it. Of course it was unfair to blame Lelianna for something like this, she only brought attention to my feelings, it's not like she made me fall for Sten.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, glad I was talented in talking people into believing nearly anything I said. He nodded and I laid down onto my bedroll, Sten doing the same just a second later. And before I knew it I could her his deep breathing as he slept. I rolled over on my side and watched his chest rise and fall as he breathed. Creepy? Yes, very much so, but I just couldn't seem to tear my eyes away. He looked so peaceful while sleeping. I finally realized I was staring and shook my head and was about to roll over. But I was overcome with a sudden, odd, impulse… which I gave in to as I lightly pressed my lips to the Qunari's large forehead. He didn't stir, thankfully, it would have been a pain to explain, and I muttered a "Sweet dreams…" before rolling over and drifting to sleep.

That night I silently vowed I wouldn't make the first move, I was a chicken. I was a coward, and I knew it. All my big talk to Alistair, telling him to not be a coward and to just be straight forward to Zevran about his feelings, I'm just a big hypocrite when it came down to it. Even if I ended up waiting for years… for my entire life, I wanted Sten to make the first move. Well, that's what I planned on doing… that is until after the Landsmeet. I had killed Loghain and made Alistair king. We, Alistair and I, went to talk to Riordan, for he said he needed to talk to us. It wasn't a pleasant talk, he told us the reason Grey Wardens were needed to defeat the Archdemon. The reason being that if just an average human, without the taint, killed the Archdemon the Archdemon would just take the body of the nearest Darkspawn, because they are soulless. However, if a Grey Warden is the one to kill it, the Archdemon will seek out the body of the Grey Warden. The result of two souls attempting to occupy the same body causes both to be destroyed. In the end, I offered to take the final blow. Of course, I was afraid, I didn't want to die… but I didn't want my friend to die even more. I was beginning to wish I had tried to make Loghain a Grey Warden… If he had survived the joining we could have just sacrifice him instead. I left the room quietly and headed down towards Sten's room. I figured if I'd be dying in the next forty-eight hours or so, might as well let him know how I feel… right? I knocked on his door and heard him reply with a "yeah." I pulled open the door and smiled awkwardly over at him, "Do you need something, Kadan?" he asked me, I could sense a hint of curiosity in his voice.

"Just want to talk…" I told him as he set down the book he was reading. I took a seat on his bed, the beds here were so unnecessarily tall, my feet hardly reached the ground while I sat on it, though I sat with my hands under my thighs, causing them to hang just above the ground, they swung back and forth slightly as I talked. He looked at me intently and I felt my heart begin to race as I quickly blurted out, "I am more than likely going to be dying soon." He raised an eyebrow at me and I wanted to smack myself, Smoooth, Ciel… come on, quickly elaborate now… I thought, mentally scolding myself for being so socially awkward. "What I mean…" I clarified and explained what Riordan had just told me, I was still too chicken to add in the part where I told him my feelings.

Sten listened intently, his purple eyes focused on me. "Quite a noble way to go…" he finally said. I felt like crying. I felt like hugging my companion and crying into his shirt until morning. I knew I probably looked like I was about to cry. I tried not to look at Sten as I nodded in way of parting. I feared if I talked I might just end up erupting in tears. I then jumped off the bed and was about to leave one of his arms engulfed me and pulled me to his chest, in an one-arm hug. I was surprised, what was he doing? He then told me simply, "Crying doesn't make you weak." That just set me off. I wrapped my arms around him and cried. I cried until I couldn't cry any longer, even after I stopped crying I remained in the Qunari's arms.

After I calmed down I muttered into his chest, "I love you…"

He replied, in his usual simple and stoic tone, "I know, Kadan."

The words rolled off my tongue before I could stop them, "Do you love me?"

I didn't want to hear the answer. I thought for sure I wouldn't like the answer, I tried to block what he said next but it was no good, I heard them anyways. "I don't," he replied, still rubbing my back slightly. I pulled away from him and looked up at his face. Calm and expressionless as per usual. I reached up and grabbed the collar of his shirt and stood on my tip toes… in a vain attempt to reach his lips, which were still just out of my reach. Though he surprisingly leaned down a bit and our lips collided. I knew he was just pitying me.

The kiss felt fantastic despite everything, I wanted to stay with him forever, though soon after I initiated the kissed he pulled away. I felt the tears threaten to come again as I released his collar. "Good night, Sten…" I told him, keeping my voice calm. He nodded at me and I left his room. I had to go sleep this off, I headed straight to my room. Though, to my surprise, Morrigan was in my room. Normally I wouldn't have minded talking with her but tonight I didn't want to deal with it. "Morrigan, I intend on going to bed, would you mind waiting to talk until the morning?" I questioned her tiredly, frowning slight over at her.

"I'm afraid this can't wait until morning," she told me simply as she took an uninvited seat on my bed. I remained standing and asked her, "What is more important than sleep?" She ignored my comment and told me about a "loop hole" to this whole "The grey warden must die" business. She told me about a ritual held on the eve of the battle. That if I were to sleep with her, a child would be created, and instead of the soul taking over my body, the soul would find that of the child's. She then told me she would take the child and leave, and that'd I'd never see her, or my child, ever again. I thought that if maybe I killed the Archdemon and live Sten might see me in a different light. I could be the first Grey Warden to EVER defeat an Archdemon and survive. I could be a hero… though somehow it just seemed like a cowards way out. Someone who was afraid to die for the good of their Country. I was sick of being a coward, of being a chicken. I refused Morrigan, I told her that I didn't believe it would work and I just wanted to go to bed. She was furious and stormed out… I believe she said she'd be leaving but I was too angry… and foolish… to care. I discarded my clothing and crawled into bed. I fell asleep almost instantly, surprisingly enough.

I awoke to the sun the next morning and rose early. Today we'd make our final stand, I didn't feel scared or sad… or anything really. I just felt kind of like a robot, taking in information and doing as I was told. Soon we were ready to make our stand, we stood outside the gates of Denerim as the troops began to arrive. Once all we believed would be coming were there Alistair began his speech… I had to give him props. For not wanting to be king, he gave a pretty convincing speech, "Before us stands the might of the Darkspawn horde. Gaze upon them now, but fear them not! This man beside me is an elf," he paused slightly and I looked over at him oddly. What did my being an elf have to do with any of this? It just seemed a bit out of place, in my opinion… "risen through the ranks of the Grey Wardens. He is proof that glory is within reach of us all. He has survived, despite the odds and without him, none of us would be here. Today we save Denerim. Today we avenge the death of my brother, king Cailin. But most of all today we show the grey wardens we remember and honor the sacrifice. For Fereldan! For the Grey Wardens!" He held out the word "Wardens" as he pointed toward the gates. Instantly ran towards the horde of Darkspawn. We fought back most of them, that's when Riordan told me that I should take Alistair and two others, why such a small group I'm unsure, and head up towards where we'd be fighting the Archdemon. I chose Sten and had Morrigan still been here, I would have taken her as well… but instead I brought Zevran. After saying my goodbyes to everyone, besides the people coming with me, we set off. We were told we should take out the two generals first… which we did with ease.

Once the generals were taken care of, we changed course to Fort Drakon, killing any Darkspawn, Ogre, or anything else that got in our way. Making good time, we made our way to the top of Fort Drakon, where we found the Archdemon waiting our arrival. I had Zevran use those ballista's, that were so nicely placed around, to slowly take damage on the large dragon. I cast some of my larger spells on the demon, managing to avoid being hit myself, as Sten and Alistair killed off the Darkspawn that came my way. The Dalish kept their distance as they shot arrows and even though it took a bit of time the Archdemon finally fell. I grabbed a sword from the ground, Alistair seemed as if he wanted to stop me, but I didn't wait. I plunged the sword into the dragons scull and I was blinded. Light flashing everywhere, I couldn't see a thing. It took all my strength to keep hold on the sword. The pain was overwhelming, tears over took my eyes. It just hit me that having a demon soul try to take over my body might not be the most pleasant way to die. I don't know how long I held on to the sword. I don't know how long it took the soul to make it's way into my body. I do know I collapsed and I wasn't dead yet. I felt my body twitch uncontrollably. I was really stupid, I should have just taken Morrigan's offer. It wouldn't have killed… on the contrary, I'd live. I cried out in pain and my body stopped it's twitching. Was I dead yet? I couldn't tell any longer. I closed my eyes, I believe the Archdemon's soul and my own were still fighting, though I felt myself be lifted up into someone's arms. I forced my eyes open and the image was blurry, though I could still tell it was Sten. To an unintrigued eye he would have appeared as stoic and seemingly emotionless, but I could sense sadness in his voice as he told me what I would have loved to hear just last night, "I do love you, Kadan." Those were the last words anyone ever told me, and the last thing I remember before fading away was the feel of his rough lips on my forehead. I wished to convey words to him, but my mouth wouldn't move, farewell Sten. I wished to apologize for being such a fool...