|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 11:06 pm
Okay so I caved..... xD
Name: Chesi Ingam
Nicknames: Chess, Ingy, Iggy (though it is much disliked)
Age: 16
Birthday: November 2nd
Sign: Scorpio
Gemstone: Topaz
Blood Type: A
Fav. Food: Pastrami on rye
Hated Food: Limes
School: Crystal Academy
Hobbies: Cross-stitch. A hobby picked up from her grandmother. When she was about 8, the woman gave her a latch hook kit to make a picture from yarn by following the colors printed on her matt, and fell in love. She still has the little rug that her finished picture (of Tigger) framed safely at home. She went through a few more of those kits for pictures of kittens, other cartoon characters, before she discovered the wonders of cross-stitch and even more detailed images to make with thread and needle. If ever in need of some way to wind down and relax, Chesi will dig out the large plastic bin in the bottom of her closet and any one of several unfinished cross stitch pictures. She really enjoys doing seascape pictures in particular, because she doesn't have to follow the pattern exactly. She can place the reflections and highlights, or the foamy crests of a wave wherever she wants without ruining it. She just has an issue about actually finishing these projects. She is always starting a new one, but once there's only a few more strokes of the needle left to go, or only one color left to add in, she can't bring herself to finish it because that means her little escape in that particular image is over.
Hackeysack "I can keep it in the air longer than you can! Count!" It might be a silly little game, but she has great fun in kicking the little bean-filled ball up in the air and using everything but her hands to keep it from hitting the ground as long as she can. The activity keeps her mind focused on just one task, something the cross stitch can't do as her mind is always thinking about which color to use next and what to change then, and helps expel any excess energy. And really, it's so hard to break anything with such a soft harmless ball, right?
Skidding Childish? Yes. Fun? So much so. If there is a polished, or at the very least rug-free wood floor, Chesi has to at least once slide across it in her socks. She may not be the greatest at skating and rollerblading, but a quick little glide down a wood-floored hallway is more than enough. She gets a little rush from the small burst of speed, and whether or not she'll be able to stop in time before running smack into the wall. This she has done on many occasions back at home, but it hasn't deterred her yet! The downside to her gliding is any poor unfortunate who would happen to walk out of a doorway into her path. More things have been broken that way from the crash and drop. This is much more of an addiction than a hobby and will be placed accordingly. She can't leave any wooden floor un-slid on, it's a right crime to not put the smooth surface into such good use.
Do you have any Threes? An avid Go Fish player. Chesi has quite a few decks of cards made solely for this game. From cutesy, juvenile little fish pictures on the cards that look so similar to a certain book of rhymes, to flowers, or gems, she can't let herself chance being without a deck. Though she's often not got anyone to play with, she'll still spend plenty of time playing with a few hands spread over her mattress, or the Hoyle computer suite. Though she insists that the granny character in that game cheats.
How fast can You text back if I send you this? Chesi is addicted to sending texts over her phone. The instant contact of having a message send and be received is almost like a drug. If you give her your number, hopefully your phone is kept on silent most of the time or you'll really get tired of silly, random messages constantly being flung your way. Oh wow I just saw a big red bird on the mailbox it was huge! Did you want ice cream? I passed the parlor and theres a sale on scoops. OMG look at the tv theres a cool ad on! She prides herself on being able to type quickly on the tiny keypad without shrinking her words into too much chatspeak and is constantly challenging herself to text even faster each day.
Virtues:
You look stressed, do you want to go play hackeysack with me and get it out? While she may not really seem like it at first glance, as quiet as she usually is indoors, Chesi is pretty perceptive of the people around her. Watching her father at home stressing over bills and work and his new boss griping at him to pick up the slack has made her good at picking out stress lines on someone's face. She can't see the difference between stress lines and worry wrinkles, but still, they're all the same to her: something is causing some kind of stress so why not cheer you up if she can? While she may not have the best tact when approaching someone, she's more than willing to sit there and be the shoulder to lean on. Or invite her new possible friend to a game of kicking her hackeysack in the air hard and pretending it's whatever has them all riled up. Who needs to go out and buy one of those stress balls when you have someone to laugh with and kick a ball around for no real reason?
Peace only comes when reason rules. Chesi is not one to let her emotions get the best of her. If a situation comes up where her nerves start to unfurl or her fuse runs out, she draws into herself for her "happy place" to think it over. She rather hates violence and wouldn't run into an argument or fight blindly unless she knows for certain that rushing in isn't likely to make things get worse. She is a firm follower in the look, and think, before you leap way of being. She would love to see herself as a rock, and while her driving desire to please is the main force behind her actions, her rationality manages to rear its head when times get hard. Okay, she apologized so many, many times, do you forgive her? Really? Good! So now we can really get this settled, only if you want though! If we don't know what went wrong it can happen again and it'll just be one big giant circle mess.
Over time, as she's come to adjust a bit more to dorm life, this aspect has had the chance to slowly root itself deeper. Her fear and paranoia are still such demanding aspects of her psyche, but being away from home and not being truly abandoned in this way has helped to calm at least some of it. The paranoia of being left flares up now and then to the point where she can't escape it, yes, but her other emotions are much better controlled now thanks to this distance from home. She hopes that perhaps the longer she has to fit into dorm life, the more that her paranoia can be put under control.
We can make it better right? Chesi hates to have someone upset or angry with her. She's the first to admit her fault in a situation even with the fault may not lie on her shoulders, just to resolve things in the least messy way. They'll usually work out alright in the end somehow, someday, most of the time. It is a very strong drive in her to keep the peace, and can easily lead to some awkward situations when she's constantly taking the blame for something she has no real right to. Anything to keep things from getting worse, they can't get worse. She won't let them!
The "peacemaker" habit of hers also lends itself to her being the first to offer a solution to any problem. Whether or not the solution is a good one isn't really considered. If something comes to might that just might help, in some small way, then she brings it up. And if that one leads to another idea that might work better, she'll pipe up with it as well, or another option if that one isn't liked. She is not one to give up when there is something wrong and she can try to make things right again.
Flaws:
You don't hate me, right? Oh please don't On the flip side, Chesi can't stand it at all if it seems like someone may be angry at her for any reason. Her need to set things right and take the blame just to apologize and end whatever the issue is weighs heavily on her mind. If someone seems angry with her and she can't get the chance to catch up to them that day to set things right, then it just eats at her conscience and self worth the rest of the day and night until she's fully certain the fault is hers. This usually leads to her all but begging forgiveness the next time she sees them. She will go so far as to drive a wedge between herself and someone who she has "wronged" by nearly demanding forgiveness for what she'd supposedly done. She's forever living with a guilty conscience that she could be making things difficult for someone else. She can't stand to have a single friend mad at her. If they're mad, then what's keeping them from leaving? She'll fix it just stay, honest it will be better.
Don't leave me! Chesi has an innate paranoia of being abandoned. She can't really explain why, but any hint of her company going off somewhere without her sends her scrambling after them to catch up even if they've barely moved five feet. This caused quite a few issues when she set off to school. Living too far from the school grounds, her parents got her a dorm. The unavoidable result was Chesi begging them both to not throw her away and that she'd be good if they didn't get rid of her. Was it the plate she dropped in the kitchen? She said she was sorry, she'd buy a new one, a new set with her allowance, honest! When she had been assured that moving into a dorm was not a terrible thing, she set out to find out who her roommate would be and do whatever she could to get along so the girl wouldn't leave her for a new roomie.
If she made you mad she's deeply sorry so please don't go! She apologized, she even made these cookies but they're kinda burned on the edges, and in the middle. Baking isn't her strong point because you have to stay around long enough to hear the timer but she tried. Don't go off and leave her along please! :< She knows what she did this time so it won't happen again, and she'll be even faster to apologize next time something comes up so this doesn't repeat honest.
She's constantly got her cell phone with her on vibrate to keep some kind of contact with someone, even if she isn't actively calling. As addicted to texting as she is, every chance she gets she'll send off a random message to whoever on her list happens to catch her eye between classes. Or even during class if she can manage to be quick enough. Most often she's texting her parents to just ask how home is and when she can visit, tonight? How about tomorrow? No, what about this weekend? She's not doing anything, a weekend back home could be fun, maybe?
We have what? As focused as Chesi can be with her hackeysack and cross stitch, her mind finds many opportunities to vacation for a bit. Give her something to do that can keep her focus and she's set, but without that crutch you'll find yourself repeating sentences a good few times as she drifts off to greener pastures. She needs someone around to keep her mind on track or to give her something to focus on, or she can start drifting off into worries of what she's done now to drive people away. Did she take someone's seat at lunch? No, there were plenty of open seats.. was she too late and missed hearing something important that she needed to know and since she didn't know she was actually being heartless by not responding the right way about it?
Physical Description
Hair: Tawny brown and lightly frizzy, her hair is to mid-back and usually tied back in a ponytail out of her face. This keeps it out of the way of her eyes when playing hackeysack.
Eyes: Chesi has medium, oval-shaped olive green eyes.
Face: Chesi has a heard shaped face and fairly peachy complexion. There are just a few small freckles on her chin and the tip of her nose from being outside in the sun often.
Body: Not as tall as she'd like to be, Chesi stands at 5'3 and is a little wirey in frame.
Fashion Chesi loves accessories. The clothes don't matter but if she has a bangle bracelet or two, then it's an outfit.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 11:32 pm
Senshi: Parallel Ouranos, Senshi of Permission
Name: Dessa (Greek= Roaming, tie-in with Uranus, dislike for remaining static)
Hobbies:
Jogging Never one to just stop and smell the roses, something has to be set in motion and usually that would be Dessa's feet. A simple walk is too leisurely and would leave her mind to run ahead of her so jogging allows her to keep up with random, sometimes rampant thoughts.
Crossword Puzzles Sure, she may not look the type to stare at those black and white squares for minutes, or even hours at a time and filling them in but she's found that it really is an easy way to unwind. Discovering the little puzzles on a page of the newspaper that had just been lying open, curiosity won out and she'd spent her valuable time sitting there and thinking over the clues for each blank until she'd solved her first puzzle. From that slow morning, she'd been hooked. It is a nice way to prepare for a jog in the morning, get all focuses and drink a glass of juice before heading out.
Hackeysack Chesi's little obsession with this game will migrate over rather quickly. It's a good exercise for her coordination and focus, and she c an work up to a nice, fast-paced rhythm without too much time at it. Oh, no don't worry, she is listening. You might just have to speak up a little to be heard over the beats is all. Or if you think you're fast enough, snatch the ball away before she can hit it up again, and her focus will be all on you. She tries to work hackeysack into some of her morning jogging routines as a little extra workout. So far it hasn't managed to work out just right yet but it's getting there. She can't seem to beat 23 hits when jogging before she hits it too far forward, or to the left or tight, or not high enough and it drops to the ground before she can save it in time. She'll get it though!
Virtues: Something on your mind? Quite similar to at least one aspect of Chesi, Dessa's keen on reading a person's face for signs of something wrong. Though she has more tact about dealing with this knowledge once she sees the lines of stress forming around someone's eyes or mouth. If it's someone she isn't particularly on friendly terms with, she may just leave them to solve the issue on their own, for at least a few minutes, before offering a distraction. Stress among the few she considers worth stopping and remaining around isn't the healthiest way to pass time.
Better to bend in the wind than to break. Dessa knows when she isn't going to win an argument. And rather than prolong it for some glimmer of victory, she'll shut her mouth and admit defeat for the time being. She may be stubborn but she'd like to think she isn't stupid. If someone's idea or opinion clashes with what she has in mind, but is more agreeable to everyone else around then she'll just agree and save her own ideas for another time. Like the back-up plan if, or rather when, they fail. She knows they will eventually, but she'll save the "I told you so"s until much later.
Okay so that didn't work, try this. Thinking on the fly. So accustomed as she is to never really staying static for long, her mind is used to whirling into motion as quickly as her body is. A plan gone wrong? Give her a few seconds to come up with something that at least works as an escape to get out mostly unharmed. Maybe even get a couple last hits in in the process if those seconds are put to good use. Stop and smell the roses? Why waste the time when there's something to think up? Put the time to good use while you have it or end up regretting it later.
Flaws:
Why are we just standing around when we could DO something! Dessa is not one for just waiting for things to happen. If there's a fight building up, then let her go in and fight already. none of this silly planning. The longer she has to stand in one place without a course of action, the edgier she gets. And once she starts to get edgy, the smart thing to do seems less and less of a good idea and the more she just wants to run into a problem headfirst regardless of the consequences.
Put up or Shut up Dessa does not like her instructions being questioned. She knows what she's doing, thank you very much. You do as she says and everything works out just fine. You have a problem with anything, then keep your trap shut or be ready for a nice verbal lashing. And be ready to have yourself singled out for a solo patrol, or something really menial and useless for your time. If you're slacking off she's the first to get right i your face and demand you pull your weight. Don't like it? Tough. It isn't her fault you can't keep up to speed with everyone else now is it. She didn't think so.
I don't have to Prove myself to You! Dessa is a very proud person. Very self-reliant and sure of her own strengths, she doesn't take lightly to anyone pointing out any little flaw there may be to her methods. She's been just fine so far hasn't she? Nothing you could say could really make such a huge difference that she'd see the error of her ways so please don't bother trying. Save it for someone who really needs the advice. While she is certain on her strengths, she is also sure of her own shortcomings and absolutely hates them to be pointed out and nitpicked. You could even say she's a little insecure about where she falls short though she will never admit such a thing out loud, that's preposterous! Yes, she knows she has very little patience. That doesn't mean you have to bring it up. Of course it's not going to get her in trouble someday!
Challenge: I didn't say you could live!
Fuku colors: Navy blue - yellow
Possible Attack: Ouro says! A play on the children's game Simon Says. The attack lasts a maximum of two minutes and can easily be disrupted by anyone new running into the scene or any loud noise nearby. Once the shout is called, Ouranos' enemies can only make a limited set of movements. Their feet remain planted on the ground, and can only target her to attack for two turns. This attack is pretty useless against more than one enemy at a time, and against an enemy with a wide-spread attack. This attack is best used against enemies with short-range attacks of their own, and more so for her own gloating against them when they can't hit her. She can't use the attack again for five minutes after it has been used already.
Ouro Says, Bring it! A slightly altered version of her previous attack. This time the attack takes on characteristics of the childhood game of Red Rover as well as Simon Says. The time is increased to three minutes, and now it can effect up to two enemies at once. Again, it is easily disrupted by any loud noise or someone new entering the scene.
For the course of the attack, the enemies' feet are planted on the ground as before, but now Ouranos can either have their movements limited in attacks aimed at her, or a charge towards her where their feet are freed from the hold they had been placed in. Like before, this is best used against an enemy with a short-range attack, as well as those who are not physically strong if she chooses the "come over!" charge aspect.
??
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 11:35 pm
A place for other info and references should they come
Random tidbits~
Chesi vs Ouranos: Chesi is never one to be static for long. Either her mind, or her body is set in motion with whatever she sees fit. Usually it will be with her hackeysack as a good means of focusing all that pent up energy into one small task. Her paranoia about being alone and deep-rooted need to keep the peace are at odds with Ouranos' somewhat standoffish nature. Ouranos is more aloof, enjoying her solitude though she will handle a group situation if she must. The need to please is countered by the feeling of self-reliance, and will be at odds. Ouranos has no one to please but herself. And Nehelenia, of course. Chesi has to please everyone, no one is allowed to be upset on her watch
Ouranos eventually will merge to the point where the paranoia will be more manageable and able to be kept in check, the cool certainty that being a member of a group seeds deep within will be a comforting thing to Chesi's mind. Chesi's little obsession with playing hackeysack to focus will be adapted by Ouranos and as a way to tease anyone on the team who might just need it, the harmless projectile is just too handy to pass up. No one said she had to be nice.
-
Chesi's drive to always please, and never let anything go wrong around her are very strong driving forces behind everything she does. Not happy? Then she'll single you out to do something just to get your mind off of it. She can't bake so well, even the pre-made cookie dough can burn under her care but she'll try, and she makes a big show of fretting over the poor, burned cookies she tried so hard to slave over just for you. Hopefully it will make you not be so mad at her when something goes bad down the line, but she'll still try to fix that when it happens too, don't worry! She never leaves something unfixed for long.
In contrast, Ouranos doesn't care what others think of her, but there is that same driving force behind her own actions. She doesn't have to please you, but you damn well better listen and do as she planned out; she won't let this go wrong. Alright, so something bad happened today, you can talk about it to her and she'll try her best to keep an open ear for you but she isn't the most emotional. Chesi's urge to keep everyone happy around her might trickle down through to Ouranos on some level and make her, at least some small bit, more sociable.
-
When Chesi isn't fretting over a possible wrongdoing on her part against someone, she can be rather level-headed about the current situation. She doesn't like to let her emotions get the better of her, and likes to think before running into anything. With her mind constantly in motion, thinking first.. and very very often is like its own habit for her in the process. As much as she'd love to see herself as a rock and offer her support when things get rough, she can falter still if there's a hint of a problem that could be her fault, or even a problem that could be fixed if someone happens to take the blame.
Ouranos on the other hand doesn't like to wait too long before rushing into a situation. Thinking first takes time, time makes her edgy, edgy makes her less rational. She however shares Chesi's stance on arguments. It's better to not jump into one of those but a fight? She's headfirst into the fray before a plan comes together if we don't get moving on it right now!
In this setting, Chesi would end up bleeding more into Ouranos to balance out her impatience. Yes, Ouranos' focus and the fact that she's a solid member of the group will help keep her mind off of the "oh no did I do something wrong, can I fix this first?" track, Chesi's need to think things out first before rushing in can save Ouranos a few bruises, or worse, in the long run. And really the less injuries to deal with after a fight the better. It's so uncomfortable to take care of them when you have a morning jog to do every morning to keep up the training.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 11:36 pm
Changes made as per Crit suggestions here~
Chesi: Hobbies fleshed out and two added in.
Her Flaws have been fleshed a bit more as well as the last Virtue to tie it in a little more as well. One Flaw has been tied in with the Hobbies as well.
Ouranos: Flaw altered. Replaced flaw:
I can do this on my own, I don't need your company Dessa is not a believer in the group mentality. Not in the least. She'd prefer to do things her way, without someone else to have to watch out for or get in her way. If you don't like it, then what are you doing still standing there? Scram. She'd much rather not even wait for any orders and head off for her own plan of action before any assignment can be leveled on her shoulders. In conjunction, she detests the very thought of having to call in for back up. If she can't handle it on her own, well then it's just her fault and she doesn't need anyone else to see her mistakes.
New Flaw and Virtue added in to flesh her out more.
New hobby also added.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 11:37 pm
Open for Crit~ And please do. <3
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:58 pm
Hi!
Alright, I've taken some notes, and here's what I've come up with.
Hobbies: These are a bit thin -- cross-stitch, while a beautiful and, yes, orderly and intricate hobby, is also a very uncommon one in this modern age we live in. It's such an unusual hobby that, since it's also a bit out-of-sync with her other hobbies and traits, I'd like to see it more strongly justified. Skidding is a neat detail, too, but it's exactly that -- more of a detail than a hobby, per se. Unless she's spent a lot of time crafting the hardwood-floor-standing-luge as the next up and coming sport to be recognized in the summer olympics, it probably isn't something she devotes that much time to doing. Hobbies are often the best place to go to plan out story possibilities, so as yourself "What does she do with her spare time on weeknights? On weekends?" And use that to help fill in this section a bit more. <3
Virtues: Any form of "intuitive" is going to be tricky: intuitive often tends to mean "overpowered" -- reads people like a book, picks up on things that aren't really that clearly advertised. It becomes a crutch as far as roleplaying; instead of having to deal with a character that doesn't have all the answers, you give your character essentially a cheat code: don't worry, just use your intuition! I'd avoid it, if at all possible. <3
(to be continued, I'll finish this when I get home. <3)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 5:55 pm
Mm.. yeah I suppose you're right about cross-stitch. xD It is kind of.. "old fashioned" may I call it? i guess. Around here it's not such an odd hobby, or it's merely that my sister is only into it thanks to our mom and her family being big on it. I'll add some adjustments and depth for why Chesi's so into it.
Lol yes.. skidding probably shouldn't be a hobby. It's more of an addiction to the girl and I wasn't quite sure where to list it honestly. I'll see about this after some more thought. (Though I must laugh at crafting it into an up and coming sport.. that's hilarious and I'm not sure I'd put it past her either.)
-Takes notes on the questions to work through in Notepad in depth- <3
Aa.. that wasn't what I'd intended for her at all. I need to definitely rethink my wording. She's only good at seeing the little lines (never calls them wrinkles, oh no) of stress at the corner of the eye, or a little frown line at the edge of the lips. The best she can gather from those lines is that someone is stressed. Something similar to how her father would get after staring at a work order or stack of bills, and just stare and stare rather than going off to let it vent before tackling it so she's a little more in tune to notice just those symptoms.
I'll go over other options though as that still now reads as perhaps a little TOO much... Mm food for thought, I love it. x3
Thankee Shaz <3 For the first section at least. xD
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2010 9:04 am
I think the Hobbies section could still use some more love -- try thinking about your character as a real person and fill out their days that way, and use that to figure out their hobbies. It's a weekday, no homework due tomorrow, and the sun is shining! What does your character do? What if they did that the day before? What if it's raining? Now, how about a Friday night -- what do they do with friends? What do they do by themselves? Saturday morning? All weekend?
We all find a zillion ways to fill up our time, in our lives -- think about all the different things your character could go out and do. <3
Flaws:
It's My Fault!: This is an interesting flaw, and one that not everyone will take a stab at playing (as an actual flaw). My hesitation, here, is that right now it's coming across as a soft flaw, a flaw that doesn't actually cause your character to be perceived as unkind but only garners a 'woe is me' reaction. Particularly with a flaw like this, where a character will put social harmony ahead of truthfulness and then, further, will passive-aggressively stew about having to do so, this is a really jerkish thing to do to someone you care about. I encourage you to keep the flaw, but if so, please play that to the hilt -- remembering that this "martyr" act is, just that, a role your character chooses to play which then forces other people to be the "villains" in her life. <3
Swami Bu, I Have Abandonment Issues!: I think the flaws you're looking for here may be "Clingy/Paranoid/Oppressive." A fear of being left is, well, sad for her, but -- ultimately, what's going to impact the people around her is the unreasonable ways in which she seems to react to this fear. Since Clingy/Paranoid/Oppressive are stronger flaws that get more to the point of why this is so damaging for her, I'd suggest you consider those instead of the current version.
Off in La La Land: I'm not 100% sure this fits -- unless her paranoia is one manifestation of her being out of touch with reality/living in a world of her own construction, and this is another. <3
You have a solid start here, but I'd suggest fleshing it out into something a little more play-friendly. <3
(to be cont. again with my notes on Ouranos. <3)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2010 9:42 am
Alright, so, third -- Ouranos.
I'd encourage you in general to beef out the personality to three or four traits under each category; while two is considered doable, it won't give as multi-faceted a picture of a character, and we do like multi-faceted characters. <3
My second suggestion here is to take a look at the traits "Bend, Not Break" (virtue) versus "Do It Myself" (flaw). There's a sort of a hidden conflict here -- someone who'll give in to the group consensus for the sake of social harmony, but at the same time, doesn't believe in the group mentality and will do things her way and tell you to scram? This one doesn't slice both ways, I think. I'd recommend picking one or the other trait to stick with, and removing the other.
My third suggestion is to do with the big picture of her personality, and that's this -- Sailor Ouranos is the Vice-Captain of the Black Moon Senshi, and the Captain of their Outer Senshi specifically. We'll be looking for some leadership qualities in our captains, and to that end, it'll be tough to work with Ouranos as a loner and as a passive personality who'll leave people alone when they're stewing over something. Ultimately, in this case, Selene will be choosing not just a senshi, but a captain -- and both Chesi and Ouranos should strike us as personalities that would be 'suitable' for a leadership position in some way. <3
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2010 8:42 pm
Thanks Shaz~ <3
I've done a bunch of fleshing as per the critting there, hopefully my wording didn't run itself in circles.. xD
I had forgotten about the Uranus= Outer Leader thing.. completely. o_o
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 1:04 am
Some crit here <3
One, was the cell phone texting thing supposed to be a flaw? xD It doesnt have a title to it and seems to be placed there, so I'm assuming it is. I think that you should center the flaw a little more around herself versus her habit of texting. Perhaps, she's distracted often and resorts to texting as her "distraction tool" but go a little more into depth about why she's so addicted or how she can get really addicted to things? Does she get addicted to other things besides texting, but with the same passion? Why is she so passionate about it?
I'm also concerned about her first personality. it sounds very nice but that's the problem. How does she become a parallel senshi and fight when she's peaceful and apologizes for things she doesnt do? Will she even take the initiative and fight? I'm also concerned that you may need one more "unique" virtue + flaw in her. I hate to say this, even though she sounds lovely, these are common flaws/virtues. People who are perceptive to other's feelings, very nice, peaceful, hates it when people are mad at them.. It sounds a bit generic. But you've done a GREAT job with her other personality, I'd like to see some of that originality in the first one. Something that will make her stand out from all those other "nice girls" out there!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:19 pm
Aa the texting is actually a sub-text of the flaw it's posted under. With texting as a hobby, I tied it into that flaw of "don't leave me" because with the texting, she's constantly got a connection to someone, whether they reply quickly or not (or appreciate the fact that she'll prattle off about anything and everything for something to say to them, which after a while I'm fairly sure it'd be less appreciated).
Mm I am working in my head how to define the details with Chesi a bit better, so thank you for pointing it out to me that it reads as generic to you. That's something I need to avoid, yes. Time to get cracking and work things out in my brain~ x3
It's not that I want her to come off as nice But rather.. more needy, the opposite of her Parallel's aloofness. The need to always please is a contrast to Ouranos and not really caring what someone thinks, as long as they don't actually tell her what that is.
I'll dig through Chesi's profile more to weed out the generics and give her some more depth. <3
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 9:16 pm
Some minor tweaking done to Chesi.
Also a Super-stage attack for Ouranos in the works. For the moment it's a tentative cross of red Rover tactics, from the Permission aspects.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri May 07, 2010 7:20 am
Added a bit more information to Chesi's "Peace" virtue.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Liberal Conversationalist
|
Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 10:13 pm
I didn't read everyone because my brain is being pulled in TOO MANY DIRECTIONS at the moment, buttt. Right at the being, in the knitting section I found a few grammatical errors, I'll add in the corrections.
"She still has the little rug that her finished picture (of Tigger) framed safely at home. She went through a few more of those kits for pictures of kittens, other cartoon characters, before she discovered..."
Should be:
"She still has the little rug that her finished picture, of Tigger, framed safely at home. She went through a few more of those kits for pictures of kittens, and other cartoon characters, before she discovered..."
OR
"She still has the little rug (taking out that) her finished picture (of Tigger) framed safely at home. She went through a few more of those kits for pictures of kittens and other cartoon characters, before she discovered..."
That's my small contribution ^^;;
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
