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General Information

Senshi: Parallel Senshi Sailor Hermes, Soldier of Mist

Name: Myla Rosales

Nickname: Mai

Age: 16

Birthday: June 22

Sign: Cancer

Gemstone: Pearl

Blood Type: A

Favorite foods: Anything healthy such as soups and fruit.

Least favorite foods: Anything pickled, yuck, too sour and/or salty

School: Crystal Academy

Hobbies:

Ikebana : Mai has always loved nature and all it's glorious flowers. When she read about the Japanese flower arrangement, Ikebana, she instantly absorbed herself into it. She loves everything about it since she has always found the Japanese culture fascinating with it's ways of wanting to be one with nature and beautiful cuisines. After reading so much on the Ikebana, she decide to attend the flower arrangement course on the campus. She had also signed herself into the agricultural class to learn more about different kinds of plants and flowers, taking thousands of notes on the flowers that caught her eye. Mai's dream is to some day open a flower shop of her own and sell all of the flower arrangements she has created, hoping to bring happiness to those who buy them.

Reading: Myla loves to read in her spare time to get away from the real world every now and then. Her main reading interests are fantasy and nature. She especially adores her love novels and flower identification books. She day dreams of someday being in a beautiful place that is portrayed in her books; being surrounded by flowers and sweet air of the mountains or in a quiet cottage somewhere near a gleaming, crystal clear lake. Maybe even finding her one true love some day.


Cooking: Another one of Myla's passions is cooking. She believes in fresh, healthy food over just some cheap fast food given to the people. She also finds it very enjoyable and rewarding. Mai loves working in the kitchen where she can mix all of the beautiful colored fruits and vegetables together with her own meats she personally picked out at the farmers markets. She adores spices because of their color, smell, taste and most of all, their wonderful health benefits so she puts them in her dishes frequently. The biggest thing she loves most about cooking is she knows that if she follows the directions completely, she will be guaranteed to receive what she was striving for.

Exploring farmers markets: Mai dislikes being in doors all day and can't help, but want to explore the local farmers markets so she can find more ingredients to cook with and to just look around. She loves the sounds and smells of all of the foods that is able to be purchased. She is in awe with all of the different kinds of colors of fruit and vegetables the vendors have to sell. Mai makes this a routine part of her life, going every Saturday morning.

Virtues:

Sympathetic:Myla is very spympathetic to those who are "different" then others. Such as people in wheel chairs or have been labeled "outcasts" because of how they dress or even because they are just smart or nerds as they say. She feels this way to them becasue she can relate in the sense she is considered a geek for having good grades and has been shunned by others who feel she is snobbish for not talking to others. In their mind, they think she believes she is too good to talk to them. When in truth, she is just quiet when left alone which is almost all the time. She knows how it feels to be judge by strangers who do not know you and can't help but show kindness to those who she feels are in the same boat as her. She shows her sympathy sitting quietly next to a person that is labeled an outcast and will express her actions of kindness through giving a small piece of her lunch or little gifts such as a flower or even an origami crane she made while sitting in the library.

Reliable: Myla is a very trust worthy and loyal person. When she claims to do something, she will try her best to make it happen. Myla is a hard working person, so when something is not accomplished that she has set out to do, that is unacceptable in her mind. When this happens, she will do what ever it takes to complete the unfinished work. To Mai, her grades are really the only thing she has to show to prove she is a hard work.

Conscientious: Myla is the kind of person who does things by the book to make sure she does it right and is very picky about it. She usually will go over plans, such as in math, a couple of times in her head before proceeding with her work. This is why she is a good student in class. Also, she believes that to be successful in her work, her life and living environment must be organized as well. Because of this is, she is very tidy person with having her calender always filled in with dates and times of what is happening such as when book reports are due or having her room perfectly clean as possible. Mai has never been one for bad surprises such as an unexpected paper due at the last minute becasue she forgot to write it down.


Flaws:

Timid: Myla can be cautious about other people she does not know. The reason for this is becasue she fears commitments that might some day be broken, leaving her all alone and having the feel of helplessness. In her life, she has experienced many broken commitments with having to move from one location to another, leaving no room for friends who you will have to say good by tomorrow. She hates that feeling and never wants to experience it again if she can. Another reason is she fears being abused by students or other people for her talent of being able to keep her grades high. Just to only be used and given false security then after all the assignments are done and over with, she feels the harsh back stabs of students who just turn around and say more false rumors. All of her kindness and hard work is just thrown back in her face. It really does her hurt so much. She shows her timidness by not speaking much to them and will instead show body language such as fiddling with her skirt or hair, twirling it around her fingers and gently pulling it as it slides off gently and softly. Then she repeats this action as her eyes wander slightly, only listening and trying to figure out what to do or say if she feels she needs to speak. That is when her shyness shows through most of the time as well as when she is presenting in front of the class for school projects. She would like to avoid being the one to announce the project at all cost. Even if it means doing the whole project and just letting her partners speak about it.

Insecure: With her fear of commitments, Myla is a very insecure person. Her lack of friends, leads to her having no one to really talk to about her hurt feelings. Making those feelings just build upside of her with no where to go but out of her eyes in rolling tears. The feelings of frustration seem to build up inside of her as well, but she refuses to talk to others in fear of being used for favors. She also doubts her own abilities at times even though she has the grades to prove herself wrong with how smart she really is. Mia really does not have anyone to give her the confidence boost she needs, but she always holds herself back by refusing to open the door to those who can help her.

Impatience: Mai doesn't like to get her hands dirty for very long. She likes to try and get things done as fast and accurately as possible. Time is precious to her and should not be wasted with flashy, unnecessary energy. A lot of the time that is not possible, but she is stubborn enough to try her hardest to take down her enemy fast and get the information she needs from them. Sadly, even though Myla is a smart girl, her rushed acts can lead her into getting into trouble and stumble.

Independent: Mai has become very independent over the years thanks to her insecurity. Not the fact that it is slightly difficult for her to ask people becasue of her shyness, its just that she doesn't want to accept help from others. Myla doesn't want to be disappointed in a sense that it could have been done better or really, done her way, which feels more comfortable to her. She feels it is her own responsibility to take action for her own problems as well since she does not want to drag other people down with her. She absolutely hates having to do favors for others so she would like to avoid that situation of "You owe me."

Appearance:

Hair: Myla has medium curly light teal hair. Mai likes to put her hair half up, half down in a lose pony tail. She lets a couple of her curls cascade over her shoulders and the rest flow down her back. Her bangs are short and wavy as well as parted where there is more bangs that are flipped to the side. The side with the less bangs is gently tucked behind her ear as the other side is gently hanging form the side of her face.

Hair References:
What hair style looks like

Example of hair color

Eyes: Myla has deep set ocean blue eyes. Some say they look like they glow or seems like they are looking into an ocean filled with light

Eye color example

Face: Mai has soft oval face. She takes care of her face so it is very clean and since she does not like make very much, she has light and natural tones on her face since she only uses mineral powders that help keep her face oil free. She also only uses lip balms to moisturizes her lips and gives a very natural color to them as well. She has one birth mark on her cheek bone near her eye, on the left part of her face.

Body: Myla is 5'2" and has an hour glass shape body. She loves how her body fits into dresses, but dislikes having to fit into jeans since they can be tight around her hips. This is why she prefers dresses and skirts over tight pants such as jean material. It is also a bit of a challenge to find bra's that fit her since her breast are only medium sized. All she finds is very big bras or small ones, not much in the middle.

Accessories:
Myla loves nature and her accessories show it. Everything that she wears is crystals and pearls, even if is fake. She still finds them pretty.

-Necklace- Myla's crystal pendant neck lace is very similar to her brooch. This medium necklace gently rests on her chest, just below her collar bow.


Example of pendant

-Bracelets - Myla's has two bracelets that are the same and rest on each arm. These bracelets have many pearls and crystal that adorn it.

Bracelet example


-Earrings-Mia's earrings are small tear drop crystals that have little white pearls near her ear lobe.

What earrings look like

-Ring- Myla has a small crystal flower ring that rests on her middle finger located on her left hand. Two of the petals are a light blue and gradually go lighter with the other three petals.

Example of ring

Senshi

Personality

Virtues:

Hospitable: Hermes is the kind of person who will give up her lunch to a homeless person on the streets. She would rather go hungry for a couple of hours, then see a person suffer. She also does not care if she knows absolutely nothing about the person she just helped. Unlike her other personality, she is more willing to open up to complete strangers without even getting to know them first. When walking around, she is the kind of person to give the first smile when looked at for no reason at all, but to just be friendly.

Outgoing: Unlike Myla, Sailor Hermes has more confidence in herself. She is able to make friends with ease without the fear of commitment or having to deal with shyness. She knows that friends will forever be in your heart even when they are near or far apart So it is impossible for them to completely leave you. In her mind, friends are forever. Not something that is temporary and might vanish. Hermes is also more opened minded and willing to rely on others then her other half since favors to her, really aren't a burden, but a chance to show trust and kindness.

Enthusiastic Hermes shows a lot of enthusiasm when something sparks her interest. Such as going to a completely foreign area. She will cheerfully explore every nook and cranny of the area without any complaints. She will also continue even when she is exhausted of all energy. She also loves to live in the moment and tries to inspire others to see what she is so excited about. For example with exploring a new area, she will grab one of her friends or the person exploring with her and show them the most beautiful places she has found in the area; such as a small water fall or unique flowers in the area.

Creative Thinker: Hermes likes to brain storm and think out possibilities to things that can't be explained. There is always a "what if" that goes through her head. She likes to identify the problem and analyze it to try and come up with solutions that sound reasonable. She hopes that her ideas of different scenarios and possibilities will help to move her comrades forward towards their goal.


Flaws:

Bashful: Like Myla, Hermes becomes easily embarrassed with the smallest of things, such as compliments. Instead of being quiet about it and fiddling with her fingers, she is more verbal. Such as asking the person why they would say that or will quietly start to giggle nervously.

Overambitious: Hermes likes to accomplish what ever she sets her mind to and won't give up until it is completed. She will eagerly do what ever it takes to make her goals a reality. This stubborn trait can cause her down fall since she will work a bit too hard. Wasting more energy then what is really needed. Which then leaves her open and vulnerable.

Anxious: After a carefully thought out plan is put on hold or when Hermes knows something bad is going to happen, she gets very restless. She can be very confident in herself when thoughts are planned out and would to take action on them immediately so she can shake off her uneasy feelings. She especially becomes anxious when things aren't planned out or are going as planned. Not only does it trouble her mentally, but it can annoy her at times as well. The biggest problem with her anxiety is that she will hold herself back when there is no plan of action.

Appearance

Collar: Hermes' collar gently wraps around her neck and forms little tear drop crystals.
What necklace looks like

Bow:Hermes' sash that wraps around her waist is gold and slightly transparent. Swirl patterns fill in the transparency.

Bow color and design


Bodice: Sailor Hermes has a very simple bodice design. It has tear drop beads that hang at the top and at the hem of her bodice. The patterns are cloud like and have swirls.

Example of bodice design

What patterns on bodice looks lie

Sleeves:The sleeves gently drape on her shoulders and are gently tied to her bodice.

How sleeves fit over shoulders

Brooch: Hermes' brooch is a clear crystal that has a rainbow tint when hit by the light.

What brooch looks like

Bottoms: The bottoms is a skirt that is a turquoise greenish blue. Underneath is a lace that comes further out then the skirt and has the same patterns as her bodice.

Example of skirt color

Tiara: Hermes' tiara is golden and swirls on her forehead then goes into a V shape where a crystal gently tear drops down on her forehead.

What tiara looks like

Shoes: Sailor Hermes' shoes are knee high black boots with golden wings at the ankles.

Example of boots

Gloves: The gloves are fingerless and are elbow length. They gently tie to her middle finger to hold it into place and have designs near the elbow.

Example of what gloves look like

Accessories:
-Earrings- The earrings Hermes wears are single feathers with a bead near the ear lobe.

Earring example

-Bracelets- Hermes' has two bracelets on each wrist. The first one is a smaller gold thing bracelet that has small golden feather charms. The charms gently hang down her wrist and lay on top of her hand when her arms are down. The bigger one is above the smaller charm bracelet.

Smaller bracelet

Second and bigger bracelet

The bonds that tie them together

Personalities

Hermes: I wanted Hermes to be like Mercury in which she is the brains of the team. I loved how she knew the facts and make things more clear when you didn't know what the heck was happening. But I didn't want to make her so she WAS mercury and not herself. Both Hermes and Mercury were people who very sharp people. Mercury being one for strategy and Hermes for his creative mind. So I decide to try and give parallel Hermes a bit of both by giving her creative thoughts that deal with strategies, brain storming, and ideas of alternative possibilities.

As for Hermes, I wanted her personality to be similar to his as well. He was a precocious man, since the day he was first born. He was indeed a liar as well, but I decide to not add that in, since in his story, he changed his ways quickly. Plus, who wants a dishonesty Senshi? How would that help the team at all when you can't trust them.

This is also the reason why I put "hospitality" as one of her traits. Similar to her god, Hermes was a man of great hospitality to who ever came to his temples to ask for help or protection. And I mean ANYONE. Thieves, miscreants, harlots, you name it, and he would probably protect it. However, he had a reputation for bringing wrath onto those who have defied him.

Myla: So I did base Myla off of Ami in the show. With Mai being a quiet, smart, light heart girl who is judged because of her intellectual mind and quiet personality similar to Ami's. However, I did not want to make her such a quiet girl that she was a clam and did not want to interact with others. Her kindness helps her to come out just enough that she interacts and becoming an interesting character since she can be very sympathetic to those similar to her.

Her virtues is what really shows how similar Ami and Myla can be. The twist I put to make her unique is in her flaws. Unlike Ami, she can become impatient when she needs to be, too scared to speak out her opinion when it truly matters, and last, her insecurity issues to not want to becomes friends with others unless she knows the person inside out.

The major question though, how can Myla be Sailor Hermes with all these bad traits? Because of these flaws, it has made her a strong independent person people can rely on when they need help the most since her school life proves this. She has also proven that she can work with others. The only problem she has, is opening up.


Their thoughts on one another:

Hermes's thoughts on Myla: To Hermes, Myla can seem like a stick in the mud. However, she truly does see her potential and sees her wisdom. She knows that all she needs just a little push of confidence. Hermes knows that once Myla sees what life can be like if you open up, that it can be a much more of an enjoyable place with less pain. In a sense, Hermes is a bit of a teacher or older sister Mai.

Myla's thoughts about Hermes: Myla sees Hermes as someone with too much energy and who just doesn't know how to sit down. Maybe even too loud at times. Deep down she can see how much they are similar though. Both just wanting friends to have until the end. Mai might soon see Hermes as the best friend she never had.


The end result:

Merge of both personalities: If Hermes and Myla were to merge into one soul, she would be a very soft spoken women who would help those in need. A teacher would be the greatest example of what kind of person she would become. She would be able to make ties with those she barely knows and keep that bond strong. She would obtain the ability of patience as well as being able to enjoy more out of life. She will also both strengths of being able to work alone as well as be able to work effectively, and actually be able to enjoy, working with others.

I have good news and bad news here, and I want to start with the good news because I think you should be validated for your hard work before I go suggesting changes.

The good news is, what you have here is a character that makes sense, is fairly reasonable, isn't unlike some people you might meet in real life: shy, passive, has some deeply traditionally-'proper female' traits and hobbies. She's internally consistent as a character, her personality was carefully put together.

The bad news is, this is a character that isn't, actually, likely to be very much fun for you to play, and will unfortunately be even less fun for other characters to play off of.

The problem with a shy and passive character who'd rather go unseen is, they'd rather go unseen: this means your character will, for the most part, be relying on -- more to the point, forcing -- the other characters to pick up the story on their shoulders and carry it the whole way. A passive character doesn't start conversation, doesn't contribute more than they have to, unfortunately is the sort of character that makes it hard to be a very generous player. When I write with someone, I try to make sure my post always has something for them to react to, and either leans toward the end of the story or else offers the potential for longer-term interaction than simply looking one post ahead.

You want to make sure that you're not just having your character answer questions all the time, relying on the other player(s) to set the pace and lead the story, but you're also actively moving it along and keeping it interesting for their characters as well as yours. A passive character inherently can't do this, unless you're playing them, well, out of character.

The deeper problem with a passive character of the particular sort that you've laid out is that they have what I call "soft flaws." These are flaws that hurt themselves more than other people -- in fact hurt themselves almost exclusively. She's worried she'll say something silly and people will make fun of her, she's worried people will think she looks like a snob if she wears makeup and make fun of her, she's afraid of heights. These are all "poor, sad victim!" traits.

Those traits are really, really not fun for other players to work with. Here, the reason is, there are only two scenarios that can happen:

1) Your character always gets along with the other characters. This is really hard to write in the long-term because it gets very very boring to come up with things to say. "Do you like.... bread? Me too, I love bread. Do you like.... cotton? How about cotton? Oh, good, me too."

2) The other character is mean to your character and your character is sad, and we feel sorry for your sad, shy character and we hate the mean character for being mean to your character.

There's no scenario 3, where your character is the one who hurts someone else's feelings, because none of the traits you've laid out would ever allow for that. Why would she hurt them, she's so nice!

I try to be a generous player -- all of my characters are people who sometimes do harmful things to other people, who are sometimes mean -- each in different ways and for different reasons, and to different degrees. I don't mind them looking like the jerk sometimes. It's part of their character journeys to grow into better people, and I'm more than happy to provide! However, I also don't want any of them to look like the jerk all the time, while the other character sits by, being unflaggingly nice and inoffensive. It's really, really not fun when your character has to be the disliked character in every situation.

So what I'd suggest here is that you try out a different personality, something that's both more outgoing as well as more balanced in terms of virtues and flaws -- something I think would make the whole experience of RPing this character more rewarding for you. <3

You have a solid start here Sets. I find the designs you've picked up very interesting and pretty. ^^ The attacks also look good and sound interesting.

There's two things to start with so far I've noticed the existing characters of the Black Moon, have two different sets of personalities (One host and 'ghost' or sailor personality). I know this sounds a bit over whelming when writing (It's sometimes hard to come up with another set that combines nicely and contrasts as well.

As I was reading I noticed a few traits said she was shy but I never see it as and actual stated fact? Is this a simple, 'I forgot to reword things?' Which is fine I just wanted to make sure you realized these.

Also, there's a few spelling mistakes as well just some switching of letters mainly or an extra letter or two. At least from what I noticed. If you don't have spell check I suggest using Fire Fox. ^^

Let’s give this a whirl…

To nit-pick, I don't think soup is easy to make, at least not if you listen to my mom gripe about all the stuff she has to cut up.

Most of her hobbies are good, but I’m not sure if/how any of them will lend themselves to creating opportunities for Mai to interact with other characters. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, just something to consider.

I see you tried to adjust the flaws after Shazari’s crit, but they seem… off somehow.

It would seem to be that if Mia is an optimist, then the main aspect of “Quick to Judge” that makes it a flaw would be negated. If Mia is optimistic, would she not avoid make bad, quick judgments of people? If so, this isn’t a very strong flaw any more. If not, then you need to explain how her being an optimist affects this flaw.

Having a sharp tongue does seem like an odd trait for a shy person. It seems like a shy person would be wary of potentially drawing negative attention to themselves.

Finally, to agree with LP, you keep mentioning that she’s shy, but don’t have that as an actual trait anywhere. You don’t want her to be anti-social, but shy can be a pretty broad trait. Maybe she’s shy around crowds, and/or noisy people, and/or people with a big personality/presence. Maybe some situations make her stammer, or her shyness could manifest itself in non-cute/amusing clumsiness or awkwardness. Shyness is a sticky trait because of how it lends itself to an anti-social character, but if done right it can be good, even amusing.

The only other thing is her attacks. At least with the regular Senshi, the second attack is essentially a power-up of the first attack. There’s some leeway here, but her first attack is offensive and her second attack is defensive, so that’s a pretty big disconnect.

Of course, you need a personality for Hermes, but LP pointed that out already.

Hey Setsuna!

Sorry it took me so long, work had me late. >___<

Crit time!

Myla:

There's a good foundation here, and it's very plain to see the direction you want to take your character in. I do have some concerns though.

Her virtues are good ones to have, but how do these traits work to set Mai apart from others who have the same trait? They seem to come off generically, which isn't necessarily bad but it can help to add a virtue that makes her pop a little.

For flaws the "Mentally clingy" and "Independent" seem to clash. It doesn't seem possible for her to cling to people, yet hates relying on them.

Hermes:

Again I can see the direction you want to take her in, but in this case it seems like many of her flaws and virtues are directly correlated with Mai. I feel this makes it almost too easy. To explain better would be to think of way down the line when the two persona's begin to meld. You would end up with nearly the same character as you started with with no real changes or growth to be had. They should be able to learn things, conflict and gain a better bond through that. This also brings the virtues idea mentioned above up again. How do these traits uniquely describe Hermes?

Also, her "active" flaw doesn't seem like much of a flaw. It's understandable it makes her tired, but as a Senshi I think there is more good to be had through being Active than negative.

I rather like your attacks, but they seem to be running outside of each other rather than building up. There should be 1 attack, a 1a attack that is a powered up version than the second and a third attack for the Eternal stage which is her strongest attack. Move things around a little and you'll get there. C:

Overall:

One thing to look out for is grammar and spelling. You also may want to add a section explaining why Selene would choose Mai for Hermes.

If you get stuck on Hermes you can always read up on the Greek Mythology of the god and base some ideas on that. Just a suggestion if you get stuck. o w o

I rather think Mai is adorable (Ikebana for the win!) and that Hermes has potential, keep fleshing them out and I'm sure they'll make a great team! <3 <3

Sorry it took me a while to get to it.

Before I start out, I'm going to comment on grammar.

Trust yourself. You are an English speaker. You read. You are educated. Listen to what sounds good to you and how you are using language. Try to be clear and concise, of course. Be understandable and readable. Make your sentences flow. If somebody tells you to fix your passive voice or whatever when it sounds appropriate to you and your audience, do not change it. You are the authority on your own writing. Your writing isn't clear and easy to understand in places, true, but I can't "fix" it for you. That'd be rewriting your quest in my voice, and that is really uncool and unfair.

Okay, I'll shut up on that subject.

The first thing that stood out to me was her favorite food. If she really enjoys cooking, wouldn't she be willing to spend more time and effort on her cooking?

What sort of nature books does she read? "Nature" isn't really a specific genre. Does she read things like Walden? Silent Spring? Plant identification books? I'd like to know what kind of fantasies she reads, too. I get a sense of the sort of thing she likes in fantasy, but there isn't one "beautiful, tranquil scene" subgenre. Does she like poetry too?

Why is her hobby specifically ikebana and not just flower arrangement? Does she enjoy the Japanese aesthetic? There's a lot of potential to really define Myla here.

The cooking hobby is a bit overly focused on nutrition. Does she cook for the fun of it? For aesthetics? She can have multiple reasons for cooking, of course, but you only really address the nutrition angle. I want to know about her other reasons, too.

Exploring farmers' markets is currently just another facet of her interest in cooking and nutrition. How is it separate and distinct from her cooking hobby? It should say something new about Myla, and I'm not sure what it is right now.

Her virtues, for the most part, lack flavor. Why is Myla sympathetic? "Very kind and sweet" doesn't mean much in that context. People have to be kind to something. You have a lot of detail here, but none of it tells me who Myla is. Was she bullied? Is she still bullied? People who are bullied don't always turn into guardian angels. Being supportive and reliable takes courage and inner strength. It seems to me that her virtues are not coherent representations of the virtuous parts of her personality, but rather mostly "sometimes, Myla is virtuous. Here's how." I'd like the whys. Her flaws have much more flavor, but they present Myla very differently than the rest of your quest. I'd like to see a bit more connectivity between her flaws and virtues.

Right now, the thing I'm going to say about Hermes is this: Hermes and Myla seem to be basically the same. Hermes and Myla don't have to clash or anything, but having another person shoved into your character is a really good chance to give her traits that would seem really weird in a girl with her background. I think it'd be good to focus on who Hermes is and what she adds to Myla. It's great to address where Hermes and Myla mesh, but I'd like to see a bit more differentiation between the two.

I hope that helps. Please do feel free to PM me with questions or arguments or corrections about anything I've said. I'm always happy to ramble.