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 Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 10:28 am
He had no where to go, which was really becoming a very annoying revelation to him. He needed to talk, and for once, he wanted to talk to someone who knew about death. While his mother could have been a choice, having had relatives that died, he really didn’t want her to start getting wise to the reason why he had been sulking recently and not running like he usually did at night. Who could blame him after what he just went through. He didn’t even feel like leaving his room half the time, but he knew he couldn’t stay there forever. His brain just keep cycling and he needed to talk to someone. Usually he’d talk to Tate, but this was a touchy subject. You didn’t just bring up death with a friend, and anything would have been hypothetical to some degree. (Anyways, she was dating now, and he hadn’t seen much of her, not that he hadn’t helped with that.) Right now, he needed someone who was in direct contact with people that passed on. He needed the one man he knew that he might be able to call a bro, and for the first time, he had one. Sorta.
Standing at Tate’s house, Ladon breathed deep. This wasn’t going to be a cheery visit, and he felt bad for bringing a heavy topic to Dr. Konstantin’s doorstep. Still, he was desperate, and after their talk about dating, he felt he could talk to him about something like this. Still, he was nervous, and he waited to pick a time where he felt Tate was probably out with her boyfriend. He even texted her and didn’t get a reply straight away. She had to be out.
Gaining his composure, he reached up and rang the doorbell. Well, no turning back now.
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Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 9:36 pm
Tate was home, which was unfortunate for Ladon. She was home, and she had no plans, and she was using her free time to hang out with her uncle, who was on call but wasn't expecting any problems. Her cell phone was off, charging in her bedroom. They were making cookies in the kitchen together.
"Stop eating the dough," said Ivan, slapping Tate's wrist. "Or there won't be any left for cookies."
She rubbed the back of her hand, scowling. "What a tragedy."
He rolled his eyes at her and went to answer the door; he swung it wide open, and then his eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline. "Ladon! I wasn't expecting you. Come in, we're just making cookies." They headed into the kitchen--Ladon, of course, removed his shoes--where Tate looked up guiltily, her glasses sliding off her nose as she ate another fingerful of dough.
"You saw nothing," she said, wiping her hands on her jeans.
Ivan smiled. "Yeah, nothing."
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Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 9:50 pm
Tate wasn’t the only one surprised and Ladon gave a startled expression as he pulled into a tight smile. “Tate. I had no idea you’d be home.” This wasn’t good. He hadn’t expected her to be home, and now he couldn’t just turn about and leave.
Shutting the door behind him, he slowly took off his shoes, all the while thinking to himself. He hadn’t seen Tate for nearly a week. Ever since he found out she was going out with Zachary, he didn’t know what to say or how to act around her. He continued being her friend, there was nothing in the world to stop that, but there was always questions lingering at the back of his throat. The matter of Tate dating had been untouched by the both of them, and it was left lingering about the room like a ghost, something neither one of them acknowledged but could still feel it’s presence. He wondered why she never talked to him about it, and he had come to guess that was because he was too young. He didn’t date, and she couldn’t share with him. Not with someone who didn’t know anything. They weren’t really that close to share something that personal, right?
No. He had to stop thinking about that.
There had been another reason he hadn’t shown up for a while. The reason why he looked slightly pale and worn. Something he couldn’t tell anyone, not even Tate or Ivan.
As he wandered into the kitchen, he had a glimmering flash of seeing the two of them, and then he imagined them having large holes in their chest with glimmering crystals floating inside. It was something he was imagining more and more, and it always left him afraid to touch anyone in fear that they would just drop dead. Holding his hands to his side, he forced a smile as the two of them played around. “Yeah, I didn’t see a thing.”
He slowly took a seat and set his hands at the edge of the counter, moving them back and forth as he watched them. "Making cookies, huh?" They looked happy and at peace. This wasn’t the type of atmosphere he wanted to bring up this topic. It would have been better if it was raining outside and they were reading Poe. You couldn’t just spring up topics about death when everyone was eating cookie dough.
“Are you on call?” He asked Dr. Konstantin, hoping to lead into topics about his work and hopefully just ease into topics about death. This was going to be hard. He found it hard to look at the doctor, and instead let his hands move back and forth on the edge of the counter as if feeling the grain.
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Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 9:59 pm
"You make it sound like you were trying to avoid me," said Tate fake-jovially, but already the good mood was fading from the kitchen--well, from her section of it, Ivan was spooning out chunks of dough onto a plate and humming the Canon in D. He seemed blissfully unaware of the two of them. His niece scooped out more cookie dough and held out the spoon to Ladon with an expectant look on her face. Tate would not say as much, but she was worried. He didn't look well. Ladon didn't look at all well and if her uncle had been hinting at her about stuff the way she thought he had, she would be having words with her friend.
She settled back on her stool and had a brief territorial battle over the bowl of cookie dough. Ivan only relented once he'd scraped out one more cookies. "Aw, there's like nothing left," Tate whined, but she seemed content to just sit there, occasionally offering the bowl to Ladon.
Ivan smiled at Tate. "Well, I'm trying to make cookies. She's contracting salmonella. It's a controversial relationship."
"I have never gotten salmonella even once," said Tate as she licked a spoon. There was a spot of flour on her glasses.
His expression was regretful at Ladon's question. "Yes, but the most worrisome patient on the ward right now is in surgery today. I don't anticipate being called in. Why do you ask, Ladon?" Both of them were staring--Tate's brackish green eyes and Ivan's calm blue ones.
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Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 10:12 pm
He took the spoon and picked off a chocolate chip, but he barely ate any of the dough. For any teenager to decline cookie dough was a major sign, but Ladon hadn’t felt hungry for a while now. Not even for cookies. He didn’t deserve cookies. Not after what he did.
While he watched Tate and her uncle, he felt that they were very lucky to not be burdened with being in a organization like the one he was in. They still thought the world was normal, but at the same time, he worried for them. They were unprepared for what really was out there. It was a strange feeling especially when he considered Ivan was much older than him, yet he seemed vulnerable. He hoped that no one ever took their starseed
When his question was answered, he looked up from the spoon and noticed both Ivan AND Tate STARING at him. He froze, looked at his spoon as if it would rescue him, and then set the spoon aside. “Oh, nothing. I was just thinking. You know, about doctors. How hard it must be.…what with people getting hurt and dieing. I was wondering how you could come home each day and take it so easily, like now, without being torn up over it.” He knew it was bizarre and weird to say, and he instead looked back to the spoon, picked it up, and offered the rest to Tate if she wanted it. She seemed like she wanted more dough.
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:04 am
She furrowed her brows and adjusted her glasses, sitting back on the stool. Wow, he was really down, wasn't he? Really, really down. Everyone loved cookie dough, it was like a rule. You didn't break rules like "everyone loves cookie dough", it was a staple of shoujo manga. And, of course, and therefore, of life. She took the spoon, eyeing him doubtfully as she finished the cookie dough.
"That's... a strange question," said Ivan after a minute. "Of course it's very difficult, a life is a terrible thing to lose. Mostly I get by because I know that I've always done my best to preserve the life that was lost. I would be worst affected if I thought I hadn't done all I could to save the person who died."
He put the trays of cookies in the oven. "Forty-five minutes, Tate," he said, and then he left the room, saying something about a beeper.
Tatiana stared at Ladon through her glasses for a moment. What was wrong? Why wasn't he talking to her? They'd promised, hadn't they? To be good friends? And a good friend wouldn't let their friend hurt. Besides that, the expression on his face... "What happened, Ladon?" She crossed around to his side of the island, leftover cookie dough forgotten as she leaned against the edge of the black granite countertop. "Is everything okay? Are you okay? What can I do to help you?"
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 7:00 am
He completely missed the mark and now was left feeling worse for it. While he probably hadn’t intended, Ladon now felt worse from what Ivan said, and felt that if Ivan ever knew, he would hate him forever. What had he been thinking? Ivan was a doctor. Doctors SAVED lives. There was no reason in his book to take on. Not for a Queen. Not for anyone. He should have known that, but he had been hopeful for some little loophole that he could cling to and use. A little scenario that could say ‘this is wrong BUT…’ , but he hadn’t been so lucky.
He watched Ivan go. The man was his one little hope of finding another person who was familiar with death, and now he just wanted to go back home. Crawling in bed sounded nice right about now.
Preoccupied, he hadn’t noticed Tate until he heard the rustle of her clothes as she leaned against the counter. Looking up, he saw she was worried. Really worried, and it made him feel more uncomfortable than the staring had. He knew he shouldn’t have come and brought this up. Now she was going to think he was a nut job or suicidal.
“I’m okay. I was just thinking about some things. I didn’t mean to be such a downer on everyone.” The kitchen was quiet, and it made it feel private.
“I was thinking a lot about the disappearances that are happening at our school and on the news.” How his group was probably responsible for that. “Tate….can I ask you something? Do you think that it is right or wrong to hurt a person? I'm not talking about what our kindergarten teachers tell us off the bat. But in the grand scope of things and possibilities.”
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Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:12 pm
Oh god.
She knew Ladon had been bullied a lot, it was kind of obvious in how hard he tried to look and act boyish. But if he was thinking about what she thought he was thinking about, it was a lot worse than she'd thought. "You're not a downer," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Was he going to--
Oh. All right. That was significantly better than thinking about shooting up Meadowview. She smiled, a little bit relieved--okay, a lot relieved. "Yeah, it kind of sucks." Tate's expression dulled a bit; her friend had disappeared before the epidemic had begun, and returned a few months ago, but she still knew how it felt. She pushed her glasses back up, pulled them off and noted the bit of flour. Then she took them off, wiping the lenses with the hem of her shirt.
"The PC answer is no, never," said Tate. Then she shrugged and said, "I've always thought that if you were in danger, sure. I mean, if someone was standing over me and telling me that I could either kill a stranger or be killed myself, I'd kill the stranger. Like, a friend? No way. Wouldn't do it, ever. But the stranger, sure."
A bit guiltily, she thought--she'd probably kill people she knew, if she could do it and get away with it. Not Ladon, or Giselle... but maybe Mariska. Iuri. Tallulah Cowden--
"The point is, you should look after yourself first," she finally said, face flushed. She should not be contemplating killing Tallulah Cowden.
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Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 10:27 pm
It was a nice thought, even though talking about death usually wasn’t suppose to be. The idea to save your own life by taking another. He wondered if that was how he should see things. Self-preservation instead of all-out murder. What he was looking for was a gray area, and little by little, he’d find a reason why he had to go about doing what he was suppose to do. Starseeds. Lives. While he didn’t give much thought to religion, he didn’t like the idea that he was royally screwed for what he was doing. Than again, with all the people that had hurt him in the past, he already knew karma didn’t exist. What goes around comes around usually took it’s sweet time or forgot. Justice however, he still believed in. Was this justice then?
He looked back up to Tate. She seemed to have a kill or be killed attitude, and he wondered if it was the right attitude to adopt. It seemed right. He just had to work this out a bit more, but he knew he didn’t have a lot of time. “Not PC, but it certainly sounds smart.” The room was starting to smell of cookies, warm and inviting.
For a moment, he wondered what his friend would have done, given the choice. Who would she target? His friend, the girl who played video games at ungodly hours, liked to spook him during scary parts in movies, and who stole cookie dough without fear of salmonella. “I’m not trying to worry anyone. I’m not gong to do anything rash.” If she was worried he was going to attack anyone, he wanted to clear things up here and now. The last thing he wanted was for Tate to connect him with any murders on the news or in the papers, not that he thought she watched the news or read the papers. They weren’t going into specifics anyways. “But just saying, hypothetically, if you had the power. Who would you get rid of?” He was pushing the boundaries of what he should be and not be revealing, but didn’t everyone once in a while talk about these things? Even once? There was plenty of disappearances on the news for him to bring this up without being too suspicious, and he was dieing (no pun intended) to talk to someone.
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Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 12:14 am
"Mariska," said Tate, without a hesitation. Then, realizing what she had said, she slapped both hands over her mouth; her glasses fell off her face, hitting the floor with an emphatic clatter. She left them there and stared at the blurry floor, horror-stricken. No way had she really just said that. No way had she just admitted she would want to get rid of her mother.
After far too long a wait, she shrugged, trying to brush it off. "Drunkards, probably. You know, people who are just. Not contributing?" She looked even paler than usual, crossing her arms shakily and resting one hand against her cheek. And then, a little shaky, she said, "Let's forget I said that first thing, okay? I didn't mean it."
But she did mean it, she meant it so much that it hurt. Tate gritted her teeth, then sighed, rolling her shoulders back. "People that wouldn't be missed, like..."
Like Mariska.
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Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:33 am
He hadn’t expect such a quick response from her. Tate didn’t even hesitate to put her mother under the hypothetical gun, and he was startled by her tone. There was no doubt in what she said, not until after she said it. If that was a Freudian slip, it was a whooper of a one. While Tate seemed surprised afterwards, doing a Home Alone face right after, he couldn’t put aside how sure she had been. He would have thought it was a joke, but no one was laughing and Tate looked honestly surprised, even pale after saying such a thing.
“Yeah, I thought the same thing. Worthless people who didn’t care about their lives or were making it hard on others.” He slowly slipped off his chair and went down to retrieve Tate’s glasses, holding them up to her. He couldn’t believe she said her mother. What was it that Tate hated about her anyways? His friend refused to call her anything but by her first name, which was a big red flag that something was up between them, but this was too large to ignore. “Tate, can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but…you don’t seem to like your mother at all. I know most people don’t get along with their parents perfectly, but you really don’t seem to like Mariska.” It still felt weird saying a adult’s first name. So impolite! “Is there a reason for that?” All aboard the heavy topics express! Ladon was proving himself to be a great conductor of that train.
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Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 3:07 pm
She took her glasses, but didn't put them on. With a shake of her head, she put them on the counter and leaned against the granite, arms crossed tightly over her chest.
"There's nothing to talk about," she said, "I hate her. She hates me. It's a balanced, healthy hating relationship."
There was nothing happy about a relationship composed of hate, and Tate was aware of this. And then she picked up her glasses and slipped them back on, discreetly rubbing the bottom of her eye. Subject change, she needed a subject change. Anything to talk about other than her unreasonable hate of her mother... Maybe she could turn the uncomfortable question back on Ladon?
Shrugging, she asked, "Why did you want to know, anyway? It's not every day people ask about my hit list, you know."
She did, in fact, have a hit list. It was a GIF on her desktop that wouldn't open unless you chose 'open with notepad'. Tate was good with the obvious misdirection.
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Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 3:27 pm
He cringed at the idea of hate. Hate was a very strong word. When he was younger, he use to be scolded about using the word. Hate is a strong word. We don’t use hate. Say you dislike someone. He could still remember the lesson, even though he often thought of hating people in his head. He thought a lot of things in his head. He swore in his head, something he hardly did out loud. Hate was something he also didn’t say too often either. Still, this was Tate’s mother! The woman who gave birth to her and raised her….sorta. Looking at it, she probably could have afforded a nanny or even gave Ivan to take care of her. So far, he hadn’t even SEEN Tate’s mother. He chalked it up to her being busy, but it seemed Mariska was too preoccupied with other things.
“You hate her? Your mother?” Being raised to believe that family should stick together, he found this hard to digest. When the topic was turned, he became uncomfortable again. “I just wanted to know. I got to thinking that it really sucks we can’t go past curfew and now the park is closing off due to all the terrorist sightings. I started to wonder if it would be better if the senshi died because of how bad our town is getting. Then I remembered that our town wasn’t that great to start off with. Just thought it, if I have the choice and the power, would it be right and who would be the type of person to go.” It was the only way he could phrase what he was really thinking to Tate.
“Is there a reason you hate your mother? For you not to even call her ‘mom’…..that’s pretty big. I don’t think your mother could hate you. You’re her kid.” Did her mother say that to her face? Was she abusive? Physically or verbally? Did she have a reason to hate her own daughter?!
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Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 6:12 pm
She never wanted Ladon to meet her mother. Never, never ever--they belonged in two completely different worlds. One of them was a world where she was happy, and one the world where she was ignored or scolded for not being the ideal daughter. Tate scowled, the black expression unsettlingly natural on her face. Why shouldn't she hate Mariska? It wasn't like Tate had been a terrible kid. If Ivan was to be believed, she'd been a good kid, intelligent and quiet. She could not remember a single time when her mother had been kind to her for no ulterior motive at all--probably there were some, but she could not keep them in mind.
"The senshi should die," she said; "but what could we do about it? You've seen the videos of Sailor Nea, and the stuff on the internet. They're insane."
Tate slid down to sit on the floor and rested her forehead on her knees. She didn't want to talk about this, and maybe if she kept talking about other things Ladon would drop it. "I mean, I bet if we went to the park--" she wouldn't, and that was obvious from her tone "--we'd find a whole ton of them."
After a minute, she looked to the oven. Still forever left... So she didn't even have that distraction yet.
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Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 6:39 pm
He cursed his curiosity as he heard the way she spat that the senshi should die, and while he was for that, he had mixed feelings about hearing her say that. It took a little something of Tate’s happy image away, and he felt he had crossed over to something more troubling. While bringing a heavy topic into this house, he pushed another one, and he went too far. The way the teenage girl slid down and curled in, covering her face so her hair hide her from both sides and her side ponytail dangled limply, tore him up inside. Here he was suppose to be nice to girls, to his friends, and he was only making things worse. He needed to learn to shut his big mouth and not pry.
Slipping off the stool, he bended low and set his hand slowly, hesitantly, on her shoulder, not sure if she’d smack it away. His first instinct was always to assume violence would be the first reaction. “ Sorry.” He whispered, trying to catch her gaze, to look at her face. “I didn’t mean to push the subject.” His hand gently squeezed her shoulder. “I’d never ask to take you to the park anyways. It’s too dangerous. If that ever happened, I’d beat up any senshi that dared show their face.” He gave a smile, but he was serious. “…I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt, and I don’t like seeing you hurt. Pains a - ah – you know.” A b***h. “ I don’t think anyone should get it that doesn’t deserve it, and I certainly don’t think you deserve it.”
He felt warm, flushed even, and he took his hand away, looking around. “Come on. Let’s check on the cookies. We wouldn’t want them to get burned. I’m actually feeling a bit hungry now. And no salmonella.” He gently nudged her shoulder, and stood up, holding his hand for her to grab so he could pull her up.
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