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 Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 11:43 am
"God exists, and he's American."
Matt Seraph's custom, slowed-down mix of American Jesus by Bad Religion hits and Seraph walks out to the ring, carrying a mic, with Samantha close behind.
"You wanna tell me what the ******** this is?" he opens, to a round of boos. "How can you ******** in the front office even think of having a pay-per-view without The American Jesus? I sell out arenas around the world every single God damn night. I move more merchandise than damn near anybody in this locker room. I am an idol to millions! Women want me, men want to be me. I think it's fair to say that Matt Seraph is professional wrestling. I know it, these fans know it, but apparently, the dipshits who run this company don't." The fans continue their jeering, obviously not in agreement with Seraph.
"I mean, seriously, look at this card. It's a disaster! Mike "Rest Hold" Landry has a match, but I don't. Chris Chaos and his prison wife Kyle Extreme have a match, but I don't. Even Jarel is wrestling! Jarel hasn't had a quality match since, what, 2002? For ******** sake, EEW needs Matt Seraph tonight. Now, I'm human. I realize that sometimes there are oversights. Mistakes are made, I get that. Of course, I never make them, but that's not my point. In my infinite generosity, I'm giving management a chance to correct the worst booking decision since David Arquette's WCW title reign and give me a match. What do you say, a** pirates?"
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:41 pm
(This takes place AFTER Chaos' match) (GWS has given me permission to come in on this) *Natural Born Killa plays as Chris Chaos comes out onto the ramp*  "So, you finally decided to show your face back in here? Let me ask you something. What happened to you man? Back in C4, you just disappeared.... Now, you're back and attempting to unleash holy hell on anyone who is in your path? What happened to the good old days man? By the way, *looks at Samantha* How are ya babe? I missed you. You never wrote, you didn't even call. I missed you.... *Chaos begins to walk down the ramp* "Then, you had that cocaine incident and you didn't even bother to call me. I was worried about you.... I'm now glad to see you're feeling better. Back to you Seraph, you're partly right. The people in the administration have ignored you. Maybe it's because they plain hate you, or maybe it's because they think you're too good to wrestle in front of a losing city like Kansas City, home of the most god-awful team EVER in the history of baseball, the Kansas City Royals!" *crowd boos Chaos at the mention of the Royals like that, while Chaos laughs at what he said* "Don't listen to these ingrates Seraph, they don't know what the true meaning of a winner is. These guys have never stepped into our sport or whatever they call the Royals. They wouldn't know how it feels because they haven't touched a baseball and also wouldn't know the difference between a baseball and a breast because they've never experienced either." *Crowd boos louder, while some people laugh at Chaos' comment* "You see, the true meaning of a winner is just like rooting for a winning team, LIKE THE BOSTON RED SOX. Let me take it one step further......THE LOS ANGELES ANGELS!" *Crowd boos heavily at the mention of their rival* "Keep Cryin boys, you'll never see a winner. *Chaos waits to let Seraph talk*
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 5:01 pm
Seraph applauds the man who's just come down to the ring and gets back on the mic.
"I couldn't have said it better myself. Simply put, in this business true winners are few and far between. For every Matt Seraph, for every Chris Chaos, there's at least ten assholes like, well, the f*****t you teamed with tonight. See? He's so pathetic I don't even remember his name." Boos ensue as Seraph continues his verbal assault on the EEW roster.
"You do make an excellent point, Chaos. These ******** have never been in an EEW ring, they've never felt the rush of competition, they've never heard millions of fans screaming their name as they hold World Championship gold in their hands. You and I, we know what this is about. Winning is an art, and what these people don't understand is every week we get in this ring and create a masterpiece." The boos rain down on The American Jesus, who seems to be enjoying the negative reactions.
"That in mind, I've got a great idea. I don't normally do this, but you have the once-in-a-lifetime offer on the table of teaming up with The American Jesus. What do you have to say to that?"
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 5:20 pm
*Chaos looks around at the crowd, as they all boo him*
*Sparks randomly runs down the rampway*
"DO IT CHAMP! You're back to where you belong! The old Chaos will be back if u do this!!!
"Well, then hell, I'm in! It's time to go back onto the throne!"
*Sparks raises his arms in triumph as Chaos shakes Seraph's hand*
"THE WINNERS AND SOON TO BE NEW! TAG! TEAM! CHAMPIONS!!!!........SEX AND VIOLENCE!!!!!"
"Watch it old man. Don't pop a blood vessel."
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 5:31 pm
"Sex and Violence...you know, I kind of like the sound of that." Despite their dislike of Seraph, the crowd realizes the epic potential of this new alliance and begins to chant "Sex and Violence".
"Bitches, hos, and faggots in attendance...may I have your attention please! You're getting your first look at the next EEW World Tag Team Champions!"
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