|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 10:33 pm
Hi everyone, my name is Angela. As I said in my introduction, I attend a sexual abuse awareness group on a weekly basis. In group, the facilitator provides us with tools, resources, and ideas to help us go through the journey of healing. I thought it might help if I shared the stuff that I get from group. I'll be continuing to post tools/resources as I go along in group. Hope this helps out!
ALSO and excellent website/number to call:
RAINN Hotline (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network)
1 (800) 656 - HOPE (4673)
http://www.rainn.org/
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 10:38 pm
The Elephant Story
Elephant trainers use an interesting control technique. When an elephant is still very young, the trainer attaches one end of a strong chain to one of the elephant's legs, and the other end to a stake. This allows the animal the freedom of a very small space and, harnessed day after day, the elephant learns that this space is its only territory. As the years go by, the chain is progressively exchanged for thinner and thinner ropes. The trainer knows that as the elephant grows bigger it could easily walk away at any time, but the elephant doesn't catch on, and so remains within the defined space.
What are your ropes that are holding you withing your space?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 10:42 pm
Dealing with Nightmares
1. Make your sleeping environment as comfortable as possible. If you have a favorite pillow or stuffed animal use it to create a comfortable environment. Use whatever is soothing and pleasant.
2. Record your nightmares in a journal with as much factual information as comfortable.
3. After recording the facts, try to describe the thoughts you had during the nightmare.
4. Try to describe what was happening to your body; both during the nightmare and after.
5. Re-write your nightmare so that you are in control. What do you need to feel powerful?
Adapted from : Lauer, Teresa, (2002). The Truth About Rape. www.raperecovery.com
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 11:08 pm
20 Most Common Coping Mechanisms
1. Minimizing - includes minimizing the actions of the offender
2. Projections - projects blame/responsibility of actions onto others
3. Rationalization - includes victimization and maladaptive ways of coping with the effects
4. Denial - pretend the abuse never occurred, or there are no effects from the abuse
5. Repression/Forgetting - Put memories aside, act like abuse, "never happened"
6. Splitting - Seeing the world in black or white (no shades of gray)
7. Lack of Integration - On the inside victim feels bad/evil, being a super achiever on the outside - developing a "false self"
8. Control issues - tend to occur when family life was very chaotic
9. Dissociation/Spacing Out - Common, but pay attention to degree and frequency
10. Hyper Awareness/Super Alert - constant awareness of everyone and everything around you
11. Workaholism/Staying Busy - Staying busy to avoid feelings
12. Escape/Running Away - Passive ways include watching TV, reading, or sleeping
13. Self Mutilation/Self Harm/Self Injury - Internalization of the offender, instead of being hurt by offender victim hurts themselves, often releases intense feelings and/or numbness after mutilization occurs
14. Suicide Attempts - Often occurs when victims feel trapped with no way out
15. Isolation - Feeling safer when alone
16. Addictions - Common ways of coping, masks the emotional pain, usually self defeating and self destructive
17. Lying - Some victims become compulsive liars, usually learned behavior from "not telling" as children
18. Religion - Feels safe attaching to a belief system with clear rules, especially from religions that offer divine forgiveness. However, destructive cults can be just as alluring and harmful to victims, as they often continue the victimization
19. Avoiding Intimacy - Often open and friendly on the surface, but often avoids or hides real feelings
20. Manipulation - Usually uses this type of behavior to get needs met; victims sometimes do not know how to get their needs met in healthy ways
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 11:27 pm
Establishing a Sense of Safety: Five Steps
Step 1.) Breathing: Practice mindful, diaphragmatic breathing for about a minute.
Step 2.) Set your intention: "I am doing this exercise to bring a deeper peace and ease to me, by doing this i am going to enhance my sense of safety"
Step 3.) Relax: Let your eyes close, and imagine a picture of yourself when you felt the safest.
Step 4.) Look at your image with "Compassionate attention," similar to the how a pare might look at a child, or someone might look at a pet.
Step 5.) Speak to your image of yourself in your mind: "I am safe from harm," "I can protect myself."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 11:42 pm
Women Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse
Messages: Old and New
Healthy boundaries reinforce and are reinforced by healthy messages. messages are both implicit and explicit. The following questions provide opportunities to begin exploring the sources and power of messages in our past and present.
1. What are some old messages that contribute to feelings of doubt; guilt; shame; uncertainty about self or abuse experiences; denial; or negative emotions?
2. How did the perpetrator (s) free himself or herself from the responsibility of the abuse by the kind messages give to you about this experience/
3. What are the sources of old, negative messages?
4. What did you do with these messages (e.g., believed them at first, told someone else, kept them secret, etc.)?
5. How did these negative messages make you feel?
6. What are some old, but positive and healthy, messages?
7. What were the sources of these messages?
8. What did you do with these messages?
9. What are the messages that you hold on to now?
10. What new, healthy messages would you like to consolidate further?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 11:49 pm
ANTS
Automatic Negative Thoughts
Mind Reading
Believing another person is thinking something negative about you, with no evidence to back it up.
Fortune Telling
Predicting a bad outcome to a situation before it happens.
"Always" or "Never" Thinking
Using words such as "always", "never", "no one" or "everyone".
Guilt Beating
Using words like "should", "must", "ought to" or "have to".
Thinking with your feelings
Believing negative feelings without questioning them.
Labeling
Attaching a negative label to ourselves or someone else.
Blaming
Accusing someone else for your own problems.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 12:05 am
Exterminate the ANTS in your Life!
Step 1: Realize that your thoughts are real. They cause your brain to release chemicals that affect how you feel and behave.
Step 2: Notice how negative thoughts affect your body. For example, when you get angry your muscles become tense, your heart beats faster, your hands start to sweat, etc. Your body reacts to every negative thought you have.
Step 3: Think of bad thoughts as pollution. Every cell in your body is effected by every thought you have. This is why when get emotionally upset you may often develop physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches. As you would not eat rotted or polluted food, don't allow bad thoughts into your system either.
Step 5: Understand that ANTS don't always tell the truth. Automatic thoughts just happen. It is up to you if you are going to believe every thought you have. It's important to think about your thoughts to determine if they help you or hurt you. If you never challenge your thoughts, you just "believe them" as if they were true.
Step 6: Talk back to ANTS. You can retrain your thoughts to be positive and hopeful, or you can allow them to be negative and upset you. THE CHOICE IS YOURS. One way to start changing your negative thoughts to positive is to notice when you have a negative thought and talk about to it. Think, "What is the evidence that this thought it true." If you have no evidence, discard the thought.
Step 7: Exterminate the ANTS. Think of negative thoughts that invade your mind like ants that bother you at a picnic. One negative thought, like one ant at a picnic, it is not a big problem. Two or three ants at a picnic become irritating. Ten to twenty ants can ruin your picnic. Like the insects, ANTS will come crashing in on you if you begin to let two or three in. One way to crush the ANTS is to write down the negative thoughts when you have them. Talk back to that ANT and see what the evidence is that supports that ANT. If there is no evidence, that ANT is lying to you. It needs to be exterminated.
Adapted from "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life," by Dr. Daniel Amen. For more information on Amen's work go to www.brainplace.com
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 12:58 am
Myths of Sexual Assault
#1: Only bad girls get assaulted.
FALSE: This myth is related to the double standard of sexuality in our society. For example, women are not allowed to express their sexuality, whereas men are expected to express themselves sexually. How many times have you heard, "Only bad girls get into trouble," or, "Good girls don't do that."
#2: Only attractive women are assaulted.
FALSE: Women from various backgrounds become targets for sexual abuse/assault. This includes the elderly, overweight women, and children. In addition, physical attractiveness is emphasized in our culture. Women are subjected to higher standards of beauty and are encouraged to dress seductively in many circles. Many people believe that dressing seductively or provocatively is attractive and an excuse to justify why women are assaulted, another double standard.
#3: She asked for it.
FALSE: There are various reasons why women do not fight back. For instance, a woman may fear for her or another person's life, the effect on her relationship with the perpetrator, or become numb with sheer terror. A child may not know how to express their dissent, as they are often raised to respect adults and do what they are told. There are many psychological and social factors to consider when looking at this aspect.
#5: All women enjoy a little sexual assault.
FALSE: Can you believe that some people think this is true? The argument is that many women have fantasies or think about being forced or coerced into sexual activities. According to this type of reasoning, women want to be assaulted. However, in reality women have complete control over their fantasies and what they think is appropriate. They do not have control during an attack and do not consent to what is happening to them. Fantasies are harmless, whereas assault is not.
#6: Sexual crimes are crimes of passion/desire.
FALSE: Sexual crimes are related to power and control. Many men wish to hurt, humiliate, dominate, and exert their power over their victims. For example, many perpetrators abuse their power/position to manipulate women and children into sexual activity. This includes adults taking advantage of children, bosses threatening their employees, or even teachers targeting students for sexual favors.
#7: Sexual assault is a sexual crime.
FALSE: This is closely related to the previous statement. Sexual assault is also associated with power and control of the victim. Furthermore, it involves anger and violence. Many perpetrators feel powerless to control their lives and target others who are vulnerable, such as women, the elderly, children with disabilities, etc.
#8: Sexual offenders commit these crimes because they never have sex.
FALSE: Many offenders are in relationships with multiple partners. Accessibility may play a factor, yet this does not rationalize the abuse of another person. Even if this were an issue, there are many ways to be sexual with or without a partner that do not involve force or cohersion.
#9: It is easy to identify a sex offender/perpetrator.
FALSE: There are several misconceptions about offenders. Many people visualize a "dirty old man" or "uneducated, socially awkward person" when they think about perpetrators. In fact, many perpetrators are charming, articulate, well dressed, and intelligent which makes it easy for others to trust them. They use these qualities to their advantage to degrade their victims. Therefore, sex offenders come from all walks of life, do not rule anyone out.
#10: Women cry assault to get even with mend.
FALSE: This is very rare. False assault charges are one of the least reported crimes contrary to high profile, media depictions.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 9:45 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 1:12 am
Thanks for posting this Helped alot <3
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 2:38 am
@Infaous - I agree!
@Zuki - <3
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 2:56 am
Okay I noticed when I look though the posts in this guild I can feel myself react physically and emotionally and I've noticed a few others react similarly as well. These reactions are the results of triggers. Triggers are bound to happen especially if one has been through a traumatic experience. Sometimes I have triggers while being in group. When that happens we use several techniques to calm down. Mainly we practice our breathing and guided imagery. In case while reading through here and things get too heavy or too emotional for you I definitely encourage to take a moment to breathe deeply and slowly and use diaphragmatic breathing. You can practice breathing anytime for all types of anxiety or panic attacks as well. Here's a link to show and explain the steps of: Diaphragmatic BreathingNow as for guided imagery, it's basically where your mind and body are connected as you form the image in your mind and make it real. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, now imagine the most peaceful or happiest place for you, notice your surroundings, what does it smell like, what do you hear, what can you touch and feel, what are the colors, what's the weather, etc. And as you go through all the details your body should be relaxing at the same time, all your muscles become relaxed and the place you are imagining seems real. You can do this for about ten minutes, then open your eyes and you should feel considerably better. Now these are just two methods, they may not work for everybody, and they do tend to take practice. It can be useful when you do feel that trigger coming on.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 3:15 am
Here's a little homework assignment I got one time from group (sometimes we get stuff to do but aren't forced to do it, the decision is totally up to us)
It's Your Life: Getting Started
Fill out the following statements.
1. When I talk about my sexual abuse/assault I think _______________, which in turn makes me feel ______________. Instead of these thoughts and feelings, I would like to think ______________ and feel _____________ when I talk about my abuse/assault.
2. The symptom of my trauma that most disrupts my life is _____________.
3. I want to heal from this trauma because _____________ and at the end of group I would like to (your goal) _______________.
4. Using the information above, pick one thing you would like to change. Using your list of small rewards, pick on way in which you would like to reward yourself every time you attempt to change this behavior. It is important that you reward yourself even if you find you are angry with yourself for doing this behavior anyway.
EXAMPLE: I would like to change my tendency towards learned helplessness. Every time I want to say the words, "I can't" and I catch myself, I will listen to my favorite album.
Books to help you with this exercise:
The Self-Nourishment Companion: 52 Inspiring Ways to Take Care of Yourself by McKay, Beck, and Sutker.
The Daily Relaxer by McKay, Fanning, and Crowther
5. As a way to continue to practice self-calming, I will pick one relaxation technique to do at least once a day (i.e., diaphragmatic breathing, creative visualization, meditation, imagery, ext.). You can check out www.mindtools.com (Stress Management) for more ideas or www.helpingguide.org and search for 'Stress Relief' and 'Stress Management.'
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 4:23 am
Recognizing Your Own Anger
Anger is an emotion and there are many behaviors that can express that emotion. Many people do not know when they are angry until they reach the explosion point. Learning to identify your own anger cues will help you control your reactions.
Body Signals
-How does your body feel when you are angry?
-Are the muscles tense in your neck, arms, legs, face?
-Do you sweat or get cold?
-Do you breathe deeper, faster, lighter, slower?
-Do you get a headache? A stomach-ache?
Behavioral Signs
How do you behave when you're feeling angry? Do you:
-Get mean? Blame others?
-Act extra nice?
-Start laughing?
-Become sarcastic?
-Withdraw?
-Break commitments? Arrive late or leave early?
-Have difficulty eating or sleeping? Eat or sleep more?
Time-Outs
Time-outs are a basic tool for controlling angry reactions. They provide a structure that allows you to break harmful patters. Time-outs not only stop the reactions, they also help to rebuild trust. The rules are simple:
-When you feel yourself beginning to get angry, say, "I'm beginning to feel angry. I need to take time out." In this way, you communicate directly. You take responsibility for your own feelings and assure the other person you're committed to avoiding the same old reactions.
-Leave for an hour
-Don't drink, take drugs, or drive
-Do something physical. Take a walk, run, rid a bike.
-Come back in an hour (no more, no less). If you live up to your agreement, it will build trust.
-Check in and ask the person you were angry with if they want to discuss the situation. If you both agree, talk about what made you angry and why you needed the time out. If it's still hard to discuss, come back to it later.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
