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 Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 7:22 am
RP Acadamy
1) Intro
2) Explanation of Good Roleplay
Intro
Well, now that we've opened our doors, I suppose it's time to open the gates of the Garden as well. Don't worry, you don't have to fly up here or nothing.
This area is set aside for newbs to post small samples of their RP skills. Obviously, since we're still pretty young, we'll take just about anything but not everything. So, before you make a fool of yourself, post up your sample here and get it approved.
Explanation of Good Roleplay
Well, to be perfectly honest, everyone has their own style of writing so there's no real 'perfect' rp post. However, there are a few guidelines to follow or else you're out of here.
1) No Godmodding: A lot of you may have seen this word thrown around and not known what it meant in terms of an RP guild. Basically, it means don't do something to other folks characters without getting permission; weather it be from the person or via using the battle system. You can control some NPC(None Player Characters) how you like but that's about it.
2) No OOC in IC: For those not in the know, OOC stands for Out of Chracter and IC stands for In Chracter. Basically what this means is that any information you gain by talking to someone outside the rp, can't be used in the RP directly. So say you are talking with a player and they tell you, ooc, that their character is getting low on bullets or hates water or you read that on their profile, well your character doesn't know that. You can come up with rp ways for your character to find out (count how many bullets they already used or have them notice the character is avoiding water like the plague) but you can't simply have them know it all of a sudden. No one is omnipotent here, not even my characters and I'm one of the creators of the guild, so your characters can't know everything and do everything either.
3) No Text Type: I hate to read this crap and thus won't allow it. Now, I'm not talking all text type is banned. Things like LOL or OMG and such are fine and acceptable but if your character posts 'lok like da h8 2 type, u need 2 go bac 2 school'.
4) No One Liners IC: To be fair, everyone is going to do this once or twice in their rp career; can't be helped. But we don't want every other line you type to only be one sentence. That means you're providing nothing substantial to the rp and thus, don't belong here.
5) Punctuation and Grammar Please: I am in no means a grammar nazi but at the same time seeing whole post typed up using absolutely no punctuation or with grammar so bad a first grader would cry can be a bit of a pain to read and thus should be limited as much as possible so everyone can enjoy this rp also it will make your life a lot easier when we start grading training and battles cause the less work i have to do the better your grades will be.
Now how much easier would that sentence(s) have been if I had punctuated and used proper grammer?
SO, now that we got all that out the way, go ahead and post your samples here and either I or one of the crew will come and grade it. We'll give helpful hints if needed so don't worry. If you feel any grader is being unfair, shoot me an IM and I'll tell you to shut up... no seriously, I'll look it over and try and figure out whats goin' on.
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Posted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 5:33 pm
Intro:
There is a large tree on the edge of the woods. A large boulder is at the base of the woods. There is a warm summer breeze and the leaves rustle making almost a music. There is a a young Viera sitting on the boulder she seems at peace her eyes are closed as if soaking up the sun.
She longed to leave the woods. The humes intrested her and their ways baffled her. She came to this same spot at least once a day and nothing besides the sound of a bird chirping had ever happened.
Then suddenly a rustle was heard she jumped up not knowing what could have made the sounds that she had heard. Her intrest had been peaked and she had to see where this noises orgin had came from. She had secretly hoped it would be something other than the elder of the Veira's. The elder normaly came to bring her back to the village for fear she would leave.
She pushed away the bushes finding a hume his back was toward her and he was polishing a large sword. "Humes are not aloud here." She said pushing back the bushes. But, inside she was thrilled. she had never seen one close up there had never been a male. As he turned she took a step back....
To Be Continued...
(so do I completly suck?)
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Posted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 5:50 pm
Good job. And as the first one to post here, you get a nice prize. What is is, I don't know yet. Probably 100 Gil or something... yea that'll work.
Approved.
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 3:59 pm
Pounding rain. Crashing thunder. This is what the young Gria heard as he ran, heart pounding in his chest, breath rasping in his throat. Lightning flashed, illuminating the plain. When the lightning was gone the world reverted to blackness. He couldn't see the stars because of the clouds that covered the sky, and the moon had yet to rise. It had been raining for hours, and he'd been running for longer. A knife was sheathed at his belt, but he knew it wouldn't do him any good if it came to a fight against them. There were too many of them. His foot caught on something, and he fell, pain jarring up his leg as he landed. His slender tail gouged the earth as he pushed himself to his feet. They were too close for him to run, so he didn't try. He wasn't even sure if he could. He drew his knife as he turned to face them. All he could see of them was the glint of their eyes. He heard the hiss of a blade scything through the air, and he twisted out of the way, barely avoiding the black blade. Then I felt the bite of a different blade as it slid into his side. He cried out in pain. He felt a line of fire forcing its way into his chest, and when the blades were withdrawn he fell to the ground, drowning in his own blood as it poured into his lungs. Lightning lit up the world again, and he saw he was alone. They were already gone. They didn't even take his knife. They knew he wasn't going to get up.
(What do ya think)
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Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 7:42 pm
Mary recognized the voice immediately. “Don’t tell me it’s Plato,” she complained happily, looking back over her shoulder. There stood Red Letter, one of the other female members of her gang. Red stood in the shadows, idly playing with a butterfly knife. Her hair was pulled into pigtails and heavily curled, which seemed to fit in with her somewhat Gothic style of dress. Under the bust line of her corset top, she had sewn a crimson letter A into her dress. She was the daughter of a preacher, so she had gotten more than her fair share of lessons on sin. So, she decided it would be funny to walk around with the symbol of adultery proudly displayed for all to see. She was rebellious like that, and she certainly had more than her fair share of lovers. But, she was overall a good person: dependable, if a bit frail in a fight; honest to a fault; and quite learned when it came to philosophy. “Nope,” she said, flicking the blade open and revealing a book she had kept hidden behind her back. “Philo. Contemporaries, and they were close. But, he was the one who said that. Believe me, I checked through all of his works.” Mariana grinned. “Heh, you didn’t need to do all that. I would’ve believed ya.” Red cocked up the corner of her lips in disbelief. “Yeah, okay, so maybe I’d have bullheaded through it for a little while. Anyway, where’s the rest of the gang?” Red crossed her arms, replying, “Well, your guess is good as mine. I haven’t seen hide nor hair of them since the hazing on Walnut Street. I’ll bet you even money Spinoza’s on the bottle again over at Equity, and I heard Legatus was somewhere over here. Don’t know about the rest, though.”
Mary didn’t reply to this. She looked over at Red, and somehow Red knew. This was a moment of silence, something that the gang had become fond of. But, this time, there was an air of uneasiness about. It didn’t need to be vocalized; Red could instantly tell that there was something on Mary’s mind but, if she respected her, she wouldn’t pry. After all, Mary needed time. But, if it would help at all, Mary knew Red was there to lend an ear. Still, Mary silently thanked her for not being intrusive and for respecting her space. After a good two minutes or so, Mary spoke up. “I think I killed someone.” Red’s eyes widened. She wanted to scold her, to question her, to turn her in, and hide her all at once. But, Red listened like a dutiful friend. Mary continued, “I knew it was wrong. It’s morally and ethically reprehensible. I… I was afraid.” She seemed to stop there, but her body was shaking. “Afraid of what?” prodded Red. “I don’t know! I was cornered! I… I panicked. I knew those supers would try to go after the girl, so I gave her a little push, and… I mean, there’s still a chance she’s alive, right?” The silence that followed weighed on Mary’s conscience. “…right. That doesn’t make it right. I can still be judged. Morals aren’t subjective, or else we wouldn’t have a basis for comparison. I may have taken a life… that’s not something I can easily ignore, ya know? It’s… I mean, now that I know I’m capable of this sort of thing, I can’t really go back, can I?”
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Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 8:28 pm
Spazzy Azzy Intro: There is a large tree on the edge of the woods. A large boulder is at the base of the woods. There is a warm summer breeze and the leaves rustle making almost a music. There is a a young Viera sitting on the boulder she seems at peace her eyes are closed as if soaking up the sun. She longed to leave the woods. The humes intrested her and their ways baffled her. She came to this same spot at least once a day and nothing besides the sound of a bird chirping had ever happened. Then suddenly a rustle was heard she jumped up not knowing what could have made the sounds that she had heard. Her intrest had been peaked and she had to see where this noises orgin had came from. She had secretly hoped it would be something other than the elder of the Veira's. The elder normaly came to bring her back to the village for fear she would leave. She pushed away the bushes finding a hume his back was toward her and he was polishing a large sword. "Humes are not aloud here." She said pushing back the bushes. But, inside she was thrilled. she had never seen one close up there had never been a male. As he turned she took a step back.... To Be Continued... (so do I completly suck?) Spelling: I've seen worse. I think the problem for some of your misspellings is that you're not pressing the keys hard enough and that results in a typo. There are some incorrect word choices and other misspellings--you wrote "peaked" instead of "piqued" and "aloud" instead of "allowed". However, your spelling is good enough that I never have a problem understanding which words you are trying to use. Grammar: Once again, you have a good enough grip of the English language that you're almost always understood, but you do have some room for improvement. You tend to write a lot of run-on sentences. Try this: reread your work out loud, but don't pause or even breathe until you get to a comma or a period. Take a small pause at a comma and a larger one at a period. If you find yourself expressing too many thoughts in one breath and it sounds awkward, you should put some form of punctuation there. Also, very few words in the English language require an apostrophe to make them plural. Most words shouldn't have one at all. Style: The first paragraph seemed a bit stale and repetitive, but your later paragraphs grew more robust and descriptive. Most of your sentences are simple and to the point, but you could stand to vary your sentence structure some. Try to make complex sentences by adding in more adjectives, adverbs, and dependent clauses. Basically, don't rush through your story; take the time to describe things more fully. Paint a vivid picture for your reader and ease him into your story at a leisurely pace. One more thing--make sure you don't change tense in the middle of your story unless necessary. You went from "there is", "she seems", and "her eyes are" to "she longed", "the humes interested", and "their ways baffled". I'm guilty of this fairly often myself, so I'm training myself to spot it. You certainly don't suck. There's room for growth, but if you take your time with a story you should have fewer problems. The important thing to remember is that you're good enough to be perfectly understood. That's good enough to get by, but always strive for better.
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Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 8:54 pm
Faithfull Fire Pounding rain. Crashing thunder. This is what the young Gria heard as he ran, heart pounding in his chest, breath rasping in his throat. Lightning flashed, illuminating the plain. When the lightning was gone the world reverted to blackness. He couldn't see the stars because of the clouds that covered the sky, and the moon had yet to rise. It had been raining for hours, and he'd been running for longer. A knife was sheathed at his belt, but he knew it wouldn't do him any good if it came to a fight against them. There were too many of them. His foot caught on something, and he fell, pain jarring up his leg as he landed. His slender tail gouged the earth as he pushed himself to his feet. They were too close for him to run, so he didn't try. He wasn't even sure if he could. He drew his knife as he turned to face them. All he could see of them was the glint of their eyes. He heard the hiss of a blade scything through the air, and he twisted out of the way, barely avoiding the black blade. Then I felt the bite of a different blade as it slid into his side. He cried out in pain. He felt a line of fire forcing its way into his chest, and when the blades were withdrawn he fell to the ground, drowning in his own blood as it poured into his lungs. Lightning lit up the world again, and he saw he was alone. They were already gone. They didn't even take his knife. They knew he wasn't going to get up.
(What do ya think)Spelling and grammar: There's very, very little for me to critique here. The only thing that I can think of is the sentence fragments in the beginning. I suppose an easier way to correct that would be something like this: "Pounding rain, crashing thunder: this is what the young Gria heard as he ran..." Style: You certainly know how to construct individual sentences well. You seem to have certain sentence structures clustered together--usually adjacent sentences with similar endings. You're more of an event-based storyteller, proceeding from one action or occurrence to the next. You have enough description to give the viewer a decently detailed idea of what everything looks like. Ideally you should aim for total immersion--though with your particular writing style, you seem to do better when you're focusing on the future rather than the present.
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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 9:23 pm
Maia Hart Mary recognized the voice immediately. “Don’t tell me it’s Plato,” she complained happily, looking back over her shoulder. There stood Red Letter, one of the other female members of her gang. Red stood in the shadows, idly playing with a butterfly knife. Her hair was pulled into pigtails and heavily curled, which seemed to fit in with her somewhat Gothic style of dress. Under the bust line of her corset top, she had sewn a crimson letter A into her dress. She was the daughter of a preacher, so she had gotten more than her fair share of lessons on sin. So, she decided it would be funny to walk around with the symbol of adultery proudly displayed for all to see. She was rebellious like that, and she certainly had more than her fair share of lovers. But, she was overall a good person: dependable, if a bit frail in a fight; honest to a fault; and quite learned when it came to philosophy. “Nope,” she said, flicking the blade open and revealing a book she had kept hidden behind her back. “Philo. Contemporaries, and they were close. But, he was the one who said that. Believe me, I checked through all of his works.” Mariana grinned. “Heh, you didn’t need to do all that. I would’ve believed ya.” Red cocked up the corner of her lips in disbelief. “Yeah, okay, so maybe I’d have bullheaded through it for a little while. Anyway, where’s the rest of the gang?” Red crossed her arms, replying, “Well, your guess is good as mine. I haven’t seen hide nor hair of them since the hazing on Walnut Street. I’ll bet you even money Spinoza’s on the bottle again over at Equity, and I heard Legatus was somewhere over here. Don’t know about the rest, though.” Mary didn’t reply to this. She looked over at Red, and somehow Red knew. This was a moment of silence, something that the gang had become fond of. But, this time, there was an air of uneasiness about. It didn’t need to be vocalized; Red could instantly tell that there was something on Mary’s mind but, if she respected her, she wouldn’t pry. After all, Mary needed time. But, if it would help at all, Mary knew Red was there to lend an ear. Still, Mary silently thanked her for not being intrusive and for respecting her space. After a good two minutes or so, Mary spoke up. “I think I killed someone.” Red’s eyes widened. She wanted to scold her, to question her, to turn her in, and hide her all at once. But, Red listened like a dutiful friend. Mary continued, “I knew it was wrong. It’s morally and ethically reprehensible. I… I was afraid.” She seemed to stop there, but her body was shaking. “Afraid of what?” prodded Red. “I don’t know! I was cornered! I… I panicked. I knew those supers would try to go after the girl, so I gave her a little push, and… I mean, there’s still a chance she’s alive, right?” The silence that followed weighed on Mary’s conscience. “…right. That doesn’t make it right. I can still be judged. Morals aren’t subjective, or else we wouldn’t have a basis for comparison. I may have taken a life… that’s not something I can easily ignore, ya know? It’s… I mean, now that I know I’m capable of this sort of thing, I can’t really go back, can I?” Works for me. Just do us a favor and if you do rp multiple characters, try to separate their text with either a new paragraph or different color. Makes it easier to figure out who's talking without having to read the whole line. Not mandatory in any means, just a request. Approved.
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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 9:27 pm
Faithfull Fire Pounding rain. Crashing thunder. This is what the young Gria heard as he ran, heart pounding in his chest, breath rasping in his throat. Lightning flashed, illuminating the plain. When the lightning was gone the world reverted to blackness. He couldn't see the stars because of the clouds that covered the sky, and the moon had yet to rise. It had been raining for hours, and he'd been running for longer. A knife was sheathed at his belt, but he knew it wouldn't do him any good if it came to a fight against them. There were too many of them. His foot caught on something, and he fell, pain jarring up his leg as he landed. His slender tail gouged the earth as he pushed himself to his feet. They were too close for him to run, so he didn't try. He wasn't even sure if he could. He drew his knife as he turned to face them. All he could see of them was the glint of their eyes. He heard the hiss of a blade scything through the air, and he twisted out of the way, barely avoiding the black blade. Then I felt the bite of a different blade as it slid into his side. He cried out in pain. He felt a line of fire forcing its way into his chest, and when the blades were withdrawn he fell to the ground, drowning in his own blood as it poured into his lungs. Lightning lit up the world again, and he saw he was alone. They were already gone. They didn't even take his knife. They knew he wasn't going to get up.
(What do ya think)Pretty nice. Sucks to be that guy but alright. You have a few compound sentences in my opinion but nothing serious. Approved.
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