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Reply Poet and Writer's Hide Away
Avian the wanna-be-emo-author/poet.

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xMinorux

PostPosted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 12:33 pm


I'm Avian, and I love writing as much as art, so I'll update this constantly. I don't have anything really, so I'll just share a few haiku I wrote.

In the evening sky,
Proud, wild geese sail with arched wings,
Watch them fly away.

The summer sky is here,
Powerful, warm skies shine bright,
Let the sun beat down.


Crystal clear rain falls,
Thunder backs it all up fast,
Watch the flashes go.

Black fading away,
The light does all it allows,
The free shine again.


The death shall arise,
The moon shining so brightly,
Showing us our wrongs.


Heres a chapter to the story I wrote a few months ago.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeep!

"Urg," Avian opened his eyes and slowly saw the hospitol room around him. "What the?" he said quietly. That was before it came back to him. His memories consumed his sight until all he saw was...



"RUN!" Avian screamed, trying to hide his comrads from bullets. Gunshots blazed arcoss the sky, and streaked like it was theirs to roam forever. As they all fled back into cover, Avian took out his pistol and ran headfirst, shooting all that stood in path with him. Many bloody shots were fired, and he came out on the other side.

He took a grenade from his pocket, and threw it into the building before him, as they had been in enemy territory. It landed past a window, where he could hear screams. He ran as the building exploded, and he bearly made it past a safety point. He looked back and saw wood flying, and many body parts and a velvet red side of a house. He had done it. He had saved them from the part of the battle.

Until he was shot.

His flashback ended and he winced at the pain, now growing inside him. There was a knock at the door, which was a deep, navy blue, fitting in perfectly with the black painted walls. "Avian! Its me, James! Thank god your alive!" James exclaimed coming into the room. "You earned a title of 'war hero' between everyone in the army now. You single handedly took down how many men?" he asked. "I don't know actually," Avian said a bit confused. His eyesight blurred and he rested his head against the pillow, on the bed they had placed him on.

"I'm tired," he said. "Let me go and sleep for a bit," and he drifted off into his dream world. James only frowned, as he had been hoping to talk with his friend. But he left the room as is, and headed out of the hospitol.


I'd prefer nice criticism on my writing, although I love harsh on my art.
PostPosted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 12:10 pm


No criticism at allll? D=

xMinorux


Dokutoru

PostPosted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 4:15 pm


haha I personally suck at poems sooo i dont know what to say about that.

the story however does sound interesting but you need to put more imagery in the flashback to force the reader into the battlefield with Avian. that would be awesome.
PostPosted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 2:53 am


er..........................even i dont understand, but i like it xp


CakeColour


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 7:36 am


i love the imagary in the haiku's but you need to work on the idea flow a bit, its slightly jumpy
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Poet and Writer's Hide Away

 
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