Name: Marcillus (aka Marci)
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Craft: Holder – Runner
Rank: Apprentice

History: Born to one of the farming families that are part of High Telgar Hold’s environs, Marcillus’ parents were proper Holders by all accounts. Their first child should be male and he would take care of the farm and the home and a good, proper Holder like his parents. Their second child would be a female and she would be married off and bring prosperity and honour to her family by becoming the respect matron of her own household, bearing children and generally making her parents proud. Any children after that would be special bonuses, with an emphasis on any more boys should they be born.

Or, at least, that was their plan. They’d had everything set out, everything planned… even a prospective family for their son-to-be to eventually be betrothed to.

Then their first child was born and the plan was destroyed. They’d had their hearts set on a perfect little boy, the one to carry on the family’s legacy and a new patriarch to take up his father’s mantle when the time came. Even the name was agreed upon long before the child’s birth – Marcillus.

Marcillus, as it turned out, was female. Slight, cute and well-behaved… but female. And the three other children that followed were also female. It became a sort of joke among the other families that Marcillus’ family was cursed to bear females – a rumour that weighed heavily on her prim and proper parents.

As such, even as a baby, they treated Marcillus not as a daughter but as a son. Sure, they still instructed her in the how-to of being a good wife and woman, but they also made it plain they disapproved of her gender and forced her to learn the male-side of society too. Perhaps they were bitter, perhaps they were disillusioned or willfully ignorant. Whatever the reasons behind their raising of Marcillus, it was only Marci who bore the brunt of the ‘wrong first born’ as she came to call it.

She adjusted remarkably well despite the pressure to be two things at once and has developed this dual-face coping mechanism to please family and society alike. Around those who expect something of her, she presents that face – ‘boy’ or ‘girl’. As a result, she understands very clearly the gender roles and boundaries erected about the sexes but feels caught in the middle… unsure of what path she herself should take. Her family wants a boy, society expects an upstanding woman… and she just wants to be herself. It was a classical case of push-and-pull for the teenage Holder.

Her uncertainty drove her to seek work and apprentice outside her strange and complex family not because of hate or disgust but a deep-seated need to understand herself. Home was a place of confusion and conflicting opinions – a storm she couldn’t think about herself in.

When a Runner brought messages on that year’s tithes, an idea struck her and a short conversation ignited a streak of determination within her – and she attached herself to the idea of freedom in Running. Thus, when she came of age, and being from a farming family, she sought those of the Runnercraft - to always be running, to escape, to have time to think and be without expectation was greatly appealing. It was not an easy decision for her for she loved her family and younger sisters greatly but… she didn’t understand them nor they her.

Thus, she became apprenticed to a Runner and began to learn the routes and expectations of a whole other world. It was different but the emphasis seemed less on gender-roles and more on integrity of the Runner. This, she loved.

At first, when word of a new clutch and Weyrwoman at Telgar spread, she wasn’t interested – dragons were another thing entirely – a place she only knew what her parents told her: a world of mystery and loose morals. She liked her peers and her studies fine… and her family seemed content to let their eldest child (as they never referred to her by daughter) pursue a career away from them. At least she was doing something honorable.

Then, when she was out doing chores and running messages about the Hold she was currently stationed at, a Searchrider gathered up the children of age and looked them over. He seemed particularly critical and it wasn’t long before he selected a two or three of them to bring back. Among them was a rather confused Marcillus. Dressed in breeches and a loose fitting shirt, she’d been grouped with the boys at first – much to her amusement – but when the mistake was cleared up, the rider seemed to like her sense of honesty and her quiet manners and his dragon had agreed.

Given a chance to think the offer over and decide, she wondered at the invitation. While she balked, her peers encouraged her. And, as she’d been conditioned to do as expected throughout her childhood, she eventually gave in with a promise to at least go try.

Appearance:
Short and slight, and of a more androgynous appearance. At about 5’5”, she’s an average height for a woman but it isn’t uncommon for people to mistake her for a short boy, especially with how she dresses for her Apprenticeship. As much as she likes skirts and dresses, they’re just not feasible with learning Runnercraft. Eyes are green and her hair is chestnut in colour possesses a wavy bounce – that is, when it’s not tucked up under her favourite hat. She looks more feminine with her hair down and more boy-ish when her hair’s tucked up under the Runner Hat, as she calls it.

As far as normal clothing goes… it’s really whatever is best suited to the situation. If people are expecting a feminine young lady, she’ll happily wear the appropriately conservative gown. If people are expecting something of a more masculine nature, she’ll stick to neutral-coloured pants and shirts. As she’s not particularly curvy or busty, she can easily get away with passing off as an effeminate teenage boy if she wants.

Personality:
Marcillus is a complex bundle of conflicting opinions. She doesn’t really know what to think of herself – she’s been pressured to do and act and be as other people expect for much of her early childhood and this has resulted in internal conflict. To put it simply, she doesn’t know who she is, really. She likes the supposed freedom of boys but at the same time, she appreciates the protection and more demure expectations of women. She’s lost, as it were, and while Runnercraft has allowed her find some semblance of normality, it has really only allowed her to keep running from her problems.

As such, she tends to avoid conflict and doesn’t like to dwell to long on the things that make her uncertain. Speaking up only gets you in trouble, from both sides of the equation, and until she can find herself, she doesn’t think she has a right to naysay her elders. After all, she’s well aware of how much of a disappointment she was to her parents… and even against logic she sought to please them. She’s not a scarred, broken individual, but she’s certainly not a particularly confident one either – caught in a time of burgeoning self-awareness, she’s still learning when to go with the flow and when to catch hold and hand firm.

In public, she tends to smile easily and work hard. When asked for her opinion, however, she shies away; she won’t lie but she’ll try to speak what she figures the other wants to hear – it’s part of why Runnercraft appealed to her. People don’t stop the messenger and query them on their opinion, they’re only expected to deliver the message and leave. She likes the image of honest people with high integrity and open minds and that’s the ideal she’s trying to chase with the Runners. She tries hard but it doesn’t always work – those internal conflicts cause her to stumble and falter when she should otherwise shine.

Because of this, she comes off as shy and uncertain and demure… when, really, she’s too caught up in trying to be what others expect her to be. She’s capable of taking steps on her own – as demonstrated by her moving away from her family – but it really take extremes for her to do so. Marcillus is easily ordered about as a result and will most often do so with a smile.

In private, she’s prone to keeping busy. She doesn’t like sitting still for very long – it means she’s got too much time to think and she tends to overthink public image. Did so-and-so really meant that? That glance had to be one of disdain… etc etc. Her overly analytical and critical views of herself makes it hard for her to just relax so she keeps busy. People think she’s hard working because of it, and she doesn’t gainsay them about that (and they aren’t wrong, either) but Marcillus is too embarrassed to express her concerns, however small they are, because , again, that could jeopardize her public image and therefore being accepted.

She has the potential to be confident but her desire to be accepted is a crippling fault that keeps her from achieving that acceptance. Until she’s able to figure out she can’t please everyone and she can, indeed, be what she wants to be Marcillus will probably drift as she has already been doing.

Despite her faults, however, Marcillus isn’t defined only by an apparent weak-will. For all that she worries about putting forth the proper image, she does honestly want to do good. She wants to make those who rely on her proud and she wants to bring smiles to peoples’ faces. She’s not so good about stepping outside her comfort zone but the intent is there… and every once in a while, the flowers or the gift or the well-timed joke will shine a light on those intentions and achieve those goals, which makes her truly happy.

It’s probably not much of a surprise then, that she can be selfless. It’s a product of her upbringing and can be both a strength and a weakness her case. You need someone to cheer you up? Sure! But what the person doesn’t realize is she’s suppressing her own troubles in order to take care of another’s.

Overall, there’s more than meets the eye with Marcillus. When she finds her niche, she’s likely to bloom. But until then, she’s a teenager caught in the vortex of self-realization who hasn’t made a whole lot of progress on calming that storm.

Other:Nope, no notes~