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 Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2010 4:32 pm
 Din soared among the clouds, enjoying thoroughly the wind in her face and the breeze under her wings. Since she'd given up on desperately trying to remember her past life, she'd found this one much more enjoyable, she felt free of the shackles of the past. This would likely be another important event that she'd remember in future lives. She thought over those events... She especially remembered that one stupid memory. The one that she wished she could forget.
So much for that.
She shook her head and let earth's tug pull her down into a skydive. This was always the best way to clear her head- giving in to her domain. She pulled up in time to make a smooth landing, galloping a few paces after her paws hit earth to slow her down. She hadn't looked down before she landed and really hoped she hadn't gone and angered anyone.
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Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:34 am
While he wasn’t much paying attention himself, Khuluma had to take notice when a winged, flying form suddenly landed in the field he was resting in. Well, more or less fuming and tearing up clumps of grass with his paws while in the shade of a tree. For the past hour he had been muttering under his breath, cursing the name of Pala and finding himself sinking more and more into a miserable state and at the same time becoming more and more frustrated with what to do with himself.
He had to leave the herd just to get some clarity and to sulk by himself. He wondered if he should even bother returning back to the herd. What was the point? The person he wanted there the most was gone.
When he noticed the goddess landing, he stopped mutilating the ground and perked up. She wasn’t someone he had seen before, and he wondered if she was her just for him. A Goddess of aggravation, hurt, frustration, pain, and just that tight feeling he had in the pit of his chest. That something that wouldn’t go away.
Should he call out? He remembered a time when he always greeted gods, but today wasn’t his best day. Why did HE have to be the start the conversations? If no one wanted to be around him, then fine! He didn’t need them! Instead, he laid there, in plain view, but not making a move to come to her or leave.
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Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 11:09 am
Now that she was back on the ground, there was a potential someone that she may have angered. Another god, no less, but only a smallish one. However, he didn't look exactly blissful. At this point, they were both staring at each other... Should she just leave?
No, not after making such a high-speed landing here. If it were her, she'd be peeved if someone flew in at high speed, then just turned and left, especially if they were completely aware of her presence. Last thing she wanted was some god chasing after her the way she would. She heaved a mental sigh and approached the yellow-and-white god, pondering what to say. The answer to that revealed itself as she got closer. "So what's eating you?" She asked, going from looking him in the eye to turning her eyes to the torn-up ground before him. She felt quite confident, given this evidence, that something was bothering him. It might even be interesting to get meddled in whatever it was.
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Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 1:26 pm
Even if Khuluma told himself he didn’t want to talk about it, it wasn’t like he couldn’t. For all his life, he’d been a talkative god. His elegant way of speaking was present the moment he opened his eyes, and seconds later, his mouth. It was his domain after all, and as much as he wanted to bottle everything inside, he could not. It wasn’t like him to be confused about something, and he worried that what he would say would come across as garbled and in a rant that didn’t make sense. It was always his point to be clear about what he said and what he asked. Yet, as of recently, he just didn’t know what he wanted and what he was thinking. Everything was confusing. There was one thing he knew and that was if you talked about something, sometimes a solution would come through.
It didn’t matter if this god was a perfect stranger or that he wasn’t being proper in making introductions and trying to impress her. In fact, it was probably better that they didn’t know anything about each other and could spill everything without fear that the person would remain to taught him for days to come.
“I wish something was eating me. Getting devoured sounds like a better alternative to what I’m feeling.” He extended a paw, reaching out and grabbing a piece of dirt that broke in his paws. Usually he’d avoid getting dirty, but he wanted to destroy things. He felt like throwing a tantrum!
“Some JERK I know just ran off and left me. Me! He said we were family and be my teacher, too. The moment he grew up, he went prancing off to fine someone else. Apparently any old stranger is more up his list than I am. I didn’t even do anything wrong, and he up and left me. I was told that home and family is what you make of it with friends you keep, but some friend for just abandoning me on my own. Some friend, huh?! Some family?” The anger rose up as he spoke, bitter, venomous, and he rouse to his feet from it.
“What’s some lady got that I don’t got?! I’m the prettiest thing here for miles! He should have been happy enough to stay!”
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Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 1:48 pm
Din listened to his rant, somewhat surprised that the little guy could get so excitable! His rant confirmed it in her mind, it was wise to stop and inquire. This would make today much more interesting. She went from standing to sitting down, she could tell this wasn't gonna be just a meet-n-greet. She would've smiled, except that... Well, she knew that was just the wrong face to make with this guy.
"Ugh, this sounds sooo familiar, you have no idea." Din said with an eyeroll to the situation. "I know how you feel, something of this sort happened to me in a past life! I remember this one, clear as if it had happened yesterday. But I know precisely what went wrong, stranger..." Din said, leaving her words on a cliffhanger. If he wanted to move off topic, this was his one and only chance. Din could just see it now, corrupting a young god like this only to be struck down by him in the next by some sense of justice that he'd feel, that he'd refuse to believe she was right. Then in future lives, he'd come to realize she was right... Or something like that. That was quite the tangent.
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Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 6:56 pm
She knew what went wrong?!
Khuluma stood up, eyes wide as he gawked at her. He could dismiss the fact she rolled her eyes at him, something he didn’t see as very polite, but it wasn’t like he was winning any awards on proper social etiquette today. What really mattered was that she was familiar with what he was feeling and had gone so far to say that she knew what the problem was.
While he wanted to say that it wasn’t his fault, if it was….just a little, he wanted to know. Why did Palahala leave him alone? Why wasn’t he as important as a stranger? Why did he have to be left by himself, without the person that made the herd home? What did he do to deserve this?
“What?! What was it that went wrong? ” The cub was hanging on her every word now, ears turned up and eyes wide as he waited in silence. If there was a reason, he wanted to know it. HAD to know. Was it just something else or was it him?
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Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 7:35 pm
Well, he chose to listen to her. Which was fine by her, honestly. "Here's the problem- you gave this guy your heart. You trusted him, believed in him, right? And he said some sweet words back, to gain your trust. To make you think that he felt the same, and that he'd stay with you. But then he turns around and betrays you, leaves you in the dirt. I've had the same thing happen to me," Din said. "Given, it's very unlikely we're talking about the same guy, but it's the same situation," she editted, nodding her head to the side before returning to her point.
"What I'm trying to say is this: when you give your heart to someone else like that - anyone, doesn't matter! You give your heart away, and they will break it. They may not do it quickly, they may not do it right away. It might take five minutes, it might take almost an entire lifetime, but they will shatter it sooner or later." Din said, a more solemn expression on her face. She paused...
"Any time you get involved with anyone else... You should know that eventually, in the endless flow of time that we gods face, the relationship anyone forges with you when they get too close will break. It's destiny." She concluded, waiting to see what he'd have to say about that. However, you could see from her eyes that she meant what she said- Din truly believed every word she'd said.
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Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 7:51 pm
It wasn’t the answer he was hoping for. Tell him Pala was going through a mood and would come to his senses, tell him that he did something small that he could easily fix and would lead Pala back to him, but his heart? He never thought his heart was to blame in this.
The answer was disappointing, and he slowly sat down, pulled down by a heavy weight. “My …heart?” A paw instinctively rose up to touch his chest, and he felt the dull rhyme of his heart. There had been a pain there, deep down, the moment he knew he was alone again. It was something he was use to when he first arrived in the God Haven as a cub, when he noticed he didn’t have anyone. It was that pain, but worse. It was betrayal and loosing something he felt was going always be there. His heart…was broken?
Was he to blame then, for giving his heart away? Was it Pala’s fault for not treating his heart tenderly? Was it destiny, like this stranger said?
“Uh….if….If it’s destiny to have our hearts broken, then why be with anyone? I can’t be alone? My domain means I have to be with others. I’m a god….I’m suppose to help mortals. How….how can I keep it from being broken?”
What did he have to do to not feel this way? Was he to do something to protect himself or was it just a state he’d have to suffer over and over again with each new stranger he met. The thought terrified him. Khuluma was a social god, and he felt his mind swim with all the gods and goddesses he had met. If they all broke his heart, the pain would kill him! His heart wouldn’t last at all!
His ears lowered. Was it Pala then? Pala for being cruel enough to break his heart. Was everyone so cruel to do the same to him? Would everyone hurt him? “Who’s fault is it then? The person I gave my heart to, me for giving up my heart, or destiny? I don’t want to be hurt again.” His voice had lost the intensity and power it had before, betraying his age in it’s small, tiny voice.
Khuluma was unsure of himself and that never suited him well.
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Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:24 pm
"It's simple. You just... You just keep everyone at an arm's length. You can watch from afar, observe from a distance, and keep your heart separate from your mind. You can certainly do your job by keeping your wits about you, can't you? Just when you feel you're getting too close, you remember that that person will inevitably hurt you. Either you do that, or you give your heart to your domain, or you serve yourself, and keep an eye out for yourself and only yourself. Which, I suppose, are really the same thing for us gods.
If you feel like giving your heart away, you're bound to know this same feeling again and again. Some people can handle that, some, I'd argue, seem to like it. Some try to justify that it was worth it, and yet others pretend that the next one will be different all the way through their existence, to be proved wrong. The way I see it, you can get close to someone, but it won't be forever. Or, you can interact with others, not unlike this very interaction, without getting excessively close to them. See, if I gave you my heart right now, you could run off without listening to me, get yourself hurt, which would, in turn, hurt me. If I let you in very close. However, as it stands, I still am imparting my wisdom to you, so it's not like I don't care at all. Once we part ways, though, I don't really mind what you do. Listen to me, or don't, it won't hurt my feelings. I'm safe. You see the sense behind it?
And as to whose fault it is... that's a tough one. I'd have to say it's a mixture of everyone involved, or nobody at all. Part you, part them, part destiny. It just happens." This talk brought back... Floods of memories. That boy, that stupid stupid boy! She gave her head a mild shake to try to get him to go away. Of all of the details she remembered out of all of her lives, why couldn't this part have been among the memories forgotten? Was it so she could have this very talk with others? It made such perfect sense to her, anymore, to guard herself. It had been so long ago, why were these memories more vivid than those of, say, her previous life that she didn't think she remembered at all?
"It's not happy, and it's not pretty. But it's the way the world works," Din concluded with a solemn nod. "The only way to keep yourself safe is to guard your heart..."
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Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:44 pm
If he continued this way, to give his heart to those he met, he’d experience this same pain again and again. It would be going against what he was learning, and that was very stupid. Khuluma didn’t want to be taken as a fool, to be betrayed, or hurt. He also didn’t want to repeat his same mistakes. If this was a part of learning, he only wanted to learn it once.
Yet in the lesson he was learning, he was also embarking on a new one. One that seemed just as painful. To be kept at a distance and to guard his heart at all times. If he exposed it or handed it to anyone, it would be broken with the same uncaring attitude and cold indifference that Palahala was showing him now. There was no point in giving his heart to anyone when everyone was destined to cause him pain. The stranger made sense, and he resigned to the fact that he was the only person who cared about his own heart and could protect it. If no one else in the world wanted to treat it right, he’d have to be the one to keep it safe. He….just wished that the one he had given it too hadn’t broken it at all.
The gravity of the stranger’s words hit hard, and he swallowed. His small paw rubbed at his chest as if trying to work out a sore muscle, one that was deep inside and he couldn’t give relief to.
“You guard your heart, right? Does that mean you are happier now than if you didn't guard it? You don’t feel this pain when a heart breaks, right?” If she was practiced in guarding one’s heart, she must be happier because of it. She must not feel this pain anymore. It must be an improvement.
If he was to keep his distance then, what did that mean about his hopes of having a family?
You always knew that was a lie. You have no family. You were an abandoned cub and you only made random gods and goddesses your family because you couldn’t handle it. No one really thinks you belong to them? You should listen to her. Guard your heart. Stop this silly family nonsense and just accept it. You were alone in the beginning and you can only trust yourself.
It's Destiny. It's their fault. It's your fault.
He just had to …accept that that was how the world worked.
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Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 9:04 pm
Din had to ponder that. Was she happier? What were the major pains in her life, if anything would make her cry, what was it? The only thing... Was that memory. The memory of love lost, abandonment, and betrayal. The pain behind having let someone in was so much stronger than anything positive she'd gotten out of it. And, in all honesty... Maybe she would have been lonely before, but something stopped her from feeling that way now. Was she that calloused?
If she was, it wasn't a callous, it was a set of armor. Armor that kept her strong in the most difficult of times.
"I am happier since I guard my heart. I haven't thought about whether it was worth it to guard myself in a long time," she admitted, "but yes, it's absolutely worth it in the long run. A long time ago, I might have told you otherwise. Soon after making the decision to put some space between me and everyone else, I was upset about it. But when you watch out for yourself, you gain an inner strength. It doesn't take terribly long, either, but you have to endure for a little bit..." she said, trying to remember how she felt when she first isolated herself. "But that inner strength soon becomes strong enough that you don't need anybody. Anybody but yourself." Din ruffled her feathers, her voice growing stronger at the talk of needing nobody but yourself. "And then you don't feel the pain anymore."
Whether it was ignorance of the pain, numbness to it, or genuinely being so reliant on only herself that she really didn't need anyone else, she was unsure. What mattered to her were results. She felt no loneliness, or hadn't in a long time. So, she supposed, it didn't matter which of the three cases it was. She no longer hurt. And that was what she'd wanted- to ensure the safety of her own heart.
"And... I'd say not only does it not hurt, but it gives a certain sense of... freedom- weightlessness. If you give someone your heart, you're tethered to them. You need them to be with you, and depend on them to do many things. Whereas, if you need only yourself, you can do whatever you please. After all, you're always with yourself." She stretched a wing, as if giving thought to the idea of another freefall. That was the very feeling of freedom that she meant.
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Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 9:29 pm
The way the goddess put it made it sound as if anyone would find guarding their heart the best option. It sounded like a way of empowering yourself and making yourself stronger to the harsh abuse that others gave. It was such a pleasing thought that he imagined himself being stronger, tougher, and uncaring to whatever anyone said or did. There was also the added allure of there being a sense of accomplishment. If he guarded himself, he was smarter for it, and there would be the sense of victory of enduring the hard times before he could gain the reward of a properly armored heart.
The idea of independence and freedom sounded like it was any level-headed god’s dream to accomplish, and that he was given a sense of direction when he had little idea of what to do with himself now.
He had to distance himself, and that meant he would have to leave the herd. He had to leave Palahala just as the god had left him, never to return, and to keep himself away. Zebadie, Gobo, and the herd animals that he felt close to would all have to be left behind. They were holding him back, and he would have to sever all the ties with them. It wasn’t his fault entirely. It was Pala’s too. It was the world’s fault. It was his fault for not protecting his heart. He hated the world for that. Most of all, he hated Pala for it.
It was why he would have to be alone.
The idea still terrified him. As a cub, he was left alone for days on end in the God Haven. The cold and dark sanctuary left him feeling frightened, sad, and very small. There had been no point in that time before he met other gods and then met Pala that he felt the way that the purple goddess had explained. Instead of being weightless and free, he had felt paranoid, worried, and very sad. He even got sick, but if he could keep his distance and still talk to this goddess, it meant he wouldn’t have to be alone entirely. He could do this. He had to.
“You’re right. I’ve always been by myself. I guess it’s only natural.” He’d fight through this pain. This was how it would work. Leaving the herd for good, leaving Pala, and starting anew along with his guarded heart would be his newest direction. There was no point in staying if it meant he would be considered foolish, weak, and continue to be hurt.
“I want to feel weightless. ….free….strong. I don’t’ want to feel like this anymore.” He turned his sapphire eyes up to her, and he gave a heavy sigh. It wasn’t going to be easy, and he was still scared about running away, but if it was the best, it had to be done.
“Thank you. I’m glad such a strong Goddess came to show me what to do. If I can grow up to be as strong and protected as you are, I think I can be just as happy. I suppose that the destiny in heartache is a good thing after all.” He gave a hurt chuckle and tried not to cry. Instead, he shook it off, waiting for his eyes to dry and not daring to let a single tear form.
Be strong, Khuluma. Be strong. Today is a good day. It’s the beginning of a new life. The new life of…..just you.
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Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2010 8:26 pm
"You're welcome, kid, that's the spirit." Well, it looked like her work here was done. At least he wasn't raging anymore, whoever he was. And he was one of the few to have seen the logic behind her way of life. Din just knew that he'd lead a better life now that he had been enlightened. The goddess rose to her feet and stretched her wings one last time. "Well, I suppose you'll be fine from here, won't you?" Din asked, tilting her head. The shift in movement made her hair move a bit. She gave her head a quick shake to put them back in place.
She moved to take off again. She coiled to jump and take off, wings prepared, but then stopped. An afterthought- this guy had no idea who she was. Absolutely no idea. He had no need to know a name, but she could give him her domain easily enough. Oh, what the heck.
"By the way," she said, without turning around, "I'm Gravity, Din-tei." She said before resuming her takeoff and actually leapt this time, flapping her wings to regain some altitude.
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Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:09 am
Khuluma shook his head, still deep in thought and finding it hard to concentrate. The road ahead of him was going to be hard, and the idea of leaving the herd was now a necessity to becoming stronger than just an idea he had.
As the goddess turned to fly away, he too noticed he didn’t even catch her name. Then again, with someone putting themselves at a distance, he wondered if this was exactly what she wanted. Just as she was about to lift off, making him wonder if he should have continue to talk to her and find out more about herself, she simply turned and gave a name.
Right. A name. If he talked too much, he’d grow too attached to her. He had to keep that in mind.
As she flew up, he rose to his feet, moving to where she had left and shouted up to her. “I’m Khuluma! God of Rhetoric. Uh..Bye and Thank you!” And just like that, Din was leaving, doing just as she said they should do. Distancing themselves.
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