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Reply Post Your Work: Originals/Fanfiction
The King Among Thieves - Intro!

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Scipio243
Crew

PostPosted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 7:36 pm


Kyu grunted as he stumbled backward over his leather sandals and fell into the fiery sand. He stared upward at the shop-keeper who had just kicked him through the doorway.

The shop-keeper yelled at Kyu, his face flaming red, "Thieves deserve to be executed! Feel lucky you won't be." He scowled, "Never come back here, or the guards will be contacted."

"I told you! My dagger fell off of my belt, I wasn't trying to rob you!" Kyu insisted, still sitting in the sand.

The shop-keeper raised an arm and thrust downward, releasing Kyu's bronze dagger and sending it flying to the ground, directly hitting a rock, bending it badly.

The wooden door slammed shut and echoed from the surrounding walls.

Now infuriated, Kyu jumped up and swiped his dagger from the sand, then stormed away from the small shop to head for home.

Walking home, a women was walking toward Kyu, balancing a bowl full of a variety of vegetables on her head while carrying a basket of clothing in her arms. preoccupied diagnosing his dagger, Kyu bumped into the woman, who quickly fell to the ground, the bowl of vegetables tumbling from her skull and falling to the ground.

Embarrassed, Kyu began to gather the dropped produce as the woman yelled for help, claiming she was being robbed seeing that Kyu was wielding a dagger. He quickly returned all of the vegetables to their small, dented bowl and apologized to the woman. Immediately fleeing from the scene before any authorities could arrive.

Finally he arrived home and relaxed as he opened the door. Walking into the main room he dropped a pouch of coins on the table.

"Robbery success." He muttered to himself, smiling.
PostPosted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 7:37 pm


^The actual intro in my story is different from this, as it doesn't end with Kyu being successful. The story then moves on to meeting another main character, and continues again after that.

Anyways, I hope you like a small snippet of my writing! I wanted to post SOMETHING, but wasn't sure what. So... there you go!

Scipio243
Crew


thomlina

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 4:13 pm


i liked it good job biggrin
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 8:21 pm


Thanks, glad you did biggrin

It's still in a rough draft phase, so it's not AMAZING... yet xd

Scipio243
Crew


Nefas Fatum

PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 10:01 pm


Interesting twist. You almost had me wanting to defend your character and proclaim him innocent.

Personally, I'd change the first part where we see the woman. I found I'm not sure if we're seeing things from her side suddenly, or why we need to know that she is walking home. Yep, in the meantime I figured out that Kyu was the one walking home.
PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2010 9:13 pm


Nefas Fatum
Interesting twist. You almost had me wanting to defend your character and proclaim him innocent.

Personally, I'd change the first part where we see the woman. I found I'm not sure if we're seeing things from her side suddenly, or why we need to know that she is walking home. Yep, in the meantime I figured out that Kyu was the one walking home.


Hmm... now that you point it out, I can see how you're a bit confused at that bit xd It's okay though, that part isn't even in the actual story... Like I said, the actual beginning is different than this.

Anyways, glad you found yourself wanting to defend him and all that, that's what I was going for! Mission accomplished biggrin

Scipio243
Crew

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