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I don't know if that is a bad thing in this situation. I love my boyfriend and love everything we do together, and I have a high sex drive. Although, lately I have begun to wonder if I know how to recognize the difference between being in the mood and not being in the mood. Like, there are times when I don't exactly feel horny, but I am eager to have sex anyway. Maybe because I know I will enjoy it, even if I am not 'in the zone' right then and there?

His sex drive is not quite as high as mine, and sometimes I want it and he doesn't. I hate that. I don't want him to have sex if he doesn't want to, of course, but it makes me feel like my sex appeal has diminished. I have discussed this with him and he assures me that I shouldn't feel that way, but I can't really help it. When we first started dating the fact that I was even considering having sex with him was like a gift from god to him. I understand that it's just something that happens with relationships, but I wish it didn't. :/

I want to refuse sex sometimes so that it isn't like a given anymore. However, I am scared that this sudden decreased willingness to have sex will make him think that something is wrong (i.e. I am sad, mad, etc). I don't want to just come out and tell him that I am trying not to be so available, either, because then it won't have the same effect. Another problem is that I have tried to subtly refuse before, but I couldn't resist and ended up having sex anyway. Lol.

How can I refuse sex without telling him "I don't want to just let you have it any time you want it" but without hurting his feelings/worrying him? And any body language (or other) techniques that can help make the refusal more subtle?

Also, is it unhealthy to do this sort of thing? Like a mind game or something? I just want to make it more of a thrill for him when I consent to having sex.

Maybe during some of the times when you want to have sex but you're not necessarily horny, you could masturbate instead of turning to him?

Other than that I'm not sure what to suggest, sorry. sweatdrop

I had the same problem with my boyfriend, where mine was higher and his was lower and I felt unattractive whenever he turned me down. So we agreed to have sex on his schedule, and if I was horny and he wasn't then I could just masturbate (even though when I'm in the mood, masturbation can just make me hornier XD). I'm not exactly sure when, but not too soon after this agreement it kind of reverted back to how it was, except that now I don't beat myself up if he's not in the mood, and I've even turned him down a couple of times.

But then, that might be the pill, I might have to change again, my sex drive has gone walkies without me. D: I still initiate sex because I know I enjoy it, but I'm hardly ever actually horny anymore.

In all honesty I can't stand mind games and I don't think many other people like them either. Honesty is the best thing for this situation. Be honest and true to yourself and who you are and then be honest to him. If you'd like just try to subtly hint when you're really horny if you want to cut back or make it seem really exciting and if he asks questions just tell him the truth.