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 Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 11:07 am
Opening Contest #1. This contest builds upon RB's first pre-opening event where the thread saw a lot of awesome entries but we could only choose one to receive the prize. Now we welcome back all the old participants from that contest (ONLY THEM!!) to take another shot at ownership.
The rules of this contest are simple. You are competing for a hypsiboas polytaenius, of xy* genotype. There are only two prompts to chose from and only one entry per person. You are not allowed to request hints or ask for critiques on your work in progress replies (from staff members at least) but you are allowed to PM the mule for a critique on your first entry (for the pre-opening contest).
Hints:
❖ There is a wealth of information stored in the shop guild for you to look at. The library will provide you with the backstory of Royalty Bound, and also provide you with a peek of everyone else's past entry.
❖ This RP with Fem-inja will help you further set the scene, as the below starting point is actually adapted from that RP.
❖ Here is a nifty little floorplan for you, even!
❖ Re-reading the hints from the Interest thread won't kill you either smile [color=#000000]Prelude[/color][color=white] Maximilian was eying this great, large steak right in front of him. The life of a rabbit, living off the vegetables growing in his family's underground greenhouse was getting tiresome and there was nothing better than being surrounded by fat, rich people and imagining himself being exactly the same. Well, except for the fat part. The scientist pulled a face and pulled the two-pound steak away from him. Fine, fine, he never got what he wanted anyways. A whole room full of stupid rich people and yet nobody in particularly had caught his eye yet. Perhaps young Amir, who had without a blink of an eye given him something worth more than what Maximilian earned in a year. Perhaps Iyou, who had promised him three cars! Oh the things these silly people were flinging at him for just a peek of Double-oh-three.
Sighing and leaning forwards, his chin cupped in his hand, he surveyed the crowd--Was he imagining it or were all his guests grinning eerily up at him? A thousand dagger-sharp teeth, giving him venomous smiles, but there was no happiness in their eyes, just desperation, like rats clinging to a scrap of wood in a flood. This wouldn't do at all.
The old scientist stood to his feet--it was about time that this party was over, it had already carried on through half the night. His voice magnified by the microphone on his collar, it carried through the audience as he boomed out,
"Ladies and gentlemen! I am sure each of you are eagerly anticipating the prize of this evening. It will be the most controversial, the most useful, the most special gift that money could ever buy,
And as such... none of you can afford it. Thank you for attending, and good luck next time."
Had he gone mad? Certainly not. For the clever scientist had a plan, of course, and that plan was about to come to fruition.
After all that preparation, after all the schmoozing and wining and dining and talking you've done, nothing. How could this be so? You move to leave Rheinfels with everyone else, angry and yet burning with passion, knowing that this can't be the end, you didn't come here for no reason tonight!
Taking a break for a while to mull things over, you return home and sleep on it, the restless night ahead of you providing you with bags under your eyes but also with an exceptionally brilliant plan. The following day, you hike up your britches/skirt once more and you march right back to Rheinfels with a better offer, something you know will be hard for the scientist to resist. Hoping it at least shows initiative on your behalf as you hammer on the door for Maximilian's attention. A few seconds later he answers you, like he's been expecting visitors, but is surprised to see you standing there instead.
Oh, hello. What are you doing here?
Prompt #2.
What? How dare he reject you! Who does he think he is anyways, this Maximilian fellow? Just some government hack who struck it lucky with the right sets of DNA. Does he even realise how badly you want one? As the crowd swarms around you to leave the mansion, you sneak into the coat room and wait, listening to the fragments of conversation taking place between the staff and a girl who had stayed behind. After a few minutes, she leaves, and so does Adelle, but Maximilian is still out in the grand hall with vague grumbles about the mess everyone left behind, but soon, he turns to go as well.
You rush out from your hiding place to meet him, calling his name and frantically thinking of some sort of better offer for him that will change his mind. Surely this man can't be that hard to crack! The scientist stays behind to talk to you, but you're going to have to do it fast.
So what do you have to give?
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Posted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 8:10 pm
King's Verdict: I enjoy this concept a lot, I dont think I liked his first entry as much, it felt very dry but for some reason I feel more attached to this one probably because it adds a little drop of darkness to his character. Not particularly malicious but its like... even the bible thumper would go out of his comfort zone for a prince.
The ending was really short but it was to the point and I kinda liked it, I just wish the other parts were a little less thick, its a lot of information that could be provided in a journal in like a bio section or family history sort of thing. I kinda wanna see this character around more, because it seems he would provide an interesting conflict with Max. -noddu-
Dju's Verdict: I don't think I'll ever be really partial to this character because as Catholic as I am, this portrayal of a priest/minister/whatever is a little weird to me.
THOUGH I'm happy he picked up that I capitalize MOTHERLAND every time I mention it XD. Even if he did continually spell "Maximilian" wrong which made me grumble a bit every time I read it (not that Max would tell the difference anyways, I just think it's a tad careless). I do like this character more though, he has a little more personality with the flashes of determination though.
HAHAHAA Well I couldnt spell Maximilian for the longest time either xD I kept just calling him Max until I got it memorized (which wasnt too hard) And yea, I can see where youre coming from as a Catholic. Im a ""Baptist"" and this is kinda more of that denomination. (Yea yea Im agnostic but Ive been baptised and hammered through christian ideals all my childhood lmfao- southern baptists are nuuuuuts.)
...
HOLLYWOOD COOKIE DIET say it really fast. NOW.
Carhop Calvalier, Prompt #1
"Ladies and gentlemen! I am sure each of you are eagerly anticipating the prize of this evening. It will be the most controversial, the most useful, the most special gift that money could ever buy, and as such... none of you can afford it. Thank you for attending, and good luck next time."
Groans of disappointment and grumbles of anger swept like a tidal wave through the guests, many women saying similar things along the line of “I can’t believe I told that hack he could even have it in the morning if he wanted.” The many rich men, their bellies close to popping the buttons on their waistcoats, fumed and tore up the checks they had already prepared for to hand Maximillian in exchange for the tiny pin that held the Princeling egg. Wilhelm heard one of the gentlemen say something about “offering that whelp three of my finer cars.” The crowd started moving, and Wilhelm moved with it. He wasn’t going to stay any longer in the sinful mansion of Rheinfels, whose master and mistress were as sinful and godless as the rest of the Saltaire.
Unlike the other guests, Wilhelm thought, his anger was a righteous one. How dare that Maximillian refuse to give a Prince to aid the Lord’s work? Did he wish to burn for eternity, along with those disgusting women who were more than happy to sell their bodies to have that Prince? What would they even use the poor thing for; getting tea and crumpets in the mornings, fetching the paper, running bathwater for them? Those women would treat the Prince like some sort of butler! The potbellied men would be no better, using the Prince as a source of manual labor for their own selfish projects! Wilhelm, on the other hand, would teach the Prince to be a God-fearing man that he would be proud of. Wilhelm would work side by side with his Prince in accomplishing the Lord’s work: restoring homes for those less fortunate, visiting the sick and old, making gift baskets during Christmas time for those without family, and other Godly things.
He had told Maximillian all this and more, but did he care? No. All Maximillian wanted was money and women, but mostly money (seeing as he had refused the women). Wilhelm had neither of those things, but he knew where to find them. He would never condone women selling their bodies, so that left only money. Wilhelm could get money, but he was reluctant to go to the source. It sickened him every time the thought entered his head, but if he were to secure a Prince for God, he’d need to take drastic measures, considering the one giving the Princes out. He boarded the bus, vaguely regarding the new advertisement on the side of it: Ronald the Raging Roadrunner, a toy fashioned out of alloy to look like the old cartoon roadrunner that ran away from Row D. Wolf, making a fool of the latter every time. Wilhelm snorted, scanning his bus pass to board. What will this Government come up with next?
---
Wilhelm didn’t want to ask his parents for any more money than he already had, even if they had plenty to spare. His father, William Weber, was a German engineer that had built several new types of war planes for the MOTHERLAND during the war. The Y78-GUERILLA was William’s pride; a deadly machine that ran on steam and deadly chemicals. The exhaust alone from the planes was lethal enough to kill a village in a matter of hours, and as such the plane was a key part of the MOTHERLAND’s Air Force during the war. Its glory was short lived, however, as the combination of steam and a certain chemical was easily combustible, and the planes would explode with one haphazard bullet fired by the enemy. The other planes William invented were not as deadly, but on the other hand took many more enemy bullets to bring to the ground. William also had a role in making bullets friendly fire-proof. The bullets would not hit any registered MOTHERLAND aircraft, watercraft, land vehicles, or infantry. They were only made for the MOTHERLAND of course, as the enemy would have no use for them, and the MOTHERLAND would never give up her secrets. Wilhelm‘s mother, Annipe Weber, was a famous Egyptian actress that played in many movies, and was directed by the MOTHERLAND to be in a number of propaganda films. Wilhelm’s mother and father met on the set of one of the said propaganda films; William was to make a short appearance as a mechanic for a MOTHERLAND base in Chile. Incidentally, the film was Annipe’s most popular.
Many a time, Wilhelm had been asked “With parents like yours, how did you end up being a preacher?” As a young boy, Wilhelm wanted to be in the movies like his mother, and often went to her sets. In one of her less popular movies The Enemy is Satan, a box of Bibles to be burned by actors portraying the enemy was lying around, and Wilhelm had found himself bored. So, out of boredom, he picked one up and began reading, finding the words of the book to be amazing. He asked the director if he could take a Bible home, and he walked home that day with the Bible in his hands. William and Annipe, not churchgoers but still considering themselves religious, paid no mind to the fact that their son was so enthralled by the Bible, glad that their son had found religion on his own. As Wilhelm grew, so did his Bible knowledge, and he eventually began going to church on Sundays, sometimes bringing his parents with him. The priest of the church eventually died, leaving the Church of Saltaire without a man to convey God’s message to its patrons. Wilhelm took the challenge, and was made preacher after his first sermon.
Wilhelm smiled as the tale played through his head, remembering the start of his ministry had a soothing effect on the nerve-wracked man. He had gotten little sleep the previous night, debating with himself if he should follow through with his plan or not. It was a simple one, but he would rather be able to simply convince Maximillian with more scripture and perhaps a fire and brimstone sermon. He knew that the only way to reach Maximillian was with gold, however, and so resigned to the lowly act of asking his parents for money. Jerked out of his thoughts by a passerby telling him to watch where he was going, Wilhelm realized he was in front of his parents’ mansion. The double doors, made of oak, were probably the cleanest part of the building. Nuclear winter had taken a toll on the mansion; radioactive snow had eroded the stone walls, revealing the inner framework of wood and concrete. Rats had eaten their way into some of the wood, killed after digesting the radiation exposed wood. Wilhelm raised one of the lead knockers, and let it go. The resulting boom brought forth a holographic butler, Simon. “Why, if it isn’t young Master Wilhelm; shall I inform the Madame and Master of your arrival?” Simon had been a constant presence in Wilhelm’s life, and he had learned to hate the snooty hologram. The way he said ‘young Master’ was condescending, his voice was nasally, and he was subtly rude. “Yes, Simon, tell them I’m here.”
The clattering of heels rushing down several flights of stair announced Annipe’s arrival, followed by the two heavy oaken doors swinging open, revealing Annipe to the world. She was a beautiful woman, her dark chocolate skin matched by her toffee eyes and charcoal hair that was always done up in some old western way. “I always found the rich women of the old west to have the most beautiful hairstyles.” She would say to anyone who pretended to listen, while she sipped on coffee with her pinky off the cup in a regal fashion. The way she acted like she was some sort of pampered royalty annoyed Wilhelm, but if he were to rescue a Prince from Rheinfels, he would have to deal with his mother. She fussed a bit about the state of Wilhelm’s shabby clothing, told him she would give him some new ones, and dragged him inside for coffee and cake. Wilhelm found his father in the grand dining hall, reading the Saltaire Sentiment, Saltaire’s newspaper for the rich. He was already drinking coffee; crumbs of the cake sparsely decorated his fine copper vest. The German man set his paper down and stood, booming with laughter about how his son looked like an urchin. It was obvious where Wilhelm got his hair color and bone structure from; he and his father were the same exact height, had square jaws, were both broad, and had blond hair. He inherited his skin tone from his mother, and his eyes, a dark shade of red close to brown, were the result of radiation messing with his DNA as a fetus.
“So, lad, what have you come here looking for? A better job, perhaps, or maybe you want to live with your dear old mom and dad again?” Another booming laugh came from William's mouth as he clapped his son on the shoulder and steered him into a chair, which already had coffee set in front of it. “As soon as Simon announced your arrival, your mother made you coffee, so drink up boy! Coffee grows chest hair you know.” Another hearty laugh and William sat down. Wilhelm brought the coffee to his lips, welcoming the odor and taste. One couldn’t get coffee unless he was rich in the world racked by nuclear winter.
---
“So, that’s what I came here for. I’m sure you two have twenty thousand gold hidden behind a painting or something.” Wilhelm had become frank with his parents, not wanting to beat around the bush. Wilhelm became rather blunt when trying to get what he wanted, preferring to get to the point and start negotiations. However, Wilhelm believed his parents wouldn’t negotiate and just give him the money, as Wilhelm was their only child. They had spoiled him when he was growing up, and if it weren’t for that fateful day when he first picked up a Bible, he most likely would have ended up a snob like the other rick kids did, inheriting their father’s pot bellies along with their wealth. “Just think; it would be like having a Grandson like none other, one that you could brag about over coffee.” He had piqued his mother’s interests, but Wilhelm’s father still seemed slightly wary of forking over the gold. “Plus, you could teach him all about airplanes and how they work.” Now William Weber seemed more interested. Wilhelm was sure he had sealed the deal, and rose from the table. “Mom, I’ll take you up on that clothes offer, this coat is rather itchy.”
---
Now dressed in a silk three piece suit the color of charcoal, accessorized with a crimson tie, Wilhelm stepped out of his mother’s car with a black leather pouch full of gold in his hands. With powerful strides, Wilhelm approached the doors of Rheinfels with the Prince on his mind, all signs of internal strife gone. He had reconciled with himself in the car; this wasn’t bribery. In fact, it was like an adoption fee; a very expensive adoption fee. His knuckles rapped the doors to the estate, and the German Egyptian waited patiently for the proprietor to appear. After a few brief moments, he did, looking as though he was expecting company.
“Oh, hello. What are you doing here?” Maximillian seemed surprised, definitely not expecting Wilhelm to appear at his doorstep. “You look much sharper today, why weren’t you wearing that suit last night?”
“It matters not, friend.” Wilhelm dropped the bag of gold pieces into Maximillian’s hands, looking the scientist in the eye. “This is what I have to offer you; twenty thousand gold pieces. Additionally, anything vehicle related you may want, or anything you need repaired, is yours. You know already that my father is William Weber, and he would gladly supply you, or build you, any kind of vehicle you need. So will you reconsider?”
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Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 12:02 am
Dju's Verdict: I reeaally like this entry but then again Stalker has been in my sights for a while for the interesting dialogue and continually good-quality writing. If I could say anything about this entry though is that Max would hate inviting someone to the labs three times a month. Absolutely hate it. And he probably would have shown less enthusiasm at the unveiling of the watch but that's what you get when someone else plays your character. Overall, writing is flawless and it plays like a story, not like a response, which makes me very happy.
King's Verdict: Absolutely fantastic. I just... I want to literally post a reply to this like.. NOW. I have to say that this entry has not only mastered the idea of the story but also the interactions between characters- perhaps with a little exaggeration on Max's part but other than that. PHEW. Blown away man.
lilstalkerrr, Prompt #1
Amir's crystal flute nearly slipped through his trembling fingers as he heard the gruff voice from the center of the room. He wasn't exactly intending on winning the prize, but the comment Maximilian made about no one being able to afford the gift stung to the depths of his soul. Never in his entire life had he ever been denied access to anything due to financial issues. In Amir's mind, he truly felt that his father would give him the entire world if he asked for it. This simple scientist must not have fully understood how much influence the Singh family carried, and their heir made a silent vow to enlighten him.
The mechanical machine floated around Amir's torso and came up to face him, “Yes, I'm coming out now. The professor already asked us to leave so you don't have to tell me.” He flicked the whirring machine and nudged it out of his way as he stood to leave. “I didn't realize how many people were here,” the boy commented as he looked around the room. He wanted to admire the beauty one last time, but the crowd was bustling with outraged men and weeping women and Amir couldn't wait to escape from it.
Although there were many instances in his life that Amir was not beyond utilizing his tear ducts to get his way, the behavior he was seeing as he walked out was appalling. He pulled out various business cards from his coat pocket and ripped them up one by one as he saw their owner's reactions to rejection. “And they call themselves grown men.” His eyes rolled and he looked back to see Maximilian sitting at his table, calm and collected. “Now that... That's how a man should act,” the young man whispered with a growing smirk. “He's doing this on purpose!”
Amir brought a hand to his chin and stroked it as he walked toward the exit. Maximilian was baiting everyone in the room! Playing hard to get is a very common business practice since humans are so naively competitive, but he thought these supposed business professionals would be able to see through the act. He smirked as he turned around to give the professor a departing wave, much to the dislike of Ammon who was watching every action and hearing every word from the Sitterbot's camera. “I will certainly be seeing you tomorrow, Professor Maximilian,” he said softly under his breath.
One of the Sitterbot's spindly arms reached out and tapped Amir impatiently on the shoulder. “You're more annoying than the flies, you know that Ammon?” Amir scoffed and waved the buzzing orb out of his face as he walked out of Rheinfels' thick doors and headed for the robo-horse and carriage. He carefully plucked the Sitterbot from the air and waited for Ammon to open the door before he stepped inside the cab and sat down. “So did you enjoy my schmoozing from here or did you end up falling asleep?” he chided playfully and put the bot away.
Ammon wasn't so cheerful and slammed the console box closed and yelled, “What were you thinking when you gave him that hairpiece? Do you even know how expensive it is?” Judging by the blank look on Amir's face, he didn't even have to wait for a verbal response to his question. He sighed and rubbed his tense brow, “I take that as a no. Well it was expensive and your mother spent a lot of time picking it out for you so you better apologize when you get home.” Ammon reached out and gave Amir a small pat on the shoulder, “But other than that, yes, I enjoyed your efforts to network. Did anyone strike your fancy even after the professor dismissed everyone?”
Amir shook his head and leaned against Ammon with a dramatic sigh, “No. All of the men I met with decided to act like spoiled brats—hey, don't even say what I know you're thinking!—and run out with a very loud whine when they didn't win. It's so ignorant of them to not see what Maximilian was doing! I mean, I'm not even very experienced with business but all I had to do was spare one extra glance to his table to see through the act.” He waved his hand, “Bah. Good riddance to those weaklings, I'll find better prospects in the future.”
Ammon chuckled and ran his hand through Amir's hair as the carriage started moving and spoke softly, “Unfortunately a lot of these people didn't earn their money through a business so they aren't thinking in a business mindset. You're lucky to not only have a scientific mind, but also a cutthroat knack for business since your mother and father are both prominent individuals.” He smiled and pinched Amir's cheek, “You're also good with your hands and that's light years more than I can say for anyone else. You'll think of something.”
“Good with my hands, huh?” Amir spoke quietly as he moved to lay his head down on Ammon's lap. “That doesn't matter at all since Maximilian is just interested in the money.”
“The professor seemed plenty interested in the hair pin you gave him, Amir.” Ammon poked the young man's cheek, “You hit the nail on the head when you told him that his partnership would run like clockwork if he spoiled his female friend. Instead of just giving Maximilian the hairpiece, you gave him a hairpiece that will likely get him a woman. From what I've heard of the world above ground, getting a man a woman is the best gift you can possibly get them.”
“I thought there were thousands more women in this world than men because of all the soldiers dying in the war?” Amir questioned with a perky voice, “That's not true?”
“Although women outnumber men in this world, this nuclear winter is damaging their beauty and fertility. Even the daughters of nobles can't manage to fight it off for too long. Your mother spends a lot of money on beauty treatments, but not everyone is as well off as the Singh family.” Ammon cleared his throat, “Adelle, was it?” Amir nodded and he continued, “I saw Adelle through the Sitterbot camera and she was beautiful. I can't even put it to words how amazingly gorgeous she was! And her hips... Her hips were the perfect shape for bearing a child. She's the perfect woman.”
Amir reached up and flicked Ammon's nose with a nagging tone, “That's gross. I thought that her breasts were too big and she looked too flashy. Women should be covered, they shouldn't flaunt themselves to that extent.” He ignored Ammon's twitching glare and continued in his know-it-all tone, “So is that the type of woman you're interested in, Ammon? She doesn't suit you. You deserve a more cultured woman and father thinks the same way. You can look at my marriage candidates for someone you like, if you want. I won't be marrying anyone ever, it's such an old fashioned contract and I can make an heir in a test tube if I wanted. It isn't the stone age it was back in the 2000s, you know. We're more evolved.”
Ammon pinched Amir's nose and raised his voice to a strained tone that's rarely heard. “Don't speak ill of women, Amir! They can make or break a man, more often the latter than the former! You'd best be mum about your opinion of them if you're ever within earshot of a female.” He sighed, “You have to win over Adelle, too, you know. Maximilian isn't a one man show and we both know that women look at more than just money; they need flattery.”
“I'll let you handle Adelle, then.” Amir smoothed a finger over his lips with a sly glance to his caretaker, “Yes. Tomorrow I will return to Rheinfels to talk with the professor and you will find Adelle and make her love the idea of allowing me to fund them. Sweet talk her, spoil her, propose marriage, whatever. I don't care what you do as long as it works, OK?” He waited for the flushed Ammon to nod, “Good. I won't be sleeping tonight but you have to look as handsome as possible so you get your rest. I'll be working on my proposal all night, don't bother me.”
When the carriage came to a halt inside the stronghold's covered and sealed garage, Amir hopped out and ran inside. Ammon took his time and slowly walked into the foyer while dreaming of meeting the beautiful woman. He was giddy and blushing like a school girl, and he didn't even hear half of what Amir said. All that mattered was that he was going to see the human incarnation of the goddess Isis after just one night. He could hardly contain his excitement as he staggered back to his room in his rainbow colored daze, “Ah, this is exciting...” Ammon paused and gasped, “Where am I going to get a gift this late at night?!”
Back on the other end of the stronghold, Amir was in his workroom gathering various items. He wasn't sure what he was going to make just yet but he knew it had to be spectacular. “Maximilian liked the hairpin, I can probably make something like that. Jewelry, women like jewelry.” He rambled on with himself as he spread out various jewels and metals onto his desk, “Should I make something for the professor to wear or just the woman?” He bit his lip in thought, “I have all night, I'll just make something for both of them since it can't hurt any.”
Both Amir and Ammon worked throughout the night on their offerings. Ammon called everywhere he possibly could to get an vintage, mint condition headscarf made with the finest silk and jewels. Amir put together a waterproof, indestructible, diamond encrusted biometal watch for Maximilian and a platinum and pearl necklace for Adelle. Neither of them got more than an hour of sleep, but the two eagerly met up in the foyer, ready to go back to Rheinfels. Only one word greetings were spoken between them before they climbed into the carriage and headed out.
Ammon looked at the two wooden boxes in Amir's lap and then looked at the paper-wrapped gift in his own lap. He didn't even think about putting the gift in such a nice package, Amir was groomed for this business through and through. “Did you get any sleep, Amir?” Ammon asked in a tired voice. “You made two gifts... Are your hands alright and everything?” He covered a yawn behind his forearm and leaned against the back of the velvet seat, “I'm so tired.”
Amir, who was surprisingly bright eyed and bushy tailed, just smiled and gave Ammon a pat on the thigh, “I only nicked my pinky once and other than that, my hands are fine. I made a watch and a necklace and also did not get any sleep.” He chuckled and copied Ammon's posture, “So what did you get for Adelle?”
“I got her a silk headscarf with little jewels sewn in throughout the design. I had it flown in from Egypt and it got here about an hour ago. I was so worried that they'd be late that I couldn't have slept even if I tried!” Ammon curled over and held his head in his lap, “So you are also giving Adelle a gift? It's probably going to make mine look cheap.” He sighed and ruffled his hair before sitting back up and looking at Amir, “Did you remember to bring some gold this time? I'll speak to your father if he has any problems with you doing this.”
Amir smirked, “Yes I did and when did you get so gung-ho about this, Ammon?”
“About two seconds after I saw Adelle through the Sitterbot camera,” Ammon said with a carefree grin.
Amir laughed and looked out the window at the familiar path they were traveling. The buildings were still as drab as ever, but the morning light silhouetting them gave off a subtle beauty that he had never seen before. They were a mix of old and new, damaged and pristine, and they were a great record of just how much action Saltaire had seen during the war. Looking out of Ammon's window, Amir was able to see the mountain peaks that surrounded the city. Their shadows were still consuming most of the town, but the sun was starting to overcome them.
It was approaching 10 A.M. when the carriage finally reached Rheinfels' front entrance. Amir and Ammon carefully looked over their gifts once more and then, once they were satisfied, stepped out onto the slushy ground. “It snowed again last night,” Amir said with a grudging sigh as he traipsed through the dirty substance. Yet another one of his fine jodhpuri was now tainted with nuclear snow but it wouldn't get Amir down, not even remotely. Today was his day to prove just how lucrative a partnership with the Singh family could be, and he was also looking forward to proving to Maximilian just how lucky he is that Amir was interested.
“Good luck, Ammon.” Amir held out his hand to his trusty sidekick.
Ammon shook the hand and nodded his head, “Good luck to you, too, Amir.”
“Make me look good!” Amir winked and knocked on the door.
It didn't take long for a familiar face to answer the knock. Maximilian was genuinely surprised to see the young noble he denied the day before and a stranger at his front door, but tried not to let it show too much. He had thought that the youth's pride would prevent him from dragging himself back to make another offer, but it was now apparent that he had misjudged Amir which delighted him to the core of his being. It truly was like taking candy from a baby, he thought as he finally opened his mouth for a greeting. “Oh, hello again Amir. What are you doing here?”
“Hello Maximilian, I'm here to fulfill my promise from last night.” Amir lips curled into an innocent smile as he extended his hands to give the professor the two gifts. “But first, these are for you and your partner. This time they are both hand made by myself, so they are far more meaningful than that trinket I gave you last night.” After Max took the boxes, Amir stepped back and included Ammon in the circle. “This is my caretaker and adopted brother Ammon. He was quite smitten when he saw your partner last night and would like to offer his gratitude for co-hosting the ball last night.”
Maximilian visibly twitched when Ammon was introduced. His eyes scoured the younger man for a flaw but found none; he had youth, beauty, fine clothes, and money. This other man had all the aspects that the scientist had a hard time maintaining, and he had them without even trying. However, a happy Adelle made for a better day and it wasn't like Ammon would see her more than this one time. “It's nice to meet you, Ammon. Adelle is in her room right now but I will fetch her for you. As for you, Amir, I'm looking forward to what these lovely boxes have inside them. Follow me.”
The group made their way inside the familiar, although still slightly dirty, grand hall and toward Adelle's room. Max rapped hastily at the door and called for the woman before placing a hand on Amir's shoulder and guiding the heir to his study. “We'll just be over there in my study. Ask Adelle to bring you there when your conversation is over. Also, please keep in mind that I will not let you leave this building if you do anything inappropriate to her.” The professor didn't allow any time for Ammon to reply and just continued down the hall to his study.
“Ammon won't touch her so you don't have to worry. He's convinced that the gods will smite him if he even so much as touches a woman before he is married to her.” Amir chuckled as Max accidentally let out a small sigh of relief and followed him into the room. “Relax, professor! As much as I love Ammon, he doesn't know what women want. Take a peek at what's inside the white oak box.” He sat down in the seat Max pointed at and crossed his legs, “I assure you that if the hairpin didn't get you where you want to be with your partner, this will and then some.”
Maximilian lifted a brow, “Oh really? And here I thought that that hairpin was all a young man like you could scrounge up.” He took the lighter box and unhooked the onyx latch, “You said you made this, correct?”
Amir ignored the age comment, nodded and urged Max, “Yes, now open it! I want to know what you think of it.” He traced a finger around his own lips as he watched the professor toy with the box. “The longer you wait, the more time Ammon has with Ms. Adelle, you know.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Max huffed as he opened the box to reveal the intricate platinum necklace laced with pearls. It took him a minute for his brain to register whether what he was seeing was real and, once the verdict came in, he turned to Amir with wide eyes. “Where on earth did you get pearls?! With all the waste dumped into the ocean, I thought all the oysters and clams and stuff died off! How... Are these really real? Wow. I don't know what to say.” He shook his head in disbelief and slumped into the chair, “How old are you again?”
“Yes, they are real, and age doesn't matter when you have connections and an old family, Maximilian.” Amir leaned back with a smug look, “Now that I have impressed you with the rare items I can give, open up the second box to see the gift I made for you.”
Maximilian didn't think that Amir could outdo himself in a million years but even a gift half as amazing would still be worth more than he could make in a really good year. He stroked the darker wooden box and flipped the latch, gasping at the sight of the diamond encrusted watch. It was so beautiful and expensive looking that Max wanted to cry, “This is amazing, Amir! Did you really make this?” He ripped it out of the box and put it on to admire it.
“It's waterproof, too, since I heard rumors that your work deals with a lot of water.” Amir grinned, “Now let's get down to business, shall we? I have a contract right here that I would like to share with you if you don't mind.” He pulled a scroll from his inner chest pocket and walked it over to Max, “You are welcome to suggest changes but I do believe that this draft will be to your liking.” Amir moved back to his seat and allowed the professor time to read it.
The contract was rather vague and didn't ask for much from Amir's side. Such lax requirements were an breath of fresh air compared to the contracts he was subjected to by the government. However, it appeared to be too one sided for the schemer-at-heart's unease to subside. “So you just want to see what I'm doing a couple of times a month and get your hands on the product I'm offering?” He looked at Amir with a questioning gaze, “And you will pay me 5000 gold per visit?”
Amir nodded, “Yes. I will likely visit your laboratory three times a month, all of which will be scheduled at least a week in advance. If you keep reading, you will see that I am also offering to furnish Rheinfels with a full biometal coating to protect from any possible post-war skirmishes.” He stood up again and put a hand on Max's shoulder, “But most of all you will have the Singh family name backing you up and, not to sound conceited or anything, that is the biggest thing anyone can offer you.”
Maximilian would definitely have to discuss the contract with Adelle before making any decisions, but it certainly looked promising. “Give me a while to think it over, OK? This is quite a lot you're offering for seemingly so little, so please excuse me for being suspicious.” He stood up and put the contract on a stack of papers, “However, I will let you see some of what I'm working on since you gave me something that will get Adelle in bed with me.”
“You'll let me see what you do?” Amir's voice dripped with excitement, “I really want to know if the rumors are true.” Although he didn't understand what was so special about Adelle that made men fawn over her so much, he decided that getting a glimpse at what Maximilian was working on made up for the disgusting lust in the air. “I heard something about princes and then another thing about superhuman help, I've heard so many things and now I finally get to see what's true.”
“Calm down,” Max replied as he pushed a finger on the intercom button. “Tibalt? Come upstairs to my study, there's someone I want you to meet.” He moved back to sit on the desk and crossed his arms, “Now keep in mind that this is a prototype and not the cream of the DNA crop, but I hope this will satisfy your curiosity.” The professor grinned as he watched the boy wiggle closer and closer to the edge of his seat; he was such an easy noble to milk.
Once the toadlet made his way upstairs in into Max's study, Amir shot up out of his seat and gasped. “He's so handsome! And—are his hands webbed? He's wet?” He looked back at Maximilian in hopes of getting some questions answered but the man stayed silent. “So the rumors about you dealing with frogs were true. How interesting...” Amir looked over every inch of Tibalt countless times before he was satisfied with the peek he was given. “You are very talented, professor. I would absolutely love to have one of these in my care.”
Judging by the frightened and mildly defensive look on Tibalt's face, Max knew that it was time for the boy to return to the water. “Alright, you can go back to whatever you were doing Tibalt,” he said with a wave. The tan skinned boy quickly ran out, much to Amir's disappointment, and left the two alone again. “I will discuss the contract with Adelle and if she feels you are suitable, I will indulge your curiosity some more and maybe, just maybe, give you a prince of your own.” He grinned, “Now, I'm expecting someone so you and your caretaker should head home.”
Amir sighed as the visit came to a close but grudgingly followed Maximilian out of the study and to Adelle's room. Both Max and Amir weren't too pleased at the sight of an obviously flustered and disheveled Ammon stepping out of the woman's room. Amir spoke first with a stern voice, “Good timing, Maximilian is expecting some guests so we have to go now. Do you have everything?” He grasped firmly onto Ammon's wrist and tugged him toward the entrance, “Thank you for seeing me, Maximilian. I look forward to hearing your response!”
The professor managed a small nod, “Thank you for visiting with such fine gifts. I will get back to you on the contract as soon as Adelle's looked it over...and after I give her that gift.” He smirked and turned to Ammon, “Your little friend is very crafty, the gift he made will surely land me Adelle's affection no matter what you said to her or gave her. Better luck next time, goodbye.”
Ammon was too wrapped up in his haze to notice Maximilian's not-so-subtle jab and Amir's painful grip. He had a wonderful talk with the goddess and he looked forward to seeing her again for anything. If Adelle had asked him to leave the Singh family, he likely would have. He finally knew what the term “siren” really meant, and he didn't care at all. “Today can't get any better, Amir. Can we come here again soon?”
Amir opened the carriage door and pushed Ammon inside, “Only if he accepts the contract.” He climbed into his seat and slammed the door. “And you're only allowed to come if you promise not to let yourself be alone with that woman.” Amir leaned back with an annoyed stare directed at Ammon, “So what happened in there that made you all giddy?”
Ammon sighed happily and rolled his head back, “She's a wonderful woman.”
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Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 12:31 am
King's Verdict: I guess I must not remember the original entry but I feel sort of alien to this character (probably just dont remember the original entry unfortunately, have had so much on my mind anyways) But it was a pretty decent entry grammatically and whatnot. Felt a tad average and I kinda dont know how I feel about the approach with Max because he seems almost like the Beast. Im also just a little confused that the botanist wouldnt want to see the flower dissected since Im sure one would probably do so to at least every species of plant to learn its features but Im not a botanist so dont quote me xD
Dju's Verdict: Grammar and spelling is pretty standard, a few mistakes here and there, the only thing I see lacking in my eyes is a strong sense of personality. To capture our attention, usually one has to be quite bold with their character, show off some quirks, etc etc. It needs to be a little more in-depth because I'm not feeling the character that much. What was she feeling on the way there about giving away the plant? Why is this Prince worth so much to her? And so on.
hanging gallow, Prompt #1
An unsettling hiss escaped from her lips as Iyou remained glaring out of the ten foot high paned window, one of the five that lined the western wall of her bedroom. Like the Heart of the Ocean she had let the opportunity to gain what she had been so fiercely looking for slip through her fingers and start to disappear into the dismal depths of some salted puddle of tears. Now what was there to do? Apparently her offer was not enough though it came as no surprise that he wouldn’t need three cars to drive around in, or maybe he disliked cars all together? Nevertheless Iyou had no idea what else to offer such man and as her mind continued to draw a blank the fouler her attitude became.
“Miss Sanjivani you have an appointment at 11:00am with the representatives of G.S Corporation I do suggest you get dressed.” A voice sounded from the hologram that had appeared by the closed double wide doors. If there had been something in her hands Iyou would have chucked it at the hologram’s head but the secretary was in luck that she had not prepared herself with any weapons. Giving a wave of her hand a small grunt to warn the woman that she had heard what she had said Iyou returned looking out of the window.
It had taken years for the scenery to reach where it was. The beautiful laid out garden of exotic flowers bending in the gentle breeze with the clear blue sky hanging over head was the Sanjivani’s pride and joy. It had taken her father’s entire lifetime to create the small interlocking panels that created the ongoing illusion of a perfect sky untouched by war and disasters. As for the flowers they were nothing more than mere combinations that her and her father had created together each h with their own taste in botany coming though each tiny bud. It was true his botanist advances in radioactive eating algae had caught the eye of several countries as well as the illusion paneled sky but these were mere trifles next to the ongoing growth of the trading company that her family had pass down from generation to generation. However no matter how she looked at the success, she couldn’t think of anything such a man like Professor Maximilian would have any interest in. Unless….
Briskly making her way to the closet she whipped out vest and a pair of jeans before snuggling on a pair of leather boots. Ignoring the sticky feel from the lack of socks and the thought of all of the bacteria waiting to start to claim the sweat from her toes in the un-breathable edges she snatched a jacket off of a hanger and headed to the wardrobe. Iyou grabbed the small holographic card hidden in the back and cramming it into her pocket Iyou headed to the door. Slamming her hand into the call button the hologram woman reappeared.
“Yes Miss Sanjivani?” The woman replied looking at Iyou with a bit of confused look of why she would dare to call her instead of showing up at the desk. .
“Cancel all of my appointments today please.” Iyou shouted as she reached for a silk ribbon that hung on the broad mirror of her vanity. Keeping it pinned her between her lips she gathered up the large dark locks into her hands and wrapped the ribbon around it hoping to keep it pinned together.
“But.. but Miss” the hologram started to stutter.
Whipping around Iyou glared at the hologram before stomping her way to the door swinging it open her voice echoed through the hallways, “I said cancel all of my appointments! And call the driver I am going out.”
She wasn’t calm until she was sitting in the back of the black padded car heading in the direction of the lab that she had left only the night before with a rather wrathful look on her face. She watched as another bus whipped around the corner as the car swerved to avoid a head on collision as her bag rolled to the far side of leather seat. Ingoing it she crossed her legs and put her hand to her lips. Good God when was the last time she was nervousness enough to chew on her own finger nails? The whole ordeal was bearing down on her and every last minute seemed to stretch out even longer. She could still remember the last look her had given as she stood in front of him with the cold keys dangling from the tips of her fingers and the startling words of no formed on his lips as he turned to the stairs insisting that she should leave his laboratory before she stumbled upon something he didn’t want her to see.
The car started to slow to a grinding halt as her stomach lunged for her throat they had finally arrived. Iyou pulled the vest around her mouth as the driver opened the door her body gave a small shiver as the cool air wafted it way into the cabin of the car her mind reminding her she should have bought a jacket Brushing aside the hand the driver had offered Iyou quickly pulled herself out of the car. Without taking a moment glance to somewhat admire the full structure of the Professor’s home Iyou in a brisk like walk headed towards the door. The less time she had to spend standing outside in such open air the better.
However when she reached the door she paused, was she suppose to knock? Or was there some sort of sensor that knew she was there? What if a hologram of her would project and he would reject even seeing her before she could speak. Raising her hand in a rather slow motion she tapped on the door half expecting to hear the loud echo of the empty hall reside and the lack of footsteps walking towards the door. Instead her eyes met his. Him more so in a rather disgruntled demeanor versus her somewhat more shock appearance to see him answering his own door.
“What do you want?” He replied as the door started to edge to a close after he realized who she was. She was not whom he was expecting and it was obvious that he had little interest in chatting to anyone else.
“Wait!...” Iyou’s voice responded booming into her ears. Her desperation was starting to come out on edge even her voice was started to peek. Hastily she crammed her foot in the door jamb keeping him from completely shutting her out. “I have another offer to make! And I will not take a no without you hearing about it first!”
Max’s brow rose, “another offer?”
It was the same for everyone, curiosity always seemed to draw those who were always wanting and his face showed the same interest. At least now he has stopped pressing the door against her foot in urge to shut her out. Removing the vest from her mouth Iyou took in a deep breath before pulling the hologram card from her pocket. Her hands gave a small shake of rejection before holding it out for the professor to see. The small little lights showed a man carrying a small ceramic pot with a rather unusually appearing lily blooming from the center.
“The name of this flower is called the Eternal Moonlight it is the only one of its kind in existence. It was the last creation of my father and it is rumored to be able to live over a 100 years.” She explained as her eyes had watched the man in the hologram continue to walk holding the flower in his hand. When the small girl on queue appeared running to the man Iyou swiftly tucked the card back into her pocket.
“I know the flower may seem worthless to you but if you auctioned or even sold it you could obtain enough money alone to completely create a whole new laboratory. Everything from the foundation to the very last test beaker you would need of if you don't want a new one at least it will supply with anything you could dream for your current one. Or you are even more than welcome to completely rip it apart. It is one of the few flowers in this world created with the same substance as Sanjivani’s radioactive eating algae and be able to survive outside a controlled environment.” Despite mention the idea of ripping it apart for the name of science Iyou’s body gave a small cringe. Her mind trying to wrap around the idea of someone destroying such a marvelous piece of botany history rather set a barbaric image to her mind.
Pulling her foot from the door her unwavering voice continued, “this is an extension of my offer Professor Maximilian. I am sorry if I have troubled you today however I do hope you take my offer into consideration. Please I ask of you.”
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Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 12:32 am
Dju's Verdict: This has some potential but damn, it feels so rushed. I think that leaving it to the last minute works against Toho here unfortunately. And it's an interesting offer, but Max, as proud as he is, runs at any signs of duress so threatening him may not have been the way to go lol Threatening in general isn't a very strong branch to sit yourself on because unlike generous bribes, a character can react in a frightened way to the threat, or an angry way, either of which isn't really optimum starting points.
King's Verdict: Im going to have to agree with Dju on this one but the most noticable thing to me was the constant parentheses (like this because I do them all the time myself and I always go back in my work to try and get rid of as many of them as I can). I also would expect a little more OOMPH to the end but it seemed like a short slice to the end of the entry.
Tohopekaliga, Prompt #1
All told, the party at Professor Max's "estate" was fairly successful for Kārlis, albeit not for the reasons he had really gone. Sure, he'd picked up a couple of extra customers for his...let's call it "consulting" business. But that wasn't why he'd gone, really. That could be done at any pretentious party.
No, this was for getting one of those "princes." An assistant...would be quite useful. (And there was the 'someone to look after' thing, but he wasn't gonna admit that readily.) But no, somebody else won that. Even after a whole evening of hob-nobbing, he had no real idea what the criteria was. It was some sort of character reference, perhaps. Sure, Kārlis knew he wasn't the most upstanding of citizens...but neither was anybody else in this crazy town. Communism. What a joke.
Besides, Maximilian struck Kārlis as the kind of man who was in it for the money. As he lounged in his home office chair (one of those big black ones that might make somebody think the owner is trying to compensate for something), he smiled as an idea struck him.
Arranged in a sort of semi-circle on Kārlis' desk sat three rather large computer screens, all of which had data rolling across them. His computers were hard at work collecting "history" of the day, what was going on, who thought what, the usual information any totalitarian regime worth its salt desired. Most of it bored him--Who cares what the common people think of their overlords? Obviously they hate them. Kārlis did too. He just wouldn't tell them that, because supplying information and analysis (honest analysis, no less) kept him in a fairly cushy, coveted spot. (Never mind that he lived in a not-very-impressive little house on the edge of town.)
And that was exactly where he got his idea.
Within 10 minutes (it was the morning, and he hadn't finished his tea when inspiration struck), Kārlis was out the door and into another dreary, cold morning. At least it wasn't raining yet.
By the time he'd made it across town (dressed in a light jacket and navy cargo pants), it was raining slightly, but that's pretty standard weather, and it barely even registered in Kārlis' mind. He stepped quickly up to the door of the lab building and rapped briskly on it, then waited. Why do I care so much? he wondered to himself idly. No matter..I'm here what ever the case, he concluded, and stood almost perfectly still at the door.
It took precisely three minutes and 21 seconds before the door opened (Kārlis picked up some very useless information from the computer attached to his brain sometimes) and Maximilian peered out, appearing slightly bleary from morning-after-party condition. It wasn't really all that early, and Kārlis hadn't considered that people sleep until 9 sometimes.
"Yes, what is it?" Maximilian asked in a gruff tone, apparently none-too-pleased to be bothered during his morning.
Kārlis let himself display a pleasant grin to the man in the door before starting. "Good morning," he bowed his head slightly toward Maximilian. "I have a proposal for you for our mutual benefit, if you would hear it." He looked hopeful, but carefully not too hopeful. It doesn't due to look starry-eyed.
A silent moment of consideration passed before Maximilian replied, "Alright, but make it quick." He gave a small nod of assent.
It was disappointing to Kārlis that he hadn't been invited in...or even for Max to step outside all the way...but he hid the disappointment and pressed on. "Excellent. Well...I am aware of your little project, of course, I was here at your party," he paused for breath, and to carefully avoid speaking too excitedly. "And I want one."
Kārlis held up his hand, and in it was a little disk: a portable holo-display. He squeezed it slightly, and a multitude of data--pictures, phrases, charts--floated around his hand. If one were to look closely, they might notice that everything drifting around pertained to rumors flying about the "princes," and hard data relating. He held it out to Maximilian to ensure he could see it clearly.
"I am a historian, and I am an information analyst. It is my job to watch trends of everything that goes on in this district and report everything significant." He paused again. "Various people pay me impressive sums to alter how these data are shown to our most benevolent of governments," he smiled wryly. "I would be willing to do this service for you free of charge--keep information of your little project out of official channels completely. That is, I'm sure you're aware, quite beneficial. You are tasked with restoring extinct species, if I am not mistaken...and this little project is a bit removed from that."
It wasn't a threat exactly...but Kārlis hoped that the implication that the beaurocracy would take note of things here without some sort of agreement. Certainly, it would take a while for action to be taken...but it would be far longer with Kārlis' assistance. He hoped that this was noticed.
Maximilian regarded his uninvited guest evenly for half a minute before saying quietly, "I shall consider your offer." Better than an outright 'no,' Kārlis figured.
"Very good," Kārlis replied with a smile, "I--"
But he was cut off by a wave of Maximilian's hand as he said, "Now, I have matters to attend to." The door was shut in Kārlis' face before he could say anything else. He stared at the door, mildly shocked. He shrugged and walked away after a few seconds, and went about his day, as if nothing had changed.
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This contest builds upon RB's first pre-opening event where the thread saw a lot of awesome entries but we could only choose one to receive the prize. Now we welcome back all the old participants from that contest (ONLY THEM!!) to take another shot at ownership.