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 Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 8:19 am
I just want to know if you've heard any funny LDS jokes. For example (highlight after the question for the answer.)
Why do Mormon women stop having children at 35? Because 36 is just way too many!
What do you call the people who are against the wearing of pants that don't cover your knees? The Anti Knee-high Levis!!
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Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 1:10 pm
There was a not-so-rich man that went to the store to buy paint to paint his house. It turns out he couldn't afford as mucha s he wanted to, so when he got home, he added a little water to each can of paint. A few weeks after he painted the house, the paint began peeling off. On Sunday he was discussing with his bishop who wisely advised him as thus: "Repaint, repaint, and thin no more!"
(cue drum kit)
bu-dum, CHSHH!!!
*ehem* so yeah ANYways......
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Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 2:24 pm
It's not really a joke, simply a quote that struck me as true, interesting, and slightly amusing... stake dance DJ's desktop Going to BYU to get married is like going to McDonald's when you're hungry -- it's convinient.
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Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 3:13 am
To the tune of the Mickey Mouse March My Dad Who's the founder of the church that's made for you and me? J-O-S-E-P-H S-M-I-T-H! Hey there! Hi there! Ho there! You're as welcome as can be! J-O-S-E-P-H S-M-I-T-H! Joseph Smith!(Moroni!) Joseph Smith(Moroni!) Forever let us hold our standards high! High! High! High! LDS Church! LDS Church! We'll have fun, we'll meet new faces We'll do things and we'll go places All around the world we're marching on Come along ang sing this song ang join the jamboree J-O-S-E-P-H S-M-I-T-H! J-O-S, Salvation is for everyone, E-P-H, Heaven is our goal, S-M-I-T-H
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Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 10:51 am
Battle Hymn of Term Finals
Submitted by: Drew Roe
[2002-01-16]
Can you tell that a college student is submitting this one? Battle Hymn of Term Finals
Mine eyes have seen the horror
Of the ending of the term
It has poisoned all my spirits
Like an apple with a worm
It's infected all my freedom
Like an ugly cancer germ
The truth shall soon be known.
Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.
I have listened to the teachers
But the homework leaves me cold
I have never done assignments
Although many times been told
I have even missed my classes
When I was feeling bold
The truth shall soon be known
Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.
They are adding all my points up
And I haven't earned but few
In fact, I haven't even gotten
More than one or two
Oh, if I could only find an answer
Anything to do
The truth shall soon be known.
Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.
On the lines of every grade book
There is solemn news for me
The worst is yet to come when
Financial Aid ignores my plea
So I guess the only answer is
To drop my books and flee
The truth shall soon be known.
Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.
Well, the end has finally come
And I have failed to pass a class
Though the fun and laughter, goofing off
Was really quite a gas
But I won't be in the numbers
Of the capped and gowned mass
The truth was finally shown.
Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure, and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth was finally known.
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Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:14 pm
I have two
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment of bringing something to represent their religion. The first boy got in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is the Star of David." The second boy got in front of the class and said, "My name is Thomas and I am Catholic and this is the Crucifix." The third boy got in front of the class and said, " My name is Johnny and I am Mormon and this is a casserole."
How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? It depends!
If it is the Relief Society it takes four. One to fix refreshments. One to bring the tablecloth. One to design the Center Piece, And one to screw in the light bulb.
If it is the Bishopric, forget it, they don't do light bulbs. They call a Priesthood Executive Council And delegate it to the Elders.
If it is the Elders it takes four. Three that don't show up, and One to change the bulb.
If it is the High Priests it takes four. Two to push the wheel chairs. One to handle the oxygen tank, And one to screw in the light bulb.
If it is the Home Teachers, it only takes two, But you have to wait until the end of the month.
If it is the Aaronic Priesthood, it only takes one. He holds the light bulb in the socket And the whole world revolves around him.
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 7:04 am
lilmormgirl How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? It depends! If it is the Relief Society it takes four. One to fix refreshments. One to bring the tablecloth. One to design the Center Piece, And one to screw in the light bulb. If it is the Bishopric, forget it, they don't do light bulbs. They call a Priesthood Executive Council And delegate it to the Elders. If it is the Elders it takes four. Three that don't show up, and One to change the bulb. If it is the High Priests it takes four. Two to push the wheel chairs. One to handle the oxygen tank, And one to screw in the light bulb. If it is the Home Teachers, it only takes two, But you have to wait until the end of the month. If it is the Aaronic Priesthood, it only takes one. He holds the light bulb in the socket And the whole world revolves around him. You forgot about the YW. 5, 1 to conduct,4 for opening excercises, and one to screw in the lightbulb.
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 7:28 pm
THE NEW ONE!!!
Who's the leader of the church that's made for you and me?
C-H-R-I-S-T J-E-S-U-S!
Hey there! Hi there! Ho there! You're as welcome as can be!
C-H-R-I-S-T J-E-S-U-S!
Christ Jesus!(Joseph Smith!) Christ Jesus(Joseph Smith!)
Forever let us hold our standards high! High! High! High!
LDS Church! LDS Church!
We'll have fun, we'll meet new faces
We'll do things and we'll go places
All around the world we're marching on
Come along ang sing this song ang join the jamboree
C-H-R-I-S-T J-E-S-U-S!
C-H-R, Resurrected Being
I-S-T, Truth, life and light
J-E-S-U-S
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 8:17 am
I found this while searching for a few things online and it made me giggle. What if the Book of Mormom had been written by Dr. Seuss? Quote: Nephi: Of goodly parents I was born I've never drunk, I've never sworn This is Lehi, he's my dad Laman, Lemuel, they are bad And who is this? Why this is Sam Yes, this is Sam; Sam: Sam I am Laman: That Sam I am, that Sam I am I do not like that Sam I am Sam: In a tent, my father dwelt Laman: And it's so hot, I think I'll melt Lemuel: Our father's brain is out of whack Laman: Yeah, it's too hot, I'm going back Lehi: Then go and get the plates my dear Laman: On second thought, I'm staying here Nephi: You said you'd leave and go away Now all you want to do is stay? Lemuel: That Nephi always gets his way Laman: Here we are in this damp cave Sam: We would not be here if you'd behave Nephi: I will go and I will do There's the angel, that's my cue Laban's had too much to drink Now he'll lose his head, I think Nephi: Look what I found, a brother from the quorum Sam: We will take him home, we will call him Zoram Lemuel: Oh great, another pathetic life form Laman: Our gold and silver we have spent I do not like it in this tent Lemuel: I cannot read the Liahona I must have drunk too much Corona Laman: We hate it here, we have no lives Lehi: Then go back to the city and get some wives Lehi: A tree, a tree, I see a tree The fruit is white, the fruit is free A floating building, could it be? Why do they laugh and stare at me? Laman, Lemuel, come and see Laman: We will not eat your precious fruit Lemuel: We will not wear a tie and suit Laman: We will not help you build your boat Lemuel: We do not think that it will float Laman: No not this boat, it will not float Not even in a shallow moat I do not care what Nephi wrote Lemuel: We will not eat your fruit I say Laman: We will not eat it on a tray Lemuel: And we won't eat it in a tent Not even if your clothes you rent Laman: We'd rather have a can of spam L & L: We will not eat it, Sam I am Sam: You do not like it, so you say Try it, try it, and you may Try it and you may I say Laman: Sam, if you will let us be, We will try it, you will see L&L: Say, we like this fruit of life Sorry that we caused such strife You've saved us from an awful jam Thank you, thank you, Sam I am
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 8:27 am
Imbemenelien I found this while searching for a few things online and it made me giggle. What if the Book of Mormom had been written by Dr. Seuss? Quote: Nephi: Of goodly parents I was born I've never drunk, I've never sworn This is Lehi, he's my dad Laman, Lemuel, they are bad And who is this? Why this is Sam Yes, this is Sam; Sam: Sam I am Laman: That Sam I am, that Sam I am I do not like that Sam I am Sam: In a tent, my father dwelt Laman: And it's so hot, I think I'll melt Lemuel: Our father's brain is out of whack Laman: Yeah, it's too hot, I'm going back Lehi: Then go and get the plates my dear Laman: On second thought, I'm staying here Nephi: You said you'd leave and go away Now all you want to do is stay? Lemuel: That Nephi always gets his way Laman: Here we are in this damp cave Sam: We would not be here if you'd behave Nephi: I will go and I will do There's the angel, that's my cue Laban's had too much to drink Now he'll lose his head, I think Nephi: Look what I found, a brother from the quorum Sam: We will take him home, we will call him Zoram Lemuel: Oh great, another pathetic life form Laman: Our gold and silver we have spent I do not like it in this tent Lemuel: I cannot read the Liahona I must have drunk too much Corona Laman: We hate it here, we have no lives Lehi: Then go back to the city and get some wives Lehi: A tree, a tree, I see a tree The fruit is white, the fruit is free A floating building, could it be? Why do they laugh and stare at me? Laman, Lemuel, come and see Laman: We will not eat your precious fruit Lemuel: We will not wear a tie and suit Laman: We will not help you build your boat Lemuel: We do not think that it will float Laman: No not this boat, it will not float Not even in a shallow moat I do not care what Nephi wrote Lemuel: We will not eat your fruit I say Laman: We will not eat it on a tray Lemuel: And we won't eat it in a tent Not even if your clothes you rent Laman: We'd rather have a can of spam L & L: We will not eat it, Sam I am Sam: You do not like it, so you say Try it, try it, and you may Try it and you may I say Laman: Sam, if you will let us be, We will try it, you will see L&L: Say, we like this fruit of life Sorry that we caused such strife You've saved us from an awful jam Thank you, thank you, Sam I am I have that. I liked it so much I printed it out.
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Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 7:36 pm
answer to number 2: Anti-kneehigh-levis!
(anti-nephi-lehis)
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Posted: Wed Dec 28, 2005 8:36 pm
I have quite a few BYU co-ed jokes, but I'm not sure if people want to hear them.
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Posted: Wed Dec 28, 2005 8:40 pm
Imbemenelien I found this while searching for a few things online and it made me giggle. What if the Book of Mormom had been written by Dr. Seuss? Quote: Nephi: Of goodly parents I was born I've never drunk, I've never sworn This is Lehi, he's my dad Laman, Lemuel, they are bad And who is this? Why this is Sam Yes, this is Sam; Sam: Sam I am Laman: That Sam I am, that Sam I am I do not like that Sam I am Sam: In a tent, my father dwelt Laman: And it's so hot, I think I'll melt Lemuel: Our father's brain is out of whack Laman: Yeah, it's too hot, I'm going back Lehi: Then go and get the plates my dear Laman: On second thought, I'm staying here Nephi: You said you'd leave and go away Now all you want to do is stay? Lemuel: That Nephi always gets his way Laman: Here we are in this damp cave Sam: We would not be here if you'd behave Nephi: I will go and I will do There's the angel, that's my cue Laban's had too much to drink Now he'll lose his head, I think Nephi: Look what I found, a brother from the quorum Sam: We will take him home, we will call him Zoram Lemuel: Oh great, another pathetic life form Laman: Our gold and silver we have spent I do not like it in this tent Lemuel: I cannot read the Liahona I must have drunk too much Corona Laman: We hate it here, we have no lives Lehi: Then go back to the city and get some wives Lehi: A tree, a tree, I see a tree The fruit is white, the fruit is free A floating building, could it be? Why do they laugh and stare at me? Laman, Lemuel, come and see Laman: We will not eat your precious fruit Lemuel: We will not wear a tie and suit Laman: We will not help you build your boat Lemuel: We do not think that it will float Laman: No not this boat, it will not float Not even in a shallow moat I do not care what Nephi wrote Lemuel: We will not eat your fruit I say Laman: We will not eat it on a tray Lemuel: And we won't eat it in a tent Not even if your clothes you rent Laman: We'd rather have a can of spam L & L: We will not eat it, Sam I am Sam: You do not like it, so you say Try it, try it, and you may Try it and you may I say Laman: Sam, if you will let us be, We will try it, you will see L&L: Say, we like this fruit of life Sorry that we caused such strife You've saved us from an awful jam Thank you, thank you, Sam I am That is one of the funniest thinggs I have ever seen.
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