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 Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:21 am
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Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:26 am
Name: Venice Malloroyx [Ven-is] [Mall-oh-rocks]
Nickname(s): Veevee, smokysmokerson, Fixanator (Roller Derby - Vengeful Venice)
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Birthday: July 15th
Sign: Cancer
Gemstone: Ruby
Blood Type: B-
School: Sovereign Heights
Fave Food: Cheeseburgers, fries, pasta (anything tinned or processed )
Hated Food: Mushrooms @_@ she hates them.
Hobbies:
 Roller Derby Venice's first + quite possibly only love (aside from a few affairs here and there) in the entire universe! Having never fitted the stereotype of a girly girl Venice took to roller derby like a fish to water, and her life soon revolved around the sport, from 6am training sessions to all night session after winning a game, it was as they say her calling. Know as Vengeful Venice on the court she started life as a pivot, but moved over to the blocker position later on in her derby career. She is now the the leader and co-fonder of ******** a new Roller derby group set up for girls 18 + (17 if you show a lot of heart). If you want to join she is more than happy to lend an ear, as long as you can take an elbow to your gullet (where ever that may be) she is willing to listen.
[History of Hobby: Updating]
Spray Painting:When Venice isn't knee deep in mud or oil she is spending her 'free' time expressing herself through her 'art' -- well, if you can call it that. What started as a rebellious act to write rude words on school property soon became a beloved hobby and Venice's talent for using spray paint became apparent after a short while. Now she uses her skills to paint cars and her beloved quad bikes. Although she knows her skills may never be internationally recognised as artistic talent, it wont stop her from painting your new car with florescent green moon monsters over the bonnet....even if you didn't ask.
[History of Hobby: After Venice's father died she acted out in the only way that felt good, and that unfortunately was to be bad. Getting into gangs, fights, chain smoking and vandalism was just a hint of the iceberg that was the 'forgotten years' of Venice's life. Although now a days she is more of an acceptable member of society, her past rebellious habits led her to 'tag' most buildings with her customised bio-hazard signature. But becoming quickly bored with doing the same thing over and over she ventured out with more elaborated pieces, until her work was finally spotted by passing trade, she was commissioned to help with a community event of creating a memorial wall in the towns play area. With help from fellow artists she was able to grown in her skills, and the rest they say is history]
Quad biking/Mechanics: Next to her skates, quad biking is her other love affair, a gift bestowed to her via her late father. Not everybody loves this gift as much as Venice though, let alone the neighbours or the police (on occasion), her mother and siblings all have to put up with the grease and grime that stems from this hobby, including the 3am wake up calls of her driving back after an evenings "adventure" (see where the police come in?) - a good girl at heart, she just cant resit revving that engine whatever the time.] / [It comes with the job unfortunately,but not for Venice, aside from riding the machines close to death she needs to know how to fix them too and spending hours working out how to stop oil from spilling all over the floor (again) and hoping it doesn't blow up once doing so, is a daily part of her everyday life. She also has continuing, unfinished, projects for the next superior quad bike (hopefully her ticket out of here) yet sadly the remnants of many carcasses scatter the garage floor as she fails to complete one task, and swiftly moves onto the next.
[History of hobby: This hobby stems from her fathers love for it, he was a Vehicle Mechanic in the Army before being promoted through the ranks to Corporal and any spare time he had that wasn't taken up by the army or his loving wife was spent playing with his 'toys' in the garage. Venice was a daddy's girl and while Sydney was more interested in make-up and dolls Venice would follow her father out to the garage to watch him work. As he didn't have a son at this time to pass on his knowledge Damien was more than happy to show Venice the ropes, even letting her ride her first mini-moto at the age of 5, (against her mothers wishes of course.) This was their bonding time and Venice wouldn't give it up for the world, even faking being ill to spend time off from school if her father was home on leave. In a way her enjoyment out of this hobby comes from feeling close again to her father, it was their shared passion, something her mum or sister couldn't take from her and by continuing this passion, in her mind, she is keeping him and what he taught her alive. Plus she 'effin loves it... ]
Singing: The girl may be no good at it but if she isn't screaming out the latest hits to her friends she is humming her way through another repair job on her bike. She isn't terrible, just not professional standard (this is what she tells people before singing for them...and she is, she is truly terrible) and life would be quite boring to her if she couldn't sing, even normal everyday responses are in threat of having tuneless notes added to the end of them. To decide between all 4 of her favourite hobbies and to choose just one would be a cruel fate, there is nothing like riding your quad bike into the sunset shouting out the Greatest Abba songs while gaining inspiration for your next paint job or mocking a losing team with "another one bites the dust."
[History of hobby: This is no back story to this, she is just a terrible, terrible singer.]
Virtues:
Confidence/Outgoing: Ever needed the Dutch courage of a few vodkas without the nasty after effect? Then just supply yourself a tall helping of Venice. If you ever needed someone to ask that cute guy for a date, or to buy those embarrassing beauty products from said cute guy at the checkout, then Venice is more than happy to do it for you. She's not a push over mind, she just has the confidence to do it, and when it comes to helping out friends she is more than happy too, if anything, the more embarrassing the more willing she is to do it!
Venice has always been an outgoing person, from her childhood of moving around to different towns and schools, you either had to stand out and be noticed or sink back into the shadows and not make any friends (plus getting attention is always nice) and she found the easiest and quickest way to do this was to do what you wouldn't dare to do. She isn't silly, she wouldn't set alight the school (although she may have pondered this on her own once or twice) but through experience she has found she has a harder shell than most, something that would embarrass another would bounce of her, and she would laugh in its face on the way past. So please, come bring you cringe worthy tasks to Venice, she is more than happy to help if you dont mind its being used as ammunition for future jokes. (Not in a cruel way, but if your friends with Venice, you will often be at the end of them.)
Loyalty/Forgiveness: Since Venice isn't your average girl it is difficult for her to find people she can relate with, aka with her hobbies or her terrible sense of humour, the chance few have to have a strong backbone and a wit that can match her own before they get to see the funny, kind side that Venice has to offer. And loyalty and forgiveness are two of those traits that stand out when you are friends with the grease monkey. She will try and never let you down, and will always do her best to be there for you when you need her. And if your willing for a few months of playful banter at your expense, forgiveness may often be quick, and slightly painless.
Although Venice is always willing to make friends, she doesn't make them that quickly so loyalty is a trait that will only shine through with time. She has been hurt in the past by those she loves (Her dads death including family friends in the force, friends she has moved away from and of course evil scratching pets) but she can not deny her love for those that she considers close friends. Be it a person from 10 years ago to a newly made acquaintance she met last week she will always make time for you, she will the first to defend you in a fight and the one who would walk you home late at night. Even if she has to write 50 letters a night she will do it to keep in touch with those that have befriended her through out her life.
Optimism: There is nothing that, you, her, or you mum cant do in this world without a little elbow grease and some hard work. Never say never is a motto she tries to live by and thusly things may not get completed but they are always attempted. Being near Venice when she is on one of her motivation highs can be catching and you find yourself believing the tosh she comes out with, but if it gets the job done then whose complaining?
Her bright outlook stems from her family upbringing, her mother always showing her there is nothing you cant work at by holding down several jobs to support her family. To her dads smiling face when ever he returned home, even with what he had seen, he was always telling her how great the world was, that it was worth fighting for ever time.
Flaws:
Insensitive/Sarcastic Humour: "A unsuccessful defence mechanism to weed out the weak and have the strong like minded people by her side" a quote used to defy why Venice acts like she does. At the core, Venice is a kind and loyal person, but she uses her insensitive attitude as a defence ploy so that only those that can stand strong against her and who can give as good as they get can break through the barrier she has built up. She is not actively mean or spiteful, but she subconsciously doesn't want weak people to be carrying, she needs the support of others as much as she gives it to them and in her way this is her method of finding out those that will stand by her till the very end.
Her need to use sarcasm and sharp wit can be a relationship killer before one has begun though. In her mind she is funny, but unfortunately that's the problem, it is only her mind that finds her funny and when used with anger she can be spiteful and very hurtful without even trying. Venice has no concept of time, you can be her oldest friend, or the paper boy on his first day, but she will use her dry wit and dark humour on you in a instant and it can cut like a knife even if its intent was not for that purpose, she can often leave a nasty taste behind. Only knowing Venice and overcoming this defect can you see what she is really like, unfortunately it doesn't always work, most of the time she is just left with no one.
Chaotic: Venice is an un-organised, mess making machine. Her world is a chaotic whirlwind of grease, grime, mud and empty spray cans. To ask for assignments back will include a half thought of essay with coffee stain marks, fingerprints and what could be a design for the next Quad biking paintwork she is working on. Forget about time schedules, she will turn up, just 30 minutes later than what you said and to enter her garage is to enter a shrine of disorganised clutter and chaos. To Venice it is organised, even if it looks like nothing could survive let alone work in these conditions. But someone how she manages it. It just has a terrible chain reaction for everyone else having to live with her, or just be in the same area as her. To allow Venice in to you clean bedroom shows you have lost the plot or have nothing to live for, she will without out a doubt touch, break and then (try) to improve what was broken into something you no longer know how to work.
She is know as "Fixanator" half fixer of machines, half termination of said machines she tries to fix, as a newbie friend do not listen to her when she tells you she can fix that "expensive, one of a kind birthday watch" that has stopped ticking no matter how many batteries you replace. It will indeed still be one of a kind, just a one of a kind watch with ultra loud rape alarm + sandwich maker attached to it as well. You have been warned.
Impatient: Everything has to be done now, not tomorrow, not next week, now! and if not now, then never and its off to work on the next project. Something that Venice tends to live by. Her impatient nature can make her snap quite easily, if something isn't going her way she will let you know and with a few added profanities thrown in there too boot.
When others see this flaw acting out it can come as a personal attack towards them, if Venice doesn't see them trying, or takes too long to complete something, her use of colourful words will contain sarcastic and often very hurtful messages. Although she is her own antidote to the problem for as soon as she calms down all will be forgiven (on her side at least) , - She hasn't got time to be angry or upset, and it will be like it never happened.
When something is finished it is wonderful and shows of her talents as a artist, as a mechanic, but there is only a small window of opportunity and if distracted, or something goes wrong she is all but too happy to throw it to one side and start on something new and god forbid if something was re-used. Her view on the matter is if it didn't work first time around it won't the second but to grab the next project with both hands, even if it means leaving a trail of rejects behind her.
Nosey/Meddling: With Venice's confidence and 'can do' attitude its not surprising she can have one or two things to say about your life and the problems (or joys) that you have.
If you came to Venice with problems to solve she would be more than happy to help you, as long as your ok with have some badly timed jokes thrown in your direction and of course a few advice tips on how to solve said problem (like she would) - but this can be accepted. Its when you don't come to Venice with these problems that she feels you need her up most help - for if you cant come to her then it must be deadly serious.
Although she means well her nosey-ness knows no bounds and a simple utter of an illness, love or death not directed at her can send her into a fit of questions that unfortunately need to be answered. Even the most personal of problems she will be questioning what happened, why it happened, and of course how she would have solved the problem and then how to never have said problem again. Its not that she is trying to be impolite, I guess its a bit of 'curiosity kill the cat' syndrome and she has it bad.
Physical Description: 
Hair: Short bobbed hair that is a deep black with a fringe cut in that resembles the 1950's/Rockabilly look but only when she has washed it, which is once in a blue moon.
Eyes: Almond shaped green eyes, laced with heavy dark make up
Face: Slightly angular pointed chin, and round cheeks - which could be so much worse if she didn't weigh what she currently did, those cheekbones would pop an eye out
Body: around 5ft3", curvy (an hourglass figure), pale skin. She can be mistaken at first glances for being slightly overweight but a lot of strength has to go into those arms for pulling about broken down quad bikes and yanking yourself out of another ditch you fell into. Sure she can lose a few pounds, but those pot noodles are so tempting.
Fashion: Venice is very much into the Rockabilly lifestyle, if she hasn't got fake giant flowers in her hair then her dresses are covered in dice or pin up women and her feet are squeezed into 8inch heeled peep toe shoes! f you want to look this good you have to feel some pain! But when Venice is not dressed up to the nines she follows the lax Goth attitude to fashion, black being her colour of choice. Punky t-shirts, tight black pants and the odd chain or two can be found strewn across her floor along with long black skirts and the odd corset, but mainly her love is for humours t-shirts with funny faces or words, although they are often covered in so much filth that its hard to see what they say now.
Jewellery: Has a lot of piercings, here is the list:
5 Ear piercings working up the ear (3 in (R) 2 in (L)
2 Tragus piercings (in each ear)
1 Nose piercing
1 Labret
1 Neck piercing (surface + at the back of neck)
Tattoos: Bio Hazard sign at the base of her back [X]
Ref's:[X], [X], [X], [X], [X]
Hair: Best Reference, 2nd Best Reference, [X],[X],[X], [X]
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Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:03 pm
Name origins: Atë( A-at-tee) Asteroid + [Roman Goddess of Sewage]
Sphere: Pollution
Transformation Phrase: Atë Power, Make-up!
Challenge
Long: "Am going to stamp my Carbon footprint all over your a** for I am Sailor Atë, Senshi of Pollution!"
or
Short: "Its time to mess up your world!" or "I'm going to mess up your world!"
Senshi
Attack Style: Offensive
Attack #1a: Junk Blast : Sailor Atë forms a plate sized ball of polluted mass *consists of smoke, carbon monoxide, garbage, oil, waste materials etc* which she can throw at a approaching enemy.
[Uses: Can only be used maximum of 3 times per battle]
[Throwing Distance: 3 meters (10 feet) for a direct hit // 5 meters range (16 feet) before it falls apart.]
[Weakness: Water, Fire & Wind - Water can dilute the pollution of the attack where fire can burn it out of existence and wind can blow it off course.]
Attack #1b: Toxic Junk Blast: A more stronger form of Junk Blast, more toxic and pungent, with added mass to give it that extra kick.
[Uses: Can only be used maximum of 3 times per battle]
[Throwing Distance: 4 meters (13 feet) for a direct hit // 7 meters range (22 feet) before it falls apart.]
[Weakness: Water, Fire & Wind - Water can dilute the pollution of the attack where fire can burn it out of existence and wind can blow it off course.]
[Attack Info: The Pros: The attack can't do any real physical damage (being winded by banana peel can possibly, maybe, sort of hurt! D: ) The main advantage of this attack is if the person is struck on the face (eyes, nose, mouth) it can cause temporary blindness or even vomiting! (pollution is gross people!) Or if thrown onto their feet or in front of them it can cause them to fall or slip ("oh gods I stepped in something!" D: will be the most common response to this attack.)
The Cons: The attack is formed from the surrounding pollution around Sailor Atë. Although there will always be air born pollution (unless you in an ultra clean sterile laboratory) her attacks will become more powerful the more pollution there is to absorb. If though, the attack is made up just of air pollution it will be extremely weak and at best can only produce a faint hazy smoke screen effect that can be quickly disperse. Even if the attack does have enough pollution to feed of, it still doesn't make it very stable, it can fall apart over a long distance so Venice needs to be standing quite close to an enemy to have any real effect, leaving her open to attack. It can also be easily dodged if not thrown at the right time. ]
Super Senshi
Attack #2: Radioactive Storm Waste: Sailor Atë can summon all the pollution available (carbon monoxide, smoke, gas, rubbish, dirt etc) in a 25 meter radius (82 feet) which she can then create into a storm i.e gather it above their heads, and let it pour down upon a single area covering 10 to 15 meters. [Can only be used once in a battle + takes a lot of pollution to create.]
[Attack Info: The Pros: This is a very painful attack covering a far greater area than her junk blast could ever do. Not only will their be flying debris of muck, filth, potato chip bags, rotten food etc but also air pollution like smoke, gas (or even bad smells!) anything that can be deemed 'pollution' will be caught up in this storm. Not only getting hit by falling gross things will pack a punch (the junk is thrown down from the 'storm' at about 50 - 60 mph) but breathing in the pollution will follow the lines of an asthma attack, the enemy will not be able to breath probably and will be severely weakened.The more pollution that Sailor Atë can gather the more powerful the attack, meaning it can destroy a wider range of things (if near a land fill site she could do some srs dmg :I ]
The Cons: This attack is very risky, not only is it a great danger to other team mates but to the environment and animals in the area. She may be the Senshi of Pollution but she doesn't want to actively destroy Destiny City in the process! That is why it is a 'last chance' attack, and can only be used if everything else has failed. On the same note it can not be summoned easily, it will take a lot of time, effort and pollution to form and comes with a high failing rate. Although Sailor Atë can control to some degree where the junk will fall (the attack can not be moved once activated) she can not control the smaller particles that can escape meaning a wider range of people can be effected, especially in the case of respiratory problems. To escape the effects of this attack the person must leave the area of the storm, hide under some heavy duty metal, wear a gas mask etc. There are quite a few things a person can do to avoid this attack, as pointed out once started Sailor Atë can not move it to another area, it either has to continue in the same place or stop, and can not be reactivated twice.]
[Uses: Can only be used maximum of 1 time per battle]
[Area Affected: within 25 meters (82 feet) for a direct hit // 25+ meters range the impact is lessened greatly to almost nothing. ]
[Weakness: Water, Fire & Wind - Water can dilute the pollution of the attack where fire can burn it out of existence and wind can blow it off course.]
[Defense: Gas masks, or any other type of air steriliser will banish the effects of the air pollution. Also finding cover i.e inside a building will also offer you protect (although best to stay away from windows as they can smash!)
Fighting style
Venice has a lot of upper body strength from lugging about machinery to blocking people on the court, so although her overall fitness levels could improve (smoking does not help the running!) she can pack a mean punch.
Venice is a brawler, her fighting skills come from hanging out with the wrong group of people in her youth. Fights were a weekly if not daily occurrence and showing your strength through dirty tricks and playing unfair was the norm, the faster and more bloodier you left your victim the higher up the food chain you went. That time of her life has now gladly ended but she still keeps the same old tricks up her sleeve and wont agonize over getting her hands dirty, these skills were a vital reason for her progression through Roller Derby. As stated above she is currently a smoker, so her stamina is tested in long battles. She hits hard and fast but will soon feel the fatigue of a fight lasting more than 40 - 60 minutes (Roller Derby Games last 30mins so she can just about handle a match . As a Senshi she does depend on her powers to get her through the brunt of a battle, opting to use her fists as a last, painful, resort.
As a stocky girl she can hold her ground longer than the average person and can take a substantial beating before being KO'd. There is never a week without a bruise or a year without a broken bone for Venice so to make an impact on her you need to be able to leave a mark. But as they saying goes, the bigger they are, the harder they fall, its just that in Venice's case, she will try and fall on you.
Fuku Ideas:
These images were found on the web (google image mainly) and i by no means claim them as my own, just very useful references.
Colour: Dark greens, greys and blacks.
Collar: [X]
Bow: On the skirt [X] with a Biohazard sign [X] in the middle.
Bodice: The top can also follow this image [X] but with halter-neck ties [X] and to follow the collar design can be [X] or [X]
Sleeves: N/A
Brooch: [Biohazard sign]
Bottoms: A skirt like this [X]
Tiara: Can be a ornate flower in the side of her hair.[X]
Choker: Normal black choker?
Shoes: Wedged peep toe shoes [X][X]
Gloves: ? Unsure
Accessories: Flower in hair etc etc (think rockabilly)
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Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:06 pm
Family Father: Corporal Damien Malloroyx [Deceased]
As a Corporal in the British Army Damien Malloroyx met Venice's mother when stationed in Australia. A whirlwind romance followed and the pair married under a year later. With a stable loving relationship the couple went on to have 3 beautiful children. Due to his job the family moved to different army barracks stationed around the world but if anything this made them a closer family unit. He died aged 37 in the line of duty.
Mother: Robyn Malloroyx: - Age: 42 – Job: Currently - House Cleaner
As a jack of all trades Robyn was quite use to upping sticks and moving her world around to suit her job and lifestyle. The most settling she ever did was when she met Damien and even then they moved every few years to compensate for his job. Being outgoing + confident she taught her children there was nothing they couldn't do, she led by example trying her hand at being a waitress, housekeeper, receptionist and even a morgue attendant , anything that would help pay the bills while her husband was away. After the death of her husband Robyn continued to hold down 2 or 3 jobs so she could send her children though school. She has yet to start dating again even though it has been many years since her husband death. She states she will never try, she lost her soul mate that day.
Sister: Sydney Malloroyx – Age: 24– Job: Accountant
An accountant by day a complainer by night, Sydney and Venice are not the closest of sister, while one is into mud and grime the other is polishing her nails and stepping out in the latest tan spray. Although blood will always be thicker than water for the Malloroyx siblings these two have long to go before they can official call themselves friends. A lot of the negativity stems from Sydney, being the older sibling, taking on the job as step mother while Robyn grieved for her husband and loving the job a little too much continued playing mother goose, which translates as bossing everyone younger than her about. Venice resents Sydney for making a trying time even worse, and although there is still hostility between them both, bridges are slowly being built.
Brother: Milton Malloroyx – Age: 12– Job: Student
The youngest of the Malloroyx children, he was born in Milton Keynes shortly before the death of his father. Never knowing his dad Milton grew up with tales passed on from Venice of the 'great warrior' who sacrificed himself for the greater good, to such an extent that even Venice started to believe the stories she made up for her younger brother. As a way of the healing process Milton and Venice bonded through their stories, and while Sydney had too much to do than play silly make believe, the brother and sister act became very close, to the extent that Milton was allowed to help - (other people are denied from this place for risk of death!) - Venice out in the garage on her quad bikes, she is currently passing on the skills to Milton.
[ The Marriage] Robyn was Damien's pepper to his salt, two opposite that came together perfectly. Finding each other by chance in Australian Damien then 21 and Robyn 18 wasting no time getting to know one another and after a short 6 month lustathon Robyn had fallen pregnant, while sneaking into the conveniently placed bushes at the Royal Botanic Gardens, before Damien was sent back to England. Arranging to meet up in America the pair married in a quick service at Graceland wedding chapel in Las Vegas just before Robyn gave birth to the aptly named Sydney. It was Robyn's idea to name her children where they where conceived and the tradition carried on with Venice and Milton (Keynes) They where married 16 years before the death of Damien.
CreditsBanner created by Matisha Senshi of Pollution idea: credited to humans Face art by Matisha (first 2 images) Waist Up Art (3rd Image) by Ziggy* Chibi (4th Image) by mittc* *Images slightly altered from original as the colour of Venice's hair has changed from Purple to Black
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 4:37 am
XD Thanks for the credit of my idea, though it's not needed.
You'll still want to think of an Attack 1a, although you could make the pollution additive qualities the upgrade.
On the 'other information' area, unless you meant she moved to somewhere else before this shop's location, the location is Destiny City. No, we do not know the country it is in, but in general, I think most, if not all, roleplay here takes place in the City.
On the Impatient flaw, does this affect interpersonal relations beyond a rude usage of colorful words?
Just a few morsels for thought, though you could change around the Senshi name. Some spheres are impossible to have a fully fitting name, but most Senshi names relate to the sphere (Iris, an asteroid, was a messenger associated with the rainbow in Greek mythology), or vice versa (Atlas' sphere of gravity may have been based on the mythological Atlas holding up... I think it was the sky, I don't fully remember...).
While this looks like one of the harder spheres to get a decent name for, maybe you could look around?
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 5:31 am
[ Thank you so much for the crit!
Well I just thought I would mention you guys since without your help I would be at a stand still for attacks! and yes that is the major part i want to work on next. Not only names, but sub attacks and possible a further attack (upgraded version) so hopefully i will come up with something good soon n_n <3
Yes I wasn't quite sure how to put that she had moved from England (that at least would explain an English accent, or in part her favouritism of sarcasm XD) But I shall just re-word it so it states that, that's where she is born instead of making a point that she moved from there.
I will add more to the section of Inpatient flaw, I think that while Venice will see people lagging behind as a hindrance, she wont necessary hate you for it and instead try to motivate you, and then when she is getting nowhere with it she will quickly move on to the next thing. So in that respect if you had a problem and you came to Venice to talk about it, she would listen, give advice, and try to help, but if you still had that problem at the end of the conversation she would probably 'give up' (or would lose interest) and move on, not out of spite, but she wont repeat herself again if it didn't get anywhere the first time.
But for people being nagged by Venice to hurry up, or in the example above being slightly ignored if you haven't solved your problem with her help, I can imagine Venice losing friends as they perceive her to not care, which inst fact as Venice likes people, she just has the wrong attitude, and I guess I can add stubborn to the list of flaws since she wont be changing her view on her humour or the way she handles things any time soon.
AND yes! you are totally right about the name, I choose it original because it was the closest name to the spelling of pollution, a lazy moment on my side. But I think with a little more research I will hopefully come up with a better name that suits her sphere power better. I did look up the largest galaxy in the solar system (to emphasis the pollution side) and its name is Messier (87), I didnt know if that would be acceptable though XD
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 2:19 pm
Hey there, Matisha < 3. Reporting for duty; critique that is! Here I go... Hobbies::Spray-Painting: I love what you have here; it`s a really original hobby. It`s wonderful that you included the key points, as to how she began, and how she applies it to her life. You might want to include why she wanted to rebel? I think this could be important. Did she feel a hate, simply wanted to be recognized, etc, etc.
Quad-Biking: Once again, I adore what you`ve started out with. However, I am seriously intrigued by her father. I feel a bit repetitive, but why does she love it so much? I understand she likes fixing it too; but as to quad-biking. The rush of adrenaline? The feeling of power? Etc, etc.
Singing: Wonderful.
Virtues::Confidence: Love this aspect of her character. However, where does she get such confidence? Does she simply not care about others' opinions, or does she revel in the spotlight? Do her friends love her for this part; or are they annoyed?
Loyalty: Flawless; One question to consider, has she ever been hurt by others due to her undying loyalty to the ones she chooses to give it too?
Optimism: This is great; but once again, perhaps provide some reasoning on how she got so optimistic? Did she learn from her lessons? Was she taught this by her family, etc~.
Flaws::Insensitive: Love, love, love this. Seriously, you did a great job with the description.
Chaotic: Fits perfectly as she's the Senshi of Pollution. One more question, does this in any way impact the way others see her? Does she have a bad reputation for this?
Impatient: Hmm, this is good; but the last part seems more like indecisive?
Overall Opinion:: Honestly, I think what you have here is an excellent start. Her flaws and virtues don`t seem to clash at all. I think all you really need is more explanations; and what`s most important to include in the future is her background history/family. I`ve a feeling it`ll give everyone a better insight as to why she`s who she is? Good job, though!
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Posted: Mon Jan 04, 2010 5:19 pm
Not gonna crit ('cause really, I know nothing about what is good & what is bad) but I voted for Messier rather than Pollux as
1. Sailor Pollux, Senshi of Pollution seems too repetitive to me and
2. I couldn't choose option 3 because I don't have a good idea. >:
...you could make it kinda ironic and go with Hygiea? Asteroid info
I don't know.. sorry, I suck at helping.
Note: Sirona (I just realised) is the Roman equivalent... do you think that would matter?
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Posted: Mon Jan 04, 2010 7:58 pm
I don't really have a critique of the character herself, but I voted "other" in the poll, so here goes: I don't really have a problem with Pollux, but it sounds as if you're having reservations about using the star, so I'm guessing you don't like it enough (I could be way off, though). My personal opinion is that a senshi of an entire galaxy would be too powerful ( a la Galaxia), but this shop probably has different precedents, so that may not matter. My alternate suggestions are as follows: Isonoe - One of Jupiter's moons. It is named after a lover of Zeus who was also one of the Danaides, a group of sisters who killed their husbands and are punished in Tartarus by being forced to fill a bath which will wash their sins clean, but the water jugs they used were full of holes and the water would leak out before they could get it to the bath. The connection to pollution is a bit loose, but the inability to bathe herself could be the connection you're looking for? Havnia - A Main Belt asteroid. It is named after Copenhagen, Denmark (using the Latin name). This is not to say Copenhagen's a particular dirty city, but most urban spaces tend to have a higher concentration of pollution than others. There are hundreds of asteroids named after cities. If you don't like Havnia, try Pittsburghia, Monachia or Tokio. Charybdis - A main belt asteroid named after a Greek monster. If you find that pollution, as a concept, is "monstrous", maybe a celestial object named after a monster is for you. Several of Saturn's moons are named after monsters and Uranus's moons Caliban and Sycorax, could be considered to be named after monstrous enough characters to fall under the category. *Edit* Almost forgot: Dudu - An asteroid currently being used by some modern astrologists who use asteroids in their readings to indicate garbage in a person's life. *Edit, Part II* After some research, I noticed that "Messier" is actually a designation of several celestial objects in which Messier 87 is just one of many. See Wikipedia's article on Messier objects for more.
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Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 4:50 am
[ Oh wow guys o_o you peoples are amazing!! Ok ok, give me a few minutes to reply back to sironas crit, and then I am going over Amizade and Verirthe suggestions with a fine tooth comb!! *hugs you guys* ]
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Posted: Sat Jan 09, 2010 9:13 am
Okay I read this and at the end it did not feel like I had read it because it flows so well D: so then I read it again looking at it in a greater detail. Cutting a long story short I realized that I was actually trying to make up things that did not seem right because to be honest I could not find anything and I thought that would be a stupid thing to put as crit!
Everything flows and works well, even more so you have wrote it in a way that is fun to read! =D I mean it I love her character and think she is awesome and I want to see her made! =D
(She has to meet Bridget if we get them because she is the type of person she would follow and more so she would not understand her humor so that would not offend her, she is a slow slow girl... XD)
I like the name Pollux personally <3 its not too girly, it sounds nice and just has that ring *shot*
I KNOW I AM USELESS T.T
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Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:20 pm
Thanks again for crit my work Sirona, I really appreciate t!
Spray Painting]I am going to add a short history bio outlining the reason why she went slightly off the scales aka fathers death, rebelling etc. But I am going to make a point that she isn't like that now, she has matured + saw what it was doing to her mum (like she didn't have enough to worry about) she is just lucky that she has come out the other side with a pretty cool talent.
Quad Biking] Again I am hoping to go over in the bio, it was a hobby of her fathers and since Milton was too young and Sydney too girly she connected with her father on this level and when he was home this was daddy daughter time, and she wouldn't trade it for the world. In a way continuing it (not only because she loves it) she still feels close to him.
Singing] Thank you 8D
Confidence] Confidence will stem from her up bringing, her parents being out going, her mothers love for life etc, all passed on to her. She gained a lot of 'ballsy' confidence when she fell into the wrong crowd, in a way it goes back to her love of sarcastic humour. She would rather say that insensitive punchline than hold back. Friends again would love her or hate her, for those that can see the funny side of being taken the 'mick' out they will catch on to the fact that Venice is just as willing to make fun of herself. But she can easily lose friends (and she has) if they don't 'get' that part of her.
Loyalty] That is a good point to think upon, although of course her fathers death was a huge impact, i don't want everything of her personality to stem from then, so I will defiantly be thinking of something to add along those line, it would make for interesting plotness!!
Optimism] Again i will elaborate more on this, it is more to do with her upbringing, more on her mothers side for bouncing back from a lot of crap in her life, she has taken this all on board and has used it to get where she wants to be in her life. she will never forget what has happened, if anything it gives her the strength to carry on.
Insensitive] Thank you n_n
Chaotic] As being the 'polluting' kind she doesn't get many friendly words about what she does. Her mother, sister, friends, school teachers, all will have something to say her about this aspect of personality. she doesn't actively seek out to cause a mess, but rather she see's little consequence in doing it, she has little guilt because she is so wrapped up in the next project or helping a friend, or the waiting to give that punchline in that she doesn't see the trail of destruction left behind.
Impatient] Yeah I need to work on this to show that she is not fickle just...impatient XD But again thank you for the crit, I shall work hard on fixing it!
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Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2010 6:20 am
[@ Amizade: Thank you for your input on names!! I love the idea of using an ironic name for her, but not sure if it quite suits, I may steal it though for another quest! Maybe Venicie's arch enemy!!!!!
@Verithe: Oh wow thank you so much for putting in all that effort for me, I really really appreciate it!! You don't know how many times I put the word star/planet then pollution,garbage, and radioactiveness into a search engine and come up with nothing!!
I am now spoilt for choice!! Although i lovelovelove the name Tokio I feel that because of her name (and siblings) i have already gone down the city route, even though I think it would be an amazing name!! I am still on the fence about that!!
Isonoe is such a cool name as well and again it is a big decision on what I should go for, the only other name I have possibly decided on is Ate! The Roman goddess of sewage, and also an asteroid!!
so its either;
Sailor Tokio (toe-kee-o)
Sailor Isonoe (eye-son-o-ee)
Sailor Ate (ei-ti or A-at-tee)
oh what to choose what to choose, I love them all! D:
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Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2010 6:51 am
I think you chose a perfect name. :3
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Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2010 7:14 am
[ Thank you so much n_n <3 I still absolutely love you for all the suggestions!!! and now I shall go sneak off to your quest and see if i can offer any helpful crit <3 *hugs* ]
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