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Posted: Mon Dec 28, 2009 9:46 pm
today childeren i bring you the parcial story of Taylor a dashing pilot in a world of war.
NOTE IT IS A ROUGH ROUGH ROUGH ROUGH DRAFT. I KNOW THE SPELLING IS OFF, EVERYTHING CAN BE CHANGED, in the world i create i am there god :3
backround- Main Charater, Taylor (for now), has found out that a girl that hes cares for is cheating on him. Be a dectorated fighter pilot and leader of Lion Head 45th Air Divison, 116th fighter squaderon. He was asked to lead an attack on a heavey defended military base that could end the war if sucessful, the only problem is that it is a suicide misson...)
I picked up my helmate. for some reason today it looked blacker. Maybe all this was getting to me. i stopped and sighed. i looked down. I guess i wont have to worry about this anymore, in a few hours it will all be over.. everything.
"Taylor..." a sweet sound of somthing that once ment something to me. i stood up. i grabbed my helmate and my equipment. I dont want to sick around and get fed more bullshit. i pasted her without saying a word. Its better this way, what good is someone if there not alive. i let out a small smirk. i dont why, it just seemed like the right thing to do. i opened the door and entered the tarmac.
"Captain." Cheif Engeiner Greger, appraoched me and saluted,"your chariot awaits you sir."
"My Chariot to hell." i said nothing more and walked into my hanger. the flight crew saluted me. i thanked them for taking care of my aircrafts. i climbed up the later and entered into a tight squeeze of my cockpit. i looked around and observed the controls. An all glass cockpitm easy enough.
"Thank you all for supporting and fixing my aircraft over the past months. you all take a nice long break. i think this is going to be my final run." i smiled at them and gave them a ressuring gaze. i stapped in to my seat. i pressed the ignition. my F-23 Black Widow came to life. i got a quick knock of my helmate, and i was enclosed in my tomb.
I inched my way out into the day light. a line of people lined in white saluted in my dircection. i turned my jet and followed my rout directly past them, followed by Razor and Sleaziod and 4 other memebers of our rag tag squad. We were the last hope, the last knights of the world. i examed the faces of those who i past. Not one of them were of hers. Im surprised, i at least deserved to be watched as i cast off into death. i earned that much.
"Lion Head, proceede to runaway A01." the control tower patched in. my thoughts were inturped.
"er... roger control." i pulled up to the line and waited. i looked over again. i saw nothing of her presesce. Maybe i hadnt earned it. my heart was bursting. im going to die and i couldnt even love her.
"Lion Head 1, cleared for take off....God Speed, the fate of our nations rests with you." i looked foreward, i pushed the throttles foreward. the engins chugged on her last misson.
"roger..." i looked over and saw her. standing alone in front my hanger alone. i tear stripped past my eye. I then saw him appear behind her. all my sadness turned to hatred. im glad i was going to dieing.
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Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 1:25 pm
Ok, first of all, booyah for wrestling, one of the greatest sports ever!
And you are right this is definitely a rough draft. Ok, I am going to tell you what I tell almost everyone. Use all five senses. I cannot stress how much better that small thing makes papers. It will connect the reader better, and they will feel more for the character and what is going on. Oh, and you don't need the background, you can keep that to yourself. It hints to it in the story, give the reader credit, let them figure it out themselves. Ok, and yeah lots of basic mistakes throughout the paper, too.
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