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 Posted: Mon Dec 28, 2009 1:59 pm
C: DONE.
It could still use some editing.
Please be real when critiquing.
I don't want "IT LOOKS OKAY."
I want "You could probably fix... His flaw is...."
Thanks C:
GOGOGOGOGOGO ROSE
STAMP DIS MUG. 8'D
*shot and bloodied*
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Posted: Mon Dec 28, 2009 2:00 pm
Cavalier: Cavalier Aion of the Core
Name: Aelius Manx
Nickname: He refuses to acknowledge such blatant disrespect for his given name. Though I hear his mother used to call him Elli.
Age: 18
Birthday: April 10th
Sign: Aries
Blood Type: AB
Fav. Food: Pastrami on rye bread
Hated Food: Hamburgers. French fries. Any type of instant/fast food.
School: Hillworth Grammar School Meadowview
Hobbies:
Teasing the Brain – A brainiac, Aelius is under the impression that unless the gray matter is constantly exercised, it will rot. So, how exactly does he stimulate his brain? Why simple, engaging in rigorous 5 hour campaigns of strategy games daily. Not games like Conquest mind you, games like Go, Shogi, and Chess. He constantly uses his brain, avoiding objects such as calculators that do the work for him. Aside from strategic games, he enjoys brain teasers, riddles, and other puzzles. His particular favorites are the Blind man’s rubik’s cube and the Pentanix.
A strong mind requires a strong body – At a young age, Aelius began to practice the art of Hapkido. It was at first to strength his lungs to reduce the occurrences of his asthma attacks. As time progressed however, he found solace within its rigorous movements. Aelius is a serious practitioner of Hapkido, he doesn’t use it simply to bully others around, rather to strengthen his body and to be in tune with the world around him. Furthermore, Hapkido is a practice that takes lots of mental and physical effort; this is the one hobby he resorts to if he ever needs to simply stop thinking about what's bothering him.
Poetry – A hopeless romantic at heart, the majority of his poems are about beautiful maidens and his surroundings. In any case, his fear of having his hobby discovered leads him to exclude emotion from his poetry, leaving it to sound exceptionally stiff and cold cut. Then again the important thing is that Aelius is able to achieve catharsis.
Extracurriculars: Chess club, track/field, and home economics. For the food really.
Gemstone: Tiger's Eye
Virtues:
Restraint – Aelius knows when to stop. He’s aware that sometimes, more isn’t always better. He's able to analyze a situation, decide the possible outcomes and check his chances. He's able to decide when something is a lost cause. Sure it might seem pessimistic, but he's not the type to risk the lives of fellow friends or chess pieces in order to go for the kill. He'd rather keep all of his pieces and make a complete landslide win. Pyrrhic victories are not his style.
This restraint is more geared towards physical activities and actions. Not behavioral ones. So for an example, Aelius is highly judgemental, that's a behavioral trait, one that he doesn't restrain. However, if someone were to come and rip up his notes, he isn't going to start a fight with them. He would restrain his physical actions and first figure out why that person acted that way in the first place. Then, give or receive an apology on what they say.
Patience - Unlike most from his generation, Aelius is a rather patient individual. This is a virtue that has been practiced relentlessly during his hapkido training and his strategic game campaigns. He's aware that instant gratification is not the key. Perfection can only come from patience, patience can only come with practice. His high capacity for patience allows him to deal with almost any person at anytime. Good luck trying to tick this one off.
Logic - Aelius is a very practical person. In an argument, it's more than likely he'll use logic against you. A critical thinker, he'll dissect your argument, point out its fallacies, and separate the valid points. Through the use of logic, Aelius can help lower the number of casualties resulting form a mission that wasn't completely thought out all the way. Furthermore, he has no time for foolishness. Logic is a tool for discerning truth and lies.
Acceptance - Not one to dwell on the curveballs of life thrown at him, Aelius is quick to accept the current situation. He realizes that denial is futile and even dangerous in a situation. One must accept the reality of the situation in order to progress into the future. It is a fact of life.
Flaws:
Honesty – Aelius is honest, and that should actually be a virtue. However, he takes it one step too far by being brutally honest. He doesn’t sugar coat his words. If he thinks you sing like a cat choking on a hairball he’s going to say it out front. This stems from his desire to be the best that he can be and in order for that to happen, he needs others to point out his flaws. Yet, Aelius takes it in the wrong direction by applying the ever so famous phrase ‘treat others how you wish to be treated.’ He’s not trying to be a jackass; he’s just approaching it through the wrong method.
Judgmental – First impressions are very important to Aelius. In fact, he goes a little overboard by judging them based on their first impression. He doesn't allow second chances because he believes that a person should get it right the first time. He's rather oblivious to the fact that even he himself cannot achieve that.
Perfection - This a little bit different from your standard OCD. Aelius's desire to be perfect controls every aspect of his personality and mannerisms. He is patient because being perfect takes time. He is honest because he wishes the exact same from others so he may be perfect as well. This is mainly influenced by his mother's parenting technique. As a child, Aelius was often told "Be perfect or disappear. I have no use for failures." Thus it dictates his life today. He views perfection as the key to acceptance. At times it plagues him, are his shirts wrinkle free? Is there a rip? What's this a scuff on his shoe? Presentation is everything to him.
Self Esteem - All that abuse from Meryl has uttered destroyed Aelius's self esteem. Though not shown in public, mentally, he's constantly second guessing himself. Are his actions really correct? What if it's not? What if someone gets hurt because of my decision? Those are but a few of the inquisitional questions he uses on himself.
Aelius constantly seeks out verbal and physical cues of pleasure from his peers to reassure himself. In his mind, all of his actions must please someone, if not then he has essentially 'failed.' When Aelius falls, he falls fast and hard. Like a light snuffed out in an endless abyss, the different is stark. He becomes depressed. He's unable to function normally. Luckily, he's only had such a severe response once.
Sword: A rapier, with a Pappenheimer style guard.
Challenge: I will strike you to the core!
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Posted: Mon Dec 28, 2009 2:03 pm
[AREN'T YOU A DASHING YOUNG MAN?]
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 185lbs
Eye color: Glacial Steel
Hair: o 3o~
Hair color: Black
Fuku: Gold
All in all, Aelius is tall, yet muscular. Not that grotesque muscle builders thing, but toned. Like with abs and all that good junk. SUMTHINGLIKEDIS
Aelius has a platinum ring strung through a silver chain that he wears around his neck. It was given to him by Nana, his grandmother.
Mostly Artist's choice.
I'm willing to change the color of his eyes. o 3o.
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Posted: Mon Dec 28, 2009 7:55 pm
FAMILY
THE MOTHERMeryl Vice
A cold woman who only cares for material success, her mentality has affected the mental stability of her son. Ever since Aelius started school, Meryl has always resorted to physical and verbal abuse in order to 'motivate' her son. Even at times ignoring him for days if he failed to make a perfect score on his test. Even now, when Aelius is highly gifted young man, she refuses to talk to him on the basis that he's 'shot full of failures.'
She's best described as a manipulative woman who will stop at no costs to get what she wants.
!McGrogLegs pointed out a something important:
Does his mother have any redeeming values, or is she just a straight-up villain in his life?
And the answer is... Meryl does not have any redeeming qualities. She's fixated only cares for herself. Everything she did so far, marrying Gabe, and having Aelius was all for her benefit in the end. She's self absorbed, extroverted, and lives a luxurious lifestyle defined by imported wines, clothing and more.
THE FATHERGabe Manx DECEASED
Aelius's father, Gabe died on the night returning from from his honeymoon with Meryl. While the accurate details of his death are unknown, on his autopsy the cause of his death was listed as trauma from blunt object. Though Meryl refuses to talk of the subject, neighbors comment on several important points:
- On the night of Gabe's death a man was seen loitering the Manx household. He seemed to be carrying a blunt slender object, like a baseball bat, PVC pipe or a rolled up painting.
-This man had been seen previous within the neighborhood, entering and leaving the Manx house.
- At around 1AM the neighborhood heard the sound of breaking glass and a scream.
- 1:03AM a silhouette is seen running out of the Manx household, the figure is heard shouting "IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"
-1:05AM The cops along with an ambulance are seen parked in front of Gabe's house. Neighbors note that Meryl's countenance was impassive. As if she felt nothing towards the death of her husband.
-Several days later, the man who was seen loitering around Gabe's house prior to Gabe's death is found and identified. His name is Luka Redenet and body was seen floating down the river. The autopsy report for this individual also stated: trauma from blunt object.
-The figure is identified as a colleague of Gabe's. Oddly, in his will, his possessions have been set to be given to Meryl. And while the police examined this strange occurrence, they discovered a box of letters all addressed from Meryl.
So that leads to speculation. Who really killed Gabe? Was it Luka, Gabe's colleague who was constantly seen loitering around Gabe's house or Meryl, who was impassive towards Gabe's death and inherited not only Gabe's wealth but also Luka's?
AELIUS AND HIS THOUGHTS TOWARD HIS MOTHER AND THE DEATH OF HIS FATHER.
How has never knowing his father affected Aelius?
Growing up without a father figure, Aelius was always insecure. As a young child, Aelius felt that he was the only one who not outside with a father learning to catch baseballs, riding bicycles or even fishing. Since he had no one there for him (Meryl being too self absorbed in herself), Aelius began to develop his trait of being self-reliant. He also took it upon himself to make his mother happy, as that's what fathers do right? Keeping their wives happy. So, he tried to fit into Meryl's expectations.
Don't have a dad? That's fine. I'll go teach myself how to ride a bike.
A bully picking on me? That's fine. I'm a boy. I don't need anyone to help me, I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF.
Does he imagine Gabe, his father, to be a saint compared to his mother?
Aelius isn't the type to dwell on the past. Gabe is dead. He has never met Gabe. In Aelius's mind, the only connection he and Gabe share is genetics. Aelius sometimes dreams of what it would like to have Gabe alive, but he's aware that it's a fantasy and that it's simply mentally unhealthy to want the impossible.
Besides, while Meryl is a neglectful mother, she has still provided Aelius with a house and regular meals. Which is loads better than a mother who beats him and doesn't feed him.
Aelius doesn't think very much of Gabe other than sharing genetic material.
Does he believe whatever stories his mother tells about Gabe?
Meryl, his mother, doesn't talk about Gabe at all. The last time Aelius tried to ask her about Gabe, she slapped him and screamed at him to get out of the room.
Aelius is under the impression that she's still mourning for him. Which is... VERY INCORRECT.
Does he suspect foulplay by his mother?
Not much for him to suspect given that Meryl has simply said: "You're father is dead." Aelius sometimes wonders how his father died but to tell the truth, even if that person is your father, if you've never met them, you can't help but feel ambivalent towards them.
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Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 3:47 am
[WHY AELIUS SHOULD BE CAVALIER AION OF CORE]
What exactly is core?
If you use the free dictionary, then you have several definitions.
1. The hard or fibrous central part of certain fruits, such as the apple or pear, containing the seeds.
2. The central or innermost part: the hard elastic core of a baseball; a rod with a hollow core.
3. The basic or most important part; the essence: a small core of dedicated supporters; the core of the problem. See Synonyms at substance.
4. A set of subjects or courses that make up a required portion of a curriculum.
5. Electricity A soft iron rod in a coil or transformer that provides a path for and intensifies the magnetic field produced by the windings.
6.
a. Computer Science A memory, especially one consisting of a series of tiny doughnut-shaped masses of magnetic material. Also called core memory.
b. One of the magnetic doughnut-shaped masses that make up such a memory. Also called magnetic core.
7. The central portion of the earth below the mantle, beginning at a depth of about 2,900 kilometers (1,800 miles) and probably consisting of iron and nickel. It is made up of a liquid outer core and a solid inner core.
8. A mass of dry sand placed within a mold to provide openings or shape to a casting.
9. A reactor core.
10. A cylindrical sample of rock, ice, or other material obtained from the center of a mass by drilling or cutting.
11. The base, usually of soft or inferior wood, to which veneer woods are glued.
12. Archaeology A stone from which one or more flakes have been removed, serving as a source for such flakes or as a tool itself.
I am going to use my interpretation so it may be very flawed.
Core is anything inside, it can run functions, keep the system functioning, and is perhaps one of the most fragile and precious components of a system. A core can also represent stronghold, bastion and foundation. Core can also represent essence. [i.e. I AM HARDCORE.] Simply, it could just mean center or gist. Moving on, I saw Aelius best as Cavalier Aion because Aelius is a rather strong person. He's the one who's willing to spill out their brains to get the operations moving smoothly. He's strong enough as an individual to offer comfort to another person. He can keep the cavaliers together.
As a child, Aelius never truly experienced paternal love. This led him to grow up to be a self dependent individual. He doesn't see the reason to ask another person because he's fully aware that he more than capable of doing himself. This has formed a sort of 'superiority complex' that fools him into thinking that for anything to be successful, he needs to do it himself. That he needs to control and help progress the movements of the cavaliers. He wouldn't dare impose on the shitennou, and nor would he show his efforts where everyone can see them. He would be working behind the scenes to make sure all components are running correctly.
Next, Meryl's influence on Aelius has left him emotionally mute. He feels them yet it is very difficult for him to expose himself to others. In public, the male is likely to be laughing and smiling like the next person, however you'll never find him crying or going up to a person for help. Even though he himself offers solace to others, he can't bring himself to look weak in front of others. Just as the core is hidden, so is Aelius's heart. Of course, it doesn't mean that he'll suddenly go and kill someone, he's not that kind of a person.
Finally, most cores are thought to be fragile. Easily harmed or destroyed, Aelius is no exception. His lack of self-esteem and desire to open his self to others leaves a lot of room for wounds.
Aelius represents the core because he views himself as a foundation for others and a sort of 'link' that binds together individuals. Yet, he is also delicate and requires the other Cavaliers for support.
How would Aelius act with the other Cavaliers?
Aelius is a pleasant person to be around with overall, so I would assume that he would have no problems getting around with the other Cavaliers. The bumps I see in the future would be with him butting heads with another Cavalier with an impulsive personality. Aelius would prefer to plan things out and work out all the kinks before going into action. I can easily see another Cavalier rejecting Aelius's idea, preferring for one made on whim.
Other than that, Aelius would gladly give up his time to aid another Cavalier.
Does Aelius know what to do with a rapier?
Of course not. 8'D
He'll think it's for decoration and go around using Hapkido like the loser he is.
At least until he gets plugged.
ROFL.
So about that plugging... How would Aelius react to plugging?
Aelius is really big on setting importance on his duties. To him, plugging is part of his job as a Cavalier. Since Aelius is 'emotionally retarded,' he would be very... impassive towards the emotional part of plugging with a Senshi. He would be indiscriminate with who he plugs as well. Since it's part of the job, he would bear it like a man.
Since I'm not sure how plugging works, and I'm going to assume that plugging can work between any senshi and cavalier no matter what their genders are. Aelius would have no problem plugging into another male senshi because it's simply a part of his job. In fact, he's likely to forget the face of the person he plugged into. The people he would plug into would hold no significance to him.
Lastly, because his mother never nurtured him, Aelius would be at unease with any emotions that began to bubble up between him and the senshi he's plugged into or the senshi he plugged into in the past. Any emotions aside from anger and hate leave the male feeling very awkward because he's not sure how to react to them. Feelings such as affection would have the male unplugging in a second and running off.
As I said, Aelius sees plugging a part of his job description for being a cavalier. He sees no little fine print notes on commitment and all that jive. Thus he doesn't want any love-like emotions to develop while being plugged to a senshi. He's THE CORE. He's separated from others by a thing black impenetrable veil. Lastly, Aelius is aware that as Senshis and Cavaliers fighting the youma and Negaverse, there's always a chance that they might die. The last thing he wants is to feel panic while he's dying because the person he loves is dying as well. Aelius would rather die being plugged into a senshi he has no feelings for because it weighs less on his conscience.
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Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 6:37 am
Just one question, if Aelius is a highly gifted young man and desires perfection so much, why is he enrolled in Hillworth? Keep in mind that Hillworth is like a last resort for parents; it is a boarding school that tends to take in boys from disadvantaged backgrounds or boys who have been expelled from other schools for bad or dangerous behavior. Aelius doesn't seem to fit either of these to me; since his mother seems like the type that would never send him to Hillworth.
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Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 6:59 am
That's a funny story really.
At least for myself it is.
Meryl had no intention of letting her son go into a co-ed school. This is just her psychotic mentality. She decided it was hellalot better to send him to an all boy's school with authoritarian figures. Besides, Meryl doesn't even really want anything to do with her son, so for Hillwood to be a boarding school as well was a bonus. As for Aelius, since his sole desire is to please his mother, he went without any complaints.
However, Hillwood still has high academic and sports standards so it isn't too bad.
It's really warped. But that should give you a good view of how bad the relationship is between Meryl and Aelius.
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Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 7:14 am
I'm just confused because you have written that "she refuses to talk to him on the basis that he's going to a 'trashy school full of failures.' " She's the one who sent him to that school in the first place though?
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Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 7:23 am
Yea. Meryl sees it as his fault. If he would have gotten perfects earlier in primary school, she wouldn't have to send him there. She could send him to another school and probably their relationship would have been better. His 'failures' have led her to decide that Hillwood is the only school that will take him now. So ultimately, it's her fault for setting such standards.
So for Meryl, he's going to Hillwood and it's a visual presentation of how Aelius is a failure. Of all the schools he's going to Hillwood because he couldn't do what she asked him to do.
Does that help?
It's probably really confusing to you but it makes a lot of sense in my mind.
I might just go a head and change it though to avoid other problems.
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Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 7:40 am
It's not Hillwood; it's Hillworth <3
Determination of school shouldn't be about uniform though? XD It's more of seeing where their personality fits. I'm not sure if Hillworth will take in students that are not disadvantaged or problematic, but it just seems like he doesn't fit there? Hillworth is really, ultimately a last resort for parents, and Meryl sending him to Hillworth seems a little bit too much because she's such a perfectionist? I can see that she would think twice about sending him there because it would be bad for her that her son is in Hillworth of all schools?
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Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 7:49 am
My streetname is Hillwood.
>_>;;
But you've made some really good points.
I guess he will go into Meadowview. C:
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Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 12:02 pm
I shall attempt to crit my dear Koco~ 8D
Well, he's looking fine and dandy to me, nothing too glaring. His virtues and flaws nicely flow together. Maybe add another virtue and flaw though? May as well max. it with 4 each to get a better look at his personality. (And personally, maybe try to get that last virtue and flaw to show a different side of himself? If he has one, anyways. Does he get flustered? Is he a tsundere sweet?)
And since he's now going to Meadowview, he no longer goes to a "trashy school full of failures". x3 -points to family post-
The reasoning for being Cavalier Aion is nice! Maybe try writing about his relationships with the other cavaliers? ^^
EDIT: Btw, -backreading- Cavaliers (if not instructed beforehand) have no clue how to use their swords until they are "plugged" into a senshi. 83 Hence why my cavalier quest is more likely to go "-swings sword- -punches with other hand- -swings sword-". xD
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Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:08 pm
Added 1 new virtue and 1 new flaw.
-Acceptance
-Self Esteem
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Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:31 pm
lolol you asked me for a crit and I feel bad. Because now that my brain is up to the task, and I've read it... I can't really see much, if anything, that may be wrong. X3;;;
I love how everything seems to flow together nicely, I really like him. Though I am a bit curious as to how he might react if he get the wrong impression of some one and they refuse to let him not give them a second chance.
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Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 3:12 pm
8'D That means I've been doing what I was supposed to be doing!
That's the beauty of his flaw. He's under the impression that in life there are no second chances. So if someone were to snap at him, he'd assume. "Oh that person isn't very tolerant." Of course he's aware that everyone has their down days as well. So he might think: "That person must be having a bad day. But that very rude of them." And thus... DISLIKE. But, all in all, he's likely to remember that first impression and make his guesses based on that.
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