Welcome to Gaia! ::

It used to be that way for me. Even when I was surrounded by my family during this season I felt very very alone.

That is another reason I am grateful that God brought me to my fiancee. She is inadvertently or intentionally, I can't tell which, challenging me to reconnect with the spirit of this holiday season, rather than just go through the cultural obligations of this holiday.

Well she's a bit of an empath in that she's really good at reading me. She could tell from the get-go that I wasn't connecting or really enjoying the holiday. What she mainly did was got me thinking about when I first started disconnecting from Christmas. Most of my issues primarily are that of hyper self-denial to compensate for an event in my childhood during the Christmas season that was pretty traumatic for me.

On a lesser scale she pretty much forces me to choose out decorations and won't let me get away with just picking whatever. Basically for the purpose of building me and reminding me that this holiday is a celebration and not a time for self-destructive, self-abusive self-denial.

Try to think of why you feel lonely on the holidays. What makes the Holiday a lonely time for you personally? When did you first start feeling lonely? Figuring out the answers to this questions might help you out.