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This guild is intended for those who have a love of the fantasy genre, perhaps a growing interest in it, and for those who write in it. 

Tags: Fantasy, Writing, RPGs, Magic, Myth 

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It's a simple rhyme but something isn't sitting right...

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Wolffy-Silver

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 8:48 pm


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So while my internet is being nice to me I'll post this real quick.

I wrote a poem the other night; just one of those things you do when you've stayed up to late (reading mother goose in my case) and decided to take a crack at writing something.
So I decided to use the most simple of rhymes (ight) and make a lil poem.
I'm having a problem with the flow and ermm general everything-ness of the underlined portion. I've never actually written poetry before, I feel a bit like I've wandered to far into the woods. o_O

Rest easy my dear,
I'll wrap you up tight.
You're safe in my arms,
I'm your shelter from the night.
And all those things that claw at you
and seek to bite; it's only right.
For it was you who first held me tight
And led me back into daylight
You are to me all that is bright

And so I promise that with all my might
No matter how far you stray from sight
I will be your shelter from the night


I don't like the 'For it blah blah" bit. It sounds immature to me but the IDEA of what it is saying is what I'm aiming for. and TIGHT works i think. and I don't quite appreciate the way it flows into the daylight portion but I DO like the way daylight corresponds to bright.

RAWRG. I've been wearing down my nails trying to make this work well. So if you have any suggestion at all, not including that I stop writing poetry of course haha, then please. :]] Post away.

EDIT: Perhaps changing 'For' to 'As' will give it the feel and flow I'm lookign for. Hrrm.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 7:00 pm


Maybe something like "For you were the first to hold me tight..."

I'm also not sure about the daylight line...since the stress is on "day" it reads kind of clunky for me.

Alanora Calaran


Wolffy-Silver

PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 8:26 am


Alanora Calaran
Maybe something like "For you were the first to hold me tight..."

I'm also not sure about the daylight line...since the stress is on "day" it reads kind of clunky for me.
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Cluncky? Yar. you're right. O_o Well this is only a rough draft. I'll keep at it. :]]

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 1:42 pm


"For you were the first to hold me tight" does sound better. I guess there wasn't a need for my assistance, was there? I am not much of a poet actually so I can't really help. I may pick it up but I don't have a real inspiration as of late.

hypnocrown
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