It didn't feel like Christmas.

Granted, Ursula's previous Christmases failed to fall under any category of "normal", ranging from disappointed childhood memories filled with passed out fathers and neglectful mothers to having awkward attempts at a Negaverse Christmas party the previous year (never again would she let Obby near eggnog, never again).

All the same, this Christmas was turning out rather... well, miserable. It had been adorable to discover Charonite had no real experience or history when it came to the holiday season, but all of her decorating plans had gone out the window once Captain Kunzite had decided to add a hole to her fiancé's shoulder. With him out of commission, Ursula had been forced to struggle under the weight of the six foot fake tree as she set up the Official Killingworth Christmas Tree all by her lonesome. Decorating hadn't been any sort of problem (she was Ursula, after all), but it HAD been terribly lonely, especially as she'd originally planned to spend an entire evening forcing her beloved to stand by her side and assist in hanging the ornaments, the garland, and the few candy canes she'd brought up from the teacher's lounge. But no, she'd been forced to teeter on her stool as she struggled to add the star at the top, working her way down the fake pine as she decorated. She was determined to keep the holiday spirit alive, even if it killed her. Which it nearly had, considering at one point the stool sent her tumbling forward, taking the half-decorated tree down with her.

Cookie baking had been enjoyable, a brief happy interlude in her world of Christmas misery, and far too short. She hoped that Janice had won over her darling with the confections, as the cookies seemed to have had absolutely no effect on Charonite whatsoever. Sure, biting the head and limbs off a Scheelite cookie had its moments, but it appeared to be nothing more to him than an overly decorated cookie, rather than a labor of love (as she personally saw it).

Sighing to herself, Ursula brought up the mug of hot cocoa up to her lips, her eyes determined to stay glued to the television in front of her, as opposed to the glittering tree in the corner of her peripheral vision. Her face still had scratches from the tree's needles and her arm had suffered a nice sharp cut due to a wayward ornament clip, so the grudge against the Tree From Hell was still fresh in her mind. Stupid tree. Stupid ornaments. Stupid garland. Stupid lights. Heck, she didn't even have any presents to put underneath its stupid bastardly branches, making it look all the more pitiful (Ursula refused to admit that the tree looked partially flat after the fall, though it unfortunately did, despite her attempt to fluff the branches).

Eyes narrowed and she shot another brief glare at the tree. Presents. Where to even begin? With everything that had gone on throughout the month, Ursula hadn't had the time to come up with any sort of gift for Charonite (aside from the obvious cushions she was going to be replacing, thanks to the whole bleeding-all-over-them thing he'd done the previous week). What did a girl get a General-King? The man's apartment had been furnished once Ursula had moved in, so furniture and appliances had been covered. She could get him some cigarettes, but was that really any sort of way to profess love? Here, dear, I love you, here are some cancer sticks to shorten your life.

Shaking her head, she let out another exasperated sigh as she rose from the couch, moving to head towards the bedroom. Perhaps if she used The Google, she could come up with something to give a thirty-five year old ma--wait.

She paused where she stood, the answer becoming all too clear.

The laptop.

Charonite was always after information, so it made perfect sense! What better way to keep informed, keep track of budgets and billing and paperwork than to do everything electronically? He wasn't the most technology savvy man, true, but even he would be able to see the benefit of being able to access everything with a click or two of a button. It was perfect.

She smiled, certainly proud of herself.... until she realized she had no ******** idea how she was going to go about finding the perfect laptop as a present. Ursula herself had no idea how the blasted things really worked, so relying on her own knowledge would be futile. But who could she...

No.

No.

There was no way.

No ******** way.


One hand moved up and pinched the bridge of her nose, a habit that had unfortunately formed all-too quickly after being around her significant other. Out of all the ******** people in the world, there was only one person that she was going to have to go to for help. One ******** little twit who held all the answers, all the solutions she'd need.

Ursula was going to need the help of Audrey Collins.