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 Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 2:29 pm
I don't know if anyone here also follows the livejournal community "fatshionista," but laaately...
there's been a BOATLOAD of drama over there.
They've recently tightened the restrictions on who can post there to squeeze out "inbetweenies" (oh, how I hate that term--it means those size 10-18, who can technically find suitable clothing in "straight size" stores). The "inbetweenies" have reacted with the general negative consensus of emotions: hurt, upset, bummed, mad. They now feel unwelcome in the community that helped them with FA. This is not being helped by some choice members telling them they're "whining" crybabies that are throwing "temper tantrums" over no longer being the "prettiest girl at the party" (no srsly, someone said this!). So now "inbetweenies" feel even MORE unwelcome because this restriction has lead to discrimination.
We're too fat for society, but not fat enough for our fat haven...
WTH.
The mods are giving tons of excuses, like...
1) it's to make the bigger members feel more comfortable,
2) it's to make the bigger members more visible
3) it's to lessen the negative remarks made towards "inbetweenies"
Okay, lemme just spell this out...
1) You're sacrificing one group's comfort for another. This doesn't seem fair to me, it doesn't create balance--it just redistributes it. And this might seem privileged to some, but I really can't grasp what's to make bigger members feel uncomfortable to see smaller members. I thought the general idea was looking fabulous and inspiring fashion revolutions all around. I can take fashion ideas from a bigger member, and some bigger members have acknowledged taking smaller members' ideas. If seeing someone smaller than them makes them uncomfortable, then they have some things that need to be addressed--but I don't think that entitles the mods to discriminate...
2) I'm not clear on how getting rid of one group will make others post more. Aren't there other, more productive, less discriminatory ways to make others post more?
3) It actually seems to have increased negative remarks toward "inbetweenies"--and people seem to be supporting these negative remarks more openly.
These restrictions have been to post people who look "visibly fat."
WTH AGAIN.
Some fats like to dress in ways that make them look thinner. Some people like to take pictures that present themselves thinner.
It just seems to arbitrary to me. They won't use BMI because it's "garbage"--but they'll use your clothing size! Which we all know is TTLY garbage. And they'll use your picture to judge you to see if you're fat enough for them! I thought fatshionista was a place free from judgment, but apparently not.
I'm just so frustrated right now, that this community that promotes itself as being accepting and fat positive and fat acceptance positive now thinks that they have the final say on what fat is acceptable. I thought what was the total opposite of the point of that community.
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Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 7:54 am
I share your pain my friend crying Except IRL, not really a community.
My weight is pretty confusing to some people. My mother thinks I'm too skinny and that I don't eat enough, but my friends think I'm on the heavier side.
And I always feel that I am more blatantly scrutinized than my thin-friends & my obese friends. Like, if I gain a pound, people will literally shout it out, especially at functions crying Yet with the others, no one mentions a thing, because it would be just RUDE to say anything to them (but it's perfectly fine to make snide remarks behind their backs -_-). It seems that they just want me to "pick a side" or something. There is no side, can't I just be a person?
Slightly random: This reminds me of an episode of America's Next Top Model. There was this contestant that was neither underweight nor overweight. The judges were like, "Uh, can we even HAVE a 'normal' girl?" They were legitimately baffled!!! As if it's a bad example for women to know that it is possible to not be the "extreme" of weight or size, they were hesitant to even consider her.
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Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 8:14 am
I don't follow that community, Nayva, but what you've posted here makes me glad I don't! I'm an 'inbetweenie'; I can shop at regular clothes stores as long as they carry XL shirts and 14 pants (or 32, depending on the make). What they're trying to do is admirable but they're doing it ALL WRONG.
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Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:41 am
Wow, that's horrible. I used to be an inbetweenie myself, and it was pretty lousy - there was nothing that really worked for you, clothing-wise, out there. The plus sizes were too big for you and weren't built for your body, but the non-plus sizes were unflattering as well. And then, like cherry god mother, you'd get it coming and going about whether or not you were permitted to feel bad about your weight. I'm not saying this is a group that has it WORSE than anyone else, but they certainly don't need FURTHER oppression and marginalization. How does it help to un-marginalize anyone if you have to do it to others along the way? How can a victory achieved by these means feel anything but hollow?
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Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:49 pm
O oooh, trust me, I get the incredibly mixed message that come from being an inbetweenie in real life as well.
Like my family telling me and hinting not so subtly that I need to lose weight, but all my friends assuring me I'm "not fat" and reacting in disbelief when I tell them I wear a size 16.
Then there's the entire, incredibly frustrating issue of shopping that kerminatrix brought up. Ugh. Worse thing ever. Pants shopping is the absolute worst. Most stores stop at 10, 12, or 14. Right before they get to my pants size. And a lot of plus-size stores' pants have way too much room in the crotch/lower belly. Uuuuuuugh.
And kerminatrix's questions are so on the head.
And now I'd like to advertise the inbetweenie community on livejournal. There's been a huge boom in activity since our exile from fatshionista, though all the new posts are forced into privacy/members only. I beg you all to join if your anywhere from a 10-20 in US sizes. It's a great pace, much more positive than fatshionista. I've posted two OOTDs (OOTD = outfit of the day) so far and received warm responses, and I'd love to have some friends around.
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:41 am
WOW. Just...wow.
So a person like me, who is an inbetweener wouldn't be able to post there since I'm not big enough. What a crock of mess!
I am a size 14 womens, and I just checked their policy. It's size 16+ that is the lowest cutoff. Even still, that's taking out the 10-14s whose experiences are just as valid as someone who is size 32.
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eikocarol212 Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 3:07 am
Well, apparently not, according to them. If you're 10-14 then you are super duper privileged because, after hours of scrounging both straight- and plus-sized stores, you can manage to fit into a few things at straight stores. And this obviously means you're instantly accepted and never ridiculed by the rest of society...
Urk, sorry. Still bitter. sweatdrop
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Posted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 11:46 am
I wear anywhere between 14 and 18, or XL to 2x depending on the company and the clothing item. Shirts tend to fit fine, but pants. Oh god. I spent an hour trying on pants at Lane Bryant and nothing fit me. The lady helping me was just like "Oh, well, you must be inbetween our sizes then." So great, I'm stuck with wearing belts with every pair of pants (don't even get me started on belts) for the rest of my life as long as I remain this size.
I have no butt, so 14-18 are way too big in the butt and thighs. And then everything slides down because it's only my tummy holding it up. XD
I'm going to join that community. biggrin
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Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:13 am
I had problems at Lane Bryant, too! They have those "right fit" jeans with a guide online that asks you to plug in your measurements and they give you the size you should be. So I did that, go to the store (which is now closed... blergh), try on the pants, and holywow. I have the biggest kangaroo pouch in those jeans EVER.
I have the opposite problem of yours, though. Everything is always snug in the thigh and especially the butt, but eeeeeverything has anywhere from 2 to 6 inches of extra fabric around the waist. I should probably have a belt or two...
Let me know when you post something! I have the same screenname over there as here, and my icon is the guy from that kids' movie El Dorado strumming furiously on a guitar.
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Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 8:06 am
I wish we had a Layne Brant here! There's only one plus-sized only store and it's...oh darn, I forget the name. But it's up on the hill away from me and is definitely for women larger than me. I can usually shop in Reitmans no problem but the thing I hate doing most is finding JEANS. I hate pants shopping a LOT. Thanks to my c-section I have an oddly shaped belly and finding pants that fit in the waist is difficult. Low-riders are WAY out, unless I want to show off my scar. >_<
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Posted: Sat May 29, 2010 2:42 pm
Ok, I have had enough of getting shoved to the ground or nearly thrown down stairs by stupid people who thinks it's funny to push around a tiny person like me. crying They treat me like i'm an albino freak or something. Everyone laughs at me for who I am and i'm tired of it danget. crying
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:07 pm
Nayva W ell, apparently not, according to them. If you're 10-14 then you are super duper privileged because, after hours of scrounging both straight- and plus-sized stores, you can manage to fit into a few things at straight stores. And this obviously means you're instantly accepted and never ridiculed by the rest of society...
Urk, sorry. Still bitter. sweatdrop I am way late to the party but I feel your pain. For awhile I was size 16. I was too big for anything at most stores. I could occasionally find a jacket or maybe an oversized shirt that would fit me but NEVER pants. But I was too small for anything in plus-size stores. How is that privileged?
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