Welcome to Gaia! ::

these are the few poems i have that i havent burned or destroyed. Tehy conatin maybe one or two swear words... all part of the emotion... dont pity me... its just how life has turned out. maybe i will write more one day




Who are You?

H ard to hold on to
A bsolutly lost forever
Y earning for her to love
D ead on the inside
E ntranced by a grave stone
N ever alone, always alone


Women, Ladies, and a Girl

Women
Respectful, patient, loving
Ladies
Kind, cute, curteous
And a Girl
Eccentric, Stunning, Different
Women
Strong, hateful, demonish
Ladies
Emotional, degrading, hurtful
And a Girl
Loud, Amazing, Tearful
Women
Ungrateful, not caring, Mom
Ladies
Shameful, Out, Sister
And a Girl
Perfect, Dead, A Girl.


Is It My Fault?

Your death came more sudden then any of us wanted
They estimated at least a year
Four months and then you were frozen underground
By late winters hate towards the Gods that took you

The time was too short to hold on to
Not once did we fight or not be in each others sight
But you were sick most of that time
Becoming closer attached to a toilet bowl then me

I sit in the bathroom tub I would hold you in
And think to myself what I could've done to change things
Was part of it my fault a year slammed into a few months?
I could've used more caution, said no to your love

But I loved you, You loved me
Our bodies were perfect puzzle pieces in sync
Neither of us really planned for you to get prego
We'd never had protection break before

Did becoming prego make your life span snap in half?
I loved how I had you in my grasp
We discussed, when you were feeling better, our future
Our little baby was three months on the way

Then in one short week it all plummeted to hell
You couldn’t breathe only puke up more and more
Even when there's was nothing there to puke anymore
ICU wouldn’t even let me in at first to see you

Your brother vouched for me saying I was family
I laid on the bed with you and held your hand to my lips
I couldn’t picture you gone from me
We had a future! Did that mean nothing?

You died within the night as I held you close to me
Our baby wasn’t saved and neither was my heart
You were only 17 a few months younger then I
And you left me here... Was It all my fault?


Hurt

Bruises
Cuts
Broken rib

They called
Said to get stuff

Found your guitar
Your skateboard
Everything with meaning

Angry tears
Flooded out pain
Ran to the concrete park

Up
Down
Crash

Scrape
Slice
Puncture

Scream
Pain
Why are you dead

Alone
Frozen
Broken board

Broken board
Broken mind
Broken heart


Her

Her laugh rings in circles
around my forever broken heart
its echo never ends
never ends the tears

Her "Shnap!" vibrates the cement
everytime I break a fall
and plummet into the park
the park she said "I love you"

Her skateboard haunts
leaving skid marks on my walls
scratching at my colorful soul
colorful soul now ebony and crimson with blood

Her voice pounds softly in my head
singing the tune from our song
she wrote on a guitar
a guitar now buried six feet under

Her body--cold and dead
eats at my insides with no end
forcing out my heart
my heart that she will forever own


Life

How come things can change so quickly
One moment we're a Superhero
Saving the world or corruption
Fighting The 'bad guys'
Rescuing the Damsels in distress
then

BAM!

We find ourselves
Paving a one way suicidal path to Hell
Our voices are muffled
By oceans of criticism
And we can’t be heard
Every guitar string becomes a noose
Every toothbrush a gagging handle
then

BAM! BAM!

Dump trucks of others s**t pour
Our junk yards of emotion fill
Faster than un-useful recycling can handle
The last straw has snapped
The inch of water is enough to drown
The pocket knife enough to puncture
The gun enough to...

BAM! BAM! BAM!


Stone {for her grave}

Let us go then, you and I
where veils no longer seperate
away from this frozen stone
where flesh bodies unite
where fevers and aches are extinct
away from this frozen still stone
where starry nights are days
where shining suns are nights
away from this cold frozen stone
where values have no bronze luster
where virtue is in the eye of a guitar
away from this silent frozen stone
where holding you is a priceless gift
where halluciantions are gone
let us go then, you and I
away from this dead frozen stone


Your Garden

Hang me upside down
Let me stare at your graden
No potatoes, egg plants, or peas
A flower garden
Grown from pitch black soil
And moon light for nutriants
Kids playing above
Gravity sucking their toys and jumps
Back to the sky
The graden still grows
Even if you're no longer breathing
I tend your garden
Sing to the flowers every night
They bloom in whites, blues, and silvers
The seeds grow old and die
After billions of years
But new ones spawn from them
Milking the galaxy into new stars
Your flowers
Blooming in a ground you should have been in
The night sky
Your favortie place to dance
To cry
To be with me
Your garden is living
While you are not
Blood rushing to my head
Gives me hope of dying and seeing you again


Rain

We both find safety in rain...
When most think it means pain...
It washes our fears...
Hangs them on clothesline tears...
Dripping and drying...
Feeling like dying...
Lets walk together...
In the rain forever...


One Escape

Put a gun up to my head
pull the trigger 'til i'm dead
you really dont care for me
just let me ******** bleed...


Make a Mess

Put the gun against my chest,
pull the trigger make a mess.
Send me away from this bloody hell,
to the bottom i've already fell...


Let Me Go...




Life vs. Death

I saw life
again
I was separated from feeling for so long
it rejuvenated
left me a high that suppressed almost all the lows
almost
that needle in my arm
finding its best friend once more
vein
I know it would be dangerous
but how could I not when everything has been stripped
stolen away from me
it never felt this good before
feeling that meth travel through my body
but then again
nothing has felt good since I last held her in my arms

I saw death
again
I have been cut off from her for so ******** long
it honestly scared me
more then when I almost took life myself
almost
he held that knife to my throat
funny how I wanted it so bad
vain
I know I need to live for her
but how can I when she was everything to me, my life
my child and love gone
it never hurt this much before
being so empty without her cherished laugh
but then again
nothing has felt good since I last held her in my arms…

thanks jay...

Your last one always gets me. i dont why but i have to read it every time i get online.