i am in so much pain
i sob so much my throat is sore
i see you in everything
all of our happy memories bring back the pain
that i am trying desperately to hold back, my love
i hold in the tears, yet my eyes are always red
i fear that you will never call
that i am no longer in your heart
that everything was a lie
and my hope and faith will only bring about more pain.
my hurt resides inside me so much that everyone around me can feel it
every question i am asked gets a bitter remark
this is not who i am
or who i want to be
but it is all i can be at the moment
until hope runs out
and i see you kissing that girl from that place
i get so angry at you, but then realize that i have to right to do so
because although you promised there would never be anyone else,
you're not my man anymore
and although it hurts so much to admit that
and, trust me, the pain stabs through me like a lightning bolt,
you've made sure that we are not us anymore
so i feel more and more worthless and dead inside,
because you're the only man who's ever made me feel alive.
i can't say anything
i can't feel the way i feel
now back to the present
because it's only been a day, so there's been no girl
i miss you
the rare times i laugh, i want to tell you what happened,
i want to share with you so badly but you're not there
the first time in six months i go a day without talking to you
i can't take it. i flip out
i woke up this morning with tears in my eyes.
they fell, more and more,
all for you
and i wonder if you feel the same way
if you constantly gaze at your phone,
hoping i'll call, begging you to come back
but i can't do that
i fought for you, and will continue fighting for you
but u have to want me for things to be right again
and so i wait. hoping you will call or show up at my doorstep,
your tears falling drop by drop, all for me.
you say, "i'm so sorry, will you ever forgive me, it's the worst mistake i'll ever make"
we talk it out, we are us again and we live on in perfect imperfection
back to the present
because it's only been a day, and you're still stubborn
So I can't eat well or sleep right because you're not mine
But I'm wearing your jacket and your ring,
your shirt is beside me, you're cd is still in and i still listen to it
Because I am not religious, but I have faith in you,
like christians have faith they will go to heaven when they die
i have faith that you love me, unconditionally,
and although we get lost sometimes,
we always find each other in the end
but you haven't called tonight. you are not at my doorstep,
and i am reminded of the quote (because we both love quotes, remember?)
"My heart stands in waiting and hope as the trees stand still through the darkness of night"
Everything we've been through and everything that has happened
will not allow me to let go
i just can't
we've made plans and memories
and i'm in so much pain right now,
but i would get over it in time if you would just come back.
i want to hold you so badly.
i just don't know what to do without you.
I need you because I am so in love with you. You are everything.
I put my heart and soul into this, and cannot take it back.
People may think I am a fool, but for once I don't care what they think.
Because you are worth the tears, the talks, and the pity, and the shame
You are the one. You always have been and you always will be.
And so I wait.
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