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 Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 7:59 am
I see threads dedicated to very young mommies, and I believe that's all well and good. But don't forget us 'Fogies'! LOL. We have big issues too. I'll tell you about me, so you're not all totally in the dark.
My name is Chelle, and I'm 19 years old. My daughter, Abbigail Grace, will be 1 on December 14th. I found out I was pregnant on my 18th birthday. Mixed emotions, let me tell you. I entered my pregnancy with my mom, dad, brother, and child's father behind me 200%. By August, when I was around 6 months pregnant, my child's father and I had seperated. I broke up with him, because of his father. His father made life completely miserable for both of us. We are now working toward becoming a family, just the three of us. Anyway. I delivered my daughter vaginally via induction at 7:35 PM on Tuesday December 14, 2004. She was 8 pounds, 6 ounces; 22 inches long. She's now almost 1, and is up to 22 pounds and just over 2 and a half feet tall. She loves Boohbah, cuddling, and eating anything I give her. ^.^
I faced challenges as an older mom. I was a junior in a typical high school when I found out I was pregnant. I was in JROTC (which I LOVED), theatre (my second love), and several organizations, including our chapter of the Gay-Straight Alliance. I had semi-serious morning sickness, and it lasted most of the day. The only places this and my having to pee all the time wasn't an issue were theatre and JROTC. My company commander in JROTC was my best friend, I had theatre with several friends. My other classes took issue with me sleeping most of the time and peeing all the time. My Algebra 2 class was finally what made me leave my beloved school, friends, and boyfriend. The teacher refused to budge on her rule of 'One bathroom break a month'. (Grading periods in my school lasted 4 and a half weeks.) The principal refused to back me, and so I said 'Fine, my ACT scores and I will go elsewhere.' And I did. I wound up at an alternative school for teenage moms. They got a new principal, who told me I was being asked not to come back due to excessive abscences. (I left my traditional school in May of 2004, finished my junior classes and pregnancy at the alternative school, and was there until May 2005.) I now was not in high school, because in our district you have to graduate by 20 in order to be in traditional high school. I was 19, and so I went to Adult Education to get my GED. This was in August 2005. I should test in January of 2006.
My ex boyfriend and I are trying to work things out, because we believe we were meant for one another. He's currently a student of Northwestern State University, majoring in secondary education; minoring in American history; with plans to be a high school American history teacher. I plan on attending Louisiana State University at Alexandria with a major in psychology or social work.
This thread is a thread made for 'old fogies' like me, who became moms at a fairly young age, but older than 16. Tell your story, vent your frustrations, and know that you are not alone!
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 3:24 pm
Fogie! In High School! Oh my, I wonder what you would say about my mother who was 32 when I was born wink
I think it's a shame that High Schools can't be more accomodating to pregnant women. I'm really glad to hear that you stuck it through and got your diploma. I can imagine the temptation to just give up must have been strong.
Best of luck to you and your potential boyfriend!
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 11:44 pm
My mom was 33 when she had me. xd
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Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 7:15 pm
Maybe it's just me but I consider you a very young mom too. I consider an old mom over 30... 25 is probably ideal and younger then 20 or 21 is just young. Just my opinion of course.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 5:59 am
I don't really see it as an age thing. I go by what stage in your life you are. If you are in High School or in your set of University years (so usually a BA, or an MA as well if you are taking it right after the BA) when you got pregnant, you are a young mom.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 11:03 am
I think she meant old fogies in the teenage pregnancy world. I also found out I was pregnant shortly after my 18th birthday. I was already out of highschool in my 3rd semester of college. My Husband proposed about 3 weeks before we found out. My parents were also very suppotive his were not the night he told his dad he moved in with me and my family. I felt really bad because he had to make all the money because I had a high risk pregnancy and I was told not to work. It really seems a long time ago that I had to deal with all that. It was hard it really messed with (not up) our plans. Our dream was to get married right after he graduated in 3 years and then be married for a year and then have a baby. We did decide that we wanted to wait until after he was born to get married. Everyone in my family hated that idea but when they told us they would pay for us to have a small wedding (which is what we wanted) we caved. We were married on may 18th 2002, I was 5 months pregnant and had just found out I was having a boy 2 or 3 days before. I had my son when I was 7 and a half months pregnant by induction he weighed 5lbs 6ozs on august 2nd 2002. I was not until december that I got to take him home. I had problems with being patronized while he was there I was not informed of new developments like when they discovered he had lung problems they waited 2 weeks to tell us. SOmtimes they told our parents before us when they went to visit even though I was there 8 hours a day every day except 2 times (kidney infecton I was in the hospital but I couldnt see him, and a snow storm) Since then and his home care stuff I have asserted myself to all of his doctors and had meetings and told them that I and my husband needed to know everything they were doing and why. We lived with my parents until july and moved into our first apartment (still here) right before his 1st birthday. He was 3 in August it got really dark but we pulled through.
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Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2005 8:30 pm
Hmm..
Well, what caught me was the predicament with your attendance and the lack of compassion within your school. By law, you were allowed those breaks without any repercussion so long as you did so responsibly and didn't abuse the system to go wandering about in the hallways. The drop out rate for teens is absolutely appalling and the second highest percentage of those drop outs are from pregnant teenagers. School reform for children with disabilities, complications and social problems took place around 1997 - and you could have fought that case to the death.
I did.
I discovered my pregnancy a few months after turning 17 and as a high school senior. I ended up graduating alongside everyone else, but eight months pregnant and only two weeks from my due date. However -
For some asinine reason my school was revamping its curriculum and staff. They were without a physical education instructor and so they shoved the local math teacher into the slot. This woman was over three hundred pounds (I give you the weight to try to describe how literally unfit to participate in these activities she was in the first place) and if I may say so, a total b***h as a simple math teacher alone. Needless to say, here I was, a senior taking freshman gym. I had repeatedly taken and failed the course because I had so often refused to do what was asked of me. Silly, I know.
Nonetheless, I was amongst a swarm of worming freshman students when I strolled up one day and announced my pregnancy to my instructor, explaining that some activities could not be accomplished. I waited until I was about five months along to bother with it, as the previous activities were nothing to fret about. She swiftly told me that I must drop the course if I could not participate.
But, alas, I required a passing grade in -gym- of all things to graduate.
Needless to say, it started a war.
I argued that I was more than capable of doing certain things, and would only refuse any sport that could injure me. All it took at this time was a single trip to the Dean and Principal's office to clear this mess up. I was allowed to stay, but had to do as much as possible.
By my seventh month, I had toxemia so badly that I was urged to be put on bed rest and had gained 70 pounds. I had gone from 105lbs or so to 180, and still had time left before she was to be born. The severe toxemia made it difficult for me to walk, sit comfortably, breath and even concentrate because I was thirsty so often. My feet had swollen to the point to where I could only wear open toed shoes - another no-no within my high school.
When I confessed that I could no longer play the silly games in gym class, the teacher attempted to dismiss me again - knowing far well that I required the class to graduate and that I was conforming to every request she had previously given me.
Long story short, it was agreed upon between the gym instructor and myself that I would wear one of those 'clicker' things that counted my steps / miles / ect, and that I would walk laps around the inside of the school. If the weather was nice, I would go outside. This was great for about two weeks, up until my toxemia and my blood pressure had gotten so severe that walking for long gave me cramps all over my body. I had one bout of Braxton-Hicks contractions and two false labors by this time as well, which terrified my family, myself and my doctors. And so I would walk, holding a book up for me to read as I did so, but I would pause in the student lounge and sit for a few moments as well.
Conspiracy, conspiracy. Lazy, slut-esque teenager trying to get a free ride. Let's burn her at the stake.
I know those were that woman's thoughts, for she periodically hunted me down to make sure I was really walking my laps and had walked a mile each class. A mile is a long time to walk for someone in my condition, and it led to yet another debate. My doctor called, faxed, and eventually drove to my school to confront the teacher that was running me ragged for my diploma. By the end of the year and the near end of my pregnancy, I sat in front of the Board of Education and filed a formal complaint of discrimination and abuse of power.
In the end, the teacher was put on suspension and I continued walking my laps, with breathers as I saw fit, until graduation day.
I guess that came out much longer than expected, but I hope it got my point across. There are plenty of adults in our everyday lives who look at young pregnant women as whores, welfare abusers, sinners and sickos. Regardless of how aware they are of doing this, they still do it and we are treated differently because of it. I lost two jobs while I was pregnant, once blatantly because of my pregnancy. The United States government, as piss poor as it may be in some situations, desires us to stay in school. If you encounter one of these close minded dumbasses, make your stand and pull through until the end. If your school doesn't budge, that's what the media is for. Honestly, pick up the telephone and call a local newspaper and tell them what is happening. You'll be surprised how quickly that article will change administration's minds.
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Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:18 pm
Your my hero, I really agree with your statement about people thinking we are walking billboards for welfare I dont think poorly of anyone who needs the services but I am proud to say though I may look like I have been or am on it when I walk around with my 3 year old on my hip I have not and dont plan to be on welfare (crosses fingers) We all have acknowledged we made mistakes in our past but we have accepted and stepped up to the challenge, why are we frowned at when we are the ones who have to fight to be accepted in a society that has forgotten that it is in our genetic code to have babies early. Only 100 years ago it was common place for a woman to be wed to a man she barely knew and then have as many of his babies as she could starting at 13 or 14. We have moved forward obviously but honestly why mistreat and frown down from your high seat at women who only century ago would already have 3 or 4 kids by this point and praised and petted for it while we chose our paths of parenthood on our own by mistake or choice we still need to have acceptance for what we are young women who love our children unconditionally or chose to give our children a life somewhere else.
Remarks from wotfan the proud mother of a 3 year old boy.
Written to anyone who frowned at me at the hospital or grocery store or anyplace else I go with my little boy.
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Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2005 8:10 pm
... I for one am 19 and I refuse to be placed in the "fogies" section of this, lol. I became pregnant at 16, hid it from my parents for a month and a half, until my mom found out I hadn't had a period. Of course, my close friends knew as soon as I found out, as did the father. I was entering my junior year of high school, I was going for a recommended diploma, and when I found out I was pregnant I ended up dropping all of my harder classes {algebra 2, chemistry, ect} replaced with math models (I'm horrible at math) and early dismissal and late arrival. Like Kalandra, I too had to take freshman gym, along with my best friend though. I told my gym instructors I was pregnant, and they told me unless I had a doctors note, I was required to participate, in everything. My doctor was more than happy to fax them a note. Even after that, I was required to participate, which I didn't. I would rather sit there than let my feet swell, which started around 4 months of pregnancy for me. But overall, my school was wanting me to finish, my teachers were so great to me. You never would have thought it, but I earned the respect of my classmates. My teachers were more than understanding, most of them being female and mothers themselves. The only problem I had was this one idiot in my class, I'm 8m onths pregnant and he stares at me and asks "are you pregnant?" Oh my goodness, I just wanted to blurt out, "no, I ate a baby" Lol. One of my classes even held a baby shower, during class, for me. Everyone brought gifts and food, it was really nice! But about 2 weeks before my due date (march 24th, 2004), my doctor put me on bedrest for a mild case of toxemia, not as bad as Kalandra though.My school sent me my work and I laid in bed and did it. A week before my duedate my doctor decided that I should be induced. I was one who opted for drugs, demoral, a sedative (i hadn't slept all night) and then finally an epidural. At 8 pm or so they told me I should start pushing (the damn nurse wasn't even certain I was fully dialated before i started). The doctor came in, felt the head and turned out my baby was turned, his shoulders would be caught in my pelvic bone. So, I delivered him vaginally, with forceps used on March 27th, 2004 at 11:50 pm. His father and my mom were in delivery with me, all my family and friends were outside in the lobby, waiting to come see me. He was 7 lbs 5oz, 23 inches long. Now he's 37 lbs, 33 inches, I believe. He's almost 2 and he's a handful (doctor thinks there's something psyochological wrong with him). Shortly after he was born, his father and I broke up because he didn't want to be a dad anymore. His friends were much more important than his son. Ivan has seen his father once, since we broke up. And he isn't seeing him again.
Right now, I'm dating a wonderful guy who is in love with me and he's in love with my son, ready to be his dad. Of course, I have to get my ex to sign his rights over before that can happen, lol. But my boyfriend has stepped up to the plate, whenever we're together, he helps with everything. Except changing diapers, lol. But what guy wants to?
On a side note: I missed almost 2 months of school, taking only easy classes, and I still graduated #15 in my class. #16 was very angry at me, ha. She went for the recommended diploma and here I was, core curriculum, wearing the yellow tassels. I was extremely proud.
(Sorry for the length and lack of paragraphs.)
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Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2006 8:53 pm
Kalandra, that's an inspiring story. That's so wonderful that you stood up for yourself. You go girl!
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Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2006 11:18 pm
I hadn't realized anyone had responded in this thread. Oops. =o.
Plastic -
I'm amazed with your standing, as I would be with anyone, at your graduation. I'll confess, I detested classes at my high school and I strung myself long by the 'average' scale until late in my junior year. I was determined for college, but didn't give a hoot about doing anything other than passing my classes. That is, outside of my English and any subdivision of such courses. I had always been placed in the higher levels, which was hilarious to me considering my other grades. Unless I was interested, I didn't bother.
So good for you. And it's great to hear that everything has turned out so well and that you had such a warm welcome in your school, whilst you were so old. It's a rarity that people are anything more than accepting.
Kukushka -
I didn't type it up for praise. I typed it up assuming someone would read it and realize we have power over the administrations and adults we are confined to. Pregnancy while being a teenager is difficult enough without outside discrimination, and fortunately we don't have to tolerate it.
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Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:16 am
at the end of the month ill be 19 and i have a 3 month old biggrin
i was 17 when i got pregnant but i found out a couple months after my 18th birthday...i was already out of school because i dropped out and started home schooling...so school wasnt an issue for me...
My parents werent the happiest people in the world but my mom and boyfriend were behind me 100%...i deliverd Jason Albert vaginally at 4:40pm on Oct. 18th...he was 6lbs 6oz and 19.5 inches long...for the first time that i can remember both my parents were boasting about how proud of me they were...
Me and the father are still together...we live together in my parents house...we have our fights but in the end its all the mushy i love you crap...
right now im watching my friends 8 month old son...who is being a holy terror...but hes sleeping right now whee
sometimes being a mom is stressful but i wouldnt give it up for anything in this world...my son is my life and i would give anything to keep him safe
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Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 1:18 pm
I'm 23 with a 3 year old son and currently pregnant with #2! My son wasn't planned and I remember just being in a state of shock and despair at first, but I would do it again and I am very blessed with my son and husband.
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Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 2:16 am
I'm Abby and I'm 19 and I got pregnant when I was 18. My Fiance proposed to me a few weeks before we found out. I was a senior in high school so it wasn't all that bad except for the fact that I had severe morning sickness and lost about twenty pounds in the beginning. My son was definately not planned but we figured that it would happen since I had developed an allergy to latex and didn't use protection. I find Kalandra's and Plasticstars stories inspiring. I got pregnant a month or so before graduation, thank goodness I was finished with Marching Band. Everything was going ok for me until father's day when I woke up and I was bleeding. My fiance took me to the hospital and I had a threatened miscarriage. Man was that scary! The best part of that day was seeing my son for the first time on the ultrasound screen. He was moving all over the place! I moved to England in the 25th week of my pregnancy. No one really tells you how hard it is to move to a different country! I didn't know anyone and was alone most of the time during the end of my pregnancy. I count myself lucky though because I had my fiance to support me.
I started getting really depressed at the end of my pregnancy because I wanted to be done with it and have my son here. I gained more and more weight, which I didn't realize was mostly baby weight at the time. I was really unhappy and had low self esteem. To top it all off I went over my due date, originally Jan 4th 2006 and the midwives decided to wait another two weeks to induce me. What a mistake that was.
I really wanted to go into labour and tried every natural remedy but my body didn't get it! I went into the hospital on Jan 17th to be induced but didn't go into full blown labour until the next day. I lost 1000mL of blood before they broke my waters and I was stupid enough to insist that I only wanted gas and air and pethedine (sp?) for pain killers.
The midwife and doctor told me to start pushing and they realized that my baby was in distress. So here I was, sucking on Gas and Air trying not to scream, my fiance was telling me it's ok and the emergency bells go on. All the sudden I open my eyes, and there are six midwives in my room. The head was out but his shoulders were stuck. They used a ventouse to assist delivery and it took six minutes to get the rest of his body out. I couldn't understand why it was so hard. Finally when they got him out, I didn't hear him cry and I was so scared that something was wrong. I couldn't see him either because there were so many midwives in the room. Well when they weighed him, it became clear to me why it was so hard for me and my labour was so long. My son Liam was 10lbs 8oz when he was born. No one, not even the midwife I had seen the week before thought he would be so big.
Wow I had no idea that was so long @.@. Now I'm the proud mommy of seven week old Liam Thomas born on Thursday Jan. 19th 2006.
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Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 8:55 am
Your daughter looks very healthy and happy, Marie. ^^
Heh. My mom was 37 when she had me. surprised
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