http://www.amazon.com/dp/0452275350/?tag=lemondrop-20
Editorial Review #1
From Publishers Weekly
Trying to make the agonizing decision whether to get out of a troubled, potentially life-wrecking relationship is the specific ambivalence this book addresses. The reader is offered a focused way to deal with one critical issue at a time rather than sort endlessly through the whole messy bundle of emotional pros and cons. Kirshenbaum's expertise allows her to pinpoint the pertinent questions. The Boston psychotherapist, who does relationship counseling, offers a series of them, amplified with guidelines: "Power people poison passion"; "If your partner can't even see what it is about him that makes you want to get out, it's time to get out"; "If it never was very good, it'll never be very good." And threaded through the book, which is written in a sympathetic, chatty, accessible style, are validating anecdotes that dramatize how other people have experienced and responded to the same problems the reader is going through.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Editorial Review #2
From Library Journal
For those struggling to decide if a relationship is worth trying to save, Kirshenbaum (clinical director, Chestnut Hill Inst.) knows the issues and explains them clearly, presenting 36 well-phrased and well-ordered diagnostic questions, giving examples, and then succinctly offering guidelines to follow. Those who give certain answers to the diagnostic questions will be faced not only with a realization of how deep the problems may be but also with Kirshenbaum's repeated admonitions that "most people who answered the question the way you did were happy they left and unhappy they stayed." Her emphatic prescriptions for such nuanced problems, as well as her promise that "new hope is now entirely realistic for you" and assurance that "there are definite answers for you here," should make most readers wary. But Kirshenbaum does caution that "nothing in the book overrules what a good therapist...might tell you," and she will help readers sort out ambivalent feelings about relationships. For larger public library collections.?Susan E. Burdick, Reading, Pa.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.
For those struggling to decide if a relationship is worth trying to save, Kirshenbaum (clinical director, Chestnut Hill Inst.) knows the issues and explains them clearly, presenting 36 well-phrased and well-ordered diagnostic questions, giving examples, and then succinctly offering guidelines to follow. Those who give certain answers to the diagnostic questions will be faced not only with a realization of how deep the problems may be but also with Kirshenbaum's repeated admonitions that "most people who answered the question the way you did were happy they left and unhappy they stayed." Her emphatic prescriptions for such nuanced problems, as well as her promise that "new hope is now entirely realistic for you" and assurance that "there are definite answers for you here," should make most readers wary. But Kirshenbaum does caution that "nothing in the book overrules what a good therapist...might tell you," and she will help readers sort out ambivalent feelings about relationships. For larger public library collections.?Susan E. Burdick, Reading, Pa.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.
This book helped me to see that what my ex was doing to me (while we lived together) was emotional abuse, and that I didn't have to take it. He ended up moving out on his own accord, but reading this book at a time when I was really conflicted internally helped validate my feelings and made me feel less crazy.
That being said, the book is painful, and hard to read. I remember finally finishing the book and just crying on the couch because I knew deep down that we shouldn't get back together, and that we probably weren't going to anyways (he showed basically no interest in getting back together). It was a huge reality check, like a slap to the face - but it was needed, especially since I was sitting on the fence and unsure of what to do next.
If you're in a similar situation, or you're in a troubled relationship, or even if you're just curious, I really recommend this book if you can find a copy. 3nodding Definitely worth a read!
