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 Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 9:37 pm
12:14am eastern standard time: I've been going through all the subforums in the guild lately and of course got to the one with all the journals. And then I was like, "Ooo, maybe I should start one. I don't plan on leaving anytime soon." XD I blog on xanga (since 06, I believe) but lately, my entries haven't had that 'zing' to them. But when I do blog, I can go on and on and on. I talk a lot IRL and I always have something to say and when I have to say it, I say it. A lot of people hate this about me but I honestly do nothing more than tell them to suck it. I'm not forcing anyone to listen, ya know? o_O First off, comment away! I honestly don't mind if someone posts here. I like hearing what other people have to say. Today was what I expected it to be: chaotic, house overheated, my dad PMSing like a GIRLLLL. Seriously. If I didn't know any better, I'd be asking him if he had a vag. Fact: I call him dad only because I was under that impression until I was told differently when I was about 11 or so. I don't actually know my real dad. sweatdrop The turkey didn't turn out this year. On one hand we can be thankful we at least had one to cook: last year, it was laid out two days before hand and it spoiled. NASTY. >< But, our stoveoven is acting like a whore lately. If you cook something, you have to turn it around, switch sides, raise the temp and cooking time. The turkey came out moist (******** slow cooked all day, no wonder) but pink in most places. That put 80% of the fam off. My dad ate the most, lol. I'm a pretty picky person when it comes to meat. It didn't help me any when my dad dislocated the legs. You actually heard it crack and pop out of the sockets. I almost heaved.... ;_; My mom was like, ew, and didn't even eat any. But we had tons of food: stuffing, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, red cabbage, german potato salad, candied yams and mashed potatoes and two different gravies. We were supposed to have dinner rolls but I forgot to cook them.... >.> I don't think it made much difference: we were all STUFFED. I realized this year that I can't eat as much as I used to. Two years ago, I could load my plate up and eat it all and still have room. Now, I took a little of everything and still couldn't eat it.... <,< And then we had dessert. One that could put a type 1 diabetic in a coma... cheese cake, apple pie, ice cream (like, 6 different kinds) I kept trying to figure out who my parents thought they were trying to feed. sweatdrop The house was pretty crazy up until it was finally dinner time. When the turkey was halfway done, my sisters got whiny and wanted McD's but they were closed. So they were pretty bummed. XD I let Sunny, one of my parakeets out, today. Here she is. X3 Sunny mah budgieShe's not hand tamed at all. I'm just trying to get to trust me. >.> And then once she's done, there's three more. Unfortunately, Louis has a blood feather so he has to be separated from Sunny. They love each other immensely. They're always preening each other and Sunny's always throwing up food for him. xp Once it's out (he's molting) he'll be able to join the others. And this is pretty much all I have to say right now, lol. I'm tired, tbh. Today was crazy. D;
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Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 9:52 pm
Quote: And then we had dessert. One that could put a type 1 diabetic in a coma... cheese cake, apple pie, ice cream (like, 6 different kinds) I kept trying to figure out who my parents thought they were trying to feed. icon_sweatdrop.gif That sound gooooooooooooooooooooood.....
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Posted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 9:47 pm
Ac1dBlaze Quote: And then we had dessert. One that could put a type 1 diabetic in a coma... cheese cake, apple pie, ice cream (like, 6 different kinds) I kept trying to figure out who my parents thought they were trying to feed. icon_sweatdrop.gif That sound gooooooooooooooooooooood..... lol, I guess so. I don't care much for dessert. sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 9:55 pm
12:48am
Not much happened today. I did laundry. And stuff. Yeah. Not much happened at all.
I've felt pretty crappy - physically - for most of the day.
I added new songs onto my playlist. Which reminds me: I need to get a layout for my prof for gaia. I'm so confused because I can't seem to figure out how to make it all work. Nothing's working...seriously...I can't edit ANYTHING.
Edited to add:: Finally figured out why gaia hated me. sweatdrop And now my profile lives!! With musikzz. So yeah. I dunno. Stalk me. X3
*sigh* Gaia's been so horrid to me lately.
Random fact: Lil Wayne entertains me. I love hearing his songs. lol
The majority of my friends don't email me. It's always me emailing them to start conversations. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm done trying to keep up the correspondences. It's too one-sided. If they want to speak to me, well, they know how to contact me. One way or another, people can reach me.
One of my friends joined this guild a few days ago but she has yet to post here. Dunno if she will or if she's just stalking me. xd
McDonald's has crappy food. Who's with me on this one?
Really ticked off at my mom right now...her excuses...I'm so sick of them.
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Posted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:41 am
>.> I'm in one of those moods, so...
*huggles*
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Posted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 2:44 pm
534pm:
What is with overly cheery and obviously sarcastic store clerks?
She goes, call me back, doesn't state an amount of time. So, I'm like, ok. I wait five minutes, call back and she's like, yeah, I'm still really really busy, I meant like ten minutes? OK, thanks, bye.
Uh!? Go eat shitty mall food. I hate you. -_-
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Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:55 am
1:30pm:
Today is one hell of a shitty day, made shittier because of the issues I had before this day and before many others.
We have this thing, see, it's a problem with finances. Woot. I know, I know. Who doesn't? Thing is, we aren't poor. My dad makes over a 100k a year if you don't take out taxes and insurance and all that. But once that's taken out, then comes bills, groceries, other things we need and now, the car. (I don't know how much he makes weekly but yeah....)
Which, if all goes well, won't need a new engine. It's been with us since Maryland, so it's been put to good use. And a lot of it at that.
So, yeah, like I was saying, the car has become an issue. If the engine has to be replaced, that's 4 grand right then and there. Which means Christmas won't be as amazing as my sisters would have wanted it and it also means I can't apply for my green card this year.
Now, if our dog has puppies and they sell (at 1k a piece...pure bred. No lie) then I can get it. But that's not until the middle of next year. So. More waiting. But what if something comes up then too?
Now, I know you want to ask: Why do I need a green card? Am I here illegally? *le gasp!*
No, I'm not here illegally. And I have a green card but it was supposed to be renewed way back in like, 04 but we didn't know. My mother and I never kept up with that, hell, I didn't even think about my green card back then. And we never received letters, no one asked us questions, it's like it didn't matter. And it doesn't. Unless, of course, I want a friggin job.
My green card A: is expired (although, that does NOT affect my permanent residence) B: has a picture of me on there from when I was 3. Yeah. I don't think I could convince a future boss that that's my picture - just 16 years younger. sweatdrop
Getting a new green card costs about 400 dollars. And my mom needs hers renewed as well. So. You do the math.
But, once the forms and money are sent in, we have to wait a few months to have a meeting set up for new pictures and for more forms to be filled out. It'd be GREAT if this all could happen this month and we'd only have to wait for the appointment but, if the car acts up? Or if anything else falls through? I'll have to wait until around March to have forms sent in.
I'm right now at home, no college (grant money was taken away, we don't have extra to pay for one class or books, no license, no car) and I'm trying to write. I have bills already which are from when our family didn't have insurance and also now that I'm off their insurance (19, not in college = no coverage) and I've already gotten one ER visit (luckily less than the original price, they reduced it somehow) for slicing open my toe and needing stitches. Luckily, I haven't been severely sick. I'm also lucky I got my wisdom teeth and glasses done and over with before my birthday this year. Yes! I'm in debt! My credit score is RUINED! So, no loans for me! No buying a house, EVER! Whatevs. I don't really care about all that. I don't want to go to school, get married or have kids, so there's no need for a house, lmao.
And on top of all that, once my green card is here, I have to get something done about my social security. See, there's this law where if a mother comes to America with a child under 5, a work ban gets put on both the mother and child. And, well, I came here at the age of 3 initially. Hello work ban! They'll probably just issue me a new card but there's still things to do leading up to that. I don't even know who we have to call or what we need to fill out but it's a lot less complicated than renewing our green cards.
I'm seriously thinking of moving out. First chance I get, first offer from one of my friends: I'm out. I'll earn the money on my own if I have to, earn my keep by doing housework, earn money by entering contests or getting something published. I'll do something.
But I just want to leave this house. I'm sick of hearing my dad's s**t, my parent's s**t, all the hypocrisy, all the negative bullshit. I hate myself enough without needing someone else talking s**t about me or my family and that's what my dad does. I'm sick of it. I need to get out.
........just had to get that off of my chest. stressed
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Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 1:12 pm
Your life sounds so complicated!
Money issues are the worst, though. They taint every area of life. I would talk about mine, but thinking about money problems just makes me tired.
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Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 9:46 pm
DiDiW Your life sounds so complicated! Money issues are the worst, though. They taint every area of life. I would talk about mine, but thinking about money problems just makes me tired. Aye, complicated. But it's easy for me only because I've been at this for so long. : P Yeah, they most definitely are...ditto. It drains you ><
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Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 9:59 pm
So, as some have seen, I posted about a friend of mine who died today. There was a major car accident on a major intersection on Tuesday night at 8pm. When my dad and I had left the house, it was 9:40 and the accident was still being investigated at that point and had a main road completely blocked off. They were turning cars away left and right. The whole time we thought that somebody must have gotten seriously hurt. I found out today that it was a girl I had known while I was in high school. She was the passenger in the car and she received the most injuries. She was taken to our local hospital where she was put on life support. We immediately thought the worst - life support means automatically to us: she was revived at the scene and put on life support immediately. She was already on her way out. Today, they took her off of life support at 6pm. I was hoping she'd pull through, that, by some miracle, things would change. But they didn't. And she's gone. I didn't know her very well at all. I talked to her only a handful of times, had her in some of my classes two years ago but that was the majority of our interaction but it's still had an impact on me. I've been crying so much that it's unbelievable. I feel like everything's gone horribly, horribly wrong. Everytime I read the news report, I cry. I can't control it. It's all just too much for me at this point. I feel horrible right now. My head hurts, my ears hurt, I'm all stuffed up. I haven't cried this much in such a long time. But only time will ease the pain. There's no cure-all for grief. It's been said that her parents are donating her organs. Quite a courageous thing to do, in my opinion. They're unselfishly giving to others even when they have lost all that they've had so dear to them. From what I've understood, she was their only child. So many people knew her, so many people loved her. This won't pass. It'll hang around for quite a lot of time. And with Christmas coming...this is anything but bearable for the family. I can only imagine the pain her mother is going through.... I noticed today, how the weather got worse when I heard about the accident. We were supposed to get snow, everyone was excited for it but then, the clouds rolled in, and in the evening, it began to rain. My mother read somewhere once that spirits of the dead can travel in rain. If that is so, it could have been her leaving us and going elsewhere. I hope that, wherever she may be, she is in peace and that all is well. R.I.P. Kristen You will be missed 
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Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 7:17 pm
I can believe it. You were really affected by this. Sounds like how I was when my grandma died last year.
You'll be fine. It hurts now, and might for a long while, but you will be.
She's definitely in a better place now. And I'm sure she's very appreciative of your care and concern. You're a nice person.
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Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 11:02 pm
zeromus 1st I can believe it. You were really affected by this. Sounds like how I was when my grandma died last year. You'll be fine. It hurts now, and might for a long while, but you will be. She's definitely in a better place now. And I'm sure she's very appreciative of your care and concern. You're a nice person. Thank you. =] Oddly enough, it reminds me of when my grandmother died as well. I grieve in an odd way. I won't cry or feel sad until I read something or talk about it. I don't forget about it, I just, I don't know. It's just there I guess. :/ When my grandmother died, I was 9. And I cried a little but only when I saw my mother cry. Other than that, I never really cried. I don't know why though. Maybe deep down I didn't believe it? But I still knew it was true. And with Kristen it's even stranger for me because, I never really did know her. I didn't expect that I'd feel this way about what happened. I'm not saying I wish I didn't, I just, don't know what to think of it at this point. Everything's a mess inside my mind. The whole school, from what I heard came together and wore her favorite color to school the next day. Practically everyone, around 2,000 students wore blue. The funeral is going to be huge, for lack of a better word. There are mass emails being sent out by the principal with details and all that. It's....hard to believe. It really is. One second I think, but no, she was in the hospital, they had her and then I think, no. She's gone. There's no bringing her back. I just keep going off on tangents sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:03 am
Such a tragedy. There are no words that can truly comfort, no words that will heal. All I can offer is my sorrow and my prayers and a reminder to make every single day count. And never miss a chance to tell someone you care. Every chance could be the last.
Rest in peace, Kristen.
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 8:49 pm
I haven't been here in awhile. D:
Right now, I'm in a lot of pain. crying
This morning, I had bent down (left knee on floor, right leg bent, parallel to floor) to zip up my sisters' boot and the second my right leg was fully bent, pain shot through my lower back, burned and felt like it was spreading. It was horrible. I could barely stand at first. Once I had fully righted myself, I tried walking. ><
I now walk like I have a stick up my a** or else my hips will move quite a bit and the pain will be unbearable. It still hurts to walk but not as bad.
It hurts to lie down, bend over, sit down, etc. I've tried Motrin, Mydol extra strength, and icy hot patches. Nothing has helped.
I'm right now on Tylenol extra strength.
I'm usually good with dealing with pain but this is pretty much crippling me. D:
I don't understand what happened though. I always have to bend down to do something for my sisters or around the house nearly every single day. This doesn't make sense to me. crying
I just hope it goes away soon. I can't go to the hospital with this and my mom said if it doesn't go away, she's taking me there. I just don't want to be billed 10k for a friggin MRI. I mean, x-rays are expensive enough. Cat scans are worse. ><
Watched New Moon. WAY better than Twilight but Stewart still can't act (it's gotten better though), Pattinson's hair sucks and THEY MESSED WITH ALICE'S HAIRDO!! *shoots hairdresser lady*
But the wolf phasing is pretty badass if I do say so myself.
Btw, no, I didn't see it in theaters. I watched a seriously shitty bootleg of it on fairyshare. Ah, the power of google. It won't be around very long though. I had HP6 from fairyshare saved as a bookmark but when I clicked on it last night, it had been removed. ><
Doesn't matter though because we have that movie and my mom'll most definitely buy New Moon.
OH and the Dakota Fanning does a kickass Jane. 3nodding
No, I'm not a Twilight fangirl. I seriously think the movies are a disappointment and deep down, they depress me. I was expecting something amazing, something that would put the books to shame. But no. I got this s**t. D:
The books are good but I've gotten sick of the whiny-ness.
And, if I may add, I think Bella's a twit. If I had been her and Edward had left me I would have told him to leave. Sure, I might have saved him from being killed by the Volturi but then I would have told him he can't possibly love me because he basically left me to die and didn't give a rat's a** about how I feel.
So. Um. Team Jacob. ftw. xp
sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 12:53 am
Well. It's been awhile since I've updated this thing.
I have a xanga, too. If anyone wants that, well, you can message me if you really want to. It's on friends lock and all that good stuff. I have people who don't like me. lol. Must mean I've done something right. xD
Anywho, I update there more than anything.
So, the online ex (it's not just some fling....we have one hell of a history...a painful one...but you get my point) has unblocked me from his MSN contacts list. Wait, what?!!! Unblocked me??!! Even I can't believe it.
I think the last time I talked to him was back in December. I poured my heart out to him about all the hell my (then) boyfriend was putting me through. Talking to him made it clear to me I needed to dump him. And I did. (thank goodness....)
But then, as usual, I fell back in love with...well...him. The online guy. *sigh* -_-
Maybe 'fell back in love' isn't the way to put it. Because I still love him. I've always loved him. But I'm an insecure, self-conscious twit. *facepalm*
Anywho, so, we kinda get things back up and going again...for like....a week or so. And believe me, he was back in love with me as well. (But even he's said he'll always love me in some way....) And it was crazy. At one point he kinda wanted to ditch his friends to stay....and chat with me...and talk with me...and stuff. Ha. Of course, I told him to go.
*is all flustered*
Anyway, so, in the short time we were kinda 'together', I guess you could say, he told me about this girl he'd been kinda seeing. Not really seeing, more like, flirting heavily with. (I forget to mention we hadn't spoken for quite some time....it had been more than 6 months...a lot can happen in that amount of time.) He'd also gone from being a virgin to ******** girls mindlessly because he felt they deserved the sex when he himself didn't really care much for it. (In a way, I believe he's a little messed up because of this but, it's too bad cuz love is blind.)
Back to what I was saying: this girl. Her name's Sarah. She was engaged at the time to some douchebag. And I'm not just sayin' that. He told me all about it. Not the douchebag...you know who I'm talkin' about. So, well, one night after having talked about maybe having him come see me this (past) Summer, he started saying he was going to tell Sarah he wasn't going to continue whatever they had goin' on. And....I caved in. I couldn't do it. All the what-ifs came up and I thought, what with my past and all and my inability to stick with one thing that I'd be robbing him of a potential happy ending and that I couldn't live with that, especially when I know myself we wouldn't be together forever either. So. I ended it. Again. Fourth time. *hangs head in shame* And he....blocked me. From everything. Myspace, Facebook, MSN.....I mean....this took a few hours but, eventually, I was literally erased from his life. If you count social networking as a memory. I know he still remembers me.... :/
Then, I kinda sorta maybe stalked him on myspace....well, not literally. He had me blocked so I couldn't read anything but his status. Heh. He's made it private too. So, I can't even see it when I'm signed out. But, she wasn't private. So I found out about them getting married. Which kinda hurt. -_-
And then a month or so ago, I found wedding pictures? Yeah. (I'll admit it! I'm a stalker! My username suits me, then....)
And now? I'm unblocked on his MSN. And I don't know why. And it's driving me crazy. But I'm not saying a thing. I won't. I have nothing to say unless he prompts me. So. Yeah.
It's just ******** with my head....I'm literally depressed about it all. I thought I had it all buried away after all this time and that all it was was some memory. But it's not. I wish it was though. I hate feeling this way.....
*sigh*
And that's my life right now. I'm literally waiting for him to say something.
Lisa will never learn. -_-
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