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--| Michael Dazimagie - 12th Division, 5th Seat

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Michael the sexy king

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 10:53 am


~Information~
Name: Michael Dazimagie
Age: 60 years old but looks 13
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Straight
Personality: Michael is careful, careless, dangerous, busy, he can act childish, he is adventurous, confident, easygoing, friendly, funny, gentle, helpful, lazy, a leader, intelligent, stubborn, talented,trustworthy, and skillful.
Bio: Michael's whole family died by a hollow as while as him when one night they were all agruing. Michael's mom, father, brother, and him were agruing and got killed. Then they all became soul reaper as soon as they all died in a fight to the death by arrancars. Michael was the only one left in his family that was alive. He has been loney ever since, but he made friends, but still feels sad when he thinks about his family.

Squad: 12
Rank: 5th seat


~Appearance~
Picture/Description:
User Image
Height: 5'4" 1/2
Weight: 115
Hair Color: Blue
Eye Color: Blue
Usual Clothing: Shinigami Uniform and when in the human world he weres modern clothes
Zanpakuto Position: Strapped to back and sometimes tied to the right side

~Zanpakutō~
Sealed Form Appearance:
User Image
Name: Soshi Doragon (Elemental Dragon)
Element: Darkness and Fire
Zanpakuto Spirit Appearance:
User Image


Shikai Appearance:

Darkness Form
User Image

Fire Form
User Image

Shikai Command:

Attack 1:
Darkness: Dark Vines- Vines that are black strench and rapped around the enemeies limbs and suck out there spritual pressure/energy.
Fire: Fire Blast- A blast of Fire comes out of Michael's hands and heads toward the enemy.

Attack 2:
Darkness: Darkness Fade- Makes everything black in darkness so that no one can see, but only I can. It also acts as a shield so no one else can get in. Michael hardly use this move unless in a emergency or when he wants to end the battle quick when he's in a rush.
Fire: Fire Pyramid- Lines surround the enemy and makes a pyramid shield than feels up with fire quickly and give the enemy/enemies serve burns


Shikai Abilities: Can use both Darkness and Fire, but not at the same time. Soshi Doragon can also aid him in battle.

Darkness Abitilies (This only works in Darkness form)
1. Dark Energy- When Michael is angry darkness energy surrounds his body. This ability gives Michael more power and energy.
2. Dark Portal- Can open up portals and stop attacks or get away from an enemy.

Fire Abilities (This only works in Fire Form)
1. Fire energy- Michael whole body is covered in fire and when the enemy hits they get burned and Michael still gets hit to but not by the fire.

Obtained?: Yes


Bankai Appearance:

Soshi Doragon in Dragon Form
http://i460.photobucket.com/albums/qq325/Sam2012_2008/DarknessandFireDragon.jpg

What I look like (Wing are Black and Red)
http://i460.photobucket.com/albums/qq325/Sam2012_2008/Michael/37u249.jpg

What my Bankai swords look like (The purple one is Darkness and red one is Fire)
http://i460.photobucket.com/albums/qq325/Sam2012_2008/DarknessandLightSwords.jpg

Bankai Attacks

Attack no.1: kuragari ken faia hasu (Darkness and Fire Lotus)- This is a last resort. Michael get wings made of Darkness and Fire energy, power goes around his sword, and she gains Darkness and fire armor. This also drains some energy, but it helps him out more.

Attack no.2: Ningenteki Katachi (Human Form)- Soshi Doragon can turn into a human and help out Michael more.

Extended Name: Kyuukyoku Kurayami Ken faia Jouten Ousama, SoshiDoragon(Ultimate Darkness and fire God King, Element Dragon )

Bankai Abilities: Michael body turns black and red, his sword floats up in the 2 elements go around it, and then a huge dragon appears that use the 2 elements at the same time. Michael gets powered up as well and can use both of the elements at the same time as well. Whatever he calls out Soshi Doragon does. Soshi Doragon can also turn into the true form and help out Michael when in need. Soshi Doragon can also help him in battle, but Michael just says Human Form for fun. When Soshi Doragon feels Michael isnt doing something right Soshi Doragon will take over Micahel's body because his sword likes to win and show off power.

Obtained?: No


~Skills~

Zanjutsu: 100
Hakuda: 50
Agility: 80
Kido: 100
Intelligence: 100
Physical Stamina: 95
Reiatsu: 50


~Skills, Techniques, and Kidō~

Hado Officer Rank
#1: Shō (Thrust)
#2: Beniikazuchi (Crimson Thunder)
#3: Kuukuu no Akuryoku (Grip of the Void)
#8: Kutsuunomaru (Circle of Pain)
#20: Burn
#27: Breaking Palm
#29: Chuujou / Assatsu
#31: Shakkahō (Shot of Red Fire)

Bakudo Officer Rank
#1: Sai (Restrain)=Low.
#2: Kabe (Wall)=Low
#8: Seal of Patience=Med.
#9: Geki (Strike)=Max
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 12:10 pm


A lot of simple grammatically errors are in your writing. Like placing ('), ('s), and ect. As well as that, I think you should make longer, and full developed sentences, when describing your personality, shikai, and bankai. Along side that I really don't like your shikai's first attack. ''Impossible to cut,'' in my opinion is god modding. Everything else looks alright.

Love the first image, did you draw it?~

Animi_luver


Darius Draconian

PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 12:40 pm


Firstly, I'd like it if you put the personality into a paragraph not a list. But this is my preferance. I'd also like it if you could explain your attacks in more depth.
Like Animi said, saying something is impossible to cut, or defeat in any way is, indeed, godmoding. You can say it is very strong but nothing is impossible and should therefore not be implied.
There are also basic grammatical errors which need correcting. I suggest you copy and paste your profile onto a programme with spell and gramma check.

Also, you should check the kidou and agility system thread to see what kidou's you are eligible for and what special abilities you can use.

The japanese translation for ultimate is (depending on what context you want it for):
Use for final - i.e aim, destination, result - saigo no
Use for greatness - i.e insult, detterant, authority - saidai no
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 6:53 pm


Michael the sexy king
~Information~
Name: Michael Dazimagie
Age: 60 but looks 13
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Straight
Personality: Michael is careful (sometimes), careless(sometimes), dangerous (at times), busy(when he is trying to train), he can act childish(at times), he is adventurous, confident, easygoing (sometimes), friendly (sometimes), funny, gentle, helpful, lazy(at times), a leader, intelligent, stubborn(at times), talented,trustworthy, and skillful. [I too would rather see this as a paragraph and not listed with () littering the sentences.]

Bio: Michael's whole family died by a hollow as while as him when one night they were all agruing. Michael's mom, father, brother, and him were agruing and got killed. Then they all became soul reaper as soon as they all died in a fight to the death by arrancars. Michael was the only one left in his family that was alive. He has been loney ever since, but he made friends, but still feels sad when he thinks about his family. Michael has been to Hueco Mundo before and back an has never gotten catch by any hollow(allkinds). [This whole paragraph is a bit contradictory to me.]

Squad:
Rank:

~Appearance~
Picture/Description:
http://i460.photobucket.com/albums/qq325/Sam2012_2008/SoulReaperMe.jpg
Height: 5'4" 1/2
Weight: 115
Hair Color: Blue
Eye Color: Blue
Usual Clothing: Shinigami Uniform and when in the human world he wears modern clothes.
Zanpakuto Position: Strapped to back and sometimes tied to the right side.

~Zanpakutō~
Sealed Form Appearance:
http://i460.photobucket.com/albums/qq325/Sam2012_2008/Swords/BlueDragonSamuraiSword-withBladeSho.jpg
Name: Mescomaru (Elemental Dragon)
Element: Darkness and Fire
Zanpakuto Spirit Appearance:
http://i460.photobucket.com/albums/qq325/Sam2012_2008/Me2.jpg


Shikai Appearance:

Darkness Form
http://i717.photobucket.com/albums/ww174/razzorsharp0812/darkfiresword.jpg

Fire Form
http://i755.photobucket.com/albums/xx197/UltimateDaughterofHades1/sword.gif

Shikai Command:

Attack 1:
Darkness: Dark Vines- Vines that are black stretch out and wrapp around the enemy's limbs and suck out their spritual pressure/energy.
(Its impossible to cut as well) [Hax. Nothing is impossible to cut, there is always a method to sever something.]
Fire: Fire Blast- A blast of fire comes out of Michael's hands and heads toward the enemy.

Attack2:
Darkness: Darkness Fade- Makes everything black in darkness so that no one can see, but only I can. [Hmm...]
Fire: Fire Pyramid- Lines surround the enemy and makes a pyramid shield than fills up with fire quickly and give the enemy/enemies severe burns.


Shikai Abilities: Can use both Darkness and Fire, but not at the same time. Mescomaru can also aid him in battle.

Darkness Abitilies (This only works in Darkness form)
1. Dark Energy- When Michael is angry, darkness energy surrounds his body. [Great, but what does that do?]

Fire Abilities (This only works in Fire Form)
1. Fire energy- Michael's whole body is covered in fire and when the enemy hits they get burned. Michael still gets hit, but not by the fire.
Obtained?: Yes


Bankai Appearance:

Mescomaru in Dragon Form
http://i460.photobucket.com/albums/qq325/Sam2012_2008/DarknessandFireDragon.jpg

What I look like (Wing are Black and Red)
http://i460.photobucket.com/albums/qq325/Sam2012_2008/Michael/37u249.jpg

What my Bankai swords look like (The purple one is Darkness and red one is Fire)
http://i460.photobucket.com/albums/qq325/Sam2012_2008/DarknessandLightSwords.jpg

Bankai Attacks
Attack no.1: kuragarikenfaiahasu (Darkness and Fire Lotus)- This is a last resort. Michael get wings made of Darkness and Fire energy, power goes around his sword, and she gains Darkness and fire armor.

Attack no.2: ningentekikatachidzukuru (Human Form)- Mescomaru can turn into a human and help out Michael more. [I'm not sure I like the idea of this, this technology is limited to the 12th Division... I'll talk to Zique about this.]

Extended Name: (No jap. word for Ultimate)kurayamikenkajijoutenousama, Mescomaru (Ultimate Darkness and fire God King Mescomaru)
Bankai Abilities: Michael's body turns black and red, his sword floats up in the 2 elements go around it, and then a huge dragon appears that use the 2 elements at the same time. Michael gets powered up as well and can use both of the elements at the same time. Whatever he calls out, Mescomaru does. Mescomaru can also turn into the true form and help out Michael when in need. Mescomaru can also help him in battle, but Michael just says Human Form for fun. [I'm not sure I like the idea of this, this technology is limited to the 12th Division... I'll talk to Zique about this.] When Michael is about to lose and Mescomaru feels it Mescomaru takes over Michael's body and his eyes turn purple when he's not in human form.

Obtained?: No

~Skills, Techniques, and Kidō~

~Hado~
#1: Shō (Thrust)=Lowest 3x of use
#2: Beniikazuchi (Crimson Thunder)=Medium 2x of use

~Bakudo~
#1: Sai (Restrain)=Lowest 3x of use


Other
Note- PLease dont put in A-Z order yet because i cant edit my post because of my labtop is messing up ok. [We don't do this, you do.]


I made several grammatical changes for your profile and left notes.

I'm getting Taitei in here to check your translations. blaugh

II Palmtop Tiger II
Vice Captain

Supreme Demigod


Taitei Hakkotsu

Lupine Fatcat

PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 7:37 pm


I've no idea what language you took the name of your Dragon, but its sections, or altogether word, means nothing. Aside from Maru which means nothing relative.

Kuragarikenfaiahasu, other wise rightly written out as: kuragari ken faia hasu, is a futile attempt. Should be "Kuragari to Ki Hasu" To be literally right.

Ningentekikatachidzukuru: ningenteki katachi dzukuru. Dzukuru needs to go away. It means nothing. Should be "Ningenteki Katachi"

Kurayamikenkajijoutenousama: kurayami ken kaji jouten ousama. Should be "Kyuukyoku [Ultimate >.>] Kurayami to Jouten Ousama"

Also. Please space your attack names. Its awfully hard to read it and looks down right ugly. Romaji require spaces.

I apologize for my bluntness. <.>
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 7:45 pm


Thank you Erikku!

scream

II Palmtop Tiger II
Vice Captain

Supreme Demigod


Taitei Hakkotsu

Lupine Fatcat

PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 7:48 pm


Kitsune-tono
Thank you Erikku!

scream


You are welcome Ami-tan!

mad
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 8:37 pm


*Dante-bot on*

Shikai attack #1: Darkness: Similar to what Kit said, even Ruri'iro Fujaku's vines could be cut.

Shikai attack #2: Darkness: This is similar to Kaname Tousen's Bankai, and take note that it is a Bankai and this is merely a Shikai. You should dampen it a bit.

Bankai attack #1: I don't understand why it's a last resort. If it drains him of a tremendous amount of energy, then please state it as such.

And the images besides the appearance image and one extra image should be given as a link, it stretches the page too much.

Other than that I find no other error in this.

*Dante-bot off*

Dan the Dante
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Familiar Guildsman

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Animi_luver

PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 8:17 am


Yup, I'd just leave the first image up, than create links for the rest of your profile, because like Dante said it stenches the page. Who's squad are you in?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 12:44 pm


I fixed it...is it good now.

Michael the sexy king

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II Palmtop Tiger II
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Supreme Demigod

PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 2:28 pm


I'm still not entirely happy with the second Shikai ability to make it so no one can see, but it's up to Zique if he makes you change it.

So I approve for now.

Though if you go to my Division, I'm going to have to ask that you clean up the grammar to match mine as stated a few posts above. Copy and paste if you have too. >.>
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Daireishokairo (大霊書回廊, Great Spirit Book Gallery) [Storage]

 
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