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[Q] Sailor Al Dhili, Senshi of Hyenas [ON HIS WAY :D] Goto Page: 1 2 [>] [»|]

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Chibi Sheepcat

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:05 pm


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Name: Jacob Miller

Nicknames: Jake (preferred over his full name)

Gender: Male

Age: 16

Birthday: April 24th

Sign: Taurus

Blood Type: O+

School: Hillworth Grammar School*
* Jake and the gang he was a part of were busted for multiple counts of stealing and selling school exams. Several of the younger boys' sentences were reduced to Class B misdemeanours provided that they attended (and graduated) from Hillworth. Jake has also been suspended several times for school artwork vandalism.

Fav. Food: They say the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and they couldn't be more right with Jake. Being thoroughly food motivated, it's hard to judge if he even has a favourite food, but his friends would tell you he has a secret love-hate relationship with pudding.

Hated Food: Despite eating like a starved dog, Jake has one food which is his One True Enemy: Anchovies. If they are on his pizza so help him.

Hobbies:
- Graffiti: Jake is a self-proclaimed artist and the world is his canvas. No surface, flat or otherwise, is safe from his "artwork", which ranges from pieces with political meaning to just self expression. Though he tags his work he doesn't make a habit of actually tagging, finding the act below his "artist standards." Tagging was, surprisingly, what got him into graffiti artwork in the first place, simply because his friends at the time were into vandalizing city buildings. After discovering there was more to self-expression than simply scrawling your initials where nobody could see them, Jake started working on his own pieces, keeping them relatively small and unobtrusive. These days, however, he's much more confident in his skills and has no problems covering up tags with his particular style of work. The only building he's never touched is the one that he and his family lives in, if only because he doesn't want them to get kicked out because of him.

- Street Hockey: His parents never had enough money to send him to ice hockey lessons, and thus Jake and his brothers spent most of their childhood playing street hockey instead. It was a good way to blow off steam, push some neighbourhood boys around, and just generally have fun without causing property damage. While at Hillworth, Jake has done his part to get weekend street hockey games going in the hopes of recreating some of his childhood fun.

- Loitering: If there's a no-loitering sign posted, chances are you'll find Jake hanging around there doing exactly what the sign says not to do. He's just waiting for a friend, he'll tell you. His girlfriend has to use the bathroom. He's meeting his ninety year old grandmother. Jake has a plethora of excuses to offer those who accuse him of hanging around their shop and ruining business. It's a small (very small) form of public rebellion, but it's one that the blonde enjoys very much.

- Karaoke: Jake loves singing, whether it be in the shower or just randomly bursting out into song whenever the occasion arises. He can hold a tune decently, and thus was encouraged to spend more time with the karaoke machine and less time trying to beatbox (hey, a boy just wants to learn!). Picky is definitely not his middle name, and his had quite the repertoire of songs he knows most of the words to. Karaoke helps with learning words, but when in doubt Jake is quick to improvise. What do you mean that's not how the song goes? Well it should have gone like that!

- Barbequing: Because baking is for girls. (This has nothing to do with the fact that he ruined his parent's oven. The oven just malfunctioned and burned his cake. That's his story and he's sticking to it.)


Gemstone: Diamond
~

Virtues:
Opportunist -- Simply put, Jake has an eye for opportunities, and is a good judge of situations. When to take risks, when not to gamble, he's got a knack for knowing when to play his cards. He is quick to take advantage of situations that will gain him something, though this mainly involves getting more food at lunch without having to buy it himself. Are you going to finish that?

Pack mentality -- Jake gathers his friends around him into what he considers a "pack", to which he is devoted to and spends the majority of his time with. His parents have been less than active in his life; thus, it's really no surprise that he treats his friends as an extended family and puts their needs about his blood family's. Whether it's pulling a brother out of trouble or taking the hit for one who was sloppy, Jake is the kind of guy that you can count on. He considers all senshi to be a part of his pack, at least in the beginning anyways, and he is quick to jump to the rescue of another Senshi even if he doesn't know them. You look out for your own, right? Loyalty aside, he's much more comfortable in the role of a follower than he is leading the hounds, so to speak. He works well under a leader (the so-called "alpha") and has no qualms taking orders. After all, the boss is the boss for a reason, right? As far as senshi-teams go, they're a-okay in his book. Even once he's found his team of choice, however, that doesn't stop him from teaming up with other senshi (whether they need it or not) over a common enemy.

Talk to Me -- Social, talkative, and motor mouth are all words that would quite accurately describe Jake. He talks through breakfast, he talks through lunch, he'd even talk through church if they let him in the building anymore. One could argue that he's quite the social butterfly, talking to anyone and everyone who will listen to him (and even those who aren't lis—are you paying attention?) He has no qualms about parking himself down next to some unsuspecting youth and striking up a conversation, and while he certainly isn't knowledgeable about every subject he's pretty darn good at BSing it. Just talking to him is reason enough to be considered an honorary friend, which means you get an honourary nickname. Sunshine, Lovely, Pet, Sugar, he'll use them all, and will repeat if the occasion calls for it. The only person who doesn't get a nickname is his "alpha", though whether that's because he respects or fears her/him is yet to be seen.

Party All the Time -- While some may call it optimism, Jake prefers to think of himself as a connoisseur of good times. Always raring to go, the blonde never seems to run out of energy when there's fun to be had. Wanna go hang out at that new sushi place? He's down for it! Heck, he'll even eat the strangest thing on the menu if you pay him ten bucks! Not the type to tell someone to avoid something because it's dangerous (or illegal for that matter) Jake enjoys the thrill of trying new things. If there's an audience involved, then he's doubly involved. After all, what better way to spend your Friday nights than trying to see how much wasabi you can snort up your nose?


Flaws:
Like a dog with a bone -- Jake is one of those people who once they have found something will refuse to let go until they've got what the want. Be it a weakness, emotional problems, or some kind of secret, he will just pick and pick and pick until the person he's hounding finally makes it very clear that his badgering is unwanted or physically harms him. Often times the latter is necessary to ensure that he doesn't come back. While he seems to think that he's doing it for the person's own good, other people may not be so inclined to agree. Physically, this manifests in Jake's frequent, almost obsessive need to pick at scabs, resulting in numerous white scars littered on his skin.

Gang mentality -- Jake's friends as his pack but they are also his gang, which comes with it an entire slew of problems. Without much in the realm of parenting at home, he lacks respect for what could be termed traditional authority, choosing instead to respect his pack's "alpha" above all else. If his alpha said he needed to skip class and meet her behind the school he'd do it in a heartbeat, regardless of what kind of trouble he'd get into from his teachers. Their trouble is only passing; he can stand a detention or two if it means being able to do something for the gang. As a follower and not a leader, his morality is very much dictated by those around him. It may be against the law to steal exams, but if the gang needs money why shouldn't they take advantage of some easy money? It's only teachers, after all. It's not like they have feelings. Adults tend to be classified as very much "against us" in his "with us or against us" type of mentality, and as such he has a hard time relating to adult figures, both in his own life and the lives of his friends. (He's not a good person to introduce to your mother. Really). As a senshi, the lines are even clearer cut. Once a Negaverse, always a Negaverse, and Jake does not forgive fraternizing with the enemy or turning to the dark side. Because of his black and white distinctions between friend and enemy, betrayal from within hurts the most. He would be devastated if one of his "civilian pack" turned out to be a Negaverse agent, or worse, if one of his "Senshi pack" joined the Negaverse.

Self-Indulgent -- While it's okay to enjoy having a good time and goofing around, the blonde lacks any real boundaries or self control, especially when it comes to pleasurable experiences. If it feels good, why not do it again? He's the type of boy who'll spend all night partying and skip off school for the next few days to recover, not bothering to worry about the consequences in favour of the good times. The crowd that he hung out with growing up didn't encourage him to hold back either, and thus Jake has a hard time limiting himself in almost anything. Behaviours, substances, junk food, you name it. It's one of the reasons that he smokes, having picked up the habit from his fellow gang members because it was "cool" and getting hooked before he knew what had happened. While he's not addicted to anything serious (yet) there is always the potential that Jake could dig himself in deep because he doesn't know when to stop.

Come to the Dark Side -- We have cookies. Delicious cookies. Cookies so good that once you try one you'll never want to go back to those pansy cookies the Light side offers you. If peer-pressure had a name and a face it would be Jacob Miller. With his charming, devil-may-care attitude he'll be the first to offer anyone a chance at the kinds of pleasures he regularly enjoys. He is a completely shameless corrupter of youth and he feels no remorse for it, even if he gets unsuspecting minors into more trouble than they can handle. But hey, he'll visit you in juvie if you get caught. biggrin
PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:12 pm


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Senshi: Sailor Al Dhili, Sailor Senshi of Hyenas
- Pronounced, to the best of my knowledge, as Ahl-theelee

Concept: Hyena ruff/fur (Idk something maybe like they have going on in Cats?), spots, black war paint (face), fingerless gloves, snarling, laughing, bones, Pesterhide, Scarlet Hound, Snickerfang and lots of hyena pictures

Challenge: Don't make me laugh!

Attack #1 – Crushing Bite
    [What it does] Sailor Al Dhili creates a pair of "jaws" in energy form that lunge in a straight line towards the target. Deals moderate physical damage and would result in a bite wound (bruising and teeth marks) wherever the "jaws" make contact with the target. Along the lines of something like this (if you'll excuse the Pokemon reference XD)
  • Duration: The jaws last until they have made contact with something. Can be used up to four times in battle, with three being the 'oh s**t we're really losing gotta do it one more time' and four being the 'use it and pass out.' It essentially can be safely used about three times in battle.
  • Benefits: Deals visible physical damage. Can be used at medium and close range.
  • Downsides: Jaws move in a straight line from where they are released and therefore they can be dodged or sidestepped. It is not a long-ranged attack, so he can't fire the bite at people. Most effective at close range.


Attack #1b – Bone Crushing Bite
    [What it does] An improved Crushing Bite. Sailor Al Dhili creates a pair of larger jaws in energy form that lunge at the target. It does have the potential to break bones if the target was hit with a full-force bite. (For example, if they held out their arm to block it, their arm could break. If they didn't guard, it's not going to break all the bones in their body, but it would probably fracture a collar bone or something like that).
  • Duration: The jaws last until they have made contact with something. Can be used safely two times in battle. Again, he could push it to three if he wanted to be a useless senshi puddle at the end of the battle. XD
  • Benefits: Deals physical damage. Attack is faster, and thus harder to dodge. Jaws are bigger and thus the damage area is larger.
  • Downsides: Jaws move in a straight line from where they are released and therefore they can be dodged or sidestepped. Though the speed increases, there is no knockback. It is not a long-ranged attack, so he can't fire the bite at people. Most effective at close range.


Attack #2 – Scavenge
    [What it does] Sailor Al Dhili sends a small "pack" of 3-7** jaws at his opponent with power range in between his Crushing Bite and Bone Crushing Bite.
  • Duration: The jaws last until they have made contact with something. Can be used once per battle.
  • Benefits: Deals physical damage in multiple areas. Attack his harder to dodge due to the sheer number of attacking jaws. Is the most powerful at closer range.
  • Downsides: Sailor Al Dhili must hit his opponent with either Crushing Bite or Bone Crushing Bite in order to ensure this attack hits the target he wants it to. The jaws, unlike his other attacks, are target-seeking and as such require some prior damage to "hone in" on. (Note: this attack can be dodged, but it is much harder to dodge than the other two because it doesn't just flow in a straight line)


* Checked 1a and 1b with Lanth to make sure they didn't overlap with Saiph's bite.

** 3-7 can either be decided by dice roll or decided during the battle by both players based on the strength of Al Dhili and the strength of his opponent.

Chibi Sheepcat


Chibi Sheepcat

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:19 pm


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Physical Description

Civilian:

Eyes: Average shaped amber eyes

Hair: Dirty blonde; undersides cut short with the middle left to grow long, creating a kind of Mohawk which grows out as a fluffy, solid line that begins at the point of his forehead and ends in some little 'tails' at the base of his neck; Mohawk is black tipped

Face: Slender, average features, piercings (eyebrow, lip, ears, tongue, anywhere else the artist can think of, should have a chain connecting the lip piercing to the ear on the same side); crooked, perhaps a little cocky smile, tanned skin

Body: Muscled; not a body-builder physique but definitely on the buff side. Several tattoos, the most notably being a bull's head on the back of his neck.

Fashion: Ripped jeans (usually dark colours) with tank shirts. He doesn't get to wear his regular clothes all that often (alas uniform) but when he does he keeps it to his favourites. The more comfortable the better.

~

Senshi:

Fuku: See concept under Senshi. XD I really have no specifications for the fuku beyond "here have some key words and go crazy." (But if I should design a fuku, I will. Just let me know).
PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:21 pm


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Family

Greg Miller - Father;

Sandra "Sandy" Miller - Mother;

Thomas "Tom" Miller - Older brother, 18;

Ian Miller - Younger brother, 15; nicknamed "Ponyboy" due to sharing the same name as a famous horseback rider, though Ian definitely does not like horses. He's still stuck in the stage where everything he does he does to look cool to his friends.

Jenifer Miller - Aunt; shares the flat with the family in order to help save on rent. Works at one of the diners down on the main street, usually two shifts. Divorced her high school sweetheart two years ago.

Jessica Miller - Cousin, 14; lives with her mother and visits her father on weekends. Very shy, doesn't say much, and has become a sort of little sister to the Miller boys.


Chibi Sheepcat


Chibi Sheepcat

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:25 pm


Extra 2
PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 4:22 pm


NOTES FROM KALI CRIT (so I don't lose them XD)

I giggled over the food comments. Awesome! I love it when personality comes across from even this basic stuff.

Kirin is stealing him for karaoke <3 Even if he beatboxes through it.

Fffff, I sporfle at the oven fiasco. Again, I love the little tidbits and extra personality and history coming through.

I don't know what an ATV is, apart from some kind or car or bike or vehicle? Maybe stick a link in there?

Pack mentality is just... AWESOME. Amazing explanation, all the different roles and how he reacts as a result of them.

All the virtues mesh together in a great way. I have a really good picture of this really REALISTIC guy.

I love the flaws side to pack mentality. And his dog with a bone meshes nicely with it. Is he trying to ensure the team's wellbeing by poking/worrying at these things?

The "petty" flaw really has the potential to contradict the virtues of "pack mentality". I'd like to see more on how he reacts when it is members of his pack, what happens if he HAS to go into battle them, or they're in danger? Or is he willing to let them get hurt as long he's holding his grudge, but feel bad about it once that person has made it up to him?

I find the attacks very similar to one of the existing senshi whose name and sphere I can't remember - the senshi with green hair, and teeth and tears over her fuku. Of course I can't actually check them now, so I'm going off memory/impression of her attacks, I could be wrong.

I'd like to see more info on the damage the attacks inflict. Will "bone crushing bite" actually break bones? And how many times per battle can they be used?

Chibi Sheepcat


kalindara

PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 4:08 am


Now that I can access Gaia again, I was referring to Saiph. Possibly talk to Lanth or Rose or Natsu, see if they find the attacks too similar?
PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 11:31 am


Updated to include stuff I added/changed for the recent school kid contest and from Kali's critique (<3).

- Checked with Lanth about Saiph

- Still working on eternal attacks --> possible pack boost ability? IDK

Chibi Sheepcat


Chibi Sheepcat

PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2010 3:51 pm


Revamped and restyled! <333

Open for crit and willing to do crit trades! x3
PostPosted: Mon May 31, 2010 8:05 am


I'm going to start with his virtues!

Opportunist is great, it seems just fine to me.

My problem is with pack mentality because it puts his friends before his family and says he is comfortable with be a follower. Where his family is concerned does he listen to his parent, afterall they are the 'pack' he was born into. The way it is worded makes me wonder about his family life and it just seems contradictory to the virtue.

Charming makes him sound more annoying than anything, but intelligent as well. To me it come off as goofy in a way, the type who like to play head game and the type that we he comes all calling you pet or whatever, you'd would want to run the other way. Does that make since.

I love who party all the time ties in so well with his flaws and his hobbies, it really suits him, or rather what you wish to do with him.

Now on to you flaws.

I love like a dog with a bone. I can't really explain it but I just love it.

Gang mentality is great, but it seems like it would make it hard for him I guess rp wise. It seems like because a lot of people are not going to be with him, like whoot let go vandalism private property, loiter, skip school and do illegal things. Um does that make sense.

For self indulgent I just have a question. If he doesn't know when to stop could there a least someone who could help him to realize. Would he listen to someone else, gang leader or otherwise. I mean just because man that is a dangerous path.

Come to the dark side is great, but once he ring a person in does he try to make them one of the gang or is it always, well that was fun, bye and hope you don't get caught?

Everything else about him overall is great. I'd like to see more for his barbequing hobby. Is he any good, does he like to throw party and cook for people.

Attack:

The are well thought out and seem to work well me only problem is the last one, Attack 2. The determination of the 3-7 jaws power? Is rolled to decide which jaw is which strenght or is it decided by the opponent. Maybe I am making to to complicated, but I was unsure how it would really work.

Kaori_luv

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Guine

Crew

Lonely Explorer

PostPosted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 7:20 pm


Hey Chibi! First I would like to cringe at the Papyrus, but that’s just me, and I’m lame, anyway.

So… O+ or O-? <3 I swear this is my only nit-pick I automatically look for.

Hobbies
Graffiti — I really like this hobby, but I’m curious as to how he got into it. I mean… I suppose anyone could pick up a spray paint can and go at it, but why? Was he inspired by another artist? Was it just something to do in order to pass the time?

BBQ — I would like to see more about this one, too. Why barbequing? Is he good at it, or is it like the cake incident? Is he the one his parents send out back to grill dinner?

Virtues
Pack Mentality — I don’t mean to contradict Kao’s crit, but I think this virtue reads off very well. I understand how it would be easier to place friends before family, for although someone is bonded to family through blood, it’s more of an obligation than really, really being loyal to someone/a group.

Charming — Maybe it’s just the way I’m reading it, but the way you have it worded now, he seems more obnoxious than charming. I think Kao said something similar. I think it would matter how/when he is charming. Does he try to flirt with someone that obviously doesn’t want to be flirted with, or does he make sure they’re interested before approaching the situation? Or does he go into situations, doing whatever he can to charm the person he’s engaged in conversation? I think this has a lot going for it, but needs a little tweaking.

Party All The Time — This makes him sound like a really fun guy to be around! I’m glad you included this with the Charming virtue, because after reading this it makes more sense of how he would be Charming… but the prior virtue still needs a little tweaking.

Flaws
Gang mentality — I’m worried about how this is going to affect his Charm and Party virtues. If he doesn’t feel like someone is worth it, does he drop the act or good humor and ditch them? I feel like, unless he has a big gang of friends, that he’ll just end up scaring people away from him, or give off that vibe that he just doesn’t want to deal with the people around him that he doesn’t like. How does he treat someone who is legitimately on the fence? Does he just get confused? Or does he automatically group them, anyway?

Self-Indulgent — This makes me wonder what his parents/the rest of his family thinks about what he gets himself into. Are there no repercussions for his behavior? Do his parents just let him do whatever he wants? Do they even care? Does he do what he does in order to get attention, too?

Sailor Al Dhili
Ha ha! I like his challenge. XD

I see nothing wrong with this. I can understand his attacks and they make sense to me.

TL;DR
I really like the idea you have going here! I’m especially curious to see what he’ll end up looking like! I can imagine something rather furry. I am curious as to why you decided to make him a Senshi rather than a Negaverse, since he has the potential for that, too. I don’t want you to change it! I’m just always curious about the development and process of characters. It might just be my thing, though. <3 It’s a good start. Just some things to think about for hobbies, virtues, and flaws. More information on his family would be lovely if you get the time! I’d like to see what they think about everything. I’m also curious as to whether or not he’d play nicely with the other Senshi! But I like it so far. <3
PostPosted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 3:20 am


I love hyenas!! This is awesome! Here's my suggestions.

Food: lol, eats anything. if I get my character they will get along since she works for a restaurant. And no anchovies.

Hobbies
Graffiti - I agree with Guine when she asks how he got into it. When does he prefer to do his art? Does his "gang" help him or is he a solo artist?

BBQ - I now officially love you.

Karaoke - I suddenly see West Side. Where did his love of singing come from? I mean does he sing showtunes? Favorite artists? Or just make something up on the spot?

Virtues and Flaws

I think the two before me covered these perfectly so I only have this question. Hyenas are highly matriarchal and your character is male. How does this affect him?

Attacks
They sound good but his Eternal Attack almost seems like a small extension of the other two. Dunno, just wondering if you could use another aspect of Hyenas to make a bigger attack.

Byagane319

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Chibi Sheepcat

PostPosted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:16 am


Thank you for the crit guys~! <33 I'm going on a week-long field course tomorrow but I will definitely have a look at this more thoroughly when I get back!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2010 11:29 am


*cracks knuckles*

KAORI

- Clarification added for family vs. friends conflict for Pack Mentality. Hopefully that names more sense?

- Re-reading charming I'm not sure it came out the way I wanted it to so I just need to figure out what I'm trying to get at and then rewrite it. <3

Considering he goes to Hillworth I'm not too worried about finding people for him to act out with. Even then, it's not going to be every RP. He's happy to go along with whatever the group is doing, and if it happens to be illegal then he's still game. Make sense?

For self indulgent, he could be stopped by someone else if they were persistent enough but part of the fun of that flaw is that he's going to dig himself some nasty holes. XD It is dangerous, for sure, but that's what makes it a flaw.

Very much "well that was fun, bye, and hope you don't get caught." biggrin

I write certain hobbies like that with minimal information for a reason, mainly to give a certain personality feel rather than telling people every single thing he does for each hobby. It gives me a little more freedom for RP, so unfortunately the barbeque will remain a mystery unless I can think of something a little more witty.

Attack: Either or works for me. I like dice, they are my friends, but in some cases I may want to forgo dice simply because he's not strong enough or other RP-related situations that may call for a different set of standards. I'll make sure to add that in thought!



GUINE

Don't be dissing my papyrus. talk2hand

O+ biggrin

I'd imagine he got into it when other people he knew were doing it, mainly for tagging purposes, but I shall add a little more history-relevant information.

See earlier comments on the BBQ hobby.;3

Charming is getting re-written but I shall keep your questions in mind!

Gang mentality has been rewritten to incorporate stuff I originally removed due to the fact that it used to be a three-part flaw. Hopefully that makes more sense now as to why he's not going to be alienating people his age?

There are always repercussions for bad behaviour, just not necessarily from his family. In terms of being the disciplinarian, his elder brother is definitely the closest thing he has. His parents mostly work and do their own thing, so he has been allowed to do whatever he wants as long as he stays out of their way. Several of his personality traits could definitely be attributed to attention seeking or seeking belonging, but I think self-indulgence is just really having never been taught how to properly manage himself. It's sort of the same thing as kids who have no idea how to manage their time.

Aaah, the senshi question! I just generally like the idea that senshi can be anyone and you don't have to be a really good person to be one. He's pretty rough around the edges with some minor redeeming traits, but I've always liked the idea of a manshi who's a bit of a bad boy. XD



BYAGANE
I'm glad you like hyenas! I love them too, which is why I snagged the sphere. <33

Graffiti – Solo artist, and generally at night when he's less likely to get caught.

Karaoke – I'm not sure a lot of people can tell you why they love something. I know for me personally I always wanted to be around horses and I couldn't really say when it started or where it came from, it just sort was there? As for his favourites, I think he'd sing anything and everything from It's a Small World to showtunes. <3

While I originally had him preferring a female alpha, I decided to leave that out to widen my RP opportunities. But, should the opportunity present itself, a matriarchal situation would definitely work well for him. ;3

If you have any ideas for an Eternal Attack I'm definitely willing to hear them! I couldn't think of anything uniquely hyena-ish that could be used for an Eternal Attack.

Chibi Sheepcat


Chibi Sheepcat

PostPosted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 12:32 pm


*nudges this back up to the top* ~<333 Will be going through and filling out some of the emptier sections this weekend~
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