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flutelover889

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 8:20 am


What's the difference between seeing a dead band director in the middle of the road and a dead skunk in the road?

biggrin

Post rofl if you already know the answer since I'll post it when some people ask. biggrin
PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2009 3:08 pm


No one? ... Fine.

The only difference is that there are skid marks, tire markings, leading up to the skunk. XD My band director told us this joke and he's usually super serious so it was funny.

flutelover889

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 10:14 am


I have another one

What do you do when a person can't play an instrument?
You give them two sticks and send them to the back of the room. (percussion)
What do you do if they can't do that?
You take one stick away and send them to the front of the room (conductor)

lol. I find it funny because I'm in percussion and it's so true.
PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 12:40 pm


HEY IM A PERCUSSIONIST AND THATS NOT TRUE evil ITS TAKE A LOT OF TALENT

Riku Elmwick

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 11:45 am


hun. it's a joke. calm down. lol
I'm a percussionist and I know how much talent it takes.
PostPosted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 8:05 pm


How do two trumpet players greet each other?
"Hi, I'm better then you."

How many flutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
We don't know. It hasn't been done yet.

How many trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1 to put it in, 1 to say they could do it better.

How do you get two picolos in tune?
Shoot one

What do you get when you cross a clarinet player and a mouse?
An interesting conversation



The shooting a picolo one came froma pic player, so don't get mad. The trumpet ones came from trumpet players, and the other flute one came from my flute friend. I just made up the clainet one off the top of my headXD Pretty good for 2 seconds

ClarinetGoddess


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 8:22 pm


Kinu13
HEY IM A PERCUSSIONIST AND THATS NOT TRUE evil ITS TAKE A LOT OF TALENT
HEY, I'M NOT A PERCUSSIONIST, BUT THAT'S TRUE.
I mean, auxiliary requires no talent whatsoever... marimba/vibes/xylos and drumline sure as hell do require talent.
PostPosted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 9:32 pm


winds kick brass
enough said

clarinet_rocker

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silent_scream59

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 7:26 am


Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.
PostPosted: Mon Dec 28, 2009 5:18 am


silent_scream59
Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

this one is by far the funniest. no offense to the rest of y'all

Goddess of Glomps


EnterCreativeUsernameHere

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 9:35 am


ClarinetGoddess
How do two trumpet players greet each other?
"Hi, I'm better then you."

How many flutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
We don't know. It hasn't been done yet.

How many trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1 to put it in, 1 to say they could do it better.

How do you get two picolos in tune?
Shoot one

What do you get when you cross a clarinet player and a mouse?
An interesting conversation



The shooting a picolo one came froma pic player, so don't get mad. The trumpet ones came from trumpet players, and the other flute one came from my flute friend. I just made up the clainet one off the top of my headXD Pretty good for 2 seconds


Ahahahah! The trumpet thing is very true. xD (I'm a trumpet.)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 10:28 am


Goddess of Glomps
silent_scream59
Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

this one is by far the funniest. no offense to the rest of y'all

hilarious

proud band geek


ClarinetGoddess

PostPosted: Mon Jan 04, 2010 4:04 pm


I just found a whol website of band jokes and they are pretty funny.

How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the definition of "nerd?"
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
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What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
_---------------------------------------------------------------

How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.
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What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower?
Lawn mowers sound better in small ensemles.
The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.
The grip.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between a baritone saxophone and a chain saw?
The exhaust.
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The soprano, not being smart enough to use birth control, says to her saxophophonist lover, "Honey, I think you better pull out now."

He replies, "Why? Am I sharp?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could have done it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between a Trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
I don't know either.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. I'm better than you."
How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door?
The doorbell shrieks!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why can't a gorilla play trumpet?
He's too sensitive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In an emergency a jazz trumpeter was hired to do some solos with a symphony orchestra. Everything went fine through the first movement, when she had some really hair-raising solos, but in the second movement she started going improvising madly when she wasn't supposed to play at all.

After the concert the conductor came round looking for an explanation. She said, "I looked in the score and it said `tacit'--so I took it!"
---------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?
Vibrato, though you can minimize this difference by holding the chain saw very still.
It's easier to improvise on a chainsaw.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How can you make a french horn sound like a trombone?
Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.
Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you know when a trombone player is at your door?
The doorbell drags.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the trombone, but doesn't.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you call a trombonist with a beeper and a cellular telephone?
A optimist.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is the diffference between a dead trombone player lying in the road, and a dead squirrel lying in the road?
The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist?
He doesn't know how to use the slide, and he can't swing.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the range of a tuba?
Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
Three! One to hold the bulb and two to drink 'till the room spins.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
It took two hours to get the drummer out.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please."

The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there."

After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner."

The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?"

The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?"

The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants?
They've had so little use.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between a conductor and a sack of fertilizer?
The sack.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you have when a group of conductors are up to their necks in wet concrete?
Not enough concrete.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do do with a horn player that can't play?
Give him two sticks, put him in the back, and call him a percussionist.
What do you do if he can't do that?
Take away one of the sticks, put him up front, and call him a conductor.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. "I'm sorry,he's dead," comes the reply.

The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply from the receptionist. At last she asks him why he keeps calling. "I just like to hear you say it."
----------------------------------------------------------------
There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get an oboist to play A flat?
Take the batteries out of his electric tuner
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the bassoon recital.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?
A bad oboist can kill you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Those are the ones I found extremely funny. Here is the website: Very funny
PostPosted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 9:49 am


ClarinetGoddess
How do two trumpet players greet each other?
"Hi, I'm better then you."

How many trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1 to put it in, 1 to say they could do it better.


Sadly, these two are all too true. My section [brass] was always competeing, so whoever got handed music first took the part they wanted, so 3rd and 4th chair [small school, small band] always got first and second parts, while 1st and 2nd usually got second and third parts. Our BD didn't care, either, as long as we could play the parts. ;D
I miss band. =[

HormonalTeenager

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stalwart as the Mount

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 1:22 pm


A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. "I'm sorry,he's dead," comes the reply.

The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply from the receptionist. At last she asks him why he keeps calling. "I just like to hear you say it."

that one was the funniest
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