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 Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 7:01 pm
Before you give an opinion or comment note that this a rough draft of my story. the writing is not omfg super cool as it should be. in no way am I as epic J.R. Tolkien nor am I'm so amazing to pull people in...
no no the writing you see before is rough, hard and plain. I'm need opinions on what to change and looking for a beta. This is the purest rough draft of my story, and as its more developed and looked over the writing shall be scrapped and redone to be presentable Epic. now read on and give feed back. Also a beta would be great emo
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Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 7:16 pm
In the aftermath of the fourth world war there were no more third world countries for in the following years there was an unstable peace when every country became super powered and the economy was at its peak it was then a scientific study went wrong. Dating back to the experimentation of the Nazis on humans, scientists have begun to create a perfect solider using those who were not strong enough, were weak, special or criminals. It was often in these cases that they would endure grueling extractions of bone marrow, eye color, DNA and torture. All around buildings were erected, a circular building with outstretching arms, each hallway consisting of a certain number of rooms for different aspects. There was always silence much like the Eastern State Penitentiary: a building once abandoned and now destroyed. It was a maddening silence really, one that drove people insane…and to the first hall, where tortures would be given and when one walks in they say these are the mentally unstable and no one will press further.
Hall One was for the insane and unstable where many punishments were given. Hall Two held the patients, those who were involved with the experimentation of diseases and DNA of others, to create the perfect soldier the "hospital is also located here. Halls Three and Four are the library and the showers. Hall five is what leads to an outside courtyard in which prisoners were led with masks to their own cells outside where brick walls enforced by a metal fence would surround them. They are then chained to the ground so they cannot stand it is the only relief from pain. Hall six was the special ward those who are elementals, were psychic or different were kept here pushed and tested for knowledge, data that is then given to scientists, who take all information gathered from the testings and experiments to create perfect soldiers. Our story takes place in an unknown city somewhere in the fields of England where a fire elemental lays in her bed, eyes closed in pain as she wiped bile from her lips.
Doctor Gisele had given her medicine, a beefy man with short messy blond hair and cruel blue eyes and the smell of cheap cologne. He was a man of power and influence and the one who drove fear into the hearts of all. She was a young girl, very short for her age, skinny and weighing at exact 90lbs. Hair, coppery red and dulled by softer highlights of brown pooled around her body, reaching past the waist. She was probably quite beautiful one might say, but she was just a number, no name and no family. She was number thirteen, the keen interest of Gisele the cruel doctor.
“Now my pet don’t worry these medicines will help you feel better after all we can’t have you sick while testing now can we?” He asked wheezing, bending over to stroke her hair. The patient growled.
“Do not touch me,” came the weak voice. He was put off by this but smiled none the less.
“Always feisty eh, thirteen?”
Pushing the metal cart out of the room the sounds of a rusted gate echoed in her ears, then the stone and at last the steel. As she lay there, powers bounded by the bracelet she wore and no escape for fear of her head exploding if she went to far out of range because of her collar she was literally a caged bird, a bird longing to be out there free. It was down in the basement, where the soldiers were, those who survived were honed and trained, it is also the only area where others could talk. None knew of the building upstairs nor did they care. This no care attitude is thus what spurred on a soldier to explore the upper levels.
He was one of the few to survive and he seemed to have been one of the rarities who kept his civil views and didn’t particularly care for his job or whatever he was designed for. It was a cold winter’s day’s when their commander was having them in the courtyard going over drills. They were silent, deadly and very accurate and skilled with their performances. No one questioned why they had to be silent but they all agreed it was unnerving and when they saw prisoners with masks coming from the buildings being walked into the field, and asked to step aside only then did curiosity spread.
Lucien, The Ice Dragon, as he was called noticed one in particular and when pointed out the others gasped. Number thirteen was branded onto her dress, which hugged a rather thin frame.
“No older then young kid...…”He whispered.
Apparently the girl had heard him for her face turned, she wore a beautiful silk eyeless mask and had what he was sure were soundproof ear muffs, but it turned out she was trying to move her hair from her face, a difficult task when one’s hands are bound. As the young girl was shoved into her cell only then did one of the guards remove her eye mask. The child made a soft whimper, the brightness of the afternoon blinded her briefly, and a resounding slap was heard.
“No noise Thirteen or else…” Came the guards voice. Shaking in fear the child nodded and when she looked to his retreating back caught eyes with Lucien and let a silent tear fall from the amber gold eyes before the guard turned around, chained her to the ground and walked out once more as the doors began locking.
Her only view now was the cloudless blue sky and the cold sun.
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