Rushing to be in love?

[Siumbering Princess22]

I was just thinking about my life & love. I realize that I *with I know tons of girls my age who feel the same* feel sometimes like they're in such a rush to fall in love. I'm only 23..lol like I'm gonna run out of time next week. But as time goes on, I feel myself getting older. And I feel myself panicking to find that right guy to..not just fall in love, but to marry. I've been in love, but I want to be in love with my husband. The man I'm going to spend my life with. I want my search to be done!

But why do most girls *that I come across* feel this way?? Well my sister is 26 married with one child. While I do have a daughter. I don't have a husband. I don't feel I need one because I'm a mother, because god knows if anything that has made me distant from the dating scene.

I guess I over analyze things sometimes? Because for me..once I marry it's for good. I'm only doing it once. I do not believe in divorce. if it ends in divorce I won't be married again. So I dont plan on marrying someone a year in. I want to know someone in and out. I need to grow that bond. I need to make my relationship strong. So I'm going to date that person for atleast 2-3 years before I marry them. And I'm already 23,I'd first have to find that guy..and guys suck! *no offense* lol. I probably wont be married till Im 35!..And I don't wanna date different guys for that long before I find someone marriage worthy.lol

But why do I feel 35 is old?? Why are all my friends married and no older then 24?? Why are we so scared to be single??..Why am i?? I dunno this isn't an advice thread. More of a discussion thread to see where people in general my age are feeling about love and marriage. What about guys?? Do guys at our age feel the urgency to marry & fall in love?

 

[katana68]

My question to you would be....do you feel like you have to have a husband in order for your life to be complete in some way?  

[Siumbering Princess22]

katana68

My question to you would be....do you feel like you have to have a husband in order for your life to be complete in some way?

i think maybe in a way?..I mean my daughter completes my life, but love is pretty important to me. i've always grown up with that fantasy little girls have of finding Prince Charming, and such. I still have those dreams. I wouldnt say I'd feel complete..but kind of..? I mean it's very important to me to find someone to share my life with.  

[Orixu Vortexx]

I understand how you feel, I'm 21 going on 22 and I've been looking for "The one" ever since I was 16, I would have been happy getting married at age 16 if I could and become a mother ASAP but eh haven't met the one yet and I'm doubting I ever will.  

[Siumbering Princess22]

Orixu Vortexx

I understand how you feel, I'm 21 going on 22 and I've been looking for "The one" ever since I was 16, I would have been happy getting married at age 16 if I could and become a mother ASAP but eh haven't met the one yet and I'm doubting I ever will.

im glad someone else feels the same as me. but try not to think you ever will. I think thats another one of our problems. I'm only 23..not sure of your age. But why do we think we are running out of time to find that guy! We still have a lot of time. Why are we dooming ourselves?lol  

[Dark Elf Mitsuyo]

Some do, and some don't. I wouldn't like to say it's a gender bias, however, from what I've seen, especially in my current line of work, most guys, normally in their twenties, unless in a similar situation with children, usually are in dire fear of any type of commitment or otherwise. I myself, look at children, and can't wait till I have the chance to raise one myself. However, I also come with hang ups such as: Will I be able to provide? Do I have the strength and fortitude to be the best father? The list goes on. But, unfortunately, my own love life is greatly lacking, but the best advice is just having that "fairy tale faith". As childish as it may sound, it's relatively up to you to find "The One". Just waiting for them or giving up hope all together will do nothing for you except hurt you in the long run. Of course, I really don't know you at all, so it's not my place to have any sort of judgment or give decent advice, however, I do hope this helps. And no, you're not alone.  

[Wretched Soul]

A word of advice, ladies. If you're looking for Mr. Perfect, you won't find him. Much as we'd like to think we are, men ain't perfect. Women ain't either. Expect to put in the work part of a relationship, or it won't last a lifetime and make sure whoever you find understands that.  

[Koichi Wing]

I am 21 and a guy. I have been in too many rough relationships enough so to summarize would be simply put as I've been cheated on too much. after going through that all it just makes me ready to be done with all the relationship bull....

I just agree there's a sense of wanting someone who meets all of you needs. I'm not saying that they are perfect. I'm saying that they fits the needs of a person adequately enough to spend forever with them minus their flaws like snoring or whatever bad habbit you want to put in there razz

I tend to have to agree that I feel better in a relationship than not in one. Probably a bad thing but I'm attempting to work on it. So you're not alone and it's not just girls.

I'm sure that all those "nicer" guys are ready to settle down due to girls having this need for a "bad guy" or "I can fix him" complex. It's what I observe so don't hate. xD eventually those girls get burned enough to mature and realize they need a nicer man to settle down with. biggrin  

[Siumbering Princess22]

Well I'm not saying perfect man when I say fairytale. I've been in love, and had a very long serious relationship before. So I know theres no such thing as a perfect man. But I do believe theres such thing as a perfect man for me.

I'm definitely someone who puts in my fair share of work in a relationship. That is definitely something I have learned over time. But I also learned I can't love enough for two people. My major concern is that I need someone who I can be myself with. Risk my heart with, and know that once he sees I've let down my guard he won't try and take advantage of that. And sadly there are actually a ton of guys who have & and very well would.

I also feel like I don't want to lose my fairy tale life. Because I feel the only reason why people say it doesn't exist is because people have given up believing that is the kind of love they could have, and deserve. And so while I still want to hold on to the idea that I could fall completely in love with someone, and have that feeling retured. And fully and completely just fall into each other. Completely knowing who that person is and meshing who you are with that person.

But then another part of me says..my heart has been damaged way to much, and I just don't know how much more it's willing to take. But then if I lost hope in love. What kind of life would that really be?

I just wish I wouldn't feel like because I haven't found him yet that I've lost all hope and he will never come along.

Btw..i'm loving all the guys responses. it's nice to hear their side. smile

 

[Koichi Wing]

Slumbering Princess

But then another part of me says..my heart has been damaged way to much, and I just don't know how much more it's willing to take. But then if I lost hope in love. What kind of life would that really be?

I just wish I wouldn't feel like because I haven't found him yet that I've lost all hope and he will never come along.

Btw..i'm loving all the guys responses. it's nice to hear their side. smile

well first off welcome.


I agree strongly in reverse positions. as in i don't know how much my heart can take either. I just rather skip all the chase and settle down tomorrow pretty much is how i feel.

I kinda feel 1 of 2 things. I kinda feel like i found the one just she doesn't love me any more and the One has rejected me. though we'll see how recent events changes that. and 2 i feel as if i still haven't found the right girl for me :- either way, we'll see or i'll end up alone?  

[Siumbering Princess22]

Koichi Wing

Slumbering Princess

But then another part of me says..my heart has been damaged way to much, and I just don't know how much more it's willing to take. But then if I lost hope in love. What kind of life would that really be?

I just wish I wouldn't feel like because I haven't found him yet that I've lost all hope and he will never come along.

Btw..i'm loving all the guys responses. it's nice to hear their side. smile

well first off welcome.


I agree strongly in reverse positions. as in i don't know how much my heart can take either. I just rather skip all the chase and settle down tomorrow pretty much is how i feel.

I kinda feel 1 of 2 things. I kinda feel like i found the one just she doesn't love me any more and the One has rejected me. though we'll see how recent events changes that. and 2 i feel as if i still haven't found the right girl for me :- either way, we'll see or i'll end up alone?

I definitely cant imagine getting back into the dating scene. Going through crappy guy after crappy guy. it sucks putting so much of yourself into someone, and then having it end. And then have to do it all over?

I honestly believe that I met "the one" already..well my thing is I believe in "the one" but i beliieve someone is meant to be the one for a certain amount of time. I feel people are there for the time they should be and move in. but I feel there is someone who is meant to be there for good. And I feel like my past could have been that person, but now it's gone. And it just makes you wonder if you'll ever find that again.

and you cant think maybe you'll just end up alone. I mean none of us can think that way, right? So it's gotta somehow be in the middle. You gotta still hope for love, but not give up thinking you'll find love.

 

[Ryzan Vixtul]

One thing I have noticed which seems to be a trend is that the quicker someone is to "fall in love", the more heartache they experience in the end. The reason for this is simple: when you're in a rush, you get careless. Even in the event that you want to wait a couple of years before marrying someone so that you know them better, the rush to find someone to date for that long can break your heart just as much if not more so than a bad marriage.

In the dating stage, while it is not considered as serious of a commitment as marriage, one should still be fastidious about who their partner is. Dating just anyone that you sort of get along with and hoping things will progress smoothly is likely not going to end well. Additionally, if you enter into a relationship with low standards and high expectations, you are ultimately asking for trouble.

It is best to be good friends with someone before you date so that you know you get along to a certain degree before taking things to a more intimate level. Also keep in mind that you do not need to "put your all" into every person you date. Doing so only makes the break up that much more disappointing and painful.

Do not convince yourself that just because you have a good thing going for a short while that it is "love". Use "love" with extreme discrimination; do not compromise just because you think being in love is a nice feeling and want to believe you have it. It is either love or it is not. Holding on to the belief that it was "love" and you have now "fallen out of it" or "lost it" makes it more agonizing and difficult to recover from when things do not work out.

Not only does rushing make you more careless about your choice in partners and how easily you "give them your heart", but it can also push others away. You may be trying to force the relationship to advance faster than your partner is comfortable with, and/or unloading on to them more responsibility than they are prepared and willing to handle considering how well they know you at the time and what their current mental and emotional status is.

It cannot always be about what you want out of the relationship. You and your partner have to work with each other to figure out where you are going, how you are going to get there, and how long it will take.

There is no rush to find "the one", and you have made it apparent that you know this at least to an extent. However, just knowing something and applying it to how you think and live are two completely separate things. One thing that may help is to analyze exactly why it is you feel you want to be married aside from "it would be nice" or "it's what I wanted since I was a child". These reasons are superficial; you need to dig deeper. There may be some underlying problem or need that is not being satisfied in your life that marriage may not necessarily be the only solution for. In all likelihood, if it is a severe issue you are having, it will eat away at your marriage instead of being alleviated by it.

Most importantly of all, you must be comfortable with yourself. If you have excess amounts of stress, insecurities, and lingering emotions and feelings acquired from previous relationships and other life experiences, you are guaranteed to dump this onto your partner, either knowingly or unknowingly. Either way, there is hardly a person willing to endure taking on the burden of trying to undo, apologize, and accept blame for actions that they are not and should not be held responsible for.

If you do not want to end up just dating "one jerk after another", then stop dating. Take a break, find out what void it is that you're trying to fill with a partner and fill it yourself. Fix your own problems first. No one wants to purchase broken merchandise at full price. Even in fairytales, you do not see the princess actively searching out prince charming through the duration of the story.  

[Khymarea]

When you've been together long enough to pass gas in front of someone, you've found someone you can be yourself with. If you can pass gas, brag about it and he laughs, you might as well marry him.

Quote:

It cannot always be about what you want out of the relationship. You and your partner have to work with each other to figure out where you are going, how you are going to get there, and how long it will take.

This too ^^^

I think everyone puts too much pressure on themselves when they're single. Wondering whether or not you're going to be single forever... well, odds are that you won't be, especially if you're female. I can't remember where exactly I read it but I seem to remember reading that females have it easier than guys when it comes to the dating game... something about guys being less picky than females. If that's to be believed, then there's hope for everyone... as long as they practice good hygiene, anyway.  

[Koichi Wing]

well i dislike how the topic review is broken. that or my computer just dislikes it now. X.x idk. it's vista. Back to the topic that i want to quote everyone from biggrin

Slumbering Princess

but I feel there is someone who is meant to be there for good. And I feel like my past could have been that person, but now it's gone. And it just makes you wonder if you'll ever find that again.

and you cant think maybe you'll just end up alone. I mean none of us can think that way, right? So it's gotta somehow be in the middle. You gotta still hope for love, but not give up thinking you'll find love.

I agree. I really felt that the last could have been the one. but it just ended up not going to plan. and I'm still dealing with some of that. of course in her mature mind she's completely ignoring me and treating me as a mistake so i am just never going to get answers.

i feel like i'm in the middle more of just not starting to try to look again, but trying not to give up. so yeah razz it's tough razz

Khymarea

When you've been together long enough to pass gas in front of someone, you've found someone you can be yourself with. If you can pass gas, brag about it and he laughs, you might as well marry him. ........................ odds are that you won't be, especially if you're female. I can't remember where exactly I read it but I seem to remember reading that females have it easier than guys when it comes to the dating game... something about guys being less picky than females. If that's to be believed, then there's hope for everyone... as long as they practice good hygiene, anyway.

have done that first part razz but whatever. that's long gone.

Well that sucks for being a guy? J/K razz idk. i'm mixed about that. I get told by many people out of state that I am "cute" yet there seems to be nothing for me in my state. Go figure? razz

I never said this razz :grunnyninja: but to clear things up razz

That Guy who exposed Guy secrets

Guys do have some standards and Guys do have goals in which they hope to accomplish in dating. I.E. those shallow guys who go for Barbie razz Ken? i think that was his name. har har.

Mostly all guys aim high but end up shooting low.

So a guy shoots for that real life Barbie girl who couldn't possibly exist in real life. and that's fine it either works for Barbie & Ken or not razz

Same Guy/ Different Guy shoots high for Barbie but he manages to make a shot with an amazing Girl who isn't Barbie sized but besides, she breaks by just poking her. so That amazing Girl who is still very attractive and the Guy either work or not.

then same guy or different guy shoots high for barbie and then lands with a wonderful girl who might be lower on this ladder but has a great personality and has cute moments. They hit it off and yay biggrin

Then there are some guys who have troubles in love and their standards are put simply as a girl who makes him happy. and that's whoever makes him happy

So that's that guy's kinda goal list and he either works his way down the the list till he catches something or what not razz enjoy? biggrin