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 Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 10:02 pm
I just kind of wrote this last night, so it isn't perfect. I was just looking for some advice. It is kind of a prologue type thing.
I think I have trouble with starting sentences with he/she/they a lot, so if you have any tips on how to avoid that......
*Story in next post*
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Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 10:03 pm
“Ursula, it’s time to get ready for school!” Ursula’s mother, Zoey, called from downstairs. Ursula groaned and rolled over, pulling the pillow over her head. “No thanks!” She replied before falling asleep again. About ten minutes later she felt her mother’s hands on her back, rubbing it gently. “Ursula, sweetheart, you’re going to be late” She said softly. Ursula lifted her head and glared at Zoey with dark evil eyes. “Do I look like I want to be on time?” She asked just as her phone vibrated twice on the night stand, saying she had just gotten a new text message. Both her and her mother looked at it and she reached for it first. Zoey just sat there, waiting for her to open it and read the text. “Excuse me, I am ready to get up now, I require privacy” She said, shooing her mother out the door. Zoey nodded and exited the room and Ursula leaned against the door and opened the phone. “Yes” she whispered as she noticed the text was from Seth. Seth was a really awesome Goth guy at her high school. He was dark, but he was really nice to her. She flopped down on her bed and read the message. “Hey, I hope your coming to school today –Seth”. Ursula nearly fainted. She smiled and hopped off the bed, and ran to the closet as she replied. “Yeah, I’ll be there. Sadly” she said, then closed the phone and threw it back on the bed. Her heart felt jittery as she opened her closet to get her best and hottest black and purple corset dress. She reached in the dark closet, knowing exactly where it would be hanging. When her hand reached where it should be, she didn’t feel the soft cloth, but something cold and clammy. She frowned and pulled her hand back to turn on the light, but her finger caught on something. She pulled harder and when it wouldn’t come loose, Ursula reached around herself to turn on the light. Muttering to herself, Ursula pulled one last time…… and the light flicked on just in time for her to scream as the dead body fell towards her.
*Oh, and if you could comment on my profile, just tell me that you critiqued me, then I will be able to check it. Thanks! smile *
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