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 Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 6:24 pm
Name: Cayxia
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Craft: Smith
Rank: Apprentice
History: Cayxia had grown up in a small village on the outskirts of Rutha Hold. Her mother worked as a kitchen drudge. She saw very little of her father and knew even less about him. She was the youngest of three sisters and one brother all cramped into one small house. As a child she dreamed of travel to far away place she had only heard. She was always fascinated by dragons and desired to one day get a chance to fly on one. When she was ten she decided that she would like to see life in other parts of Pern. Having such thoughts she chose to leave home and go travel. After saving for several years her mother finally had enough money to send her and her older cousin to go see a family member in a far off hold. There she met a smith, enjoying his company she decided to stay with him. Saying her goodbyes to her cousin she settled in. She lived with him and his sister for the next five years. While she lived with him she was trained in the smithcraft, specializing in jewelry. Having a lot of pride in her the smith traveled with her to the Hall in an attempt to make her his official apprentice. She was found on search at the craft hall five years after starting to live with him, at the age of seven-teen at which point she left the home she had found to go to High Reaches Weyr.
Appearance: Light, sun bleached blonde hair framing a delicately boned face, vivid green eyes. Stands at five feet tall, weighs 100lbs. All around small build.
Personality: Generally kind and sweet, she can come off as a bit harsh but really she's just truthful to the point of being outright and blunt. When upset or annoyed she has a short fused temper, but only when she feels someone she cares about is being treated unjustly or unfair. She has an irrational fear of most people when they first meet, which dissolves as she gets to know them. She is also afraid of sharp objects when she is not in control of them, and highly dislikes being in small dark enclosed spaces. On ther other hand she loves to sketch, read and design. She tries her best to apply this to her craft.
She dislikes being around loud and rambuncious people because it makes her uncomfortable. She's a very self confident person, except for when she overhears men talking about the women in their lives. She tends to try and hold herself up to very high standards that she believes she can never achieve. She dislikes people of the Tannercraft because she feels their work is crude and not fit to be considered a craft. This stems from her limited knowledge of the craft in recent years, her schooling being more of the history of the craft.
Other:
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Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 7:10 pm
Hey Cayxia, sorry about the wait. We're going to need a couple revisions then you'll be good to go:
- For starters, her traveling at ten is kind of unrealistic, at least the way it's presented to us (she just up and leaves and her parents have no say otherwise). How did she leave? Who did she leave with? Surely her parents just didn't let a 10-year-old walk away with thread soon to fall. We'd rather she be much older when she left home, at least.
- A smith specializing in weapons (swords, etc.) is unnecessary and unlikely. There's no need for swords on Pern, and making them would more or less be a waste of precious materials better spent on more practical uses.
- To be considered an "official" smith, she would have to go to the Hall and learn there. She can still know some tricks of the trade taught to her by her mentor, but her ranking wouldn't be officially recognized without a trip to the Hall.
- We're not really comfortable with her hair color. Blond is fine, but "almost white" is pushing it. Pern maintains realistic hair colors like brown, black and so on.
- We need more to her personality or it'll be really tough to ever match her with a dragon. Also, we'll need you to explain how she can be terrified of people, yet courageous enough to be temperamental with them. Additionally, she's described as kind and sweet, but with a short fuse. You can't be both a mostly kind person and very quick to anger, so we need more elaboration on that.
If you can just clear this up we'll be glad to approve her. <3
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Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 8:08 pm
Sorry. She's a newer character, so I needed some critique and ideas to get her fleshed out.
I added to her personality and history and tried to clear things up!
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Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 6:49 am
Personality looks much better! <3 There's just a few more history things that need tweaking and you should be good to go.
If her mother worked as a kitchen drudge and her father was virtually non-existent, it is doubtful that her family would have had the money to allow her to travel around Pern. Traveling would require borrowing runnerbeasts (horses) as well as paying for lodging when she reaches a new Hold, since at 10 she'd have no skill that she could trade for lodging. If you'd like to keep her love of travel and seeing Pern, I've got a couple of suggestions which might help make the history fit the setting a little better.
- If you're not set on Smithcraft, perhaps change her craft to Runnerscraft. Runners of Pern get to run the traces and essentially travel around Pern delivering messages. Their lodging is paid for by their craft (they live in stations) and she would be able to start learning how to run as early as ten.
- Her family could have saved up for Turns for a trip to see a relative in another Hold, and there she met the smith (and the rest of the story works after that).
- She could have been fostered out as a child, met the smith at the Hold she was fostered to, continue what you've got in the history.
Crafthall apprentices also must study at the Hall, so if her smith friend took her to the Hall to become an apprentice she would stay there under the tutelage of the master craftsmen. She wouldn't be able to come back with him. Dragons do Search from crafthalls, so she could have been Searched while working there.
Hopefully this helps and sorry for the wait!
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Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:03 pm
Okay I fixed those things and clarified where she was searched. 3nodding
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Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 3:07 pm
Approved!
I've highlighted in red and crossed out the only bit that needed to be removed (since I think you meant to change it just because the first half of the sentence had changed), so providing that that bit is out she's good. <3
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