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Dark_Gale017

PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:23 pm


This is my first post here, let me know what you think.



Bam! Out of no where a heavy cloud let go of its burden, showering my world with a thick rain. I pull my jacket closer in a vain attempt to keep dry, the cold drops of water running down my neck. It was not uncommon for it to rain this time of year but such a heavy rain was indeed uncommon. I quickly scurry like a frightened mouse under a small shelter to see if I could wait the storm out. I was not surprised that there was someone shearing this unwet space, however I was surprised that he was smiling at me.
“Lovely weather we seem to be having.” He said.
I just smiled back a little, he was trying to be funny. Anyone with a pair of eyes could see that the weather was lousy. There was a long damp silence then a bright flash followed by a loud roar. My body jumped,
“It seems that we are stuck for the moment.” He said sitting down on the small bench.
“Join me.” It wasn’t a question but not a command, more like a tempting suggestion. My body moved as if it had a mind of it’s own, taking a set next to the male. He started to speak but I couldn’t understand what he was saying, the world within my vision began to spin. A loud crash of thunder woke me from my daze. I found myself in my home, the front door slightly ajar. All I could remember was his voice, as smooth as silk that and the sound of rain.
PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 6:22 pm


Wow, this is really intristing. Not kidding. It leaves you in suspence, witch is good for any start of a story in my opinion. My only suggestion is that you pay attention to the tense. You seemed to swich back and forth from present and past. But that kind of seems to fit it in a way.... It's great, keep writing more please!  

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