[Q]Cavalier Anima of the Faultline (Crits please and thanks) | Page 1 | Application Quests | Guild Forums

Lupin III

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Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 9:17 am

Name: Nathaniel Starr

Nicknames: Nate

Age: 17

Birthday: Dec. 4th

Sign: Sagittarius

Blood Type: O Neg.

Fav. Food: Cheese Burgers

Hated Food: Pickles

School: Meadow view

Hobbies:

Yo-Yo Master-- Nate is able to perform all types of tricks. He enjoys Entering competitions and has placed in the type three more than once

Ultimate Frisbee champ-- Nate enjoys ultimate Frisbee and is great at the sport. He has won 1st place in a number of competitions.

Spending time with friends-- Nate likes hanging out with his friends. Weather they are all sitting around playing video games to getting together and seeing a movie.

Gemstone: Topaz

Virtues:

Optimistic -- Nate is easy going and always looks at the glass as half full. He always looks at the silver lining in everything and uses what happens as a learning experience. He also likes to make jokes to lighten up the mood and brighten up peoples days.

Lets be friends-- He makes friends easily and will never turn anyone away that wants to be friends no matter what. Being the guy who always is willing to help anyone out, he always is nice as he can possibly be to everyone he meets. Also he is completely faithful to his friends to a fault. He never questions their actions or friendship and will stand by them through thick and thin come hell or high water.

Gotta enjoy the simple things-- Nate finds enjoyment in things as simple as sitting around with a friend watching them play video games, or playing with a kitty cat or a puppy dog. This also explains why he is so good with a yo-yo. It being a simple toy he's always had one around to keep himself amused.

Flaws:

Why so serious?-- Because Nate is always joking around he has a hard time taking anything seriously. His jokes can be inappropriately timed which others don't always appreciate. He has a hard time realizing the gravity of situations poking fun at people resulting in the whole "too soon" feeling. This also leads people to not taking him seriously.

Stubborn as an ox-- Nate nevers listens to other people no matter how good the advice, which usually leads to trouble. He is also extremely strong willed. He always does things his own way, and prefers to learn from exsperance.

Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry-- Even as nice as he is Nate can only take so much and when he gets mad he has a hard time controlling his anger. Thing get broken or damaged, people get hurt emotionally or physically, and it's just a bad time for everyone.

Physical Description:

Hair: Slightly long Black and slicked back with a couple of loose strands hanging down on this

Eyes: Golden and slightly closed giving him a sly look

Face: Well defined features with a sly smile

Body: Tan, tall with broad shoulders and a somewhat muscular build.

Fashion: Black jeans, sneakers and t-shirts decorated with video game characters, comic book characters, etc, sect.his forehead like

Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 9:21 am

The Faultline is

the area where two tectonic plates move against one another Causing earthquakes, mountains and volcanos. It is an area of great pressure, energy, unpredictability, destruction, and creation.

Nate always has a great deal of energy and is known to be unpredictable, creating situations that can be fun and exciting. When Nate meets a challenge that seems to be impossible to overcome he doesn't back down. He rises to meet it head on and will never give up on trying to overcome it.

Sword: The Johnny Corckscrew makes me think of the ripples cased by an earthquake

Lupin III

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Lupin III

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Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 9:49 am

If anyone would like to critique this for me it would be much appriciated. Also I suck at spelling so I'm sure there are many spelling errors.

Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 6:27 pm

His flaws and Virtues need a bit more fleshing out, like what kind of jokes does he make that are inappropriate? Does he go out of his way to make friends with anyone, even people that seem like they don't really want friends? What does he do when he makes someone mad at him or if he hurts their feelings with his jokes? Does he just poke more fun or does he try to fix it? Or does he even realize he's hurt them?

Also are his attacks dodgable? Can you grab something to shield yourself from them, or can they hide behind something? Because if not you might want to think on how to make them so that they can be dodged, because if not they're going to be a bit over powered. Also how much property damage? Is it massive damage, like houses down or just minimal stuff, crisped trash can, burnt light posts, etc?

LP

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Shiningamisgirl

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Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 11:21 pm

-pounces in- MUAHAHA!

Sailor sun...Hmnn..I dont see anything up in the -do not touch- spheres list about no suns..but! And Im sayin it cause it happens..You might wanna pm the owners or rosemilk or someone about your boy being sailor sun. Usually planet sailors -giant star sailors etc- Are not allowed.

Senshi of explosions is epic you might just have to change his 'star space' sailor name.
Anyhow! I do love the school kid idea for him! -nods- He definitely needs a bit of fleshing out.

Hobbies-
Yo yo and Frisbee should be separate hobbies
Yo yo -etc etc expound on-
Frizbee -etc etc expound on- Tell us maybe how he got into them? Does he have trophys? Does he enter for competitions or is it all just for fun and games!

Virtues - Maybe add a fourth virtue as loyalty -is being used a wholleee lot- And an extra one would spark up your char!
You seem to have your character centered on friendlyness loyalty..fun..jokes -total jokesster- Very fun indeed but it needs some fleshing -fweee flesh flesh flesh..AHH Fleshless..mah bones...-dies-
Hahaha! Maybe explain that he can be cruel or heartless with his jokes and teasing?
Maybe add a flaw to him that goes along with his strong willed nature..

Other then that I'm liking it!

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 3:51 pm

Tanks to LP and Shiningamisgirl! I have updated my Character and fleshed him out a bit. Lookiing for anyone who would let me know what you think.

Lupin III

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Katarina Everard

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Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 11:15 pm

hmm, not much for me to add, seeing as the others had kinda already touched on most of what I had to add. So the only thing I can add right now is that his first and third flaws to me seem pretty much the same thing.

Other than that it looks good to me. ^^

Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 8:18 am

Well, your spelling sucks, plain and simple.
The choker's link is broken, you need to get another picture.
Intertie his flaws and virtues more?

Daekie

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Lupin III

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Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 3:42 am

Alright I have taken my quest for a sailor and I'm trying for a cavalier. So there it is; Cavlaier Anima of the Faultline. Do your worst on crits.

Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 5:28 pm

Just a few things to think about:

-Always be careful about saying your character is the best at anything. They can be really, really good, but I'd avoid saying he's one of the best. If they ARE going to be one of the best, think about what that entails. A lot of practice and dedication, which means other hobbies (such and hanging out with friends) would likely suffer. There are very good players out there who don't have to devote a ton of time to their sport, but the BEST players are almost always the ones that are constantly working at it.

-Doing things your own way isn't really a virtue. This is basically the same thing as “stubborn”, which definitely isn't a virtuous trait. Maybe word this a bit differently. I think “willful” is a good way to put it, where he knows what he wants and pursues it. However, if he prefers learning fro experience, then at some point he would likely end up learning that taking the advice of others IS a good idea. I would edit this virtue to make it less absolute and something more positive. Also, you have basically the same thing in his flaws. Which CAN work, but they need to be worded in a way that shows the boog and bad sides more clearly.

-Your first two flaws are pretty much the same thing right now. Either combine these and make a new third flaw or make them more distinct.

-The virtues and flaws need more description to them. Tell us how they relate to the character. Not just “he is stubborn”, but WHY he is like that. How does it affect his life?

-Always use a spell check. Witchneko said this in an unnecessarily rude way, but it is an important part of writing an RP form. It's not about perfection, but showing that you care enough to take the time to check your form for proper spelling shows the managers that you have a genuine interest in the shop and didn't just half-a** something.

Orestae

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Lupin III

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Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 9:17 am

Alright, once again I have revamped my character, all critz are welcomed and I will do my best to tace into consideration evryones sugestions.

Welcome to Gaia! ::

Gaia Guilds

In the Name of the Moon!

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