[REGULAR] Crazy Mall People (Andrew + Janice) [FIN]

[cibarium]

Janice Fitzpatrick had an unhealthily long hate list for someone her age and with her level of potential. When she wasn't being productive or spending time with the small handful of people she genuinely enjoyed being around, the world became an annoying, disappointing, inconvenient place to be in, with more reasons for why this was being discovered every day. She was selectively pessimistic, having no lack of confidence as far as herself was concerned, but when it came to obstacles both structural and living she had to deal with, her negativity came in critically dense boatloads.

Today she found herself facing what she felt was one of life's greatest annoyances, a thing that kept a prestigious spot on the top five items of her hate list no matter how much her opinions changed and her paradigms shifted. Today, she had been forced to go shopping. Just the crossing of the word through her mind was enough to make her growl.

She stomped hurriedly through the wide, cheery walkways of Destiny City Mall, fully determined to go in, buy her things, and get out as soon as possible. There was no need for milling, or window shopping. Not for Janice.

Unfortunately, one of the more persistent vendors at one of the mall's numerous stands had different plans for this girl.

"Well, hello there, sir, can I--"

"It's miss," Janice hissed, doing nothing to slow her pace. "And no--"

"Hey there, now, before you walk away I really think you should open your ears for me, I promise it'll only be a few seconds. You see, in this age of modern technology sometimes it's hard for young people like you to--"

"Your few seconds are up. My answer's still no."

But as fast as Janice power-walked, she just couldn't seem to shake him off.  

[Tsunake]

God, he still felt like s**t.

With nothing else to do besides pick over his many wounds, Andrew Collins was bored to tears. In a desperate, last-ditch effort to keep himself from going insane, he'd limped his way to the mall and spent the day chowing down on horribly greasy food. Best thing he'd tasted in a while. You know, since his mouth had finally stopped ******** bleeding.

Eyes flickered across the mall with no little regard to tact; who the hell cared if someone caught him staring? He was bored, and god knows people were more interesting than him today. One in particularly caught his eye--a girl (???) being harassed by your friendly neighborhood mall vendor. Some people were too embarrassed or shy to say no and got suckered in, others, like her, just bullied their way past.

Seemed like this guy was a persistent ********, though. Chewing on his pizza, Drew watched with no little amusement as they came closer to where he was sitting, clearly enjoying this bit of entertainment and wondering how the hell it was going to turn out.  

[cibarium]

Before long, the vendor had managed to corner the girl between a decorative wall, a wishing well that was part of said wall, and the very table Andrew was sitting at. From there she stood there and glared irradiated daggers at the man who was now standing a bit uncomfortably close to her, wearing the special kind of manic grin only salesmen possessed, chattering away about once-in-a-lifetime deals and state-of-the-art technology.

He brandished a touch phone at her, offering a demonstration. Before the girl could say 'no' a twenty-seventh time he was already fast at work showing her all the wonderful features it had that she would probably never even consider using. Or he was trying to, anyway... it seemed as if the device was giving him some sort of trouble, and his smile momentarily faltered as his focus zeroed in on it, trying to get it to do what he wanted it to.

It was here that Janice saw her chance. In one swift, cool motion, she swung a leg around to catch on the man's ankles. The well-aimed strike was enough to kill his balance, making him stumble, windmill and finally fall into the wishing well behind him, with a noisy and satisfying splash.

"Whoops," Janice said, sounding as sincere as someone trying to pass off a red pen as a blue one. Her smirk was positively s**t-eating.  

[Tsunake]

And he saw all of it. Every goddamn, beautiful moment. The phone that was shoved in her face, the way he fumbled with the thing as though hoping his will alone would force it to obey, her foot... And then the fantastic flailing of limbs, the way he toppled and most likely face-planted right into the goddamn wishing well.

Hell, he was the only one laughing by the time it was all done, which made his ribs threaten to kill him and he had to pound his fist on the table so he wouldn't choke on his pizza, but he still managed to offer up a slow, smug sounding clapping that echoed through the stunned atmosphere. Well, besides the splashing, but no one gave a damn about the poor sap still struggling to right himself in there.

"Terrible and brilliant." He rasped, deciding he really needed to get some bandages while he was here and force Nealite to help him with them; the tighter, the better. Tricky things, ribs.  

[cibarium]

Her gaze rolled to her audience for a split second - she wanted to get a better look at the guy, as he seemed to share in her sense of humor, but she also wasn't about to miss out on the fruits of her labor. The redhead's laughing and theatric clapping was like a fitting background music to the failed salesman's splashing and flailing that gave way to sputtering and fumbling as he finally was able to lift his face from the water and started frantically looking for the item he'd been trying to sell amongst the scatterings of pennies and nickels resting on the bottom.

"You give me too much credit," she finally responded with a great deal of fake modesty, grinning with as much smugness as the man's applause. Moving forward to allow herself a seat at his table, she added, "It's not as if it takes a genius IQ to trip someone."  

[Tsunake]

That phone was probably gonna come right out of his own pocket, and Drew couldn't have been more amused. His eyes settled steadily upon the girl as she approached (it was a girl), a lazy grin of his own still snaking at the corners of his lips. "No, but it takes a bit of skill to embarrass them further than just tripping. Bad enough you fall flat on your face, but into the wishing well? Why, he might have smashed his face on the side, you naughty minx." The way his grin widened seemed to imply that he wouldn't have felt sorry at all if such a tragedy had occured.

"Well, besides the fact that it'd be illegal to hold him under a little to help him look for his phone, a job well done indeed. Andrew Collins." He introduced himself dismissively, figuring it'd be best to get that s**t out of the way. "You enjoy making men cry, then?"  

[cibarium]

The girl's grin widened in very much the same way, creeping asymmetrically up her cheekbones until it was obvious she was enjoying this man's sadistic line of thinking. It was rapidly becoming more and more apparent that they both shared some views on tragedy and comedy. "You know, I hadn't actually thought of that," she said, leaning forward and contemplatively resting her chin on a hand. "It looks as though my improv could still use a bit of work, doesn't it?"

"Janice Fitzpatrick," she quickly replied. "And though I'm not afraid to call myself a feminist, I will point out I'm not one of the foolish extremist types - I couldn't care less that your reproductive organs happen to be external if you're getting what's coming to you." She was pointing a finger and making a tightly rotating gesture while she spoke, ending with a small jab into the air. Her fingers were exceptionally pointy; it almost wouldn't be a stretch to say she could put a leak in an inflatable raft just by poking it very hard.

Glancing at the space of the well that still occupied the hazed vendor, she idly mused, "You know, I don't think I remember him mentioning whether or not that overpriced piece of junk was waterproof."  

[Tsunake]

Ah, and what wasn't to like about a girl who knew how to take constructive criticism! Drew stretched a little thoughtfully, taking up his pizza again to take a bite. "What matters is that you have the potential." Came the dramatic nod, though he really was thinking about this now. "It's not something you can exactly practice, mm?" Well, not without getting the cops involved, and who wanted to do that?

Janice-the-feminist-Fitzpatrick. His eyes flicked over her finger for a moment even as he chuckled. "Well, I'm not exactly your typical chivalrous knight... particularly not when, what was it, you're getting what's coming to you." Go equality! Certainly made his life more simple.

"Oh, I doubt it. If it were bigger, I'd be hoping for a few zaps, but I suppose I'll deal with being disappointed." He mused as he watched the man as well. "I wonder if him trying to kick your a** will come to mind." Wouldn't that be a riot.  

[cibarium]

"You'd be surprised," she responded, lifting her head back up away from her hand and sitting with a straighter posture. "Or perhaps not, depending on your experiences. Whatever the case, the hallways of a high school are overflowing with individuals just asking to be knocked down a couple of pegs." With a shrug and an open-handed gesture every bit as theatric as his nodding, she continued, "Needless to say, sometimes I take it upon myself to deliver."

Upon the subject of gender equality, she said, "Good to hear. Chivalry is dead, as they say, and there are a great deal of ethical concerns when it comes to trying to bring the dead back to life," and gave a dry chuckle.

The salesman's flailing had since drawn a small crowd of onlookers, all of whom were doing just as much to help as Andrew and Janice were. "Do you think he'd succeed if he tried?" she asked. "I suppose he's welcome to if he wants to throw away his job and what little reputation he might still have..."  

[Tsunake]

"Mm, true." The man reflected; wouldn't do to have him actually abusing his students, at least physically, especially since he enjoyed getting paid for causing mental trauma. Too bad Hillworth was male only; hell, it'd have lightened his day up a little to see kids subtly beating the crap out of each other in the hallways.

He tilted his head for a moment, clearly thinking 'so's copulation', but he supposed only Hermy would really be able to appreciate that line of thinking.

"Oh, I doubt it. Attacking a young, highschool girl?" He emphasized, rearranging his features into an exaggeration of disgust and horror. "How shameful! Assault at the very least, could probably press for molestation." An unconscious grin was spreading across his face at the thought, like he was clearly considering it. Well, enough drama for one day, and he gave a regretful shake of his head. "I suppose more trouble than it's worth, but if he was important enough to really break down..."  

[cibarium]

Janice was beyond quiet chucking at this point. She was now cackling, freely and shamelessly, as Andrew put on his performance and subsequent review. "No kidding," she was saying, adjusting her glasses with a short flick of the thumb. "It's true, though, being more trouble than it's worth. All of the bureaucratic mess I'd have to slog through really wouldn't make it a good way to invest my time."

The salesman, having finally given up on ever finding his phone, had finally stood up and was clambering his miserable, sopping self out of the fountain. As his footsteps squeaked and squished close to where the two were sitting, Janice continued her yarn in a tone of voice that was noticeably louder and harsher:

"Especially when he's a worthless gnat who will never amount to anything, anyway."  

[Tsunake]

He might have preened a little, and bowed with some flourish, though a brow did quirk at the mention of bureaucratic. "Fair enough. Might be easier just to kill off the ones that start s**t up in the first place. Cleaner, more efficient, and it helps reduce the population!" His eyes, however, had narrowed to mere, cruelly amused slits as the dripping salesman defeatedly slouched by, and Janice silently earned another point for timing.

"Now, babe, don't blame him. Not everyone was smart enough to go to school--if we didn't have guys like him, who'd be taking up the low-end jobs?" He pretended to reassure her, slyly watching the mans face from the corner of his eye.

He hoped it stung.  

[cibarium]

"You are just full of good observations, now aren't you, dear stranger? I suppose there is still some form of justice in society today," Janice smirked, and adjusted her posture a bit so she as well could walk the salesman squelch his way past them. He seemed to be taking his sweet time going past the table, as if he were expecting an apology of some kind, or compensation for his trouble. It was something that wouldn't go unnoticed, especially by individuals such as the table's occupants.

The girl sat in contemplative silence, freely sharing a malicious grin others might have kept to themselves as the vendor's footfalls grew even slower, dragging his puddles of both misery and water so close that one of them could have stuck their leg out and tripped him.

Janice gave Drew a telling tilt of the head, wordlessly getting across that she was telling him to be her guest, if he'd like to have some more fun.  

[Tsunake]

Some dashing reply was forming on the tip of his tongue when he was distracted by the soggy, begotten salesman slouching by, and he held Janice's gaze for a moment with a faint grin on his face. Oh, he'd do better than that. Really, after all his talk, it'd be a shame for him not to. "Well, dear Janice, it has been a pleasure." And he did mean that bit at least, offering her a sly sort of grin. "But I have to get back to the daily grind before I lose my head for it."

His foot would, indeed, lash out to slam into the other's ankle, and the man fell hard enough on his face that he'd definitely bruise if he hadn't cracked his teeth or the like. "May I be so lucky as to meet you again--preferable laughing with you instead of nursing wounds." Drew rose from the table with a grin, two fingers touching briefly at his brow to salute the young girl before he idly stepped on and over the salesman, making sure the bottom of his shoes got clean before ducking out of the mall.

How could that not be a sign that it was going to be a good day?