It had been quite some time since Vikasini had disappeared now, and Shani was slowly coming to terms with the idea that she might not see her daughter again. She didn't have to like it but she could not dwell on it. It was ok for life to return to normal, so she told herself and slowly allowed herself to act upon. The search party had found no bodies or signs of serious injury, there was a chance she was alive. She had to have some faith in Vikasini, believe that she could take care of herself if she had to. It gave her some small hope that she might return home again, and it was all she had to keep her from falling to pieces completely. Had it been Persephone, she would have no worries. But Vikasini might not be so different, a happy life at home might not bring about all your traits, all the mental and physical resources you had. There was hope, and that was all Shani truly needed.
There was something else Shani needed, something she hadn't realized or expected. Since the search party had returned, she had been seeing more and more of Wahabu. He was sympathetic, kind and most importantly he was a very good friend. She did not talk a great deal about him to her family, though she didn't fully understand why. They met in secret, though they did not really hide when they did talk. They went for walks or they sat by the waterhole but they never hid away anywhere private. This evening, nearing sunset, they were by the waterhole. Shani was laying down, staring off at the sky quietly. They didn't even need to say anything to enjoy spending time together.
Wahabu sat opposite Shani, also looking up at the sky. He too was disappointed by the lack of success in the search party, his mind always wandering to his uncle and what he might think or do if he knew his daughter had been abducted by a group of males. No matter what Shani's sister thought about Riko, or what some of her family thought of him, Habu was sure he was a good lion deep down and would be very concerned. It had been part of his motivation for joining the search, along with the desire to help his friends. Of course, his seer abilities had been part of his motivation as well. He had hoped with his minor control over the frequency of his visions and Tetemeko's seer abilities they might have some advantage.. but they had failed. He tried not to dwell on it and as long as he could, he maintained a positive outlook. He had listened to Shani and helped her determine the best way to think, so long as she believed Vikasini would be OK, he could believe it too.
He had other things on his mind, though. His own life was up and down and his relationship with Shani was helping it through it. He had someone to talk to, which would have been helpful if he dared to talk about the problems he was having. She knew about all of his cubs, his grandcubs. She even knew, to some extent, about his mother. She knew about Intombi, how they had grown apart after she had learned of his oldest litter but that was only part of the story. He was always feeling guilty about it and it was part of why he was so anxious and almost secretive about Shani. At least for now.
"Shani," he murmured, looking down from the sky to the lioness before him but not saying anything else immediately.
Shani sighed contently as she drew her attention away from the reddening sky, at that moment feeling rather good. It was one thing that almost invariably occured when Wahabu was around and she was extremely grateful for it. She looked to him with a small smile, even when she spotted that his expression was not quite happy. He broke the silence and the way he did made it sound like he needed to talk about something, so she did the respectful thing and she sat up so they were eye to eye.
"What?" she asked, not terribly worried by his tone or his expression. They talked a lot, she'd know if something serious was up in his life.. unless he'd had a vision, which she might not be quite so apt to notice. The realization made her a little more worried, but she didn't want to get worried about nothing. Being worried was so tiring, she was having a better time not letting things get to her.
He hesitated, staring at Shani. He knew what he wanted to talk about, what he wanted to say. He thought about Intombi and he thought about Kubwa and he felt very guilty. He had had a mate, he had loved her very much and she had not reciprocated quite the same way. They were torn apart by something they had hoped to work through, something that just hadn't quite worked out. Something that could be given another chance, something he felt obligated to do for Intombi, for their cubs but there was another side of him that had given up. And Kubwa, they had been good friends when they were younger, was it right to be so close to his sister? To feel certain ways? He didn't exactly have a strong relationship with Kilango so he didn't know what Kubwa would think if he knew, so all he could do was feel guilty about it.
"This is awkward," he muttered finally, recognizing that he had been staying quiet for too long, "I really enjoy spending time with you."
Lame. But he had to say something now and he wasn't sure how to say what he really wanted.
Before Vikasini's disappearance, Shani had been reminded of a very special conversation she had had with her mother. She was almost more aware of romance now, but she wasn't sure she could recognize it now. Consciously, she felt it was a lost cause now that she was older and had raised six cubs- with arguable success- that were not her own. Her generally anxious behavior didn't help her be optimistic about it, and mostly she put it out of her mind. Were she less naive, she might have caught on to the subtext of what Wahabu was saying, but she mainly did not. Instead she smiled at him once again.
"Don't be silly," she said, "that's not awkward. I like spending time with you, too."
Habu's stomach fluttered when she responded, feeling increasingly awkward but deciding he had to say something now. He's screwed up enough in his lifetime already, he'd done it all wrong before but this time he wasn't going to let that happen. He might get over himself if it didn't work out, but it was always worth a shot. Guilt about Intombi and worrying about Kubwa had to be shoved aside, he had to think about himself. And he had to think of Shani. He knew quite a bit about her now, his friendship with her had shown how lonely she was and.. well, if there was a chance she felt the same way, she deserved the chance to acknowledge it too. Maybe it was just his ego but he figured there had to be a good chance she felt the same.
"No, I mean," he hesitated again before finally just going on, "I know I don't exactly have the best record, but you know all about it. You know quite a lot about me by now, I think. And I like to think you've been quite honest with me, you've told me a lot about you. We've been hanging out together so much, I'd really like if we were together more."
Close, but not quite enough.
"Permanently," he added after a pause, shuffling his paws, "I mean."
Shani waited patiently for him to speak again, watching his bright eyes as he seemed to be reviewing something very serious in his mind. She didn't know what to make of it, what kind of serious problem could there be with them spending time together? She wanted to assure him he could say whatever was on his mind but she wasn't even sure what it could possibly be. She stopped reviewing increasingly ridiculous ideas in her mind when he finally spoke up, her ears perking forward as he spoke. She thought about what he was saying, feeling almost increasingly numb as he spoke and finally her heart skipped a beat when he said they should spend more time together. She might have been naive to some extent, but he was hard to miss something when it was said out loud. Especially when he added 'permanently'. She opened her mouth to speak, to respond but quickly it was closed again. He had had a mate, he had two sets of cubs. He was right to say he didn't have a great record for this, it was hard to believe feelings might last if these things happened so much in the past.. but she did know a lot about him, she trusted him.. why couldn't she speak?
Habu's ears turned when his words were greeted with silence and a rather stunned look. This was the first time he was trying to do it right, making things clear from the start. Things had been unnecessarily complicated with Intombi, but now there was no way there would be any surprises, nothing that could ruin it. He wanted to say the words that were running through his mind but he didn't want to commit until he knew what she thought, whether or not it was even worth bringing it up. Had he ruined the friendship they had by saying this? Perhaps not, it all depended on what Shani said and she wasn't saying anything. If she laughed and pretended not to hear the word 'permanently'.. if she pretended that he meant they were just really good friends.. he could go along with that. But this was something that was worth trying for. It was unfortunate that it had to be so complicated.
"Shani," he murmured, trying to find the right words to explain.
"Do you mean-"
She could say it. She was the awkward one, it was putting her off that Wahabu was being so awkward and shy about what he said. He wasn't supposed to be awkward, it was her that was so awkward. He was brave and smart and kind and good with words, all kinds of things that Shani truly appreciated. And here he was, at a loss for words because he was trying to tell her how he felt. He didn't need to say anything else, very suddenly Shani realized the entirety of what was going on and what it all meant. Her silence was normal for her, he had taken a chance and now it was her turn to do it. He was acting abnormally because it was not easy for him because of his past experiences, all of which she knew about in some detail. She was acting perfectly normally but she had to stop that.
"I know what you mean," she said finally, taking perhaps a bigger chance than Habu had and standing up, walking over to sit beside him, resting her head in his mane.
Habu's heart began to race as Shani searched for words, and then he almost jumped when she said she understood and got up. He wasn't sure if she was leaving, her tone suggested she wouldn't but getting up almost made him assume the worst. Then she sat down beside him. His heart continued to race, but now it was for a happy reason. She got it, she understood and she was staying right here with him, even snuggling up with him. He couldn't help but sigh as reality settled in. This was good. But still, there was something left to be said.
"So, we'll give it a try?" he asked finally, still not saying those words.
Shani was quiet at his side now, pretty sure she could hear her heart beating. For once, her mind did not wander back to her mother, did not go to Vikasini, it didn't even go to Kubwa or Tetemeko though she knew they were friends with Wahabu. This wasn't about anybody else. For once in her life, Shani was thinking about herself. This was about her and him, and found she rather liked it. Worries about explaining the situation didn't matter, they both had large families and they both would be able to deal with that another time. But now it was just them.
"I think so," she agreed, nuzzling against his cheek before settling comfortably beside him.
Taking a deep breath, he nuzzled back against Shani. He couldn't help but let his mind go to the complications that potentially awaited them but he was happy again. And Shani was happy. That was the most important thing. His tail curled around her and his eyes moved up to the sky once again. Worries could wait, but for now they could just sit together and enjoy the sunset.
Fin.
