Welcome to Gaia! ::

Name Me. (It starts off like it should be so epic, to me. And then it fizzles out into my shitty ramblings)
------------
I know how much your mirror can burn.
Let's see everybody take a turn.
WAtch their expressions.
See them burn, and

As the exaggerations
become lacerations
you can feel the room fill
with agitations
As the exaggerations
become lacerations
You feel the room fill
with abberation

They depart from all thought
Feel the room get hot
As the razor climbs out of
somebody's pocket,
but listen.
Can you hear that ringing
Some little girl's voice
in that dark mind singing
Of redemption, and

As the exaggerations
become lacerations
you can feel the room fill
with agitation
As exaggerations
become agitations
you can hear their hearts fill
with compensation

Playing things off like they don't see flaws
So they won't get ripped by somebody's claws
as they rip through the flesh and the compensation
you can feel the room fill with abberation
And that razor slides along those wrists again
and you can start this song all over again.

My Narcissus (Just wrote this one about 15 minutes ago)
---------
Pray
that one day
maybe I
will know
the pain you feel
That I
will know
what you conceal
that I
will find
A dirty secret
hidden in my sock drawer

But you can't see me
Your cage thick as, strong as steel
I want to feel you
but in this dirty winter you congeal

my narcissus
my narcissus
my narcissus
Yeah

Hope
That just once
maybe I
will find
that I can see
That I
will know
that you are me
but even
if us,
we are me
That's not what I want from you

But you can't see me
Your cage as thick, as strong steel
I want to feel you
but in this dirty winter you congeal

my narcissus
my narcissus
my narcissus
Yeah

Shun me
"How you woo me"
Show me
How you'd do me
Shun me
For the sake of my heart
Show me
I could be freed
Tell me
I'm down on one knee
Shun me
So I can finish the hard part

Time (Written for a friend and his girl. I promised it to his girlfriend when she found out I wrote songs. They liked it.)
------------------
One day you asked me
"How many minutes in a year?"
I smiled and I kissed you
and said "Long as we're sitting here

I won't care
how long it takes
I don't care
how many bones I break
I don't care
Long as I hear your breath.
'cause life without you
scares me to death!"

Once upon a time I wondered
"How long can this last"
You hushed me and whispered
"Baby don't even ask 'cause

I don't care
how long it takes
I don't care
how many bones I break
I don't care!
Long as I hear your breath
'Cos life without you
scares me to death!

Baby I can't tell if you're laughing
Between each smile there's a tear in your eye
I'm leavin' this town in an hour
But you know I can't go
'Till I kiss you one last time.

We don't care
How much heart it takes
And we don't care
how many bones we break
But this life
we live with each breath
without you
would scare me to death

StarScream (a cliche rap from the depths of my cheesy attempts to make girls interested in me)
-------------------------
7 to the
1 to the
9 to the
3
did you ever really think you'd love a guy like me?
With hippie fro hair and this guitar stuck to me
Walkin' round like a creeper
but you don't see
Top it off with the lie
that I can connect
like dots on those pages
that formed the broken neck
of a man with a plan
but not a single execution
so to this little rhyme I have a resolution



3 to the 7
to the 3
to the 9
you could never really somebody who rocks 2/4 time
with a hollow 'tween my ears
as i speak huskily
into your little ears
as you make love to me
But there's never been a woman who could make me break free
and the only one who could has been lost to me.
Like a bottle in the sea I'll send it out to shore
with the hopes the girl who finds it
ain't some little whore
without the decency
to let me be me
And just settle for the man
that sent it out to sea
but there's two more numbers,
and I'll give 'em to you free
4... (full bar of rest)
4... (full bar of rest),
and that's all you get to see.

Your Zombie (Your everyday zombie love story)
--------------
Tears like diamonds
Tears on guitars
Tears drop to the floor
When I look to the stars

One eye hanging by a thread
The other barely inside my head
One last memory I see
The one where
you. just. walk away from me

Dragging my feet just to get next to you
Holding my head to my neck just to see you

So I could hold you oh-so-tight
in the middle of the night
And I promise I won't eat your brains
And even if I do
My promise here to you is
"I won't even leave a stain"

My limbs, they are so tattered and so torn
My fingers want to hold you, but you prickle like a thorn
My feet, they slowly shuffle back
Let the memories fade out. Back to black

Dragging my feet to run from that
My head lolling without a hat

But I'll still hold you oh-so-tight
in the middle of the night
And I promise I won't eat your brains
And even if I do
My promise here to you is
"I won't even leave a stain"

This actually reminded me of something though.

My mental goal is to eventually scan and upload my entire journal from I think January-June of last year for anyone to read it. It's way too personal, and it would probably offend a lot of people, but it's like, something I NEED to do irrationally. Off topic, but I figured I'd mention it.

A lot of the time, brief sentences have a much larger impact. I'd rather carry around one repetitive idea in my head all day than a massive wall filled with weird poetic devices. Most of the really good bands keep it short and sweet, at least the bands that I like.

For me, music is usually more about the music itself. I value the sound of the human voice along with the instruments over the words most of the time. That's what makes the impact emotionally. It's not what you say mainly, it's how you say it. I already know most of the things that lyrics spit out at me.

Specifically with your stuff though, it just doesn't flow very well. It's stuff that I really couldn't picture fitting nicely into a song. Maybe if you threw me a melody or something, I could give you a more detailed critique. They just lack that intangible PRESENCE that good writing has. There's no real structure, and thus, no one KILLER line that just burns a hole into your chest, figuratively.

But yeah, you'll get better the more you write.

How long have you been writing for?

Oh, and also, check out my dA, a lot of the s**t (at least that I want people to see) is up there. It might offer some inspiration (as well as whore me out. I love it when people read my s**t.) Comment if you want.