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Why is snooping never a good response to suspicions of cheating?

Men are lousy, cheating bastards. This fact has been well publicized on television and in women's magazines, so you don't need me to remind you of it. We're a callous and untrustworthy group of sheisters and hoodwinkers who want nothing more than to deceive and lie. Hyperbole? Maybe more of a lie actually, but some men are inherently untrustworthy and if you're with one, it's important to know as much.

Cheaters are a dangerous breed of man because they are almost always the monsters that they are made out to be. Sometimes there are extraneous circumstances or possibly even legitimate motivations for cheating, but most often, it's just a callous disregard for the feelings of their partner that allows men to cheat. That's why it's important to be careful. If you're with a guy who's likely to cheat, then you should know the warning signs, which is why we are devoting our time to the topic. This week in Message From Mars, we'll be looking at a few behaviours that may be evidence that your beau is a lying jerk. If you go over to Sarah's column, View From Venus, she'll be highlighting a few of the symptoms of female cheaters.


Indifference

Aloofness is a big indicator. The problem is that it doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating. It could be a symptom of one of a few issues, none of which are a good thing.

Men should be interested. If they're still attracted to you, still into the idea of having sex with you and still in love with you, then they should be pretty enthusiastic about the idea of being around you. Cheating can cause a fellow to lose interest, but it's not a sure-fire indicator.

That doesn't mean, however, that it's nothing to worry about. If your fellow seems disinterested — genuinely disinterested, not just distracted — then you're probably facing trouble of any number of different colours. He could be planning to break up with you, he could be disenchanted with the whole relationship or he could be depressed. None of these are good things from the standpoint of your relationship.


Suspicious Behaviour

Cheating takes time. You've got to spend the time to find a sexual partner, seduce them and then have sex with them. The investment of time is huge here. Depending on how much of your life you actually spend around your partner, you should be able to tell if he's missing for a substantial amount of time. He'll probably have all sorts of excuses, since that is a cheater's mantra, but they will probably ring false, especially if he's been delivering them for a prolonged period. You could also be tipped off by anonymous credit card purchases, odd text messages or emails, or something else of that nature. However, I would discourage anyone from gaining information about their partner by subterfuge and espionage since snooping is a bad policy to enact in a romantic relationship.


Informants

Everyone has a friend that they confess their secrets to, even men. Your fellow probably has a close friend that he keeps well informed about his goings-on and if that is the case, then he or she could be a wealth of information for you. That doesn't mean that you should ask the friend to surrender anything, because their loyalties don't lie with you and they probably wouldn't tell if they knew anything. What you can do is gauge their behaviour. Body language is a wonderful indicator of guilt and most people would feel odd about harbouring such a secret in the company of the offended party. Are his friends acting strangely around you? If so, they could be harbouring some rather unpleasant secrets.


Mysterious Happiness

Nothing quite perks up the spirit like sex. It's a real confidence booster and never more so than with a new partner. Cheaters often get a new and peppier outlook on life. They start exercising, their mood improves and maybe, just maybe, there is a gleam in their eye. If you do notice any large changes in your partner's mood, it may be an indicator of infidelity. Of course, happiness doesn't have to spell betrayal. The key is to look for a change. A continuing good mood doesn't mean anything, but an upswing might.


Leave The Snooping To The Spies

Cheaters are usually quite good at concealing their tracks. They learn to be stealthy and to hide their actions between several veils of plausible lies. It takes work to do it properly and if you're with someone who has got his game plan all worked out, it can be difficult to catch them red-handed. Often people who are suspicious of their partner will try to go on fact-gathering missions. They play spy and look for clues, but this is a destructive impulse. If you suspect your partner is cheating on you, you need to confront him. The only thing that snooping and theorizing will get you is more suspicion and bad blood, and that has never helped a relationship.