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Reply 05 Character Profiles and Development
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Ephynas Puggle

Sparkly Gawker

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 5:07 am


Characters


NPC Characters:
Name: Chiaroscuro (chi-hero-scuro)
Race: Dark wolf
Rank: Neel's familiar, Command of the army
Age: 5,002 (the animal's in the army and royal guard live as long as their familiars)
Orientation: straight
Apearance: User Image
Background: a very harsh life, was found as a puppy by Neel, and followed him in his dream to be the most powerful.
Personality: superior, overpowering and controlling. if he tells you to do something, you better do it, or it will hurt you....literally.

Name: Silver
Race: Dark wolf
Rank: Royal guard (protector)
Age: 3,000
Orientation: straight
Appearance: User Image
Background: No one's quite sure why her mother and Chiaroscuro named her silver, but that's her name. She's loving and kind and isn't scared to do what she thinks is right.

Name: Micah
Race: Dark wolf
Rank: Royal guard (protector)
Age: 3,000
Orientation: straight
Appearance:User Image
Background: Silver's brother and Chiaroscuro's son. He's not cruel like his father but not as nice as Silver. He's confused. He doesn't want to mess with the system and wants to kepp things simple. He's known for doing what he's told.
Name:Victoria
Rank: Princess of Winter
Race: Dark elf
Age: 560, looks 17
Orientation: Bisexual
Apearence: User Image
Personality: Raised as the best of the two daughters, She has serious control issues. She's cruel and harsh, and enjoys making you sad. ((Sedistic B**ch! xP)) But she's not all cruelity and suffering. She's romantic and overly protective.
Background: Raised by her mother and father, and lived half her life with her brother. After Her brother's death, she made it her goal to rule over the Land of winter, and soon, begin ruling over the other lands as well.

Name: Issabella
Rank: Queen of Winter
Race: Dark elf
Age: 2560 looks 25
Orientation: Straight
Apearence: User Image
Personality: not exactly cruel, but harsh. She has many dark secrets, and has a few emotional issues. She's determined, and overly pertective.
Background: Her true love -the king- died after her youngest daughter's birth, leaving her alone to take care of two children, and rule the country.


Name: Kaim
Rank: Rogue (lives on his own, and doesn't belong in a particular land)
Race: Unknown
Age: looks around 18
Orientation: Bisexual
Appearance: User Image
Personality: Conservative and quiet. Though, he will speak up if he doesn't like something, and he can be rather blunt about it too.
Background: Because he's so conservative, little is known about him. Anyone who knows him by name remember him being aorund since he was very young.


Name: Kale
Rank: Prince of Autumn
Race: Contractor
Orientation: Straight
Age: around 16
Appearance: User Image
Personality: Kind and gentle. He's polite and caring. He would give up everything to make sure that others were happy.
Background: Raised by the king and queen of Autumn, he's learned to be kind and gentle. Recently he went to the land of Winter and was accused of murder.

Name: Zane
Rank: Eldest prince of Autumn
Orientation: Straight
Age: 19
Appearance: User Image
Personality: Playful and a tease. He's worried about his brother, but doesn't seem to care that much.
Background: Nothing that exciting, though when his dad dies, he plans to take over immediately.

Name: Neel
Rank: Winter Royal gaurd
Race: Unknown
Orientation: bisexual
Age: 15
Appearance:User Image
Personality: Quiet and kind of creepy. He never talks, just stands there silently. and the few words that he does say might scare you
Background: His parents died when he was little, and the rulers of winter took him in, fasinated by his abilities.

Name: Kiara
Rank: Summer Princess
Race: Neko
Orientation: Straight
Age: 16
Appearance:User Image
Personality: Not exactly nice, but not mean. She does what she feels like doing, and if she doesn't want to do something, she'll make it clear.
Background: The only princess of her land, she lives alone with her mother.


Name: Valentine
Rank: Rogue
Race: half snow elemental
Orientation: bisexual
Age: 19ish
Appearance: Tall, and cloaked in all black. He has extremely pale skin and midnight hair. His bangs are pure white though. He has entrancing icey blue eyes. And around him he seems to have some kind of aura. All around him it's cold than a freezer. His breath is completely visible even if he was in an oven. There are traces of frost on his clothes and hair. tough his lips are not blue xD. He has pure white ears and a tail too.
Background: He was born when his elemental mother fell in love with a normal neko boy. his father never wanted a kid so his parents dumped him when he was young. He loves the cold so he naturally lives in the land of winter. He and the recently killed princess were secret lovers and he's devastated to hear about her death.

Name: Ren
Race: Vampire ((Grunge))
Rank: Rogue
Age: 18
Orientation: Homosexual
Appearance: User Image
Background: Harsh life ever since he was young.
Personality: at first, he's quiet but polite. He's actually controlling and like a puppeteer. He's persuading and convincing. He really knows how to use his 'charm'.

Name: Teel
Race: Contractor
Rank: Prince's personal gaurd
Age: 17
Orientation: Bisexual
Appearance: User Image
Background: Been in the gaurd since a young age, trained well, and skilled.
Personality: shy when it comes to romance, but very playful, and protective.
PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 5:10 am


Tell me your complete opinion!!

If you think their horrible and need work, tell me!

If you think their wonderful and beautiful, tell me!!!

Ephynas Puggle

Sparkly Gawker

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ArterialCaucus

Bashful Zealot

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 9:17 pm


...OK, seriously? They're pretty flat. There just isn't enough information in those profiles for me to understand what you're trying to get at. Also, there are way too many of them in one post. About halfway through, I just gave up on trying to read them, and skipped to the bottom to make my post here.

About age: Almost everyone over 100 has '0' as the last number of their age. I don't know about you, but I don't skip from ten to twenty simply because it's rounder that way. Put some numbers on the end, for goodness sakes.

For those under the age of 100 or so, everyone seems to be in their teens. Would it hurt to have some adults? You know, 27, 34, 46 year olds...all I see are 15-19 year old angsty teens who are, for some reason, just as good as adults at whatever they were brought up to do.

About sexual orientation: Sorry to point this out, but there's only one homosexual in the entire ginormous post. Everyone else seems to be equally divided up into 'straight' and 'bisexual'. There aren't actually that many bisexual people in this world. They're usually either homosexual or heterosexual. So, as sexy as bi's may seem, you can't have seven of them.

About appearance: If these are just for an RP or whatever, feel free to keep the images. However, if you're writing an Original Story, chuck 'em and create a new appearance. Elsewise you might get sued.

About Background: SERIOUSLY?! The longest I counted was four sentences. FOUR. SENTENCES. That is NOT enough. Several of these characters are hundreds, even thousands, of years old, yet they have two or three(if they're lucky) lines summing up their life. I mean, of course you're not going to have time to document the whole thing, word for word, but more than an idea floating around, ready to go anywhere. These aren't just figurines talking to move the story along. You have to make them real, and every real person has a past. Give them one.

About personality: SEE BACKGROUND. You cannot sum up every niche of someone's life(how they would react to X, what would happen if Z-man Y'ed near them)in a sentence. As a great man once said, 'Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you deal with it'. Without a personality, they're only going to have about 10% of life. How sad for them.

~!~

All in all...

You might have some good characters here, but I really can't tell. You need to get down to it and flesh these guys out, or you'll never get anywhere on your Writing career. And I know you must be thinking, 'geez, this girl is a total b*tch! I'm not going to listen to her!' but understand that anyone who is more competent than you, and doesn't care about your feelings(like me!), is going to say the same thing. And if you listen, you can get better.

...

Geez, I really can't end a critique on a positive note, can I?

...

Nope.
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05 Character Profiles and Development

 
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