Hellsing Farce: a mock roleplay

[Kimmichi]

Schrodinger perked and ear when pointed at and paused in the middle of licking himself.

"Me?"

He blinked a few times and resumed his cat-bath.

Pip scratched his head and turned to the rest of the people in the bar. "You know, that Integra chick is still passed out on the table. If she doesn't walk up soon, I'm givin' Schrokitty here a magic marker n' lettin' 'em have at it."

Schrodinger quite licking his arm and gave Pip his full, kittyboy attention. "Really?! You mean it?!?!" He was practically wagging his tail. (If he had one...)

"Really."

Schrodinger's eyes sparkled an evil sparkle. "Mwyee hee hee..."  

[Le Secretaire Comtesse]

Maxwell, who had sat unmovingly for several moments in an attempt to avoid bringing attention to himself, overheard Pip's conversation and fell back into the shadows.

"Mff...what the bloody 'ell?" Integra groaned sitting up only to fall back down within seconds. "I had a dream that Alucard and I gave birth to two pink chickens, but that's all I remember...and--WHAT?" she screamed realizing she was lying on a table in the middle of a bar. "Oh God...did Maxwell drag me into another one of those gay bars again?"

Suddenly, a loud crash was heard from one of the shadow-clad corners and out sprung Maxwell, decked head to toe in a Batman costume. "I will save you, my dearest Integra!" he shouted jumping to her rescue, lifting her off the table only to find she was too heavy for him to carry.

"Kyaaaa! Put me down, you brute!" she shouted squirming until they fell on top of each other.

"Hmph...I was only trying to save you from that heretic and his cat," Maxwell grumbled using one hand to take off his mask while the other pointed to Pip and Schrodinger.  

[battosai matt]

barkeeper:why do i get all the nut jobs  

[Magda Strongfang]

{Okay. Here goes nothing.}

Three men walk into the bar. One was in his mid teens with a cigarette in his mouth. Another was in his twenties. Last one was in sixties. All of them had a single thing in common. They were Walter.

"Alright, gents. Let's try not to cause trouble." The Old one said,"This is the last place that'll let you two in."

"Fine, but we can help it, Gramps." The Young one said,"You should know better."

"Yeah. We love our drinks." The Dark one piped in,"Say, isn't that the Major and Integra over there?"

All three Walters looked over, and facepalmed. Their old employers. This was going to be one, interesting night.  

[battosai matt]

the bartender looks up and frowns "ok wat do you..HEY WAIT A MINNET you there the shortest one your not allowed to drinck achoal."he points to the younget walter  

[Wyvern683]

The Major snatches the markers from Pip's hand and yells happily: "I love to color! xd I Vill draw pictures of Var!"

Then runs over to Integra and proceeds to scribbling on her face along with the Kitty.  

[Magda Strongfang]

"He's not here for the drinks." Dark Walter said,"He's here for the stoagies."

Young Walter reached into his pocket and pulled out three cigars. He offered one to his other selves. Dark Walter accepted one. Old Walter took one, but knew whom he was going to give it to.

"Order what you want, boys." Old Walter said to his younger selves,"It's on me."  

[Le Secretaire Comtesse]

Integra fell back and attempted to kick the Major in the chin while failing around like a fish out of water. “What the bloody ‘ell do you think you are doing, you moron?” she yelled noticing Walter. “Thank God, Walter…help me!”

Maxwell sighed, “I can help you, you know, my dearest sow.”

“Get the ‘ell out of here, Maxwell. No one wants help from you,” she snapped still reaching out to her ever-faithful butler. “Get over here, Walter.”  

[Magda Strongfang]

"Which one?" All three Walters asked.

The Old and Dark Walters went over, seperating their employers from each other. They both sighed and shook their heads.

"You couldn't resist to start trouble, could you, Herr Major?" Dark Walter said to the Millenium Leader.

"Are you quite alright, my lady?" Old Walter asked Integra,"Oh, and a pleasantry from my "Dawn" Self."

The old man gave Integra the cigar Young Walter gave him.  

[Le Secretaire Comtesse]

((Do cigars even need to have their ends cut off anymore, or do they come pre-prepared? Dx))
Integra’s eyes lit up like fireworks of the fairest blue. “Why thank you, my bestest of the best Walter,” she said happily taking the cigar and a cigar cutter from her back pocket, taking off the end before lighting it.

Maxwell shrugged and moved to an actual table rather than the floor. “Dear Lord in heaven…where the heck is Anderson to save me from this sacrilege?” he pleaded laying his head down on the table.  

[Wyvern683]

The major frowned and went back to his bar stool. He wanted to color! crying Then, seemingly out of nowhere, pulls out a pot-pie. Then he turns to Schrodinger.
Major: "No KITTY! Zat is my pot pie!"
(This is a southpark reference because I think the Major looks kinda like Cartman!)  

[Kimmichi]

Schrodinger hissed and mewed as he clawed for the pot-pie, but to no avail. Teary eyed, he began to slump away when he suddenly noticed a certain magic marker sticking out of the major's pocket. He discretely reached over and grabbed the marker and dashed to the other side of the bar where he began to doodle on the floor.