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 Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 10:16 am
...So. Somebody had been sent up to tidy a vacated weyr, and there was a lot to be done to it, a lot more than had been anticipated. But there was still only one person on the job. Large as the number of candidates at Ista was, so was the number of chores to be completed. Somebody, possibly somebody who was not too popular with Z'nal, had drawn the short straw and been set on it. It was just coming up to supper time when a candidate should expect to finally be released from chores. No such luck for the person working on that high up weyr. No such luck for him either as it happened, but in his case the extra work was self inflicted.
Rubbing the back of his neck, C'mor stepped out of the Weyr into the bowl and adjusted the hang of his bag. It was a very useful bag; good tough leather, it had all sorts of uses. Currently it was being used to carry some meat rolls, a big skin of water, and a set of cleaning tools. Naedreth landed close by and rumbled a greeting which he returned with a smile. From his shoulder, Gilden responded with a happy cheep; she had just been given some little offcuts of meat, and was feeling very pleased with life in general as a consequence.
He supposed he was pleased with life too, C'mor considered as he mounted up and nudged Naedreth to take off. He had a wonderful lifemate, a couple of good friends, and goals to work towards. Sure he might not reach them soon, maybe not ever with his efforts to get people to help one another out more and combat the sabotage that still occasionally cropped up but he could try. Trying was important, if you stopped trying you never got anywhere.
Only a few moments later, Naedreth alighted on the ledge and C'mor dismounted before stepping inside and looking around for the unfortuante candidate who had been lumbered with this job. "Hello? Anyone here? I thought maybe you could use a hand."
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Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 10:40 am
Veyes never complained about work even if it always meant the worst possible jobs in Ista. Hard work was the lot of a candidate and he never could get around it with Z'nal but this time was a weyr rather than the meat locker. Veyes would have preferred the meat locker and the smell of the butchered flesh to cleaning up after humans. But here he was; staring at the daunting task of a weyr cleaning by himself. Well not completely by himself as he felt the little blue flit digging into his hair while huddled in the hoodie that Veyes constructed out of one of the scarfs he had kept from the few he had bought for his mother. He wondered how she was doing nowadays. Occasionally, she sent messages telling him about life and how she was dating again. She wasn't upset that he didn't have a dragon yet...she was still proud of him. It was rather funny at times when the blue rider would tell him that his mother wanted to send back stories to him but of course the blue rider couldn't remember the whole thing and was apologetic only telling him that when she told it, it was full of life. Yes, she still was a dreamer as much as he.
Of course, his mind wandered only to be reminded by the claws at his neck that reality was such as it was. He was here to clean a weyr. What a grand life he lived....That caused him to sigh with a slight be of sarcasm as slowly he walked around surveying the horror of his task at hand. What the heck? The hearth was filled with ash and what also might have been grease from god knows what. He peeked into the bath and found that the pool was scummy from sand and oil probably from the former rider scrubbing down his dragon and bathing right afterwards never washing out the bath afterwards. Oh by the shard! He would be here all night. Sighing he dropped his bucket not even wanting to know what the dragon ledge looked like. He expected that he'd need more than a shovel. It was going to be a long night.
Shaking his head slowly, he heard the meeping of his sleeping flit and then smiled just a little. "Just take it easy Mine. I'll take care of it all...no worries, little one." Taking a breath he turned on the water and got out his cleaners then started to fill the pool knowing that this would be the last spot he cleaned up considering he would need water from here for mopping and scrubbing in the other rooms.
Dragging a bucket full of soap water and clean water, he took the two into the empty bed chamber. Then got the empty bucket and started first by shoveling out the first hearth of all ashes before kneeling in with soap and sponge to clean it.
At first didn't hear the sounds of anyone else coming into the weyr because his head was stuck deep in the hearth as he sponged down the blackened inner walls. Once he pulled back to squeeze out the sponge, he turned his head some as Mine chirped. "Is someone here?" he said rather unsure that he had actually heard another voice.
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Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:12 am
...Oh. C'mor stopped in place when he spotted the figure crouched by the hearth. Well, he supposed he should have expected this to happen in the end. It didn't matter, he told himself firmly, he wasn't going to play favorites, only help people he happened to like. If Veyes needed help, he was going to get it.
"Yes," the young rider replied after a moment, "it's me, C'mor... I heard that there was a big job to be done up here. I came to help." Well, this wasn't going to be the most fun ever. Not a lot he could do about it though, best just to get on. Gilden, sensing his tense mood, had begun to cling quite tightly to his shoulder and it took him a few moments to persuade her to let go and fly over to one of the empty dragon beds. One of them was clean, the other still covered in a layer of sand; naturally Gilden chose to settle on the sandy one. well, she could be moved later on when they needed to clean it.
"...Mine? You do not like this one," Naedreth said with a rumble. "Why?... Oh," the bronze's eyes flickered from blue to a dull orange; displeased by not blazingly angry as he received his lifemate's memories. "I see."
He didn't know how to respond to his dragon, so he didn't bother trying. Shrugging free of his bag's strap, C'mor moved across the weyr and placed it on a stone shelf that must have been a rider's bed. It was a little dusty in places, as if maybe things that hadn't been moved for a while had been placed on it during the move, but it wasn't that bad. The rest... Well he could be worse he supposed. The floor needed a scrub, that hearth needed a lot of work, he had no idea of the condition of the bating room... and the ceiling was soot marked above the hearth. Well that was going to be a game to reach.
"Where should I start?" he asked of Veyes eventually. He could very well choose for himself, but he could see this being a tough encounter under the best of circumstances. Best not to tread on the candidate's toes by starting somewhere the other teen didn't want him to. Maybe Veyes wouldn't want him here at all, it certainly wouldn't shock him.
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Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:44 am
Veyes practically stiffened to rock and paling in color, when he actually heard the voice clearly. Snapping out of his dreamland he glanced backwards to spot....Conomor. No...not Conomor anymore...but C'mor. Names didn't really matter anymore even if the rider would always be Con to him. He might have dropped the sponge had he not needed something to cling to. Its soaked mass dripping all over the floor soaking his knees.
Mine in the hoodie yipped and peeked out past Veyes long hair to stare up at C'mor. His tiny blue face focused on the man and he squawked feeling Veyes tense up like a brick.
Veyes didn't say a word for a moment, his soot covered face looking past him up towards the dragon ledge having a distinct feeling that Con's dragon sat up there without even asking. All the more reason to be wary of what he said...what he did. He might not have a dragon of his own but he studied ever moment he could with L'thor. The bronze would be affected by Con's every emotion. Hell, who knew...he might have been cleaning this up for Con to move in. Somehow that thought didn't set well with him once single bit but there was not much he could do about it. Con was one of the chosen, of a bronze no less...and he was nothing.
He might not have said anything but even so, he was asked a question and he just couldn't leave it there as it was impolite. He had been taught better , "You're assigned to clean here?" he questioned slowly to the teen that a turn or so back would have rather he be given to thread. "If that's the case...then.. I guess you can take the dragon ledge, sir. If you have other duties, it is not my place to keep you here. "
He looked away feeling a heavy weight in his chest that might have been sadness mixed with regrets he'd never live down....and pushed the sponge back into the hearth feeling no more worth than a lowly drudge. The long night was going to be far longer than he imagined.
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Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 12:02 pm
"Go on Naedreth, go for a swim or catch some of the last of the sun. We'll need to clean where you are eventually..." And he didn't like to have so clear a mood barometer for Veyes to see. Gilden wasn't so bad, she was a relaxed sort on the whole and though she was a bit tense her eyes had remained blue, but Naedreth... Naedreth was annoyed, so it was best he left.
"Very well, I shall go then," Naedreth replied with a soft rumble to his rider, his eyes fading back to a dull blue. "I'll come back at once if you need me, to carry waste away or to collect you. You do not have to do this Mine, not if you don't wish to." With these words, the muscular bronze turned carefully around on the ledge before stepping off and gliding down towards the lake.
C'mor watched him go, captivated for a moment by the way the light caught his gleaming hide. No. He didn't have to do this, and yet at the same time he did have to. Before long however he shook himself and turned back to Veyes. "I'm not a sir Veyes," he said softly, wondering at how it almost hurt to say his former friend's name. "I've never been comfortable being called sir, it's not like I've done anything to earn it... And no. I'm not assigned to clean here, this is..." he paused and looked back out over the weyrbowl for a few moments. "This is a personal effort," he continued eventually. "People have been deliberately making life harder for all of us for some time now. A while ago, just after the last hatching, I decided to resist in my own way, with the help of anyone willing. Just doing a bit extra, that's all, weighing in extra hands where and when I can... I'll start clearing the ledge." Veyes probably didn't want to hear anything about his silly little campaign. It wasn't really going anywhere, he didn't really have many supporters, it was probably all futile. But he had to try all the same. He couldn't help it.
Sighing softly to himself C'mor cast around until he spotted a shovel and a broom leaning in one corner. He moved over to collect the spade in silence, and then back over to take the bucket of ashes still without another word. He didn't really know what to say anymore. He was never the best in the world at smalltalk, but it wasn't too often that he actually felt unable to speak rather than simply not being able to think of what to say. Why did it have to be Veyes here tonight?
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Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 6:35 pm
Veyes could hear the sound of the dragon taking off from the weyr and wondered why it had left. He had no doubt that Con would have been far happier with that dragon hanging around. Although, it might make cleaning that ledge easier at least if he had to go up there to do so. As he scrubbed, he listened to Con's reply taking in the words with rather tight feeling to his stomach. Sir had been so much easier to say....than Con...or C'mor. It was even harder to hear his own name from the other teen's lips no matter how softly spoken.
But hearing Con talk of the things he was doing brought a quiet sigh to Veyes' lips even as he squeezed the dirt out of the sponge into his dirty water bucket. It sounded exactly like Con's path in life...helpful...straight and upright. Always going far and beyond the call of duty. Yes, that was always Conomor, someone who'd get far in life if the weight of the Weyr didn't crush him into some lesser mold. The words seems to ask for something out of him, he wasn't sure what though and although he pondered whether or not to open his mouth at all; he finally he spoke quietly as he dipped the sponge back into soapy water, "Yeah...sounds like something you do. Been a rough time for a lot of people."
Although after a moment, he set the sponge down and dried off his hands. The squirming in the hoodie let him know that his little flit was getting uncomfortable so he reached back to pull tiny Mine out of his hoodie, "Getting kind of tight in there eh?" He placed the baby on the ground away from the water and pulled out a small bit of beef jerky from his pocket and handed it to the flit. "There you go, little guy." Mine sniffed the jerky then took it out of Veyes hands with it's own small ones then settled on the floor gnawing on it with tiny teeth while looking up and over at C'mor. It was hard to look fierce while gnawing food but the tiny blue made a valiant attempt which turned into tiny growls mixed with bits of jerky here and there.
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 4:37 am
This was just... this was awful. There were things he thought he wanted to say but he wasn't sure what they were. Did he want to shout, rant, demand to know why Veyes had done what he had? Did he want to try to reconcile? Other than that once incident Veyes had always been a good hard-working person, and there was so much worse going on in the Weyr than taking a skin of wine and some food... but they way he'd done it. Lying, betraying his friends. If he'd just spotted it unattended and taken it, the whole thing would almost be easier to swallow. Maybe though... well quite probably actually Veyes wouldn't do anything of the kind again. He'd probably learned his lesson.
Did people deserve second chances?... If he were Naedreth and remembered nothing much that had happened longer than three days ago he would probably be being friendly. The past was important though, not something to be clung to senselessly, but something to think about, a guide for the future. But not always. Sometimes you needed a radical change, sometimes you had to break away from what had always been done, or from what you had always done because it was just holding you back, because the past offered you no good options to work with. Like the establishment of Weyrs. He might still find something useful out at Southern if he managed to get there sometime soon but chances were the foundation of every Weyr had been different due to the different locations, different circumstances...
C'mor abruptly realized that he had been standing lost in thought just looking at the sand-covered dragon bed for quite some time. Shaking his head at himself, he began to shovel the fine grains into the bucket. "It has. They say that eventually Helirra will find a solution and it will all come out alright but I'm not just... I'm not going to stand here and wait, watching people struggle partially because of the stupid selfishness of a few. I can do something, it's small but it's all I can do so there it is... That's a pretty firelizard," he added with a glance at the young blue, "how'd you come by him?" Maybe some vague semblance of a conversation would help the work go faster. As he shoveled at the sand, C'mor found himself doubting that anything could make this go by faster.
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 8:22 am
Awful was only a small word to describe how miserable Veyes felt and sometimes silence would have been a far better option. But as Con just stood there not commenting back for a short time the atmosphere was heavy and uncomfortable. He was almost sure that Con didn't want to be around him either but neither would slack off on the task at hand. It was just how they both were and while Veyes knew this it didn't help the matter.
To break that profound silence Veyes put himself back to work until he finally did hear a response out of Con. Just in Con's voice he could tell Con wasn't quite sure if he believed Helirra would find an answer any time soon. Veyes truthfully doubted that the Weyrleadership had any game plan. Maybe they were working on something but still they weren't catching the people messing with the food. Nor did they fix the supply problems. His farmer's instincts had been flashing the red warning light but no one would listen to a candidate around here. "Yeah...she might figure out something eventually." he responded but his words lacked the confidence that would truly happen. He knew that having a bronze would allow Con to pretty much make moves about the Weyr that others could not...at least until he stepped on the wrong toes. "There's a lot of things that need to change in this Weyr. But you know, stuff like that takes time and open minds. That'll be your big challenge here."
Veyes glanced back over at Mine with brief smile for the blue as he scrubbed more of the inner hearth walls. Mine had finished his jerky and was sniffing around for the little pieces he dropped. His small body waddled; feet getting caught on his growing wings causing him to tumble on to the ground upon his round belly. Mine yipped then scrambled back up to his small legs, swishing around his tail while watching the two humans talk. Veyes could see the pictures of Con through Mine's thoughts as he looked at him. It was still a strange feeling to get these brief images. Thinking about Mine brightened up his words just a hair, "Um... Thanks. L'thor and I found his egg on the beach and he cracked that night. He's really new...so he's kind of into everything. His name is Mine. " Upon hearing his name, Mine cheeped.
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 8:48 am
How'd he come up with that name? Well, at least it was slightly more interesting that calling a gold flitt Gilden. If riders named their dragons, Naedreth would probably have been ZigZagth or Bronzeth. "Well, congratulations then," he said with a slight nod, "he looks healthy..." Before the... the incident he had bounced ideas off Veyes. They had all been such distant dreams, thing he might be able to do if he Impressed a large dragon. Now though... Now they were real things that he really had to deal with. He couldn't just dive into a bright idea, because it might not work, his actions had consequences. He couldn't even drive ahead with a well thought out plan if those above him disliked it, or just disliked him.
"I don't know how much I'll be able to do," C'mor went on, shoveling more sand, "but whatever I can I will. I don't want to see anyone suffer because bad decisions have been made... or because no decisions have been made." He needed to empty this bucket, Naedreth? The bronze had settled on his ledge but responded readily, launching his great bulk into the air and climbing until he reached the high weyr. He accepted the filled bucket readily before hopping off the ledge once more and swooping off towards a waste heap.
"Wish we had a bigger bucket," C'mor muttered vaguely as he watched the large dragon's return flight, "Naedreth's going to be forever back and forward if... Ah, right." Naedreth landed on the ledge and handed back the empty bucket, peering searchingly at his rider as he did so. A moment later he gave a rumble of assent and dropped off the ledge. "I saw a disused water trough down by the beast pens the other day," he explained as he turned to Veyes, "nobody will miss it for a few candlemarks. We can toss all the rubbish into it as we go, so that'll be just one trip for Naedreth at the end. Shards," he shook his head and looked around the weyr with a scowl, "I have no idea how they expected you to get all the sand and everything out of here by yourself. Stupid."
He was annoyed now; the tension of being around Veyes was making everything in life seem harder, darker, made everyone else seem incompetent. He wished he wasn't here, more to the point he wished Veyes wasn't, or that instead of going to the lake that night they'd gone to the feast together after all. "What did they think you were going to do?" he went on with a shake of his head. "Just sweep it off the edge? Z'nal would have been on you like a rabid feline but what the shells else could you do?"
Though it was very high up, this particular weyr did have a path leading up to it along the face of the weyrbowl. It was not, however, a very stable path; steep, narrow, badly worn in places so far as he could see from here. Getting up without the burden of full buckets must have been hard enough, getting back down with one would have been nigh on impossible, and far too time consuming... But maybe nobody had been aware of how much there was to do here, maybe they'd thought it was just a quick scrub job. C'mor was not feeling charitable enough to believe that, and returned to filling his bucket with a vengeance as Naedreth soared back into view and placed the trough outside on the ledge.
"...Mine he is upsetting you," the dragon said with a soft rumble, "tell him you have other things to do and leave."
"No, on both counts," C'mor replied, taking a breath and finding at least most of his usual calm. "I'm upsetting myself, and I'm not going to leave until this is done, especially now I've had you bring this up. He'd never get it back down on his own you know."
Naedreth did know and, reluctantly, he dropped from the ledge once more, returning to his own spot in the sun. If His called he would be back in a moment, but there was no sense trying to reason with him when he was being stubborn like that.
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 2:39 pm
Mine waddled along and poked his nose here and there. His little body moving along at a slow pace when he saw the Gold flit over on the HUGE bed. He chirped in her direction and flopped his tiny wings. Veyes again glanced back from his work as he took another tool to scrap of more of the crusty soot deeper in the hearth seeing his flit was curious about the other now. "Hey Mine, be careful. She's much bigger than you." Mine being a baby huffed a little as it tried to think of ways to see the other flit who was too high for him to get to because he couldn't fly quite yet. It flapped futilely with its wings and chirped up at her again.
"Thanks, he's really healthy and got 4 big brothers with L'thor's flits. I think he does actually think their part of...his tribe." said Veyes rather happy that the tiny flit wasn't an anti-social sort. Actually, Veyes had been rather surprised that the little guy was very outgoing for such a tiny thing. "Not sure how big he'll grow though." Talking about Mine was far safer than other subjects and for that he was thankful. He didn't want to hit any bad patches as it was hard enough just being in the same room with Con knowing that he probably was just thinking about the same thing he was....'that night at the lake'.
"Mm...you're a bronze rider. You'll have plenty of opportunities to change things as time goes by. People will listen to you." he said as he took a small shovel and started scooping up the pile of soot he'd made into the next bucket. Veyes at least had made an effort to scrounge up enough buckets from the cleaning room to make his job faster but really, he never guessed how big the task actually was until he had been fully saddled with it. But back to the comment, he knew that any other color would have to work much harder to be heard if at all. Many times he heard L'thor grouse about bronze riders and maybe that envy and dislike was justified some. There was a bit of disparity between greens and bronze. Riders didn't suddenly get smarter or dumber with the color of their dragon. Veyes however, would be happy with any color but in order to have any say in the Weyr, he'd have to hope for a brown. He knew no bronze would take him.
"A bigger bucket?" he turned around looking at what he had and realized that for the amount of sand on the dragon ledge it was really going to be a daunting task. He didn't realize that Con was going to be using his dragon to do the lifting...He listened as Con started to start grumbling and making a few decisions about the hows and whats of the trash. He could tell right away in this moment that some things with Con never changed. The angrier he got, the harder he worked...or the harder he worked to come up with a plan to fix it even if it were beyond him at the time. Biting his lip just to avoid letting out a chuckle or other remark he filled up the bucket with soot and stood up lugging it to the side. "I guess we can use that trough if it's not in use but we'll have to wash it afterwards so the animals don't get any sand or soot in them later if it is used."
He paused for a moment at Con's frustrated questions that rifled off from his lips. Veyes pondered the answer and sighed, " Well, I'd have just sucked it up and carried it down the hill. I can slide 5 buckets on to this mop and shoulder it down the hill. Might take me some time but their isn't anything I can do about it. Complaining about it isn't going to change anything and I'd rather Z'nal not notice me beyond sending me to jobs like this." It was true he'd rather be invisible rather than have that rider's notice. He still resented the man and after seeing the lack of justice in regards to things Veyes found far worse than what he did, Veyes really didn't want to get anyone's attention.
"Hey, Con...don't get overheated. You're gonna get yourself worked up and then over work yourself in the process. You've got that dragon to think of too. He's probably worrying about you. It's my lot as a candidate...good or bad. You've been down that road. I just try to not think about it too much anymore. Only when you get a dragon you become worth something to the Weyr." And until then, he thought to himself, you're not worth anything at all. Especially if you were just a holder before. He didn't want to put himself down anymore than he had in the past especially in front of Con. He could feel jealous, anger, and all those things but it amounted to nothing when he couldn't change anything.
It was rather weird talking to Con sort of like they used to talk. Sometimes it hurt as words slipped from his lips right in the back of his throat. He wanted to say more but it was difficult to broach topics that had become terrible scars within him. He went to the bath and got more clean water and threw in new soap returning to the hearth once he took a few breaths in the bathroom. Giving himself time to release some of the pressure from his heart.
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 3:10 pm
Another flitt! She had been busy watching her human before so she hadn't seen him. When she did however, and when she noticed her comfy spot was in the process of being removed, she chirped in return and hopped down to meet the young blue. Pretty! He had such nice colours, she would look after him whenever he needed it, oh yes! Crooning, the gold dipped her head down to nuzzle at the blue; so small and sweet!
Overheated. C'mor gripped his shovel and clenched his jaw tightly, the anger and tension he had shed a moment before returning tenfold. "I'm already overworked," he heard himself hiss between his teeth in a voice he hardly recognized as his own. A snarl sprung from his throat then and he tossed the shovel to the ground before spinning around to punch the wall. He felt his knuckles crack painfully, but the last shred of reason in his mind told him it was not the crunch of breaking bones.
As that last shred slipped away, he spun around to stare down at Veyes. "Ever since that last sharding hatching I have been doing this to myself," he said, his voice gone tight and intense, "every day I work from when I wake until I sleep, and every night I end up dreaming about everything I want to do but I can't! Shard it Veyes I'm tired!" The last word was almost choked, and he sank down to a seat on the part cleaned dragon bed, hardly even aware of Naedreth's distressed keen inside his mind. "I'm so tired," he mumbled vaguely, "but there's so much to do and I have so few people to help me. I know if I work too hard then I'll come to a point when I can't do it at all anymore but I..." He looked up, feeling tears pricked at the back of his eyes. This wasn't like him, he knew it wasn't, but he was just so very tired and Veyes made it all so much harder. "I miss you," he croaked as he struggled not to cry. "You were probably the best friend I had! Why did you do it? I don't understand why... I just... I wish we'd just gone to the feast together and been miserable."
"Mine!"
C'mor blinked, dashed away the tears this action allowed to fall and half jumped back to his feet as he felt his dragon approach. He met the bronze on the ledge and flung his arms around the dragon's massive neck. "I'm sorry. I can't keep doing this. I'm so tired." Struggling to regain control, he hid his face against his lifemate's smooth warm hide and let out a shuddering breath. "I need a break," he said aloud, the sensible part of his mind forcing itself back to the front, "a few days just doing my assigned duties. After we're done here, I'll have a rest... I've been stupid to try to keep doing this day after day. Nobody can work forever."
A concerned creel met his ears then, and a weight on his shoulder informed him that Gilden had arrived to join in with making the idiot who'd worked himself to breaking point feel better. He'd brought this on himself, but neither Naedreth nor Gilden would think less of him for that, or for cracking like this. Veyes... well he wasn't so sure about Veyes, it had to be over one and a half turns now since they'd last spoken.
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 4:08 pm
Mine's little eye widened as the big flit hopped down and met him up close. She was SHINY and so big. His tiny face chirped and then nuzzled back to her face eventually finding a spot right by her body to nestle in. Mine crooned back very content to be next to the gold. Being just a little tot, the big gold's warmth was much appreciated and his mental images projected to her and to Veyes were happy ones.
Veyes swallowed against the tightness in his throat as Con lost control. His fingers clenching tighter around the full bucket of clean water that he had returned with as if to keep his balance from being notably shaken. "Don't!" But it was already too late, Con fist hit the wall and Veyes heard the dull smack of flesh on rock. It made him cringe even though he had not heard any sounds of shatter bones, he knew how much that would hurt and he hated seeing his friend....ah.. former friend in pain.
When Con turned on him, Veyes let him yell watching with a face that felt every painful word as if it ate right though any personal defense he could have within. The bucket falling from his fingertips to bang onto the floor and his feet spilling the contents everywhere as he heard the words, I miss you spoke....Those words ripped through him like shards of glass tearing painfully across his flesh. His lips trembled as he choked on his own sadness, "I....I'm so sorry, Con.... I never meant to hurt you or anyone that night. I wasn't thinking when I took the wine. I was so stupid that night..." his eyes became a faucet that pour relentlessly down his face.
"If I'd had even thought beyond my feet...I don't know if things would have been better. I never had any real friends before then and all I could think about was making my new friends feel better.... And things went so horribly wrong. If I could turn back time, I'd have changed it in a heart beat but..." he faltered in his words as his knees gave out leaving him staring at the floor, "...there was nothing I could do but wish so many times I could just die by thread as you wanted."
His eyes squeezed shut as he wept even as Con ran to his dragon certain that Con would fly away on the bronze beast and they would never speak again. But...this time he had poured out his heart and now felt so hollow within wishing to just find a hole to hide in. It wasn't enough to be sorry with Conomor...never enough. But soon, he felt the floppy tiny body squirming to get close to his face that was nearer to the floor where the cool wet stone was. Mine's small form crooning and huddling in between his hand and his face sprawling his small wings over his eyes trying in his own way to tell him that he was there. Veyes's fingers curled just enough to cup the baby letting him know that he was welcome.
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 4:32 pm
Guys weren't supposed to do this. It was a vague, silly thought given neither of them were really typical guys but it ran through his mind anyway. Nothing else really did for a few moments until he processed something Veyes had said. "What?" he turned back to look at the other young man, forgetting about the tears that were tracking down his cheeks. "No! I never... I never wanted to see you harmed, let alone eaten by Thread! That first week when everyone was so... when they were so angry, when we were getting beaten up I..." he wiped his face dry; he was still crying so it was a futile gesture but his mind wasn't focused on what his body was up to so instinct had taken over and made the gesture for him. Taking a moment to share deep connection with Naedreth, he pushed himself to his feet and moved slowly over to where the candidate had slumped in on himself. For a moment he stood perfectly still, trying to remember what he had been planning to do and say when he got here. Eventually he settled for crouching down and laying a slightly shaky hand on his former friend's shoulder.
"So many times when they were doing that to us I thought about going to talk to you. To tell you I didn't think any of us deserved what we were doing but I didn't, because I was too... too selfish. I felt betrayed, even though I knew you hadn't meant any harm I took it personally and... and it seems I let you think I wanted you to suffer. I didn't. I never wanted that. I'm sorry." How had it all gone so wrong? Why had he clung onto anger when he hadn't been forcing the whole thing out of his mind? He always did this, kept grudges close to his heart even when he hardly understood them, even when he knew no harm had been intended. He wished he knew why and he hoped... he hoped that maybe this time he could put it behind him.
"Everyone is stupid in their own way sometimes," he went on softly, reaching up to touch Gilden as she snuggled as closed as she could against him. "I suppose that what we really need to do is learn from them, learn to forgive ourselves, and learn to forgive each other." He wanted to. He was sure it wasn't just nigh on a turn of pent up stress and exhaustion, he really did want to just let it go and have his friend back. Maybe he couldn't have that though. Maybe their silent distance had gone on too long now for them to repair their friendship... Maybe so, but then he was fond of striving for things that might not be possible, wasn't he?
"You can reach whatever heights you wish to reach," Naedreth said firmly from his position at the weyr's entrance. "If this one is important, then work on mending the past. If it happened so very long ago, then let it pass. The future is what matters Mine, the future is ours. Take it, and make it what you want."
Well that was all very well, but doing anything other than sit down right now - he sat - seemed like far too much effort. "I'll work on it," he responded as he clung tight to their mental link, "I will. I'll work on everything, but maybe not quite as hard as I have been." He supposed his obsession with hard work had gone on so long he hadn't seen it for what it had been anymore, it had become the norm for him and as such had seemed alright to Naedreth. "Try to remember this for me," he said to his dragon, "try to remind me every day to have a candlemark at least just for us. If you do it every day, you won't forget."
"Right," Naedreth rumbled deeply, his eyes shifted from pained grey to blue; dull blue but blue all the same, "every day I will remind you. I will not fail."
"I know you won't 'Dreth. I know."
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 5:18 pm
If guys weren't suppose to do this...yes...Veyes would have agreed had they been more sensible and calm but he wasn't in either state of mind as the side of his face felt the cool water and little flit all at once. Con was still there, he thought to himself as Con spoke but he didn't say much of anything feeling rather drained of life. Maybe it had been his own assumption about Con thought of him but he really could only remember those angry eyes staring at him that night as if he were some sort of plague.
"No...you didn't deserve it...you nor Ren...or Mal... only me...and Firyal. We should have been the only ones." he whispered not even opening his eyes but feeling how close Con had gotten to him. His hate for Z'nal never burned out from that day it simmered each time he saw the candidate master but there was nothing he could do about it. Absolutely nothing at all. He tried to keep himself focused on the straight path to a dragon burying the pain or hate into places unseen by others. But now, a part of him shook with sadness again causing a tremor of new tears because Con had not flown off...but stayed. "I didn't want you to suffer...I never meant to betray you...never wanted that. I wanted to tell you every day but....your face...your eyes...I couldn't face you. You hated me...I wronged you...and didn't deserve to be your..friend." his words were muffled some by the tiny little flit who cheeped as the breath blew across his belly.
He plucked the little flit from his face setting him just beside him enough to stroke the little guy as a comfort ball. His face didn't quite lift from the floor as the blood shot eyes squinted through the puffy lids. "I haven't forgiven myself...or Z'nal for what happened...You'd have be so much happier if...I hadn't been so...stupid." The shame of the matter ate at him and he didn't know how to let go...but all he wanted was Con back and that hurt so much within because he didn't know how Con could forgive him or he himself.
"I didn't want to lose you...not like that...not at all!" he cried out almost horsely from the tears that tore at his throat as his free hand clutched at Con's hand closest to the floor. "It hurts so much...."
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 5:38 pm
It did. It really did, and why shouldn't you cry when you hurt? He laced his fingers through Veyes' bowing his head and squeezing his eyes shut. "No. You and she didn't deserve it either. You should have been punished, maybe even latrines to the next hatching could have seemed... well harsh but not outright cruel. What he did... he had no right to make any of us outcasts like that, to hurt us so much that I... I still... I was never one of those with a thousand friends but since that I've felt as if I can never really fit in with my peers at all. I can't imagine what you must feel." Yes, it had been unfair, and yes he was angry about it, still! "That motherless son of a feline has no business watching over anyone at all, let alone candidates," he growled, and Naedreth joined in the angry vocalization. Part of his anger came from knowing that nothing would be done about Z'nal, because nothing was ever done about anything around here. He was tired. He was so tired, and he hurt, and he didn't want to. It was all so stupid, he was, Veyes was, this place certainly was and yet... Yet there it was. It was life and it was good. He was loved so very much by his lifemate, his foster mother, his flitt, his blood parents, and others in the Weyr too.
"It's stupid," he said aloud, "it doesn't make sense, does it? Life it's... it's not like a story... You were going to tell us a story right? C'mor the great gold rider with shining Gildeth? I was laughing, I think I was anyway, if I wasn't I must have been grinning at least because I was so happy even after failing to Impress because we were there together, all of us, and we could all stand again together... I wanted to hear that story. It sounded like it was going to be good." He still did, just because it was silly and frivolous and wasn't something he needed to worry about. There was so much in life to worry about. He wished he could dream impractical dreams for the fun of it, but when he let his mind wander all it conjured up was dreams of how he might take his next step in life, or where he might be in ten turns and what he would do in that position.
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