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A general roleplay guild with emphasis on improving RPers. 

Tags: Roleplaying, Tutoring, School, School of Dedicated Role Players, RPing 

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BuddhaRhythmic

PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2009 2:25 am


Ok so I'm working on my first RP to run, but seeing as I'm kinda new here I wanna get it critiqued a little bit before I post it. If anything is unclear, or if I left something out, or should add something in, whatever it is, let me know because I want my first one to be a success and that starts by knowing what I should and should not be doing. anyway here goes...
PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2009 2:30 am


Backstory/History:

Famine, disease, death, and turmoil. These were daily experiences for people in the times of the Old Age. A deadly virus infected all the animal life and approximately 1/2 of Galyndia’s human population. This, in turn, brought a great migration to the coasts in all directions because the fish of the sea were unaffected.
Xander Albreth, a prominent feudal lord who survived the Scourge, gathered an immense following by organizing the development of these fishing towns. By using the remnants of his army, he protected villages from Raiders, people who used the Scourge as a reason to delve into chaos and calamity.
Over time, Xander obtained contracts with every single village on the continent: the villages would provide him and his warriors with food, and he would use his military might, which had grown significantly, to keep the villages safe. This led to the villages unanimously naming him The Benevolent King Xander of Galyndia.
King Xander eventually rid the land of Raiders, creating a utopia where freedom and peace were commonplace. People began creating music, writing stories, and living happily. The Knights of Galyndia remained as military peacekeepers, sorting out any disputes between towns that could have turned bloody otherwise. This was called the Golden Age to the people of Galyndia.
Leon Volem and Hugh Garricks were raised from birth to be Knights, as their family lineage had dictated such. Although Leon always held a slight edge, they both reached the highest level of the Knights, called the Order of Galyndia, by the age of 18. The Order contained the most skilled warriors in all of Galyndia, and dedicated themselves to ensuring that nobody would ever overthrow the current monarch, be it Xander or the next king (determined by an election held by the leaders of the various villages around the nation.) Leon and Harvey were considered prodigies of the sword because they achieved such a title at such a young age. One day, however, after 40 years of the birth Galyndian utopia, The Benevolent King Xander was murdered.
Leon was discovered to be the villian who slew King Xander in cold blood. By this time he had already told an entire legion of Knights his intentions, and persuaded them to join in resurrecting the Raiders of the Old Age to punish the supporters of the current regime. Thus began the Age of Calamity.
With Xander gone, and the Raiders causing chaos once again, something had to be done. A new king, Hammond, was named. King Hammond was given the responsibility of returning peace to the lands, and so he renamed the Order of Galyndia and appointed one of them as leader of the group. This group was to be called the Hope of Galyndia, led by Hugh Garricks, Prodigy of Peace. This is their story.

Setting:

Planet Ferran is a world mostly made of water, with oceans constituting about 80% of it’s surface. Galyndia is the lone continent, with rugged mountains to the north, grassy plains to the east, lush forest to the west, and boggy wetlands to the south. Albreth Castle, named in legacy of King Xander the Benevolent, is squarely in the center of this relatively circular land mass and all the towns, cities, and villages lie along the coasts and major rivers where food can be procured. Albreth Castle sits amid a city where the familes of the Knights of Galyndia live. The centralized location of power allowed for the Knights to disperse justice in the coastal villages as quickly as possible. There was still considerable land to be crossed from the Castle to the coast, as many forests, grasslands, and a few wetlands to the south lay between.

Rules:

Keep things PG-13, I don’t mind romance, but don’t cyber. Swearing, when not used as the driving force of your vocabulary, is acceptable.
I’d prefer some literacy, so d0n+ sp3@k lyk +h1s.
Please post more than 1 sentence, it’s not that hard.
No God-Moding, try to keep it realistic in terms of what you can do, as this isn’t really a magical world with fireballs and tsunamis everywhere.
Do NOT kill someone’s character without both their permission and my approval. However, if you happen to slaughter a few NPC Knights or Raiders during a battle, so be it.
PM me your profile skeleton with the title “Galyndia” for approval
I will introduce story points throughout the rp to give it direction and keep things from getting too jumbled.
I would like active posters in this rp, maybe like 2-3 times a week is ok. More often would be great, but if not I won’t mind.
Only 1 character per person, the only reason I’m controlling two is so that I can keep the story going where I want it.
PM me with any questions you have about the story/rules/anything and I’ll do my best to clarify things for you.

Profile Skelly:


Character’s Name: (Not too picky here)
Gender: (Duh)
Age: (Raiders can be any age, Hope members can be prodigies (18-24) or veterans (25+) but keep in mind it gets to a point where you’re really too old to fight effectively)
Physical Description: (A written description would be nice, but a picture is fine, as long as it’s not real.)
Allegiance: (Hope of Galyndia vs. Leon’s Raiders)
Weapon of Choice: (Pretty much medieval style weapons, as guns haven’t been invented in this world and there is no such thing as magic.)
Bio: (Your character’s story, relating to the world. Were you raised to be a knight in the castle town of Albreth, or did you join after growing up in one of the villages? Alternatively, why did you join the Raiders?)
Personality: (I hope your character isn’t a meat popsicle.)
Noteworthy: (Anything special you feel like including about your character goes here.)

Accepted Characters:


BuddhaRhythmic’s Characters:
Character’s Name: Leon Volem
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Physical Description: Tall (about 6’3”), slim but strong, and pale, with short ebony hair and dark brown eyes. Has battlescars on his chin and left eyebrow.
Allegiance: Head of the Raiders
Weapon of Choice / Craft: Sword & Shield
Bio: Leon grew up in the castle-town of Albreth. Like all children born there, he was raised and trained into knighthood (This was to ensure that the Knights of Galyndia always had plenty of warriors in stock should the King have need of them.) Always gifted in swordplay, Leon quickly advanced through the ranks until he obtained a position in the Order. Even here he was regarded as one of the most disciplined masters of his craft. One day, something drove him to do the unthinkable: murder the Benevolent King and resurrect the vile Raiders of old.
Personality: Up until his plunge into chaos, Leon was known as a very honest, albeit quiet, person. He carried a stoic kind of strength about him. Not overly social in nature, but he was close friends with Hugh and was very involved in the Order while he was there. How much he has changed remains to be seen.
Noteworthy: Has established bases of operations for his army of Raiders in each region of Galyndia, with the main base located in the difficult-to-traverse and easily-defended mountainous region to the north.

Character’s Name: Hugh Garricks
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Physical Description: Average height (about 5’8”), thick and muscular, with long blonde hair and deep blue eyes. Nose is slightly crooked having been broken before, and there are many scars on his arms.
Allegiance: Prodigy of Peace, Head of the Hope of Galyndia
Weapon of Choice: Spear
Bio: Hugh grew up in the castle-town of Albreth. Like all children born there, he was raised and trained into knighthood (This was to ensure that the Knights of Galyndia always had plenty of warriors in stock should the King have need of them.) Proficient in the use of a spear, Hugh quickly earned the respect of his peers until he, too, achieved membership in the Order of Galyndia. Though Leon was thought to be more gifted in combat, Hugh’s open and caring demeanor won him great popularity with the Knights, as well as the people themselves. Since King Xander’s death, he has been searching for Leon to find out why he did it, and put an end to the treachery and chaos he has created.
Noteworthy: Has spies keeping tabs on the Raider’s movements

Notes:


-Pretty much any member of the Hope is a master of the weapon they used during their time as a Knight.
-Raiders can be masters of whatever weapon they choose as well.
-Knight and Raiders will battle periodically in different settings as NPCs, but the focus will be on individual character battles and interactions.
-I will introduce plot points and twists as I see fit
-I'm thinking of having 4-5 people for each side, prefferably with males and females on both.  

BuddhaRhythmic


Captain Dragonflare

PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 8:03 pm


(I know its a late reply, I only signed up for Gaia 2 days ago)

This RP is one I'd definitely like to get involved in. It has a great backstory and would appeal to lots of medieval fanatics such as myself. When you do start this RP (If you haven't already) I want in! biggrin

Nicely played on the "centralized location to dispatch justice quickly into outlying villages". In my opinion, adding things like this gives a story a great deal of edge. After all, we all love logic to add to our fiction smile

There's nothing to critique. Everything is brilliantly thought out and well-covered. Well written BuddhaRhythmic. I love it! smile
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